"I'm glad you came, just turning up shows your commitment to process… "

These were the first words I heard Dr K tell me that day… That day that I'll never forget. When hell froze over. Recalling memories that shattered my world like glass on cold steel… Still to this day it's hard to remember. Coming to realization was hard on my heart. Now I know why I hid it from even myself…

"I've read your notes; the other therapist didn't work out for you… I want you to know this will be different. We take this at your pace. No notes, no drugs, no theories. We go back to the start, understand what happen. "

I don't remember much before meeting Dr K. I don't even remember scheduling an appointment or even walking into his office for the session, but then again I don't remember much since that winter. But I guess that's why I'm here…

I didn't care too much for Dr K, he seemed to be a pretty intelligent man, maybe it was just the fact that I have had too many doctors before mainly psychiatrists who felt like drugs where the answers to my problem… Well like he said, my last therapist didn't work out. My last doctor only made me more depressed and anti social, it just became an unhealthy situation. So I left. As I said, I am anti social, have been since the event. I freeze up in social situations and I get nervous. It's funny because I was never that way before. I was always the guy who was the life of the party, the conversation starter, I hated dull moments. Now… Well, now I sit here in this chair talking to this middle aged man, who I don't even know, about my past and my fucked up emotionally drained life. I tried not to get too close to Dr K although that became nearly impossible with all the psycho therapeutic questions he asked me. And the fact that I knew I had to share my story and what happen with him, just made it that much harder to not let him into my brain.

"Take a look at this short form, I promise it's the only one you'll see during your therapy."

I, being so anti social now, am already sweating to even speak through pencil and paper. He can tell my nervousness as I sit frozen like a statue… I have cold sweats and knowing he can see the sweat drip down my brow only made me more nervous and just as I go to pick up the golf pencil on the table in front of me he says,

"Try to answer truthfully, it's easier that way."

I wipe the sweat from my brow and begin to answer the questions. The form had questions about my personality traits. It asked about friends, drinking (lord knows I have my fair share), whether or not I listen to other people's feelings, my organization techniques, and even questions about relationships and sex (lord knows I don't get as much as I use to). I finish the form and try not to look him in the eye as I hand it to him hoping he only skims through my answers or at least doesn't judge me too harshly.

"You've been unfaithful? Is that true?"

Great… He didn't skim… I nod yes to answer his question…

"Ok, let's get started then…"