So hey… I wanna take a break from trying to get my Prologue started, and decided to tell you guys something that happened, or was about to happen to me, a few nights ago.

I don't really know how to explain myself… so I decided to put it in AATC form, maybe that'll make you guys understand better.

Just a summary, I almost killed myself a few nights ago… and here's what happened.

In this story, here's what I'll be using:

Alvin – My older brother

Simon – Me

Theodore – My youngest brother

Brittany – My eldest sister

Eleanor and Jeanette – My older twin sisters

Ms. Miller – My mom

Dave – My dad

PS: The convos are only bits and pieces of the real talk... I didn't want to add everything.

Simon POV (the night before the incident)

It was another gloomy afternoon as the rains kept on pouring softly on the roof, the cold air encasing the entire house. Everything was calm and quiet, or so I thought. Brittany and her sisters were studying for their exams on the dining table, and I was busy writing another set of story drafts while Theodore was reading a book while keeping his iPod on full blast. So far, unfortunately, I missed the deadline for one of my college entrance exams, and because of that, I was grounded 'til deemed worthy of my old lifestyle again. I was about to go upstairs to my room for a quick nap before dinner, when Brittany stopped me.

"No, Simon, Theodore, come here for a bit… Let's talk a bit…" Brittany glared angrily at my brother and me, but we reluctantly complied and walked over to the dinner table, with me sitting in-between my sisters, while Theodore sat beside Jeanette.

"What's there to discuss?" I said plainly, a little annoyed.

"Do you know what has been happening to mom lately?" Jeanette asked half-angry.

"Did you know that she was crying every time she talks about you two?" Eleanor continued her sister's sentence.

Theodore and I listened attentively while looking deeply into the eyes of the chipettes. Looks like I won't be able to escape this conversation, not by a long shot.

I know I've been an ignorant goofball these past few weeks. Theodore was just as bad, since all he's been doing is ignore everything that was being told to him. He rolls his eyes at practically anyone who scolds him and back-talks anyone who he doesn't seem to like. In fact, he's been acting quite… 'Bitchy' lately.

My thoughts coming back to the conversation at hand, I simply shook my head with a simple 'I did not know that' look. Theodore, on the other hand, rolled his eyes yet again. This time, however, Jeanette had just about had it with Theo's bitchy attitude, and slapped him on the face.

"You…" Jeanette stated angrily, "Just because you're the youngest, doesn't mean that you can just roll your eyes at just about anyone who scolds you. You know, out of the six of us, you're the only one who does that to mom and dad. Do you know just how rude that is?"

Theodore didn't reply. He knew that his sisters were right; he just didn't want to admit it. So, he just simply shut his mouth and listened to the talk.

"And you…" Brittany half-shouted, pointing at me, "You're in 4th year highschool, and you're not doing anything about you're college entrance tests? Just where do you think you'll end up?"

I didn't want to reply. I hate to admit it… but I guess I was being stupid the whole time.

Just then, Eleanor glared at Theo and me, her face not amused by our silence.

"You know…" she sighed, "When mom goes to one of her circle meetings, she once told me that, she wished she'd stay there, to get away from it all… and it's all because of the three of you."

"Simon…" Brittany continued, "Don't turn out like Alvin… All of us are disappointed in him. I mean, look, he's barely around the house, he's growing more and more unhealthy, and he has a girlfriend who isn't doing anything to help him out. In fact, we partly disown him already…" Brittany's voice grew angrier and angrier the more she talked about Alvin.

"Do you wanna end up like him, Simon?" Jeanette's voice asked, sounding irritated.

I was going to shake my head in reply, but Eleanor cut the conversation.

"You know, we have a name to make for ourselves, I mean, we're two girls studying in college already, and one of us is extending her schooling just to make it as a doctor… now it's time that both of you make a name for yourselves…" she spat coldly.

"You're already given four good examples, guys…"Brittany cut-in, "You could either work your asses off, trying your best to make your parents proud… or you can end up like Alvin. You're choice…"

With that, the five of us were dismissed from our little discussion. Theodore returned to his book, and I made my way to my room.

Later that evening, I started to lament on the words my sisters just told me…

'Did you know that mom cries every time she talks about you two?'those words really kept me up. All this time, I thought I could be supportive to my family, especially to my mom. I've always had a special connection to her. I loved going out with her, keeping her company, seeing her smile with me or with friends, assist in our church. It's like everything we do together felt… happy.

And it was because of that, that I wanted to make sure she doesn't get hurt because of my stupidity. I've already done that once, just over two years ago. This was why I vowed to never do it again. Unfortunately, history has cruel ways of repeating itself. Now, I'm back to where I started. I hurt not only mom this time, but practically my whole family. I've always wanted to be an engineer like my father, but I don't think I've given him any reason to be proud of me as his son. My sisters were right, I am stupid. I've done nothing but harm; I've become nothing but a burden. So, why continue living this useless life of mine, when the only thing I could ever do is cause the people I care for most pain?

It was then, in the wee hours of the next morning, that I decided to end it.

It was around three in the morning, that I began writing my note

Dear Family,

I've been thinking for a while lately, and I decided that a life that has brought nothing but pain should no longer continue its existence. I decided to throw that life away. I'm sorry for ever having been born. I regret hurting all of you. I don't deserve all these things you've given me. So, allow me to give it all back to you. Thanks for keeping me alive. But I think its time we cut the tie? Once you see this note, please promise me that you guys will burn any trace of me. Be it a picture or a medal, I want you guys to totally forget about me and what I've done, and continue living your lives like I never existed.

I'm pretty sure you'd be better off without me…

Love,

Simon

I felt a little satisfied about writing the note, and after signing it, I silently snuck my way down the stairs and into the kitchen.

I went to the knife drawer and pulled out one of my favorite knives. This knife was so effective at slicing both meat and vegetable, that I practically fell in love with it. I cleaned, sharpened and shined it one last time, and I knelt onto the floor. I removed my shirt and felt the tip of the blade touch my skin. It felt a little cold, but it felt a little good nonetheless. I pointed the knife below my ribs and aimed for my stomach.

'All of this is finally going to end…' I thought guiltlessly.

That said and done, I positioned the knife a few inches in front of me, ready to deliver my long awaited stab into my guilt-loaded body.

But just a few seconds before the knife made contact with my skin, all the memories of my past began to surface into my mind. All the happy times I've spent with friends and family. The games I've played… all of the awards I've won, the smiles they had on their faces. They just seemed to show me that I was doing something wrong. But what struck me most was the image of my mom crying hysterically over my almost dead body. If I was going to do this, I would only be killing my mom even more, and that was something I wanted to avoid.

Defeated by a new set of guilt, I dropped the knife and rolled up into a ball on the floor, crying my eyes out in guilt. I really wanted to apologize for ever having the thought sprout into my head, but I was just thankful that no one caught me.

After spending about fifteen minutes on the floor, I hid the knife, put my shirt back on, and went back to my bed. I pretended to be asleep so that when my maid come to wake me up; it would appear that nothing had happened. Since then, I kept it in my heart, what almost came to be… the biggest mistake of my life.

And that pretty much covers it.

To Victory's Raconteur, Simon wanna be, AwesomeDiego and all my other pen pals, I wanna apologize for even thinking about doing something this stupid. I didn't know what I was thinking, and I really wished that it never happened, but it did.

I hope you guys now understand what I'm going through, and I hope you guys can pray for me for some guidance.

Thanks for the read…

'I have no talent whatsoever…'

-Periosha