Authors Note: Wow, I'm like OOBER Surprised by how many reviews I had gotten ON THE FIRST DAY of I'm Not Okay, I Promise, that I was inspired to write a continuation of it, also one of the reviews I had gotten gave me the idea to use some of the dialoged from the Degrassi episode "The Bitterest Pill" to kind of see how Lilly was dealing with the death of not only her best friend but her girlfriend.
Summary: It's been three days since Miley's death, and Lilly isn't coping well. The death of her lover is more than she can take, but what happens when she is given the opportunity to be with her once again? Will she take it? Or will Miley convince her to live out her life…I suck at summaries, I swear this is SO much better than it sounds…
Disclaimer: I do not own Hannah Montana, My Chemical Romance or Kelly Clarkson.
The Ghost of You
Lilly walked mindlessly through the school, she had wanted to stay home, but forced herself to go to school, knowing that Miley wanted her to continue with her life. Everywhere she turned, people were giving her the 'I feel so bad for her' look, and she had only been at school for a little over 5 minuets. She squeezed the shoulder of her woodland camouflage bag, and kept walking. A little over four days ago she had been the happiest person on the planet. Lillian Truscott had the girl of her dreams, and that was all that mattered to her, but in an instant she was stolen from her in the most brutal way.
She gritted her teeth, trying not to cry, as Miley's voice in the melody of "Don't" came over her ear-buds from her I-Pod. She remembered the day that Miley had admitted her deepest and darkest to Lilly.
The brunette had called her best friend, her voice shaking, telling her to come over to her house, and head straight up to her room.
Knowing something was wrong; the skater hopped onto her board, and like a bullet instantly was at her house, charging up the stairs. She gently pushed the door open, to find Miley sitting Indian style, adjusting her fingers on the fret board, beginning to strum the cherry red acoustic guitar Lilly had bought for her.
She looked into Lilly's electric blue eyes, swallowing hard before entering the first verse.
"You
look at me like you always do
You don't have a clue
You smile
at me, you hug me
But you don't know I want you
You play with
me, you flirt with me
You tell me all your secrets
I'm always
the one you run to
But to you I'm just your friend."
Her beautiful blue eyes closed, as she dove headfirst into the chorus. Lilly listened to the melody, to the lyrics, her mind putting the missing peaces of the jigsaw into place.
"Don't say I love you
Don't say you need me
Don't say I trust you
My heart can't take it
Don't say you want me
Don't say you miss me
Don't hurt me
Don't say you love me
I tried my best to rid these thoughts of you and I, it's so hard
When you come to me, I fall back on my knees
I've learned to hate love
You kiss me on my cheek, you say you'd never make it without me
It's getting harder everyday
Please don't say to me"
Lilly became a blurry figure through the brunette's eyes as she fought to keep her voice straight and the tears in her eyes. Her strums became perfectly spaced and deliberate with every truthful word spoken.
"Don't say you love me
Don't say you love me
Don't say you love me
Don't say you love me
Don't say you love me
My heart can't take it
I love you so much
But you don't see me
I hate love!"
Her voice rang loudly, tears now freely running down her cheeks from Miley's eyes, she was risking so much with this song, she risked things becoming awkward, there closeness disappearing, the loss of their playful banter and flirting.
"Don't say I love you
Don't say you need me
Don't say I trust you
Unless you mean it
Don't say you want me
Don't say you need me
Don't hurt me,"
She let the strum ring, before uttering the last lines,
"Don't say you love me"
Overwhelmed with emotion, a crying Lilly dropped her board before walking towards her with a quick deliberate pace, falling to her knees before the songstress that had captured her heart and never let it go, she caught brunettes face in her hands, before capturing Miley's lips in her own.
The butterflies that had been hiding in her stomach, now fluttered recklessly in tune to her heart that was now furiously beating against her rib cage. She let go of her guitar, gripping the sleeves of Lilly's shirt as she broke their contact and then dove back in after a single second.
"Don't" was the first love song Miley had ever sang to her, and recorded the song for Lilly less than a day after duo began dating.
"How are you feeling Lills?" Oliver asked, falling step beside her, as she entered the school. "I'm really worried about you; you haven't said a thing since yesterday."
Lilly shrugged, and Oliver swiftly moved to stand in her way, not allowing her to move. "What is there really to say?"
"Look I understand if you don't want to talk. I'll just stand here."
"Everyone expects me to break down and cry right in front of the whole school! Ollie, I can't do that, it's just not me!"
"Miley wouldn't want you to. You know this is, this is all wrong, people going through this alone, Miley would hate this."
"You're right. She would probably find a way to put a smile one our faces."
Oliver smiled. "I've got a perfect idea, will you be okay for a while if I go and set something up?"
"God, you have no idea how sick and tired I am of people making sure I'm okay. Just go and do what you've got to do, then tell me about it later." With a smile, Oliver left, his feet charging toward the guidance office. Lilly shook her head, Oliver always had a way of making her feel better, and he was right, Miley would have hated to see everyone so down in the dumps over her, though, Lilly smiled at the thought of her basking the idea at how many people she had impacted, in some place unknown.
Lilly walked toward her computer class, slumping outside the door, waiting for her favorite teach, Mr. Turner to arrive, when Alyssa, a girl that Lilly had been lab partners for a while with in biology, sat down next to her.
"So, how you holding up kiddo?"
She shrugged. "Alright
I guess."
Alyssa nodded. "I know how close you two were."
"You don't even know the half of it." Lilly chuckled, picking at the peeling pieces of rubber on her shoes. "I was planning to ask her to marry me, the day she had died."
"Oh wow! Are you sure you're okay Lilly?"
"I'm no different then when you asked me that about a minuet ago."
The bell had rung, and the class filed into the rooms, Lilly immersing herself in the last project she and Miley had been working on together. It was a music video for "Don't". She opened Final Cut Pro, and began watching one of the clips they had shot.
Miley was supposed to be lying on her bed, clearly trying to ignore the feelings she harbored for the blond, but couldn't stop laughing at her.
"Come on Miley, this is supposed to be the curtail part of the song!" Lilly's voice sounded through the head phones, as she tried desperately to get Miley's close up of her looking away from her friend., demonstrating her trying to stop falling for Lilly. "You're not supposed to be laughing!"
"I can't help it!" Miley's breath caught in her throat, at the sound of her lover's voice. "I can't take you seriously with that camera in my face!"
"Then pretend it's not here!"
"I can't."
"Why the hell not?"
Miley reached out, and
grabbed it from her girlfriend, and set it on the dresser next to her
bed. "Because it hides you beautiful face, that's why the hell
not." Suddenly, Lilly was extremely glad she was the only one in
the corner of the class, and that she had her headphones on, because
within a matter of moments, a porno had basically begun between the
two girls, the schools camera lay forgotten, the only witness to
there soft sins but just before it got too hot, it went straight to
the next clip, for both girls realized what was happening during the
exporting, and fast forwarded the tape, Lilly practically steeling it
once they had gotten all there footage. She closed her eyes, letting
the silent tears fall, knowing that moments like the one on the tape,
would never again happen. The bell rang, and she realized that she
hadn't gotten any work done, and reluctantly logged out of
her computer.
Before too long, the lunch bell had rung, and for
once, the blond didn't feel like eating. It had always been like
that with her, when she was upset, she had to force herself to eat,
kind of the opposite of an emotional eater.
"Hey Lil. How you holding up?" Oliver asked, taking a seat beside her on the brick wall, clutching his Styrofoam lunch tray.
Lilly looked out to the parking lot, where many students were piling into cars, heading off campus for there meals. Lilly seemed to be handling the death very well on the outside, but a dark storm was brewing beneath the surface. "I can't feel a thing. I mean one minute I'm watching Miley sleeping peacefully next to me, as thoughts of our future swim in my mind, and the next she's gone forever, after telling me to move on."
"You know we're gonna get through this together. I promise." Oliver wrapped his arm around his best friend, and held his brownie out to her. "Want my brownie?"
"Oliver, why are you being so nice to me?" Lilly asked, eyeing the pastry with disgust. "I've been kind of a bitch to you."
Oliver shrugged. "Because you've been my best friend since preschool, and I know how hard this is for you," he chuckled. "Especially since you're refusing to take the brownie you usually consume within seconds after I sit down."
Lilly forced a laugh, which Oliver knew was a fake. The female teen sighed. "Come on; let's go clean out Miley's locker."
"Are you sure?" he asked slurping his soda, and the blond nodded in return, and the two of them hopped off of the wall, heading for the singers locker. After entering the building, both friends found themselves turning the corner.
She choked back the tears in her eyes at the sight of the old beat up locker, flowers, cards and pictures surrounding it, she walked toward the memorial, leaning against the locker, clenching her fists, she punching a good size dent into the one beside it, just seconds before Oliver pulled the grieving teen into his arms.
"What the fuck are you looking at!?" Lilly heard him ask the sea of onlookers. "You've never seen a girl cry before?" the spectators dispersed at the sound of his furious voice. He stoked her hair, shushing her quietly, the skater pushing him away forcefully. "Lills…"
"No!!"
"Lilly…"
"No! You of all people are not doing this to me!" Lilly said, her voice quivering both out of anger and pain.
"I'm not trying to do anything, okay? Please, just let me help you through this, you don't have to go through this alone, if you would just talk to me."
"You want me to talk?! Fine!! I was going to propose to her! I was going to ask her to spend the rest of our fucking lives together!" Lilly screamed through clenched teeth, her voice shaking. "When the gun went off, I watched her fall. When I collapsed beside her, my hand and shirt was soaked, from me applying pressure. I heard her last words, I was there when she took her last breath, watching helpless to do anything other than scream."
Shoving past him, Lilly ran out of the door, the back of it making contact with the brick wall. She could hear Oliver calling after her, followed by the clatter his footsteps. Digging into the concrete, the skater thanked her athletic ability allowing her to ditch Oliver, and make it to her car. Tossing her things into the back, she threw the bug into gear, and peeled out of the parking lot.
She blew stop sign after stop sign, recklessly driving to a destination unknown; all she knew was that she wanted to get away from it all. She hated herself for not going with her to the ATM machine, for not getting the money earlier that morning, but most of all, not having Miley with her. She hated the crap storm she was in so badly that she failed to hear the horn.
She failed to see the 18 wheeler.
The Volkswagen tumbled, metal bending and breaking, it wasn't until Lilly felt her body leaving the seat, did she realize that she had forgotten to fasten her seatbelt. There was white hot, agonizing pain then a split second later, the blissful feeling of darkness. Lilly knew exactly where she was when the fogginess had cleared.
Miley stood over her, gently stroking her cheek, as her indigo eyes met the soft blue of her lovers. She leaned forward, and placed a soft, gently kiss upon her lips, there tears mixing.
"I love you so much Lilly pad." Miley whispered gently, as her lovers arms wrapped around her in a suffocating hug. Her electric blue eyes closed, as she inhaled the scent of roses, she began to sob.
"I love you Smiley Miley." She felt her lover chuckle at the nickname. Miley stood up, helping Lilly to her feet. She looked around and was surprised to find that where ever they were wasn't all white or a cloud, instead, it looked just like the real world, immediately Lilly realized that the 'after life' was nothing more than a parallel universe. Instantly Lilly looked down at Miley's left hand and smiled, for there was the ring she was planning on giving her.
"I would have said yes." The brunette whispered after placing another kiss on the blonde's lips.
Clear.
Lilly felt a jolt tare through her body, and she suddenly realized what was happening to her body. "I'm not leaving you again." Lilly wailed.
"You don't really have to. As long as they keep trying, you have a choice."
Her cheeks became soaked once again as Lilly looked at Miley, the memory of the ambulance ride flashing before her eyes. "Then why didn't you stay!?"
"I didn't have the fight left in me. Believe me, I tried Lil, I really did, but each time I came back, the pull was even harder. I felt as if I were doing the flex arm hang in gym, three times in a row five minuets each. After a while my body just grew tired and I couldn't hold on any longer. I'm so sorry Lil." Her lover sniffed, trying not to break down. The other girl nodded, bowing her head, hot tears falling. The brunette placed her finger under the shorter girls chin, forcing her to look her in the eyes. "I don't want you to go back."
"And I don't want to!"
"But it wasn't your time. If you go back, it will only take one time for you to live." Miley sighed shaking her head.
Lilly sat down on the floor, crossing her arms with a look of determination in her eyes, making her lover chuckle at her childish antics, even in death. "I'm not going anywhere!"
Sitting down in front of her girlfriend, she shifted closer, leaning down, her hair brushing against the blonde's forehead. Her soft lips grazed over hers, placing a soft kiss on them. "I love you Lillian Truscott." She whispered, her eyes closed, foreheads pressed together. "And lord knows that I don't want you to go," she let out a shaky breath, looking into Lilly's watery azure windows. "But you have to."
Lilly shook her head, as a tear leaped from her eyes, landing gently on Miley's hand. "I-I can't. I'm not s-strong enough. I love you to much Miley Stewart."
The brunette cupped the blonde's face in her hands, sighing deeply trying to keep the shakiness out of her voice. "I know that right now…it seems like there's no way you'll love again, but believe me Lilly, you will. I know for a fact that if you go back right this second, you'll get married, have a set of beautiful twins, and die a ripe old age. You have no idea of how much trouble I am in for telling you that, but it's something you need to hear." Miley's tears fell freely from her eyes. "You know me, when I say something, I mean it. I have never been more serious, than the moment I told you not to be afraid of moving on."
"Miley, I-I don't know if I'll be able to live life again without you." Lilly choked, her hands softly stroking those on her cheeks.
"Please, Lill, do it for me," Miley sobbed. "As much as it'll kill me to see you with someone new, it will all disappear when I see that beautiful smile on my favorite lips again."
"Mile, I-I don't want to ever hurt you, weather I realize it or not." Lilly whispered hoarsely.
"Hey, hey, we'll see each other again someday, and when that day comes, we can be together again." Miley's voice was stern, as she looked the shorter teen in the eyes, her hands resting on her shoulders, Miley's slender fingertips gently pulling at the blond strands like she used to do every time they parted ways after a loving hug. Lilly nodded, wiping away her tears.
"I'll go, but only if you pinky swear that we'll be together again."
Miley held up her right pinky, before Lilly took her left. "Hooked with a pinky?"
"Sealed with a kiss." A smile formed on the blonds lips, when there lips collided, only breaking there pinks the same moment there lips left. It was the saying that they had came up not long after the two began dating."So, who is his mystery girl that I'm going to marry?"
The other teen smiled. "I can't tell you that. But let's just say, you should give Alyssa a chance." Both girls laughed at the discreet way the brunette had broken the rules. "Be careful ok?" Miley said as she stared into the blue eyes. "Don't do anything stupid, like speed through another red light."
"Aww, you suck the fun out of living!" Lilly replied with a grin.
"There will be a time when you'll have the chance to do shit like that again, just do us both a favor, and pick the smart thing," Miley said causing Lilly to arch an eyebrow and look amusingly at her
"I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass me by," Lilly grinned and winked at her. The brunette leaned in, placing a sensual kiss on her lips. "I love you, Miley Rae Stewart," Lilly whispered, placing a soft kiss on her lips for the last time.
"I love you, too, Lillian Dawn Truscott," Miley whispered. "I'll be there, the first in line at those pearly gates, waiting to see you again." The tips of there noses rubbed together, as Lilly's body vanished into mist.
"She's a nice girl." A soft, calming voice soothed behind her. "Very lucky to have you as a wife."
Sighing, Miley stood on shaky knees, facing a woman with chestnut brown curls the fell onto her shoulders, the spitting image of the teenager before her, the only difference, she had dark chocolate eyes instead of Miley's blue orbs.
Susan Stewart.
"Well, she's not exactly mine anymore."
Susan's slightly husky voice chuckled. "That band on your left finger says otherwise. Look at it this way sweetie, this isn't good bye; it's just until next time."
Miley looked down at the silver ring she had unconsciously been twirling on her finger.
Less than six days later, she sat cross legged, twirling that same ring, smiling as she watched Lilly wake up from her coma in her hospital bed; gently stroking Alyssa's messy, fire engine red hair as she slept with her head resting on the bed. Oliver had run down to the cafeteria to grab them two coffees.
When Alyssa wrapped the wounded girl in a bone crushing hug, tears running from her tired eyes, Miley knew that the love of her life was in good hands; everything was going to be okay.
So…I changed the ending, made it longer, and to where Lilly went back, after a reader gave me the suggestion of having her go back, and I discovered the ending I had been searching for, when I began typing, and my fingers took control. The song used in this was Don't by Kelly Clarkson. This fanfiction just may rival I'm Not Okay, I Promise, now, and also might be a piece of my best work, but if you've got any suggestions on how to make it better, I'm always up for suggestions and constructive criticism. I LOVED how Alyssa wound up with Lilly, and if you want me to, I'll write a mini story on Lilly's life after waking up in the hospital bed, but you've got to tell me that you want it and if you liked it, loved it, Or hated it so much that you want me to delete it.