Story Summary: "Just because you're afraid of heights doesn't mean I have to be. You're such a coward, Terror, which I always found pretty funny."
Story Notes: This is part of the 'fic series "An Eternity in Cheese Country," and here's why - after they were killed by Callisto and Xena, the souls of Strife, Discord, and Deimos were reincarnated in the late 20th century into three humans named Steve, Veronica, and Dave.
This is from a totally whack "Xena: Warrior Princess" fanfiction series I posted on Archive of Our Own. The title is a slightly altered lyric from She Ain't Right, by Lee Brice.
She Tears Up That Dirt Road and Lives Her Life Unruly
Dave finds Veronica on the roof, balanced like a gymnast on the ledge, and it takes him a second to remember one step forward would be her last. He often used to find her perched in high places, never fearing for her safety because a) who gave a fuck if she fell anyway, and b) she'd teleport before she'd ever break her neck.
He doesn't like to picture (remember) her lying dead, body twisted unnaturally, her flush skin greying.
Dave chuckles fakely. "What're you doing, Discord? Playing ballerina?"
Veronica cycles through each classical position, the bricks her high bar. Her nose is scrunched up, expression serious, but there's no sadness to it, and for that he's grateful.
When did he start giving a shit? Before or after things all fell apart?
"Something like that," she says, then makes a breath-catching pirouette. She pulls it off flawlessly and smiles. She's lovely, but that's not why he loves her.
They played chicken once on the Colossus of Rhodes.
"Whoever 'ports first loses, and has to be the winner's slave for a month."
Of course it was her idea.
"Deal."
He wouldn't die if he hit the ground, but it would really, really hurt. He'd like to think that as god of terror, this wouldn't scare him. It was the vertigo that made Deimos scoot back from the edge. Ironic. Even fear gods hated heights.
His brother Phobos wasn't keen on tight spaces.
Discord flashed him a saucy grin. "On the count of three?"
Together, they counted.
"One..."
"Two..."
"THREE!" Discord shouted, laughing shrilly and diving head first. Deimos stepped forward and let gravity pull him down.
The ground was approaching a lot faster than he'd anticipated. A blink was all it took, and when he reappeared he was standing on solid ground watching his lover part stone like it was water, leaving a violet mist behind instead of a mangled corpse.
"You coward!" came an amused voice from behind him. "There was only ten more feet!"
"You cut it so close it was like you were gonna bore a hole in the earth with those blackened little fingernails."
Discord flipped her hair over her shoulder; the dive had blown it in her face.
"I've had a lot of practice."
"I didn't know you were suicidal, Discord."
She snorted. "Gods can't die, stupid." The petite goddess stepped forward and kissed his jaw. "Everybody knows that."
In the present, Dave approaches her and says, "Get down from there." He holds out his hand, but she pushes it away.
"No. I'm fine, look." Now the crazy bitch is standing on one foot.
He should trust her. He knows he should, but this is a woman addicted to danger in every life she's lived, and he can't lose her. Not again.
It's easy to scoop Veronica up and throw her over his shoulder, so he does so. She pummels his back with her fists, commanding him to put her down. He doesn't until they're back at her apartment.
"What the fuck was that?" she asks, once he sets her on her feet. She raises her hand as if to slap him, but lets it fall to her side.
"What?"
"That! Carrying me down here like a sack of godsdamn potatoes?"
"You were being foolish. That stunt you pulled was dangerous."
"Stunt? I was just getting some air."
"Tiptoeing along the edge of the building like a spider? Take a lounge chair up there next time and leave the ledges to the birds."
Crossing her arms, Veronica scowls.
"Just because you're afraid of heights doesn't mean I have to be." She shakes her head. "You're such a fuckin' coward, Terror. Which I always found pretty funny, actually."
"Just don't do it again." His tone is somewhere between commanding and pleading.
"You're not my father."
"I'm your boyfriend."
"So what?"
Frustrated, Dave yells, " So I can't lose you again!"
Veronica looks confused. "Huh?"
"I can't..." Dave turns and heads for the kitchen. He needs a drink. "Forget it, you're not gonna do what I say anyway."
Veronica reaches out and takes his hand, stopping him. Squeezing it, she steps closer, until they're chest to chest, and the sudden affection surprises him.
"I'm not going anywhere," she says. Somehow Dave knows she means it. Hopes she'll stay even after she forgets his real name. She'll wake up one day and realize she has options. Will wonder why the fuck she shares a bed with someone like him.
Deimos scratched at the collar around his neck and sighed wearily. Unenthusiastically, he asked, "What is your first command, Mistress?"
He prayed to Nyx it wasn't something too unpleasant. Degrading he could do, provided there was sex at the end of it. But he hated anything work related. Her followers despised him.
Discord held out a scroll. "I need you to take this to Olympus."
Deimos raised his arm and prepared to teleport, when she stopped him.
"Uh-uh-uh," she tutted. "You have to go on foot."
Deimos' jaw dropped.
"That will take weeks!"
"You'd best hurry, then."
"Why can't I 'port there?" He narrowed his eyes at her. "What are you playing at?"
Discord smiled sweetly.
"I'm helping you, Terror. To get over your fear of heights."
Deimos snatched the scroll from her. He started to unroll it, to see what text it contained, when she slapped his wrist.
"You can read it when you get there."
"Yes, 'Mistress.'"
Before heading off, Deimos took a discreet peek at his precious cargo. There was only one sentence.
"Was that really so bad?"