Never Sleep, Never Die
Or
Don't turn off the lights
Bella discovers that she has a much-unexpected vampiric power. Coupled with Edward, but NO LEMON! Very surprising (and sad) twist at the end. Please R&R
A few Nights Before…
Catch me as I fall
Say you're here and it's all over now
It hurt, so much. No one ever said that becoming a vampire would be easy, but no one could ever have prepared me for that pain. All I wanted was Edward's arms to writhe in, but often even that was denied.
Speaking to the atmosphere
no one's here and I fall into myself
Third Day of Vampirism
I wake up. That was odd. I am vampire; I'm not supposed to sleep. What is going on? The last that I saw was sunset, or what passes for it through the clouds of Forks. Oh no, not again. I lift my hands from under the sheets to see the blood under my fingernails. Not again, not again… please.
This truth drives me into madness
I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away
Flashback of the Day Before
My first hunt was so horrible, yet morbidly fascinating to remember. One minute I was running, trying to get control of my newfound speed, chasing after a young wolf… then the sun went down.
Don't turn away
I wasn't myself anymore; I was stuck behind my eyes. I could see, but not feel, not control.
Don't give in to the pain
What I could feel was not help full, the blood rushing through the creatures' veins, blood I needed, blood I wanted. My head felt like it was splitting, my veins ached from their uselessness; my lungs seized and refused to do unnecessary work.
Don't try to hide
The poor animal ran faster, and so did I.
I know what happened, though I blacked out for it.
Though they're screaming your name
All I could hear were congratulatory statements, a running commentary, in Edward's voice. But not the true him, it was the false one, the one in my head that plead with me oh so many times, driving me to the brink of suicide, not to get rid of it, but to hear it more. The next that I truly saw, felt, Edward and the rest of the Cullens were congratulating me. Did they not see that I was a monster?
Don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
Am I a monster? My eyes, changing color depending on whether I am thirsty for blood, becoming possessed for the hunt. Yet… only after sundown.
Don't turn out the light
The sun went down; it does that every twenty-four hours… will my evil be unleashed as inevitably as the setting sun?
Back to reality
Never sleep never die
How is it that I can "Wake up"? I don't sleep, I'm not supposed to…
No no no. Please no. I lower my hands back under the covers and try not to cry. I need Edward now, so much. As if on cue, my lover and fiancé walks in the door. He stops short and wrinkles his nose in disgust.
"I smell HIM… where is he? Why are you being with the Werewolf? I thought you two made an agreement. DAMN IT BELLA! You only just came home, everyone looking for you, and you smell like the wolf! So badly, it's like you two… You have been going and doing THAT haven't you! Damn it. You love him, don't you? I know you do, so don't try to deny it. You are with me, but want him…FINE! You could have been a little discreet though. For gods sake, your smell, you two must have gone and done that, all night?; nothing else could make you reek so badly of his stench. How is it you can be his little whore and won't even let me touch you?!"
Before I can say anything, the one I love most in the world has left. He will be back. He will hear me out, that is what he does. Every other week he thinks I've gone and found someone else. I'm sure that in a few hundred years he'll get less possessive. Still, the smell…
Jacob? I muse for half a second, then realize in horror. No, please God, no. As I lift my hands to sniff the blood, still wet, under my fingernails…
Flashback
I'm frightened by what I see
But somehow I know that there's much more to come
Dark flashes, the trees, the reserve where Jacob lives.
Immobilized by my fear
And soon to be blinded by tears
Jacob, oh no, Jacob, nonono. His smiling face. I can't hear the words but I watch as his lips form a greeting. The smile fades as he sees the look in my eyes. Concern mars his features. He comes closer. He looks me in the eye…
I can stop the pain if I will it all away
If I will it all away
Don't turn away
He shouldn't have run.
Don't give in to the pain
He shouldn't have yelled when my nails made contact with his back.
Don't try to hide
He shouldn't have sought refuge in that shed where we spent such peaceful hours working on Motorcycles.
Though they're screaming your name
Why am I accusing Him, I shouldn't have give in, I shouldn't have let it happen, I should have kept my friend safe. Why did I let Edward talk me into it? Why did I listen to that dangerous voice in my head?
Don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
Still, if he hadn't clenched his eyes shut in anticipation of my strike…why do I remember his eyes, when my own are a golden And RED, red with human blood, Golden with the animalistic power Jacob once possessed, coupled with that of a youthful wolf..
Don't turn out the light
Still, even with all that happened, if only the light in the shed had not burned out, releasing me from needing to see the blood I was forcing out of my friend's veins.
Back to Reality
Never sleep never die
"Bella? What happened? I'm sorry, I know you, and Jacob wouldn't … ya … you know. Bella?"
Edward's voice sounds so far away. So does my own
"I'm going to go take a shower…."
I rise like a zombie, taking half the blankets with me and leaving Edward in confusion.
Blood goes down the drain… the smell goes down the drain… the proof goes down the drain and with it my fear. Clean, so clean, and able to be happy. If only I so choose. I do so with enthusiasm, pouring half a bottle of Lavender scent over my body, then scrubbing it across my porcelain pores. I don't need to shower; it's a habit. One of those human things I still cling too.
Sunny Morning for forks, Edward and Bella "Go to bed"
"Fun" ensues that is censored do to irrelevancy to this story.
The narrative resumes from Bella's point of view just around sunset.
Fallen angels at my feet
Looking at Edward… so perfect and yet so cursed…
The light bulb flickers
Whispered voices at my ear
Death before my eyes
Oh no, nonono, Not my Edward, I cannot kill him, of all there are, not him, please. A mental image; Edward looking up, begging for mercy with terror in his eyes, his face flickering to be replaced with Jacob's, then both of them…the deep brown eyes of a wolf.
The light bulb flickers
Lying next to me, I fear
He beckons me shall I give in
The light bulb flickers
Yet the one I am having thoughts of killing snuggles closer.
The light bulb flickers
Upon my end, shall I begin?
Forsaking all I've fallen for I rise to meet the end
I feel the raw power surge through me and look at him, knowing that I cannot kill, yet must, not for blood, not for blood, that no longer matters, what I need is the power; The power of knowing that I can kill the power of seeing the life drain out of something's eyes from my doing.
Don't turn away
Edward rolls over, oblivious to my homicidal train of thought.
Don't give into the pain
Muscle agony as I clench my fists and keep my arms at my sides
Don't try to hide
Edward disappearing under the covers as I lunge at him, teeth bared.
Though they're screaming your name
The "hallucination Edward" going nuts in my head; telling me to go for it, hurry up and tear my boyfriend apart, my future husband apart.
Don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
Edward closes his eyes and shakes his head, startled from the impact.
Don't turn off the lights
The power goes out
Funeral
Never sleep never die
I fear waking so much now, even more than having to go through this funeral, being near the Cullens, and knowing what I did.
The urn is very proper, the ceremony quite solemn. I know without hesitation that I shall not help scatter the ashes that I caused. I shall not visit the perfect glade, where I first saw the effect of sun light on a vampire's skin, where I had my happiest days of life, where I discovered my power. This stuffy church, where Edward and I were going to get married, is so oppressing, but that might just be Esme's glare. Esme hates me now, more than Rosalie, even more than the rest of the entire family. The only one that can stand to be near me is him. Of course, I can hardly stand the guilt of being near him, being the constant reminder of my horrible, despicable, wicked, vile, loathsome, and evil sins. Makes me remember, and that in itself is cruelty. He tells me that it's okay, it was an accident, no one knew. Additionally that, "he really believed in that afterlife stuff, I'm sure he's in a better place" he even whispers about me being sure about never getting married, wanting to leave, getting away. No one understands that I can't get close; I'm more dangerous than they can imagine.
Flashback to What Caused the Funeral
I lunged at Edward, my teeth bared, and he yelled. I had stopped breathing, yet still had strength.
Don't turn away
He ran, fast, so fast.
Don't try to hide
I didn't know where he went
Don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
I couldn't find him.
Don't turn off the lights,
The power was out, no one's fault.
Don't turn away
I found some one; I was to far gone to tell whom.
Don't try to hide
No running, just surprise
Don't close your eyes
I'm sorry, so sorry, Edward.
Oh Edward, if I could bring him back, I would. Nevertheless, I was predestined to kill. I tore him to pieces and started a fire. I didn't mean for it to happen, it just did. I came to myself as the fire flared in unison with the rising sun. I will never forget that scene; it is engrained in my mind, pieces of ripped flesh burning; flesh of someone I had grown so fond. Even as he holds my hand and tell me its okay, I plan to leave, for sunset is too dangerous and I'm a creature of the night. I'm sorry. Alas, Carlisle is gone, and nothing anyone can do will bring him back.
Don't turn off the lights.