Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, nor do I own this story. This story was created by my best friend Jessica, who had a desire to write a fanfiction for everyone to read. If you do read this, please review and I'll pass own your statements to her, it would mean a lot to her. She asked me to post this on my site, so I am posting it on fanfiction. Enjoy!
Longing
It was winter again. This would be the 3rd winter that Kagome had spent with the hanyou and company in the Feudal Era. This would mark three years of longing, of tears, and three years of crushed hopes for Kagome. The jewel had been completed months ago, but they were still looking for the remaining jewel shards. As a last attempt to spite them, Naraku had taken a sliver of the almost finished jewel and crushed it, scattering the remains across the Seguko Jidai.
Kagome remembered that day clearly. Kouga had arrived to help them with the entire wolf tribe behind him, and even Sesshoumaru had made an entrance. Kikyou was there too, but she remained largely hidden in the trees, only coming out the deal the final blow to Naraku with the help of Kagome. In the end, the two brothers of the fang worked together to create an opening in Naraku's barrier and thus allow Kikyou and Kagome to send a double blast of miko energy in the forms of arrows at him. Naraku collapsed into dust, and was blow away by the wind. Kagura had ended up going with Sesshoumaru, and Kikyou left as silently as she came, breaking Inuyasha's heart, which in turn broke Kagome's.
The group was heading back to Kaede's village after another false lead in the hunt for the remaining jewel shards.
"Kagome, are you alright? You look so pale today!" Kagome turned her head to look at Sango, who was currently trying to fight away a certain lecherous monk.
"Yes, are you alright Lady Kagome?" aforementioned monk asked.
"I'm fine. I'm just…thinking." Kagome smiled at them to placate them, and went back to thinking.
This would be my 3rd year here. I fell through the well three years ago, but at least we're closer that ever to completing the Sacred Jewel.
"Wench, look where you're walking!" the hanyou Inuyasha caught Kagome before she fell into a small hole in the ground. Though gruff in tone, one could see that he was genuinely concerned about the miko.
"What? Oh thank you Inuyasha. I guess I spaced out." Kagome said sheepishly.
"Stupid wench! You can't be trusted to even walk by yourself!"
Inuyasha whipped his head away and jumped away to the trees, choosing to follow the group from the cover of the trees. Kagome signed. Some things never changed.
I was crying again. You were holding Kikyou to your chest, whispering the words of love I love to have whispered to me. She was dying, I could tell. I saw her touch your cheek, and saw you accepting it. I wish I could touch you like that. You always shied away from my touch, but I never let you know how much that hurt me. She was gone now. You cried out to her, clinging to her rapidly disappearing body. I cried. I cried for her, and for you. I was done with crying for me. This was the last time. I could feel the pieces of my heart crumbling into ashes. She was gone now, and you sat there, rocking yourself, roaring out your pain. Would you cry like that for me if I left? Probably not. I don't want you to cry for me Inuyasha. I want you to live for me when I leave. I felt as if I had to say something for Kikyou. I didn't know anything. All I knew was the verses to a funeral. I guess that was appropriate. As I turned to walk away, I whispered my prayers to the wind.
Ashes to dust and dust to ashes…Rest in Peace Priestess Kikyou. Rest in Peace.
The funeral for Kikyou took place a week later. During the week, Inuyasha made himself scarce. I didn't see Inuyasha that entire week. That was good, I guess. I had gotten a new hair cut when I went back. My hair was chin length now. I also wore jeans and t-shirts now. Not that you'd noticed anyway. I wanted a new start. I picked up the broken shards of fairytale endings and whispered wishes. I'm building my new life out of these. Not that you'd care. After the funeral, I'll leave. I never belonged here anyway. I was an abnormality. The past was not for me. I hope you live your life well after I leave. I'll think of you.
I watched the flames of the pyre die away. My eyes stayed dry, and I welcomed the hollow feel in my chest. My chest slid to you. You were crying, but in that silent way that made me love and hate you at the same time. The moonlight was playing with your hair, turning it to spun silver. Your bangs covered those eyes of yours. They could pierce my heart with just one glance. And they did, the first time I met you. I didn't mean to fall in love with you. It was so unexpected, I didn't realize until it was too late and I could crush down the feeling. My love for you consumed me. Like wildfire, it spread though my system, burning everything it came in contact with. I had hoped that maybe, you'd tell me that you loved me too. But I had set my hopes up too high. And now, my heart pays the price. As I watch you now, the hole in my chest where my heart used to reside contracted, and made my wince. I welcome the pain. It's must be a sign that I'm getting over you. I hope it is. Otherwise, leaving you would kill me.
Did you put something in the broth? I don't know, but when I woke up, you were gone. Your scent was like smoke, disappearing away in the early hours of the morning. I knew immediately that you were gone. My heart ached and hurt as I burst out of the hut, sprinting with all I had towards the well. Did you not think that I didn't notice your new look? Your attitude? You had changed in the past week, and I felt that it was because of me. Your laugh was gone, along with your quick smile that warmed me to the core. Gone were the tender looks you gave me when you thought I wasn't looking, the occasional tough that burned me. You became distant. It was my fault, wasn't it? I had pushed you away too many times and this time, and this time, you won't come back. My lungs were burning, along with my eyes. The ground passed in a blur of color and the first streaks of dawn light the ground. I prayed that you were still here, still waiting for me. But in my heart, I felt lost. You had gone, haven't you? The well, I could see it now. Your scent grew and swelled here. I breathed in great mouthfuls. You were still here!
I could see you, sitting at the lip of the well. I opened my mouth to call to you, but you turned your head towards me, almost as if you knew that I was there. I stopped about a feet away from you. I was close enough to touch you, close enough to watch the breeze lift your ebony hair and tease. Close enough to see your face, and your sad, sad eyes. My heart panged then. We stared at each other for an eternity. Finally, you turned away; ready to jump into the well. I panicked, could you tell? I grabbed your arm and wouldn't let go. I expected you to fight, but you surprise me. You always surprised me, did you know that? You turned to me, and told me the words I hated to hear. "Let me go."
I can't! How could you not know that? You're the very air I breathe, you quench my thirst. You break me with one glance, but raise me up with you wonderful smile. No, I won't let you go, I can't let you go. I would die without you. You were staring at me, gently pulling away. "You're hurting me." I glanced down, and quickly withdrew my hand, disgusted with myself. I had gripped too hard. My claws cut into your arm, drawing blood from your alabaster limbs. I was grasping for straws. I had to get you to stay, I had to say something. But what? You weren't moving, but I knew that you move. I knew what to say now, but my throat closed up, and I couldn't get a single sound out. You made to leave again. I managed a croaked out wait! You paused, on the brink of jumping.
I wished I could read your eyes, but they were closed, shut off from the rest of the world. I had to say it; otherwise I'd lose you. I wet my lips, closed my eyes, and whispered those three words I knew you wanted to hear. I love you. And suddenly, the dam broke. Out poured all the love I had felt for you, everything I kept bottled inside and never told you. I told you how much you mattered to me, and I must have talked for a lifetime. Finally, I was out of words. The world was starting to wake up, but you as silent and death. I opened my eyes cautiously. The sight presented to me nearly broke me. Your bangs covered your sapphire eyes, but I could see the tears coursing down your cheek. You looked up, and my breath stopped. You looked like an angel then. Your dark midnight hair billowing around you, forlorn eyes staring out of porcelain face. You opened your rosy lips and whispered the words I didn't understand until much later. I know Inuyasha, I know. But it's too little, too late. Still in my stupor, you leapt into the abyss, and I was driven back from the lip of the well by a burst of pure miko energy.
NO!!! I cried. I leapt in after you, did you know? I leapt into that damn well all day, but it wouldn't let me pass. It was sealed. I clawed at the bottom until my hands bled, but I didn't mind it. I welcomed the pain. It drove away the loneliness and pain that was in my heart. I was too late to tell you, and now I had to pay the consequences. I howled my pain to the heavens as my heart cracked in my heart. You were gone…gone. The others were coming. They had heard me and knew what happened. The birds were singing now. Your scent enveloping me in a blanket of love and warmth. I will wait, Kagome.
I'll wait forever for you.