You see a lot of shocking things when you are the butler of Batman. Surprisingly, you see even more when you are the butler of Robin. For being only thirteen, the young boy was dealing with many adult like situations. Alfred knew the boy went through a lot and was mature for his age (when he wasn't laughing at his teammates being owned by Black Canary). Even so, he knew Robin was dating Kid Flash and it was difficult keeping it hidden even for the boy wonder. Today was another day that Alfred had discovered things news reports would throw their cameras at Alfred to know. It all started when he went to go ask Robin if he wanted something to drink.
Alfred always knocks before he opens a door, but Robin hadn't shut his door all the way. Through the small crack, he could see the younger boy fiddling with a news paper, his shoulder holding up his cell phone. Alfred watched as the boy cut out an article from said paper and looked at it intensely. Alfred's confusion didn't last long however when he got a look at what the article was about. He couldn't read the article (Alfred's kickin' for his age, but reading words showed his age), but he saw the picture on it. It was a picture of Robin and Kid Flash, making silly face, their hands up doing what Alfred assumed was hip hand signs.
Alfred found it heartwarming to see Robin finally having somebody there for him completely. That state of mind changed when Robin mumbled into the phone, "For the last time, I'm not going to take off my pants for you. Be happy I even cut this picture out."
Alfred was shocked to hear Robin was having a rather sexual conversation. Alfred was a humble man, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to continue to ease drop. He was human, and his curiosity was overpowering him. He looked at it like this: Robin might need his help just in case Kid Flash's hormones took over. Ah, good old Alfred. Always being the caring butler he was.
"No….no….no…DUDE! Why the hell would I want to do that with the pictures of us? Is that all you ever think about?" Robin spoke into the phone. Alfred's eyes widened ever so slightly, his mind entering a maturely rated zone. How could Robin be talking like this?
"Listen, I get that you want to do it, but we already did that last week! Batman would kill me if I did that again, and-"Alfred had heard enough. He opened the door fully, walking in, shocking Robin completely.
"Master Richard, how can you be saying such vowel things?" Alfred asked, still horrified with the thought of the boy he saw grow up turning out to be getting it on (as the kids these days would say) at such a young age. Robin gave Alfred a look, telling Kid Flash that he had to go as he ended the call.
"What's up, Alfred?" Robin asked, not getting what Alfred was freaking out about.
"What is up? I should be asking you that, Master Richard! How could you be doing such things with Wallace?" Alfred looked as though he was going to have a heart attack. That or back slap some sense into Robin who was looking at him like he had a bra on top of his head.
"What are you talking about?" Robin was completely lost.
"Does Master Bruce know about you losing your virginity to Wallace?" Alfred asked, fearing that if Master Bruce found out about this that he'd have Robin's head and use it as a wall decoration.
"I LOST MY WHAT? Ew! Alfred, I never would do that!" Robin looked mortified.
"I am sorry, but I overheard you talking to Wallace about not wanting to do it again because you've done it already. I cannot allow you to do such things, Master Richard," Alfred spoke.
Robin raised an eyebrow. Laughter filled the air after a while. Robin was clutching his stomach, laughing immensely.
"We weren't talking about that, we were talking about me giving him this picture in the newspaper so he could add it to his bizarre collection he keeps. He kept saying that we have to get more pictures so he can make a shrine type of thing because I swear he's an idiot like that. As for the doing it thing, I was talking about taking my mask off again. Batman knows KF seen me before without my mask, but he still doesn't like me taking them off."
Alfred had started to calm down, feeling embarrassed. One thing still didn't make sense to him, though. So, he asked what puzzled him.
"What did taking off your pants mean, then?" Alfred questioned.
"Oh, that…" Robin blushed, looking elsewhere. "Yeah, about that. Don't tell Batman, but Wally and I sort of are dating. We are not partaking in..um…sexual intercourse….but, KF likes to joke about it sometimes."
Alfred, fully recovered, simply saying, "I already knew that. I've seen the way you two act when Wallace comes over. I was just worried you were taking your relationship too far."
Robin was feeling a tad bit less awkward now.
"Thanks for caring, Alfred. You are the best, even though you listen in on my conversations," Robin told. Alfred nodded his head, turning to the door to leave. Before he left, he turned his head so he was looking at Robin.
"One more thing, Master Richard. Next time you are one the phone, please shut your door all the way. " Alfred said as he fully exited the room.
Robin just blinked feeling the need to get sound proof walls and more locks on his doors.