It was a boring life, living as an MP, but it was safe.
Every now and again, I would bump into one of my cousins who managed to make it into the MPs like I did. We'd talk about nothing special, then part ways, and my day would be as boring as ever. Running from place to place as a delivery girl wouldn't sound boring, and I liked to run, but now the fun was gone, the excitement, it all became boring. My commander was usually drunk by the time late afternoon rolled around, sometimes he'd be passed out at his desk, or complain about how hard his life was in his drunken state. The selfish pig.
I had known from the beginning, that the MPs and nobles were all selfish people. I hated them all, all of them.
But I could never hate her.
Day in, day out, I could rarely smile, at least not a real one. I'd smile and be polite, I'd be a good girl, like mother had always told me, and the day would go on. Some days, when I knew I'd have a few days off, I'd plan to visit my sister at Scouts Regiment HQ when it lined up when they'd still be within the walls. When I was with my sister, I could smile for real. I love my sister dearly, to the point, I felt like I'd die without her in my life. But when I returned home, I felt nothing but what felt like endless regret for not joining the Scouts. I wanted to have the happiness my sister had, spending time with her brothers and sisters in arms.
Instead, I was stuck with the pigs and trash within the inner walls. It was safe, but boring.
I was there when the Colossal Titan reappeared, and I was there when everyone panicked. It was the first time in awhile I had felt so excited. But at the same time, so helpless.
I watched as my sister and her squad shot off into the air, my heart swelled with envy, it had been while since I used my ODMGear. It was that moment, the feeling of self loathing and grief filled my thoughts and heart. I hated myself for choosing the Military Police, and I envied my strong willed sister. Serving under the king is a noble cause, my foot. The Scouts were the real hero's of this war, while I chose the coware like a lost fawn from the jaws of the beast, when the scouts flew towards them.
I watched from the side lines like I always had, as the events unfolded, I bared witness to Eren, Armin, and Mikasa being pushed into a corner, but I did nothing to intervene. I watched from on top of the wall as Eren's titan lifted the huge bolder, and closed off the hole in the wall, and as people fought to take a step forward in this war.
When it came to Eren's trial, I overheard some of my "comrades" mocking Eren as they gossiped like hens. That was the first time I ever shouted at them. They didn't know anything.
Not to long after, did she show up with the rest of the new recruits.
Things were a bit different when Annie came. When I first saw her, it was when she was the only one from her class to line up with those who could enter the Military Police. The second time I saw her was when I ran up to her to give her the paperwork she had forgotten. When she looked at me, she looked like she had seen a ghost.
After that, she tried to avoid me. And as cruel as it sounds, I made a game out of trying to find her. I wanted to see her, talk to her, know her. I envied her.
She had such flawless fair skin, such shiny blonde hair, her nose was cute too, and her eyes, pale blue, like clear water, different from my one blue eye. We were similar in height and build, but she was still so different than me, I envied that too. But I admired her too.
She didn't let what people say bother her, well, she didn't let it show on her face. But those blue eyes of her, carried so much sorrow and grief deep within them. A part of me wanted so badly for her to confide in me about her sorrows. I wanted to take the pain she hide away from those eyes of hers. I wanted to see a smile on her pretty face. I wanted to be Annie's friend, so badly, it hurt.
I love my sister, I love my cousins, I love my family, but...
I wanted a friend, I wanted Annie to be that friend.
She was special, she was so strong, so talented and fierce. She was beautiful in every way, I wasn't, I envied that, but I could never hate her for that.
I thought, if I had a friend, if Annie, was my friend, life as an MP wouldn't be so bad.
Maybe it was selfish of me to want that.
To constantly try and find her, even though she had that deep regret in her eyes when she looked at me. I kept reminding her of something she didn't want to remember.
Once or twice, I found her napping against the wall, in the warm sun. Her face was so peaceful, and she looked so cute, I just watched for a short time, smiling at her.
I wanted her to have that peaceful look all the time.
Annie was kinder than she let on, people thought she was cold, but I could see how afraid she was to get close to someone, like rabbit.
What little peace I found with her shattered when her titan, and Eren's fought that day.
When I had woken up, the shock of what I was told almost broke my heart and mind. My sister was there to comfort me, I was grateful for that. My cousins all wrote to me, saying they still loved me dearly. But still, Annie left a hole in my heart.
I didn't hate her.
I could never hate her.
I was broken over what she had done, who wouldn't be.
But still, what little time I got to spend with Annie, made life as an MP a little more exciting and bearable. Seeing her face, hearing her voice, the loneliness disappeared, the regret, and self hatred, they all vanished.
I'm not to fond of the powers I discovered I had, after her fight with Eren nearly killed me and my sister. But now I'm under the watch of Captain Levi, I'm with my sister, and I have friends now too.
How could I ever hate her for that?