Disclaimer: I do not own South Park, nor do I own any of the characters in this fic. South Park was created by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, who continue to create awesome south park episodes every week with the exception of their vacation times. That is all.

Before you read it may be in your best interest to know that this story is not all that great, really I'm not being modest. I wrote it for a friend of mine and uh, well she liked so that's all that matters. I do hope someone out there will enjoy this fanfic and uh...I guess that's it. Thanks for reading! ^^

Oh and btw, rated for strong language and such. I mean, it is south park. x3

The Bet

Kyle Broflovski woke up earlier than he wanted to and could not go back to sleep. Ever since he made a bet that he could get a girlfriend before Cartman could, it seemed all the girls in the world would no longer make any eye contact with him; it was as if God was playing a practical joke on him, and so far he wasn't laughing. Kyle had been desperately looking all over town for a special girl he could call his own, but when that didn't work he became desperate and was just looking for any girl that would take him, even for just a day. Both boys had decided that the deadline would be a week, and four days had already passed; time was running out.

Insomnia gripped the red head as he continued tossing and turning trying to get comfortable enough to fall asleep again, but nothing worked. He sighed, feeling a bit frustrated and annoyed, and turned towards his alarm clock: it was only 3:30 am. Damn it! This whole scenario was Kenny's fault! If he hadn't shown up with another girlfriend, told them that they couldn't get dates because all the girls thought they were gay, and convince Stan to start dating again, then he and Cartman wouldn't have made this stupid bet! Okay, that was a lie, they would have done this eventually, and it was the lack of offers and takers that infuriated the small boy. Was it because he was Jewish? Nah…not everyone in the world is like Cartman!

Kyle yawned, stretched, then reached towards the nightstand where his lamp was and turned it on. He waited a moment before doing anything else so that his eyes could adjust to the light—he was currently seeing big purple and blue spots. He then threw the covers off of him and climbed out of bed.
He didn't want to be up at this hour, but if he couldn't sleep there was nothing he could do about it. In the meantime, he walked over to his computer desk and sat in his swivel chair and hit the power button. He happened to catch his reflection in the monitor before it sprang to life and sighed; there was no sense in trying to mess with his curly fro in the state it was in, he'd probably cut it one day.

After going through the whole process of waiting for the welcome screen and logging in, then waiting for everything else to load, he opened a file he saved titled: L.O.G. The name stood for List of Girls, and contained the names, or descriptions, of each girl he should try asking out. He scanned the list, frequently coming across names that had "Tried and failed," "Never ask again," and, "No Dice" next to them in parentheses. The only few names that didn't were those girls he was either scared of asking, or just couldn't imagine himself dating; but time was not on his side and he desperately needed to beat Cartman at his own game; Kyle was not going down without a fight!

He studied the names of the girls he hadn't asked yet and cringed. There was no way he would ask Shelley, there was just no way! She'd have to be last on the list. Then there was Rebecca…he considered asking her out again, but she just wasn't the same when he first met her, she didn't seem to have any self respect anymore. Then there was Redhead Rebecca…he wouldn't mind dating her, he just always assumed she was with Bebe. That took care of why he also never asked Bebe, and he couldn't ask Wendy because she was dating Token. The only ones left were the girls who worked at Raisins, and that Goth chick…why did things have to come to this? The girls at Raisins just toyed with boys' emotions for money, and the Goth chick was…unapproachable. On top of that, the only other girl he could really ask was Stan's sister. Now he knew for a fact that he hit an all-time low. Kyle got up from his computer in anger, crossed the room to his closet and searched for something to put on. He would simply have to think about what to do later.

When he got his clothes together, a change of underwear, and grabbed his towel, he quietly tiptoed to the bathroom and shut and locked the door behind him. He set his clothes on top of the toilet and hung his towel on the hook next to the shower. He then turned on the water and adjusted the temperature to his liking before stopping up the tub, and pouring in the bubble bath solution. While the tub filled with water, Kyle took a look at himself in the mirror. His hair was a flaming red mess, as always, he was a bit thin because he was a diabetic, and he only seemed to grow a measly six inches since the fourth grade; he was easily one of the shortest kids in the eighth grade.

At 4'9" he was dwarfed by Stan who was at least 5'4", Kenny who was 5'2", and even Cartman who seemed to be two inches taller than him at most. Not to mention all the other kids like Craig who was around Stan's height, Token who was an inch taller than Stan, Tweek and Clyde who both were 5'3", and Butters who was exactly five feet. Even a lot of the girls were taller than him at this point.

After this observation a thought occurred to him: girls didn't like him because he was short! He then became depressed; if all the girls in the world were shallow and didn't want to date him because he was small, then what chance did he have? It wasn't like he could just make himself magically grow over night, though he once considered trying it.

When he was done criticizing his appearance, he got undressed, leaving his Terrance and Phillip pajamas in a heap on the floor in front of the sink and hopped into the half full tub. The water was warm and inviting. He let the tub fill up a bit more before shutting the water off and resting his back against the end of the tub.

The water seemed to clear his mind and he began to formulate a plan on how to ask the girls out. He would start with Red and Bebe, even though he was sure they were taken, because they would be easier to ask. He would then attempt to ask the Goth chick even though he was sure that she would say no, assuming he could summon the nerve to talk to her. His last option he was to ask Stan's sister. He desperately hoped and prayed that he would not have to resort to that, but he simply had no other back up.

Once he finished mentally reordering his short list, he finished bathing, got dressed and waited around until it was time to go to school.

Kyle was dead tired by the time he got to the bus stop, the insufficient amount of sleep was slowly catching up to him. He took his place to the left of Stan and the right of Kenny before he noticed something weird; he never stood directly to Kenny's right that was Cartman's spot, the fat ass had not yet arrived. He yawned and stretched, awakening a few sleepy muscles, before asking,

"Hey, where's Cartman?"

"I don't know," Stan replied. He didn't seem to care. "Did you find a girlfriend yet?"

"No," Kyle grumbled. The last thing he wanted to think about at the moment was the fact that he only had three days, including this one, to find a girlfriend. He already spent more of his morning than he wanted to on the subject.

"You'd better hurry. You only have three days left!" Kyle glared at Kenny. His orange hood covered his face as it usually did, but he could tell that beneath it, the sandy blond was smiling, actually smiling at Kyle.

"This is your damn fault, Kenny! You're the reason I'm in this mess!" Kenny laughed at Kyle's frustration which only infuriated him more. Stan stood by, looking at Kyle with a mix of pity and concern.

"Well, Kyle…Kenny didn't really do anything." Kyle redirected his attention to his best friend.

"Yes he did! He may not have suggested the bet, but he sparked the idea!" Before he could say more the bus pulled up. He stomped on to the bus as soon as the doors opened and sat in an isolated seat in the back. He was angry that none of the girls seemed to like him. He was upset that the only people left on his list were girls he was quite sure would tell him flat out "no". But what pissed him off the most was the fact that he knew that there was a chance, a possibility that Cartman would win.

Stan sat in the seat across the aisle from him since he made it clear he wanted to be alone—he sat his backpack at the very edge of the seat. Kenny, on the other hand, sat near the front with his girlfriend.

During the bus ride Stan occasionally glanced at Kyle, probably hoping to catch his attention, but he was smart enough not to attempt to talk Kyle out of the bet. The rivalry between his friend and Cartman ran far too deep, and once a bet was made both Kyle and Cartman went all out in order to win.
There was absolutely no way to talk him out of this, now, but there was also no way to help him out. Kyle was on his own. When the boys arrived at school things seemed to get a lot calmer. Kyle almost completely forgot about his dilemma, only almost because of the fact that he didn't see Cartman anywhere, and was talking to Stan and Kenny again.

The school day started off just as any typical day would: The boys went to their first period class and nearly fell asleep (Kyle wrote a note to Bebe asking her out, but she replied: No). They then went their separate ways and Kyle headed to his second period class where he actually did fall asleep (He asked Red out, but she also said no). Since Kyle didn't really have a class with Cartman until Homeroom, it wasn't until then that he discovered that Cartman still wasn't there. The boys that were sitting around his desk were conversing and they all seemed shocked about something. As Kyle was seating himself in the desk adjacent to Tweek and Stan's he caught the end of the conversation.

"No guys, I swear! It's true!" Kyle was quite sure he didn't want to know what they were all talking about, but he asked:

"What's true?"

"Well, Clyde here says that Eric has a girlfriend," Butters replied. "None of us believe him, though. Is what he says true?" Kyle was momentarily stunned at this news. After a moment he shook the thought away.

"No way! It's just some stupid rumor, it has to be!"

"Yea, there's no way he already has a girlfriend." Stan chimed in.

"See? I told you it was a lie!" Token said to the other boys.

"Yea! There's not a girl in the world who would want to date that stupid asshole!" Craig added.

"I'm telling you! It's true! I saw them walking together and holding hands and everything!"

"Shut up, stupid kids! The announcements are about to come on!"

All chatter in the classroom immediately ceased. No one was dumb enough to try anything with Ms. Duke—she was really creepy, wore a fifties wig, and had one eye. They were all convinced that she would suck out their soul if they weren't careful. A few more kids entered the classroom and joined in the silence, but none of them were Cartman. If Clyde really did see him earlier, (Kyle was careful not to factor in this girl Clyde had mentioned was with him) then that means he was here…So where was he? A moment later a voice blared over the intercom and answered his question.

"Good morning students, if you would now stand for the pledge; the pledge that America follows….Not Wendy Testaburger's."

"Oh, God, he's doing the announcements!" Kyle knew from experience as Cartman's "friend" and from past instances that Cartman doing the morning announcements was never a good thing.

"Shut up, stupid kids, and say the pledge!" The kids did as they were told without complaint and sat back down when it was over.

"My name is Eric Cartman, and these are the morning announcements…" Kyle tuned the announcements out successfully, using the time to try to rest his eyes. He had just begun to drift away when suddenly Cartman said:

"And I just wanted to say something to my good friend, Kyle Broflovski…" At the mention of his name his head automatically snapped up and he stared at the speaker on the wall in front of him as if he would see the boy whose voice was travelling through it. "It's been four days, Kyle; you lost the bet, Jew boy! Na ha ha ha haaaa ha! I've got a girlfriend before you!"

"What!"

"That's right, Kyle, I've got a girlfriend!"

"No! This can't be true! It has to be some sort of trick!"

"I assure you, Kyle, this is not a trick! Don't be sad, Jew, you could always date Stan; he's a fuckin' pussy!"

At the last comment Stan shouted, "Shut the hell up, stupid asshole!" as if the boy could actually hear him.

"Nah nah nah nah naaaah nah! Nah nah nah nah naaaah nah! Kyle you owe me twenty dollars, and have to admit you're a fag! Nah nah nah nah naaah nah!"

"G**damn it! Damn it! Damn it!"

"This concludes the morning announcements…nah nah nah nah naaaah nah!"

The kids sat in silence with the exception of Kyle who kept cursing until he ran out of air in his lungs. No one else spoke until Kyle calmed down.

"Dude, you're not really going to go through with the bet are you?" Stan asked. He was wearing the same look of pity and concern that he did when they were at the bus stop.

"No, no way! Not until I know for myself that he really has a girlfriend! There has to be some kind of trick to it! He has to be lying!"

"But what if he's not lying?" Butters mumbled.

"Yea, what are you going to do?" Craig inquired.

"He's lying! G**dammit, I know he's lying!"

"But what if he's not, dude?"

"He is lying, Stan, and I'm going to prove it!"

Kyle sat in silence while everyone in the class mumbled about the announcements. As soon as the bell rang, he was the first to leave, hoping to avoid Cartman at all costs, but of course things didn't turn out that way. As he was heading to the cafeteria, once again splitting ways with Stan and Kenny, Kyle spotted Cartman and Kevin who were making their way into the cafeteria from the opposite direction. Kyle tried to walk a bit faster, pretending he didn't notice the pair coming towards him, however that didn't work; and honestly, he didn't expect it to.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Kyle." The brown haired boy was wearing his usual smug expression.

"What do you want, fat ass?"

"All in good time little Jew boy; all in good time."

"Blow it up your ass, Cartman!"

"You're just jealous that I won. Now you've got to tell everyone that you're gay! Ha—ha!"

"I'm not doing this crap, Cartman, so fuck off!"

"You'd better do it, you stupid fag! We had a deal!"

Kyle stared at Cartman angrily for a moment before walking to one of the lunch lines. Fuck Cartman! Seriously! There was no way he was about to embarrass himself when there was no proof that he was even dating a girl! Fuck that!

He continued fuming for the duration of the time he spent in line getting his food and finding a table. All the other tables were pretty much full except for where Token, Jimmy, Craig, Butters, Clyde, and Kevin sat; he decided to sit there. Wedging a space between Butters and Clyde, he put down his tray of food and sat across from Craig. Kevin was on Butter's right, Token was on Craig's left, and Jimmy was on Craig's right.

"So, who do you think Cartman's girlfriend is?" Token was saying to the others at the table.

"He doesn't… have… a stupid… girlfriend!" Kyle responded. Every other word was followed by a pause as he tried to control his anger.

"Yes he does. I saw her!" Clyde said through a mouthful a food.

"No…he does not! It's some stupid trick! He's lying!"

"Hey, Kyle, as hard as it mayb-be to b-b-b-be….As hard as it is to b-b-b….b-believe, Cartman might truly have a g-g-g-….a g-g-g-girlfriend!"

"No Jimmy, he's lying! He's a stupid lying sack of shit, and you are all being fooled!"

"So what does his girlfriend look like, Clyde?" Craig asked, ignoring Kyle's rants. Clyde finished off his taco before responding.

"She has long blond hair, sea green eyes, and a weird accent. It sounds like she's from a foreign place, but she's also a bit country, you know?"

"Country like she's into yodeling?"

"That's western, Butters."

"Oh, thanks, Jimmy."

"Well now that I think about it," Clyde added after drinking some milk, "I guess she does seem more like the yodeling type. Maybe she's more western than country."

"I'm telling you guys, it's a stupid trick! It's probably just some guy dressed up as a girl and faking an accent!"

"Oh, jeez, Kyle, you mean like that time you fellers forced me to dress up as Margorine?"

"Yes, Butters, just like that!" At that moment Cartman got out of line and headed towards their table. He pushed Craig out of the way so that he could sit across from Kyle. He was just as angry as Kyle, maybe even more so; he refused to be denied what was owed to him.

"Hello, Kahl!" Before Cartman could say anything more Kyle interrupted.

"I'm not doing it Cartman, so leave me alone!"

"G**damn it, Kyle! We had a fucking deal! You will pay me, you stupid fucking Jew!"

"Stop calling me a stupid Jew you fat fuck! I will not do it! You're a fucking liar and you're making this shit up!"

"Ay! Screw you! I won and you just got to accept it!"

"Prove it, then!"

"Fine! I will!"

"Do it now!"

"I can't, G**damn it! We don't have the same lunch period!"

"Then after lunch! And if you don't do it then that means you're a fucking liar!"

"Fine, damn it! Fine!"

Everyone watched as Cartman and Kyle continued eating in silence. Neither of them spoke until Cartman spotted an untouched pudding on Butters' plate and asked if he could have it, then took it without hearing his reply. After that, the boys remained dining in absolute quiet.

After lunch the boys exited the cafeteria and headed for the lockers. Along the way, they ran into a crowd of students heading for the cafeteria.

"Well, Cartman, where is she!"

"Calm down, Jew! She will be here! We were supposed to meet after lunch!"

A few more groups of students walked past them and Kyle started to get more and more irritated.

"Damn, it, Cartman, Just admit that you're lying so that we can all go to class!"

"No, G**damn it! She's coming!"

A couple of minutes went by and everyone grew impatient. Craig left without a word, leaving the rest of the boys standing around. Butters was also missing, but Kyle was sure he didn't see him leave earlier; he must have disappeared when they left the cafeteria.

"Screw this, let's bail. Kyle was right; Cartman doesn't really have a girlfriend!" Token said as he started to walk away.

"Yea," Clyde added. "I guess that hot girl I saw him with earlier was a mere coincidence. Let's go!"

"Wait, wait! You, guys, she's right there!" Cartman pointed to the stairway just past the lockers, and sure enough, they saw a small girl with long blond, curly hair that fell halfway down her back walking towards them. She wore a red and black knee-high spaghetti strapped dress with a white blouse beneath it. Token and Clyde stopped in their tracks and stared at her as she walked towards Cartman and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"I, ah, I'm sawry I'm light. I had to stay eye-fter cla-es fo-er a few to feenish a quee-iz."

"You see. Kyle, I told you I wasn't lying! Now do it!"

Everyone stared in shock at the display in front of them. None of them dared to move or blink; even Kyle was surprised...then a thought occurred to him.

"Whatever, fat ass! This is just Butters in a wig!" Kyle stepped towards the frail looking girl and tugged on her hair, but nothing happened.

"Ow! Oooooooowwww! Plee-es, plee-es could jew stawp pulling on muh curls!"

"Okay...so it's not a wig. Then you must have arranged for someone to put extentions in his hair! That cheap accent is a dead give away!"

"Oi! I'm nawt Buttuhs and muh ox-ent is nawt cheap, as yew sigh. Muh name is Ahnnah Mahree!"

"Anna Marie?" Kyle's voice was dry as if he still didn't believe Cartman and the "girl.

"Yeh-yas!"

"Holy shit, g-guys! Cartman wasn't l-lying!"

"Yea! Don't you think she's one of the hottest girls ever?" Clyde was staring at the girl with big, googley eyes. The fact that it was Cartman's girlfriend didn't seem to sink in.

"Yeah! " Token replied. "But why would she want him?" Kevin stared in disbelief.

"No, you guys! It's Butters, it's just gotta be!"

"You lose, Kyle! Just admit it!"

"Screw you, Cartman! It's Butters, I know it is!" A second later, a voice Kyle was certain he would not hear except from the "girl's" lips, spoke as the person who owned it walked towards them from the other side of the hall.

"Hi, fellers, did I miss anything?"

"Butters? A...aren't you the girl?"

"Well, no, Kyle. If my parents found out that I was...walking around dressed as a girl again...well they would ground me! I don't like being grounded."

And just like that, Kyle's world came crashing down. He had lost; Cartman was the victor. He had somehow gotten himself a girlfriend in four days, and Kyle had failed. Failed...failed...failed!

"No...No no no no no...This...can't be right it just can't be!"

"Oh, but it is, Kyle, it is right!" Kyle didn't have to look at Cartman to know that there was a look of triumph on his chubby face; he could practically hear it in his voice.

Kyle said nothing as he continued to stare in shock, and then...he walked away. His life was over. He had lost to the biggest asshole in the world. How could he continue living in such a world where someone like Cartman could win even the smallest of bets? In the distance he could hear the fat ass shouting at him angrily, but he didn't care at the moment. He fucking lost!

The boy walked into his fourth period class, science, and sat in his desk. He was maybe a couple of minutes late, but his teacher didn't seem to mind. He sat next to Craig who, though he didn't really care, could see that something was wrong with Kyle.

"For all the people who came in late, we are taking notes on covalent and ionic bonding."

Kyle continued to stare the projection screen with hazy eyes. He was vaguely aware of the fact that he should be doing his class work, and noticed on a subconscious level that someone was glancing at him from time to time.

"What's wrong with you?" Craig asked as he continued taking notes.

"I...I lost...Cartman actually has a...girlfriend."

"Oh."

Kyle continued staring at nothing for the rest of class. He didn't even notice the bell ring and everyone begin to leave. If it wasn't for the fact that his teacher tapped him and told him class was over, he would have continued sitting there, staring into space.

**
During fifth period, the only class he shared with literally none of his friends, Kyle continued to live in his shattered world, not caring about the goings on of the world that lay outside his mind. He had to do it…He actually had to do it in front of everyone.

"G**damn it!"

When school finally let out, Kyle headed towards his locker and put everything he didn't need away. He then stuffed his textbooks and binders in his backpack and slammed his locker shut. He took a deep breath in preparation for what was about to happen, and headed for the main hall.
On the way there, he heard Cartman pushing past people, making his way to where Kyle was, and the boy stopped in his tracks. Cartman had somehow gotten hold of a megaphone and was using it to clear a path.

"Finally…Finally, Kyle, the time has come!"

"Let's just get this over with!"

"In time, Kyle, in time!" Cartman cleared his throat, and then he bellowed into the megaphone, "Fellow students, if you would stop what you are doing and listen. A Jew has a special announcement to make!" Kyle then snatched the megaphone from Cartman before he could say anything else. All eyes were on the pair in the center of the hallway.

"Seriously, dude. You sure you want to do this?"

"He won, Stan, I have to do it! Besides, it's not too bad…" Stan simply sighed as Kyle put the megaphone up to his lips.

"I…I'm gay," he mumbled.

"Louder, Kahl!"

Kyle took a deep breath and repeated, "I'm gay, damn it! I'm gay!" A lot of bickering and whispers were heard throughout the halls.

"Tell them how gay, Kahl!" Cartman was enjoying this, he was sure.

"I'm…I'm super gay! I'm gay for Stan and whatever," Kyle could have sworn he heard a few girls giggle and say: I knew it! "I'm fucking gay! I love dudes!" Kyle tossed the megaphone to the ground and started to push his way through the crowd, but Cartman stopped him.

"Aren't you forgetting something, Kahl!"

Kyle sighed, then turned around and pulled out his wallet, taking out a twenty then stepped back over to Cartman and handed it to him. He then turned around and walked away. Finally it was over.

"Not so fast, Kahl!" The boy stopped in his tracks, turned and glared daggers at Cartman. What the hell else did he want? "I specifically remember you agreeing to perform a certain act with your mouth."

"Oh, Jesus, dude! You promised to suck his balls again?" Stan asked as he watched Kyle walk closer to Cartman.

Kyle didn't he respond, he simply glared at Cartman a bit longer, balled up his fists, then sighed. He put a hand on both sides of Cartman's face, then pulled the boy towards him and kissed him on the lips. After a few seconds he ended the kiss and walked away, leaving Cartman standing there in shock.

Kyle ignored all the stares and whispers and headed towards the bus. The deed was done, he paid his dues; but regardless of all that something still bothered him. That girl Cartman was dating looked awfully familiar.

After a few minutes all the students who rode his bus got on with the exception of Cartman who was probably going to get a ride home with his girlfriend. The bus departed from the school and was running its course to various stops and all the while Kyle couldn't help but wonder what it was that bothered him so much about Cartman's girlfriend.

Maybe it was the blond hair…or the green eyes…or that really crappy accent…. That accent…he was certain that it was false, but at the same time she pronounced certain words with a true accent; he was sure of it. Wait a minute! Pale skin, long blond hair, those eyes! Well, the eyes were probably contacts, but everything else paired up with the bits of her real accent that he could barely catch…If he was right, then this would explain why that stupid asshole didn't ride the bus home.

"That evil, fat ass, son of a bitch; I knew he was lying! G**damn it!"

Everyone watched as Kyle left through the main doors of school and headed to the buses. There were many whispers and giggles, but the one person who said nothing was Eric Cartman who continued looking on in shock.

"Wow…" Kenny said as he stared at Cartman. "I guess the plan worked after all."

"Are you fucking kidding me? I can't believe Kyle fell for that lame shit! It was so obvious who it really was! Damn, it! Guess I owe you twenty bucks, then, Kenny." Stan said as he took out his wallet and pulled out the money.

"I knew that if he paid Bebe in shoes that she would spread vicious rumors about Kyle amongst all her friends so that no one would want to date him!" Kenny took the money and pocketed it with a smile. "Never underestimate the power of gossip among women!"

"Yea, I guess. So then, what was in it for Pip?"

"I don't know…I think it was something like, not picking on him for a week."

"Huh. That's a pretty good deal!"

"Yep! Well we should probably get on the bus before it leaves and we have to walk home." Kenny stated as he started walking towards the front doors.

"Yea, come on fat ass!" Stan followed Kenny outside; oblivious to the fact that Cartman didn't budge from his spot. Cartman continued to stare out in space, trying to figure out what had just happened.

"I did tell him he had to kiss my feet if I won, didn't I? So why did he…? Huh…"