Author's Notes:
This was originally meant to be a long one-shot, but I would really love feedback as I go along, so I'll be uploading it in parts as I complete them.
Also, to clarify ahead of time: I'm aware that Sakura and Naruto's closeness is a little questionable in this scene, but please don't worry—the story will be purely about Nagato and Naruto.
It was raining again. Not enough to thrum against the walls or ping along the gutters and railings, but just enough to mist at the windows, darkening the collected dirt and dust into a visible grime. Sakura sat at the window overseeing the street to their apartment. The cushion was worn from habitual use, but the inside of the window was no more maintained than the outside.
Naruto watched silently from the kitchen, arms crossed and reclined in an obviously false display of ease. An untracked amount of time passed as he intently watched dead green eyes absently track the progress of accumulated beads of water. Her body was perfectly still, slumped against the wall of the bay window, arms wrapped loosely around her drawn knees.
"Want to talk about it?"
His voice was smooth and sure when it broke the silence with its gentle tenor. He was anything but calm though. This behavior was nothing like the vivacious woman of his past; however, it was not unexpected either. Her decline into this state had been evident since the day she'd lost her second love.
He felt helpless, if his emotions were to be interpreted simply. He'd learned long ago that his prying only hurt her more, but it was also obvious that she needed help badly if he didn't want to lose her—unfortunately, he's no phycologist.
This time, he practically counted every second in his head as he waited for a response, or even a sign that his words had made it through. A small smile graced his lips at the twitch in hers. He hadn't been ignored. Her eyes stayed transfixed on the rain though, only slightly more focused than before.
"He helped them," came her small reply, although it wasn't clear who or what she was talking about—though he had some guesses—this was more for her to lessen the burden on her heart than for him to understand anyway. After a moment of gathering her will, she continued.
"He destroyed the leaf." This addition came out as a mere whisper. Her words only narrowed his options slightly, but the way she said them left no room for mistaking who she was talking about. Only one man who fits that context could still affect her so deeply. However, there was nothing to be said that hadn't been said before, leaving him to puzzle over what was really bothering her.
"I will always love him—I can't help it—but, I will never be able to forgive him." Her voice picked up in resolve as she stumbled forward in her admission, barreling into her next sentence with enough passion that he found himself winded by the unintended assault. "He's dead to me Naruto."
There was no break for him to catch his breath though. At these words, he realized that she had been intending to tell him this for a while and the expression that followed shortly after suggested that he wouldn't like any of what she has left to say any better.
"This," she continued, adding in a noncommittal hand gesture as an accompaniment. Naruto watched with dread as she lost all the passion she had built up for this talk, and instead scrambled through sentences that she didn't have the will to finish. "Everything...all that we knew...I'm..."
A chocked off sob broke through her resolve at her silent words, and Naruto, unwilling to stand by and wait anymore, rushed to her side. Cradled in his warm, protective and loving embrace, she no longer held back her tears. They clung to each other, and Naruto leaned back against the window, now moist with condensation. He knew that doing so would cause the back of his shirt to have a visible layer of filth, but, at this point, he was beyond carrying. His eyes began to spin with the torrent of thoughts crashing through his brain, so he closed them and reclined his head onto the cool glass to wait.
He couldn't help but let his mind once again travel down the well-worn path of how they had become the last of Team 7. How one single war has managed to take all of his family, then give him a new one, only to start ripping it apart at the seams, somewhat repair it, and laugh as it took everyone away, one by one. War is merciless, so of course it would cause his final loved one to die slowly in every way before his very own eyes, and, surely, it would be with the ultimate goal of taking her away as well to return him once again to the loneliness it had created from the start.
"It's all dead," came a sudden, barely audible proclamation. By the sound of purposefully steadied breaths and lack of tears, it was clear that she was continuing on where she'd been trying before.
It seemed at first like she had read his mind, so it took several moments of silence for her meaning to finally sink in. By the time it had, she had already removed herself under the pretense of fetching water, and they were now in switched positions from before.
"But, Sakura," he called out to her; however the suspended disbelief that was evident in his tone kept him from saying anything more. "Hey! Sakura! Don't turn away! Talk to me! Please, tell me: Why are you giving up? After all we've fought for…"
He was standing now—closer to her, but he knew not to approach any further when her shoulders tensed and her stance adjusted subconsciously to her desire not to be touched.
"I, I've been thinking," she started, closing her eyes to rid herself of the image of his torn face staring back. "Maybe they're right. All this war, all this violence."
She could practically feel his disbelief and hurt penetrating through her eyelids, but she was resolved to share her thoughts. Her fists clenched and her jaw relaxed. After an unsteady steadying breath, she continued.
"Maybe, if we stop fighting, it will all end."
"Their deaths would be in vein!" he yelled as soon as her sentence ended. Storming blue met clouded green when her eyes shot open in alarm. The shift in their conversation style was dramatic, but necessary. She drew in on his anger, and used it as fuel to fire her own words back.
"How does that justify even more deaths? Taking even more loved ones away from each other?" she spit out.
"Are you telling me, that its ok for us all to live this way?" he asked in a quieted manner compared to before, but the seething rage and disbelief was still evident in every word he grit out through clenched jaws.
"We're living in a post-apocalyptic era now; you can't expect everyplace to be flourishing and everyone to be well-fed right away."
"It wasn't an apocalypse! It was a WAR. A war that THEY started." He was in her face now, but neither cared enough to back down. "How we're living now is because they're trying to break our will. Not because there aren't enough resources. They're grouping threats together in these slums, and those who give in to their brainwashing get to live in their slightly more cushy guarded regions."
"Everyone has the same freedoms! Including where we can live!"
"You mean lack of freedoms," Naruto grumbled. His demeanor was now resigned as he looked around the apartment instead of at her. It wasn't clear to her what he was up to, and her stance became wary as she continued to push her side. Nevertheless, she softened her tone in an attempt to still be heard by willing ears.
"Not all of our freedoms are gone, and I'm sure we'll get more back once society learns this new system of peace." Naruto's eyes landed on something of interest, and she followed as he walked towards it. "I still get to be a doctor, and choose who I'm around and with. And, like you said, if we just accept our new government, we can finally get out of this place."
Naruto cringes visibly at her argument. He knows about the health problems she tries to hide, and he knows that it's due to the decrepit state of their house and city—that this house keeps her bound to it. She'd be better off sleeping in one of the patient beds and mooching off the hospital food for the rest of her life. Heck, with her skills and intelligence—and this new mindset—she could easily get approved for a transfer to an established government city and probably even get a free hospital dorm.
She only stayed in this city for him. She only came home every night for him. She only kept going, because he was the only family she had left, and he needed her desperately. The happiness she was picturing flashed in bright colors before his eyes. A healthy, happy Sakura. In a bright city with a good job. Able to move on from the death and destruction of her past to start life anew.
However, his recognition of seeing her side did nothing to dissuade the sadness in his heart. Because, as much as he wanted to let her go and have that chance at a future, the resistance needed her. If she were to accept the fate of the world and leave them, their chances of winning would slim down to almost none. Being the leader of their most reliable reconnaissance division, and providing invaluable medical supplies and expertise was nothing compared to the emotional impact that losing her would have to their forces. If the new government managed to break someone who was once one of their strongest and most fearless leaders, the resistance would be decimated simply through loss of resolve.
"I, I can't believe I'm hearing this," he finally responded, resuming his forgotten motions to grab his jacket and put it on. "From you of all people."
It was a low blow, he knew, but he was in a 'fuck it' state of mind now. He zipped up his jacket and made for the door without another glance in her direction.
"Where are you going?" You haven't even been home an hour!" Even as she's screaming this at him, she makes no moves to stop him. Blond brows furrow as he absently puts on his boots.
"Out for a walk. While I'm still 'free' to do so."
His response his met with silence. When he stood again, he found her eyes lost to a world unreachable to him. He let out a drained sigh, and decided that her detachment to the present was as good a time as any for him to leave. He turned and reached out to the door, not looking back again as he turned the knob and opened it.
"He loved you, you know."
His paused motion was the only immediate sign that he'd heard her quite words. Eventually, he shut the door, but made no move to turn back around.
"What?" he finally asked, and there were no signs of malice or impatience—only confusion and exhaustion.
"Sasuke," she clarified in a slightly louder voice, "he loved you. And I know that you loved him too—not like you and I, but as more than…this."
She gestured awkwardly during her inability to describe their loving non-relationship, and Naruto would have laughed had he seen it, but he didn't have the emotional control yet to properly face her. His forgotten hand finally dropped to his side, the sound of this motion practically admitting his defeat for him. His continued verbal silence asked her to continue, while his mind whirled with what could have possibly inspired her to bring this up now. There had to be some connection to it all, but he was missing it completely.
"You always challenged him to be his best in every way, and you never treated him differently for his past. In fact, your pasts are what seemed to have connected you two so well." There was a pause in her rambling for her to let out a sardonic laugh. When she continued, a similar tone to her laugh now replaced the almost airy one of remembrance just before. "He practically worshiped you, but you were always too dense to notice. Too caught up in reaching your dreams. You both pushed each other to be better, but at the same time held each other back from your goals—just by being who you both are."
"I—I don't think I understand." His words were accompanied by wide eyes, and his slowly slumping posture finally made contact with the door. Another terrifyingly un-Sakura laugh marked the beginning of her explanation.
"How could he possibly pursue his goals for revenge with you by his side preaching about peace and forgiveness. And, you can't honestly tell me that you would have been able to give him the attention he'd have needed in a serious relationship. That you'd have paused in your efforts long enough to hold him at night, or to have ever chosen current happiness as most important."
"I would never put a relationship before the fate of the world!" came Naruto's immediate emotional reply. The cutting thought 'you know that' surfaced in his mind, but never made it through his lips. Instead, he focused back on his anger for the man he's still technically chasing. "I can't believe he's still so selfishly obsessed about revenge! I thought he would have learned his lesson after his brother. Ugh, and when there is so much more he could be doing!"
Sakura let out a sigh as if he'd missed her entire point, which he internally agreed that he was very lost to. When it became clear that she wasn't going to say anything more, he decided to leave weather she started talking again or not. As much as he would bend over backwards for her, at this point it was too much for him to handle.
"Whatever. I'm heading out."
"Please be—" her words were cut off from his ears by the visible and audible slam of the front door "—back before curfew this time." she finished hopelessly. Her worn body slumped against the wall that had been supporting her, letting it moderate her decent to the equally disjointed flooring below.
Author's Notes:
Well, what'cha think?