My Fanfic
Family Guy Meets Fullmetal Alchemist (Scripted)
(Stewie is going to the store to buy some batteries for his weapons, Bryan is with him)
Stewie: Jeez I can't believe I have to walk all this way just to go to the store. Why can't they just destroy our neighbors house and put one there!
Bryan: Dunno and don't care.
Stewie: Well fine then, I'll find a construction worker and ask him to do the job.
Bryan: Good luck with that.
(Entering the store)
Bryan: I'll be over here where the drinks are.
(Stewie looking for the batteries)
Stewie: Batteries, batteries, batter-oh yes here they are. Great it's the last one, and its mine. (Too short to get it) Damn it all!
(Spots a blond haired guy with a suit of armor looking at the candy)
Stewie: You, tin can!
(Al looks in Stewie's directions and points)
Tin Can: Brother look, it's a baby.
(Blonde replies still looking at the candy)
Blonde: Oh, is it lost or something?
Stewie: What the hell are you staring at? Get those batteries over there!
Blonde: Seems like he wants something.
Tin Can: But what?
Stewie: But of course I want something! Get those batteries for me!
(Points at the batteries)
Tin Can: Oh I see what he wants. He wants the batteries.
Blonde: Really, what for? (Picks up the batteries and hands it to Stewie.)
Stewie: Thank you tin can. You blonde, GET A JOB!
Blonde: Did he just-
Tin Can: I think he did.
Blonde: Hey you, kid!
(Stewie puts batteries in and points the laser at Blonde and Tin Can)
Stewie: Don't come any closer! Or I'll shoot.
(Two robbers come in)
Robber1: Okay hands up and give me your cash! (Points the gun at the cashier)
Robber2: I'm gonna get the beer. (With the gun ready to shoot)
(Tin Can bumps the guy in the head. Blonde claps his hands and makes a dagger from his right arm and put it to Robber1's neck)
Blonde: You have 3 seconds too get away from the cashier.
Robber1: I'll shoot if you don't get the dagger away from me you runt!
(OH NO HE DID NOT!!! Blonde is pissed)
Blonde: DON'T CALL ME RUNT, SHORT, SQUIRT, SHORTY OR ANY OF THAT CRAP!!! (Beating the crap out of the robber. When Blonde was done, the robber runs away dropping his gun. Meanwhile, Robber2 gets up from his knockout. Stewie kicks him in the shin and punches him on the nose, and shoots him with the laser gun, which causes the robber to die)
Stewie: Ha! Take that your ungrateful fool!
(Tin Can takes a step back)
Tin Can: Uhh, brother…did you see what the baby did?
Blonde: Yes…I did. What kind of baby is that?
Bryan: Well he's a kid with a ton of, well, something.
Blonde: Ah! The dog talks!
Bryan: Yeah what's your point?
Blonde: DOGS DON'T TALK!!!!!!
Bryan: And boys don't make weapons from their arms.
Blonde: Well, um, it's, a hey wait a minute…I'M TALKING TO A DOG!
Bryan: Uh-huh. First off, what's your name?
Blonde: Edward, Edward Elric. Call me Ed. Wait…I'M TELLING IT MY NAME NOW!
Bryan: Okay first off, my name is Bryan. Second, I'm not an "it". Well sort of. I'm a dog. The baby over there is Stewie. What about the guy in the suit of armor?
Edward: Oh that's my little brother, Alphonse. Al, for short.
Stewie: Wait a minute. Your saying that tin can over here is your little brother. So, you're the big brother! HAHAHAHAHA! Oh that is the funniest joke I have ever heard! So, Tin Can-
(Ed is getting pissed for being called short and is gritting his teeth.)
Ed: It's Alphonse…
Stewie: Yeah whatever. You all are so funny. Let's take them home.
Bryan: Why not. I'm sure they won't mind.
(Ed and Al just look at each other and shrugs. When they got to their house, Lois opens the door and screams pointing at Al.)
Lois: OH MY GOD WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!
Bryan: Don't worry Lois we just met them at the store. Stewie liked them so we decided to take them to our place.
Ed: Hi ma'am, sorry if my brother Al scared you. My name is Edward Elric and this is my little brother Alphonse Elric.
Al: Nice to meet you.
Lois: Nice to meet you too. Why are you wearing a suit of armor Alphonse?
Al: Please call me Al. To answer your question well um…brother?
Ed: He likes wearing it.
Lois: Okay, well I'm glad you were able to meet Bryan and Stewie. Do you want to meet the others?
Ed and Al: Sure.
(Lois picks up Stewie and calls the kids. They come down the stairs and their jaws drops. While they stare, Bryan told Lois about what happened at the store.)
Lois: Out of his right arm? Wow! Kids I want you to meet Alphonse and Edward Elric. Edward, Al, I want you to meet my son Chris and my daughter Meg. My husband and his friends just left to go to the bar. Edward, maybe you can join them sometime if it's alright with them.
Ed: Sure, and please, call me Ed.
Lois: Ok. Well I'm going to put Stewie to bed. It's getting kind of late.
Stewie: First change my diaper and give me a bath. NO SQUIKY TOYS!
Lois: Someone is getting kinda cranky. Have fun kids.
(Goes up stairs Chris starts to poke Al being his stupid retarded self and poked him so hard he cried while running to his room. Meg blushes looking at Ed and is embarrassed at Chris for tripping over the stairs crying.)
Ed: It's probably rude of me to say this but…has he always been this stupid?
Meg: Y-yes. Ever since the day he was born. He bugs me a lot. Plus he's an idiot.
Bryan: He's like Peter…but I think he's worst.(pointing at Chris who's still falling down the stairs, but laughing.)
Ed: Oh really. Peter is your father huh? Doesn't your mom get mad about it? Her husband being an idiot and all?
Al: Yeah?
Meg: (drooling) yeah sometimes. (Blushes)
Ed: (Freaks out but out with it anyway) Uh…you're drooling…and red…do you have a fever or something? Plus you're kind of scaring me with that look in your eyes.
Meg: Why thank you. I'm glad you noticed them.
(Ed thinking to himself saying, "What is with this girl? Why is she staring at me?")
Ed: Uhh…is there something on me cause your kind of freaking me out.
(Meg cries and goes to her room. Lois comes down)
Lois: Did something happen?
Ed: I don't know. Well I think it's time for Al and I to go home.
Lois: Hey I got a great idea! Why don't you two sleep at our house tonight! It's pretty late and there are robbers out there so just stay here until morning. In fact go to Megs' school.
Al: Uhh we can take care of ourselves ma'me. We've been through worst.
Lois: Are you sure? (Ed stomach growls)
Ed: Uh on second thought, let's stay.
(Ed and Al both slept in the living room after dinner and a shower. The next day, Lois's husband comes home freaking out. Pointing at Al.)
Peter: Oh what the, what the hell are you. Where'd you come from? Ah! Lois!
Lois: Oh welcome back Peter. This is Edward Elric and Alphonse Elric. They slept over for the night.
Al and Ed: Nice to meet you.
Peter: What did you do to my wife?
Ed: Uh. Nothing sir.
Peter: That's what they all say. That's what they all say. (Squinting)
Ed: Uh yeah. Ready to go Al?
(Al nods)
Ed: It was nice to meet you all.
Lois: Come back alright. Plus Peter, you could take Ed out to the bar tonight.
Peter: Why can't I take Alphonse?
Lois: Because he's alittle young for a drink.
Peter: How old are you Alphonse?
Al: 14
Peter: See? Perfect!
Lois: How old are you Ed?
Ed: 15.
Peter: Wait, wait,wait! hold up a sec. Your 15! Oh that is the funniest thing I have ever heard! I thought that you were what? 5 years old! Since you are so short! That is so funny! Yeah of course you can go to the bar with the guys and me!
(Letting the short thing go…in his head an explosion)
Ed: But what will Al do?!
Lois: Don't worry he'll be right here.
(That night. Everyone forgot that Al and Ed were supposed to leave.)
Peter: We are outta here!
(At the bar, Quagmire, Clevland, and Joe are uncomfortable making it hard for Ed.)
Quagmire: Well this is uhh-
Clevland: Aren't you kinda well-
Joe: Peter why did you bring a kid here? I mean, he's at least 10 years old.
(Ed spits out his drink and starts his anger management thing.)
Ed: DON'T CALL ME SHORT, RUNT, SQUIRT, SHRIMP, OR SHORTY OR ANY OF THAT!!!!
(knocks Joe out)
Peter: I should have told you guys, but he doesn't like to be called any of that short thing.
Quagmire and Cleveland: Ohhhhhh.
(After Ed's tantrum they settle down talking about what they do for a living. Ed couldn't quite say everything.)
Ed: So how long have you been living here?
Peter: Since the day we were born!
Quagmire: You gotta girlfriend?
Ed: No
(Akward moment of silence)
Peter: A, boyfriend?
(Ed spits out his drink.)
Ed: NO!!!
(Everyone is relaxed. Then a retard with his gang came up to the bar asking for a drink and sees Ed)
Retard: Hey you, Blonde.
Ed: Who me?
Retard: Yeah shorty!
Ed: Short…e?
(The gang laughs, Ed's pissed)
Joe: Uh-oh
Cleveland: This is bad.
Quagmire: We gotta do something Peter!
Peter: Don't worry men, I have an idea, just follow my lead. Hey are you going to take that?
(Talking to Ed of course.)
Quagmire: If you don't, someone might think you're a wuss.
Cleveland: I wouldn't if I were you.
Joe: It's not worth it kid.
Retard: Quit stalling runt and get your butt over here.
(Ed is got even more pissed and got up.)
Ed: You're going…DOWN!!!! (Charges towards two of them and swings them around. Kicks one in the head. And knocked the heck out of one. Now the retards' turn.)
Ed: DON'T CALL ME RUNT, SHORTY, SHORT, SHRIMP, OR ANY OF THAT CRAP!!!!!(Beats he crap out of him)
Joe: Uh Edward, if you don't stop…he's gonna die.
(Ed stops and turns at him look back at the retard and back at Joe, and says)
Ed: Yeah so who is this guy anyway?
Joe: A guy who's going to jail.
Quagmire: For what?
Joe: I don't know. I just felt like saying it.
Peter: Oh well that was a great line.
Joe: Really?
Quagmire: Yeah that was something!
Cleveland: Yeah that was great.
Peter: Hey you should be in a movie or something.
Joe: Really? 'Cause when I was little I always wanted to be a secret agent. Like the ones in the movies.
(Ed's walking back home and he's asking me a question.)
Ed: What on earth am I writing this for?
Me: Well they do this a lot in the show so I thought I put that there. Sad isn't it?
Ed: In a way yes.
.(Sad isn't it? Ed says yes and asks what ever happened to the rest of the family?" "They're at home. You might wanna go and check out Al as well." "Thanks." Walks away and when he got there, Al was helping Lois cook.)
Ed: I'm back! Wow what is that smell?
Lois:Well hi there. Al was just helping me cook dinner. He's a wonderful cook.
(To be continued…the rest might not have nothing to do with this so next time: Al the Cook would probably be the title. Thank you for reading and hopefully you enjoyed it. See you next time! Oh and please don't take my ideas or say that this was from you. Thank you!)