"Katniss." Peeta's voice comes from the doorway, startling me. The letter I was holding falls out of my hands, falling lightly to the stone floor." What?" "Have you been crying?" He asks." No." I say, but my low, husky voice gives me away." He's been gone for a while, Katniss. You can't keep going on like this." He walks over, and bends down to pick up the letter." Don't touch it!" I yell, grabbing it out of his hand. His face softens, looking at the tear stains on the white paper." Katniss." He pulls the letter from my hands, folds it up, and places it on my bed." I won't forget him, Peeta. No matter what you tell me, I won't forget him." My head is facing downwards, and my voice is low. He strains to hear it." I'm not asking you to forget, Katniss. You just need to move on." My hand clenches into a fist, my knuckled going white." You don't know what it's like! You don't know what it's like to lose someone you love, to wake up every morning, and expect to see him, and then remember you'll never be graced by his smile, or his laugh, ever again!" I'm trembling, and Peeta can see he needs to tread carefully here." Katniss, I do know how it feels. I felt exactly like that when I waited for the holograms that would appear in the sky to tell me whether or not you were dead." Oh. I slumped down, my hands over my eyes, but no tears came out. They had all been used before." And when we went into the arena again, it was even worse. I thought we would both be safe, but I was wrong." A sob escaped my lips, and I fell into his arms.
Peeta's lips are warm against mine, his strong arms wrapped around my body." Katniss." He pulls away, placing his hand on my shoulder." Stop." "Why?" I whisper, my voice barely audible." Because you don't want his. You're using me to fill the void left by Gale. You don't really love me." My eyes, which had left the company of tears behind, are filled with liquid once again." Peeta." My arms reach up for him, but he pushes me away, again." Katniss, I can't. You never have loved me, even when we were about to die in the arena. I saw the way you looked at Gale. It would be using you if I did this." He gets up, and walks toward the door." Please…" He doesn't even turn to look at me, just walks out of my room, leaving me with my emotions. Sobs rack my body, my bed sheets pulled around my body. A raw, red hole had opened when Gale and his squad had been captured by the Capitol, and then pronounced dead. When Peeta walked into my life again, it had started to heal, a scab forming over the once bloody mess. But his painful rejection had ripped it wide open, leaving a gaping, deep pit that worked its way around my stomach." Oh God." My legs felt weak as I walked towards my sink, pulling open my cupboards. I took a pack of razors out, ripping open the package and pulling a brand new blade off the plastic, and placing it to my wrist, right where I knew an artery was." Katniss!" The voice startled me, causing me to drop the razor. Haymitch grabbed my arm, looking into my eyes." What are you doing?" He yelled." My answer was a deep sob. I fell down, and he caught me, supporting me as he walked me to my bed.
"Gale!" The nightmare that had been plaguing me for weeks had appeared in my mind again. I had seen Gale and his troops walking through the Capitol, and then suddenly, a barrage of Peacekeepers had rushed them. They didn't stand a chance. Of course, I had never been there. I had just imagined what happened. The only thing that helped was to pull out the letter and read it. So I violently wrenched the drawer open, spilling the contents on the floor. I pushed everything out of the way, trying to find the letter. Finally, with trembling hands, I picked it up.
Dear Katniss,
If you have gotten this, I'm most likely dead. If this is the case, I want you to stay strong. Please don't cry. I know your love for me was not even nearly like mine, but I'm hoping my death has still upset you. I'm sorry, that sounded horrible. I just want you to live without me, even if you have to forget about me. Please don't make me the cause of us losing the rebellion. You need to move on, marry someone you love, and have beautiful children. My family will miss me, but please don't tell them how I died. Tell them it was an accident, just not that I was killed by the Capitol. It will kill them. I'm going to stop now, before I say things I shouldn't. Just remember, I'll always love you. But Peeta, he still loves you. Even though I can't stand him, I give you permission to be with him. Just joking. But I need you to move on, even if it's with him. Well, I need to get some sleep. We move out tomorrow.
Love,
Gale
The letter did nothing for me, and I threw it away, falling back onto my bed. He said Peeta would help me through this, but he just left me here, bleeding on the inside. I was tempted to go and get my razor, but I didn't have the courage to do it. So I decided to get dressed and take a walk.
The fire crackled in front of me, casting shadows across the woods. I had left the confines of District Thirteen, to sit under the canopy of the trees. I knew I would definitely get reprimanded, but I didn't really care right now. Gale had been right. I needed to move on, and forget. The rebels needed their Mockingjay, and she couldn't focus if she was struck with grief. I needed to win this war, if not for myself then for Gale and his family." Why are you out here?" I turned around, and saw Peeta walking up to me." How did you find me?" "You weren't in your bedroom. I thought you would want to be outside. You always said District Thirteen was too confined for you." He sat down beside me, staring into the orange flames." I'm not going to hurt you, Katniss. Why can't you open up for me?" His grey eyes stared into mine, and I looked away." Really?" It was a stupid thing to say, but it was the only thing I could think of." Really." I looked back at him." I can never forget him." He turns his head to the fire, then gets up, and walks back to District Thirteen." But I can move on." He stops, and then I feel him sit back down beside me." Katniss, let's play a game." Peeta says, suddenly." What kind of game." "Real or Not Real?" He says, referencing the game I used to play when he was hijacked." Okay." I say, blinking." You'll never forget Gale Hawthorn." He asks." Real." "You can move on." "Real." We sit in silence for a few seconds, and then Peeta says:" You love me." I think for a second, but already know the answer." Real."