Lonliness
by Maggie C.

Disclaimer: Earth 2 and the characters do not belong to me.

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Sometimes I think it would be better if I didn't
care for him

Sometimes the last think I want to do is care
for him

When he's hurt.

Because I care it hurts me, I worry I'm sick to
my stomach I want to scream and cry but I
can't I have to hide it bury it down inside me
where it builds up and eats away at me until all
I can feel all I can think of is the worry the
worry and the fear

That he'll die.

I don't want to care for him then, when I'm
faced with life without him.

It won't be life without him.

But then there are times, when he smiles and
my head swims and my stomach does flips
and my throat goes dry and he's all I can
see.

I don't want to care for him then either.

It scares me, even at the good times. I don't
want my feelings to grow, I don't want to
feel any worse the next bad time.

I can't stop, though. Every day, with
everything he does, with every stupid,
thoughtful, sweet thing he does, I care for him
even more.

I love him even more.

And sometimes, that's all right.

Sometimes, that's all I ever need or want to do.