A/N: Good day, y'all! Thanks for actually taking your time to view this piece o'crap. So recently I've been listening to a song, "Bokura no Let It Be" (originally by Hatsune Miku) covered by numerous Nico singers in a chorus and English version by JoyDreamer. The lyrics and video are so touching, I can't shake off this inspiration in my head to write something based on this beautiful song!
This fic is based on JoyDreamer's cover. I've tried my best to fit everything in, hopefully it worked.
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING- not Vocaloid, Miku, this song or the wonderfully done cover by JoyDreamer. Not even this new character, he's the boy from the PV- I simply gave him a name because it would make everything easier to write, but in fact any name would do for him since it was never revealed. Plus I wrote this purely for fun. Really, I own nothing.
Credits: Harry P, the P for "Bokura no Let It Be"; Hatsune Miku, the original singer; and last but not the least, JoyDreamer for the cover and inspiration of this fic.
Before starting on the story, to those who have not listened to the English cover, I strongly suggest you do. It's not something you should miss!
Warning: crappy self-built storyline, crappy writing style, crappy grammars, crappy everything. It's been so long since I've tried writing from the first-person's perspective so...from the bottom of my heart I really do appreciate the fact anyone is reading this- thank you so much! But to be fair, prepare your eyes and behold my ability to bullshit! ...yeah.
And so please enjoy the story! OCxMiku:
"Hey, Shou! Come and greet our new neighbours!"
Reluctantly, I lifted my head up from the lump of sand I was putting so much effort on building. "Ehhh, I don't want to. I'm still doing this!"
My mother gave me a look of disapproval, which my guts warned me to better comply to her commands- she could be my mother, but she could turn into a demon the moment things do not go her way...especially when it comes to me. With a pout I stood up, dusting the sand off my hands.
"Ah, my! What a handsome looking child!" a foreign voice said in a typical sweet voice elderly woman constantly use. So this person is the new neighbour my mum said?
My eyes travelled to a green head revealing herself from behind the woman I just met. She had her hair tied in two high ponytails and her eyes were of the same colour. I stared at the rare sight in amazement - everyone in my kindergarten were of course, either raven or brunette, not to mention about the eye colour.
Though I had to admit it's amazing, she's regrettably, a girl. With that thought my pout deepened.
"This is my 9 year-old son, Shou," my mother introduced with a big smile. "Shou, this girl's name is Miku-chan! She's with the same age with you!"
"Who knows, both of you might be in the same class. Please guide her from now on, Shou-kun!" the woman added.
Green-headed girl then stared at me before giving me a big grin.
A grin so perfectly matched with her features...so beautiful...which I never thought it would affect me for years.
There was where it all started. Our promise.
Our Let It Be.
A girl. Same age. Same class. Neighbours. Just how troublesome can it get?
"Shou, you can't speak that way in front of Miku-chan! What did I taught you about being considerate?" my mother was nagging for the umpteenth time. Can't she just understand what I have to go through?
"Girls are noisy! They start throwing things and get mad for no apparent reason. I don't want to be friends with weirdo like her! Plus her hair and eyes are green, people would talk about how weird she is!"
"Shou!" my mother shouted louder, danger ringing in her tone this time.
"Okay, okay!"
As I puffed my cheeks and turned my back on her, I could hear her sigh. "Miku-chan was constantly bullied before coming here. Besides, she's also having fatal illness since birth. That's why her family moved here to the countryside with better air to recuperate."
Hearing that, I dropped my shoulders and looked at her. "Illness?"
"Yes, pity Miku-chan. That is why you have to help her, as neighbours as well."
"It's none of my business," I pouted and bolted back to my room for dear life, turning a deaf ear on my mother's deadly shouts.
Even if it's her commands, it's impossible to ask me associate with girls! They're such hard-to-understand creatures who can't tolerate any jokes. Did I mention their screaming are such deadly weapons for ears? Girls throw things too- okay, I mentioned this one. Anyhow, my point was there; I don't want to be called as weirdo from befriending her too.
I won't involve myself in such creature, whether she has illness or not.
I watched in ennui the next day as the whole class started whispering amongst themselves at the sight of a green-haired girl with green-eyes, smiling, blinking around the class with her big, round eyes.
"This is Hatsune Miku-chan, she will be everyone's friends from today onwards! Be nice to her!" our teacher introduced in front of the classroom.
And the moment the teacher went out the girl was left isolated in the corner of the classroom. Everyone was still whispering about her with their friends, eyes glued to the new student.
"Why is her hair green?"
"I heard she has some sort of illness since birth, so she has to come here from a big city for fresher air."
"She comes from a big city?"
"Does everyone from the city has green hair and eyes like that?"
"She's such a weirdo!"
I sighed to myself as I rest my face on my propped arm. See what I meant? People are calling her weirdo already. A smile crept its way to my face with pride- what I told my mum is true! She won't-
My smile faded from surprise. Hatsune was sitting there, her smile was never fading despite the fact she was completely distanced by everyone. Was she smiling to her desk? What's so interesting on the table? Wasn't the table normal like anyone of us has?
With that, a week passed peacefully. I was still watching Hatsune the whole time from my seat. It bothered me- what was she smiling about? Something my 9 year-old mind couldn't comprehend...
Not to mention that every night, I would receive an earful lecture from my mum for leaving Hatsune alone.
Gosh, Hatsune, you're such a bother!
Nothing really changed except that a few students braced themselves to throw her a few questions. I noticed Hatsune never talk much, resulting in their conversations to end very quickly. It was odd since new students were supposed to be fitting in well by now. However this girl was still left alone in her seat even after a week since her arrival.
"Hatsune-san is really weird!" on the other hand, this statement was becoming more and more rampant among my classmates. I could almost hear it everywhere, anywhere, that it got so annoying...
On the contrary, there were also people gradually approaching her in another way from curiosity.
"Hey, can you speak?"
"I heard you have sickness which will kill you, what is that?"
"Is it true you will die?"
"Are you mute?"
Huh, what kind of stupid questions were those? I watched alongside with almost everyone in the class as a few students interrogated her. She uttered a few 'uh' other than words I could barely make out of.
"Why is your hair green?"
Hatsune looked between the students in confusion, but her smile was never leaving, although it was visibly shaking now.
"Yeah, why is it? Let me have a look," one of them placed a hand on her head in a rather rough manner. Her shoulder tensed up a little.
What's wrong with her? Don't girls usually will start shouting at this? Or throwing things and stuffs? She would, won't she? She would, right? What is with that layer of water I see forming in her eyes-
Oh crap. No. No no no. Don't bully her, else I'll get a serious scolding from my mum if anything happens to her and I did nothing. Move already, Hatsune!
GOD, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO BOTHERSOME?
"Teacher! Teacher!" I started yelling to one of the teachers who were passing by our class. The students immediately retreated from Hatsune and scrambled to their seats the moment he entered.
"What's wrong, Mori-kun?" he asked.
"I, uh...I hurt my hand! It's painful! It hurtssss!" I faked a loud groan.
"What, let's go to the infirmary!"
NO. NOT THE HELL WITH MEDICINES AND NEEDLES, NO. "O-Oh! It seems like I'm healed! I'm okay now!" I beamed in uncertainty.
He frowned in confusion. "Are you pulling my leg, Mori-kun?!"
"No, absolutely no! I did hit my hand just now!" I lied, shaking my head and waving my hands in front of me furiously.
The teacher gave a dejected sigh before stepping out of the room.
That was lucky...I exhaled in relief before looking at the rest of the giggling students, among them was Hatsune who instead staring at me wide-eyed. I frowned back at her, in which she returned it with a big grin.
Why is she smiling like that? Did she not understand I almost got myself in trouble because of her? It sounded unreasonable for me to be blaming her since she was the victim, but ultimately, it did boiled down to her, and I couldn't help myself. But then I couldn't bring myself to blame her entirely, either.
Weirdo.
With a very small scoff I turned away from her and watched as our teacher returned to class.
That night, after my bath and helping out for dinner, my mother was unexpectedly in a good mood on the dining table. It was all written on her face even as she ate, her grin aimed at me the whole time.
I raised an eyebrow at her unusual behaviour. "...what, mum?"
"I talked to Hatsune-san today!"
That almost made me choked on my rice.
"I heard you helped out Miku-chan at school. That's a very nice thing to do, Shou!"
A half-hearted chuckle escaped my lips. "Y-yeah right..."
"Is Shou blushing?!"
I stood up instinctively, almost immediately. "HELL NO MUM! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING!"
"That's not something to be embarrassed about, protecting a girl! Miku-chan is a cute child, after all!"
"N-No! You're noisy!" I forced myself to eat as fast as possible and rushed up to my room, ignoring my mum's calls of helping out to clean the table.
Did Hatsune tell her mother I helped her? She thought I was helping her? That's not true though...cause if I didn't, I knew it won't be a smile my mother would be wearing now...luckily that did not happen.
Although, it's been a while too since I'm last praised that way, heh.
God, Hatsune...you're such a bother.
Maybe...
The next day, I waited for Hatsune outside her house. Her mother and her seemed really surprised to see me waiting for them to school. So did I- I did not expect her mother would be escorting her. There go my chances to pose my questions.
Well, how awkward.
"My! Thank you so much, Shou-kun!" the aunt was harping non-stop about how nice I was for the whole morning, how proud she would to have a son like this, how her daughter is quiet and shy and couldn't talk and stuffs and...
I eventually stop paying attention to her talks, looking to my side at the green-head. She was smiling in silence, as usual, this time on her shoes. I arched my eyebrows in response. What weird things she find interest in.
Finally, we reached to school where I could -thank God- be released from aunt's harpings. Hatsune was still as silent as ever as we made our way to class.
"Hey."
She finally looked up from her shoe, to me, her smile was still there.
That smile...
"Say something."
The girl tilted her head confusedly at me.
"You heard me. Try saying something," I repeated, waving my hand beside me.
"...Shou-kun?"
For some reason I felt heat rising on my face. "Not my name!" I barked.
Her attention was shifted back to her shoes, much to my chagrin. "What...should I say then?"
"Anything at all. Just try talking, you know."
She smile vanished in her deep thoughts to come up with something to converse about that we ended up not speaking to each other till we entered our classroom. At least that was the longest conversation we ever had. Scratch that, that was the first conversation we EVER had.
That was weird...did she seriously asked me what she should say? Was that even possible? Usually we kids would talk about shows on television, what we played for outdoor activities, or what kind of card games we bought...
It then hit me. All she always did was smiling at her desk or shoes...or at least that's what I witnessed in that one week: watching someone beaming at objects for days. Was that why she didn't know what to say? That made sense though, even I won't want to talk about something that absurdly boring to someone else.
Weirdo...what can I make her talk something normal? What about things I like...?
I still could come up with nothing even after school ended- the hell I know what girls like! Troublesome creatures...it ended up hurting my head enough to put me in a gloomy mood. Right after school was over, I grabbed my bag and ran out, heading to none other than a nearby mountain behind my school.
I've never told anyone, not even my mum, that I discovered an abandoned shack in the mountain. It was quite some time ago and I've dubbed it my own secret base ever since, the only place where I could clear my mind the most.
Alas, I was too enthusiastic to notice the sky was dark. It started raining when I was running halfway to my 'secret base', the falling droplets drowning the voices of my teachers' scream back in school for me to bring an umbrella. Fortunately, the forest was thick with abundant trees which pretty much sheltered me from the rain...though not completely, but at least.
I went further in, perfectly remembering the route to my destination like the back of my hand now. That was when something caught my ears.
...cries?
I looked around.
In this place with no one other than me...?
A chill ran up my spines. What's with all these spookiness in all of the sudden...I gulped. Nevertheless, I braced myself to retrace my path, the voices of someone crying were growing clearer and louder.
...eventually Hatsune's figure came to sight, crouching on the ground, crying to herself. My jaw dropped.
"What are you doing here?!"
"S-Shou-kun! I-I..." with an umbrella on her hand, she extended her arm to me. "I s-saw you running in h-here...b-but I lost y-you...and..."
To be honest that was probably the longest sentence she had ever said.
Grabbing the umbrella, I scratched the back of my head. What should I do with her here? I'm heading to my secret base...but if I have to guide her back home, I'll have to go home too...I don't feel like going home yet.
But first of all, I have to stop her crying, right?
...how?
Glancing around the forest, my eyes landed on a red-colored flower growing among the bushes. Ah. Girls like this kind of things, don't they? The girls in my class do talk about flowers a lot (not like anyone actually cared) after all. I plucked it and slowly raised it to Hatsune. That seemed to have effectively stopped her tears while she looked at the flower. Alright!
Then she looked at me.
The heat on my face returned. Now I realize how stupid this felt.
After a few moments of staring, I voiced out, "W-well? Are you taking it or not?"
Her small, cold hands lightly brushed against mine. When I felt the flower was slowly received by the girl before me, I peeked from the corner of my eyes to see her smile returning, albeit small, but -at least- she stopped crying.
A sigh escaped my lips.
"...come with me," I ordered. Hatsune looked at me confusedly as I trotted away, causing her to stand up immediately to catch up with me. I led her deeper into the forest until the shack was in sight. At least she could shelter here until the rain stops.
"What is this?"
"It's my secret base! Cool, isn't it?!" I boasted, feeling the short moment of pride before mentally slapping myself. Unlike us boys, girls hate dirty places like this: how could I forget that?
In the time I was busy thinking of something else to say, unexpectedly she answered with a loud "yes!". I gaped at her to see a big grin on her face and she dashed in animatedly.
"Oi, wait!" I entered. The green-head was scanning the worn-down shack in awe. The look she wore was that of an amazed grin, I couldn't help the smile widening across my face as well. "I didn't know girls like these kind of things."
"This is mysterious..."
"I...I guess you can come here too. Just don't tell the others about this place, okay?"
"It's a promise!" Her smile widened more towards me than I thought it could. And the heat on my face was stronger than ever.
Yet, how could such an excited girl running around in the shack could catch a fever so easily the next day? Oh yeah, I forgot she was weak and ill...and she still ran after me in the rain just to pass me an umbrella. An umbrella.
It's my fault.
Mum seemed unhappy with what happened, but did not scold me about it. It was almost unnerving how I was not being lectured this time. Was Hatsune defending me...?
"Let's go visit her."
She gave me an astonished look in the next second. "That's a very good idea!" It was almost creepy, to be honest.
"...what are you suddenly smiling like that?"
"Because Shou took the initiative to suggest to visit her! That's a very good development I'm seeing!"
Geez, mum. Stop taking everything to the extreme, she's just next door. If it was far I wouldn't even bother.
But I couldn't help...maybe, just slightly...feeling happy too.
"Thank you so much for visiting!" Hatsune's mother greeted as she served us tea. "Shou-kun, Miku-chan is in her room, do you want to see her?"
"Huh? Uhh...okay..."
Mum and I was being led upstairs. Aunt knocked on one of the doors before entering, "Miku-chan, your friend is here for a visit!"
"G-good afternoon..." Hatsune weakly croaked as she tried to sit up on her bed. Her face was pale, her eyes looked almost lifeless and her lips were white beyond belief. Her mother had to rush over to her and pushed her down, telling her not to force herself and all. I stared slightly agape at her frail figure.
At that moment, the first thought that stroke me was: is this the very same energetic girl from the other day?
"I guess we'll leave the youngsters alone then," mum agreed with aunt to go out from the room, leaving Hatsune and I alone. Awkwardly, I sat next to her bed on the floor.
"Thank you for coming today..." her voice was a whisper.
I frowned. She's still smiling, but she looked so weak...so different from how she normally looked. And it was all my fault. "...I'm sorry."
"Eh?"
"I said I'm sorry. You're sick because I ran out to the rain like that, and for you to chase after me..."
She shook her head. "It's not your fault at all, Shou-kun..."
"It is."
"It's not, please don't blame yourself..."
I tightened my lips in guilt.
"I have a lot of fun...thanks to you...I ran out on my own accord...it really is not your fault, Shou-kun...don't blame yourself..."
"..."
"Let it be...okay?"
Looking at how cheerful she smiled, the guilt on my heart was lightened a little. In spite of that it did not change the fact I'm the cause of this. How could I ever forget about her illness to leave her running around in the forest with those soaked clothes?
Fist tightening, I forced a smile at the green-head.
She's...not just any 'girl'.
I did not stop visiting Hatsune every day, bringing her notes and telling her stories about the worn-down shack. Her mother thanked me non-stop, stating how my visits were actually helping Hatsune to recover. Not to mention, that seemed to lighten up mum as well.
"It sounds like a headquarter for heroes," Hatsune would constantly giggle when I blab all sorts of experience I had from building my 'base'.
It was surprising to know there were girls who actually know stuffs about justice heroes and sorts, not just Barbie Dolls. To my relief, who seemed to be once really quiet had started to talk and respond more.
And she also seemed to smile all the time.
A few days after, mum told me Hatsune had recovered and will be going to school. I waited for her the next morning, resulting her in another surprise.
Her mother laughed in delight. "Shou-kun, can you walk Miku-chan to school?"
I was caught off guard by the question, but nevertheless gave a nod.
"Miku-chan has finally gained friends...I'm assured that it's Shou-kun as well. If it's a nice boy like you, I won't feel worried," she added unnecessarily, causing me to blush slightly at that statement. As much as I wanted to tell her to shut up, I still have to show my respect to elders. Hatsune was looking at her mother with uncertainty, who was in verge of tears. My embarrassment was forgotten seeing how the woman wiped her tears with such joyful look on her face.
...what kind of lifestyle did this girl went through before this?
"T-then, we're going now, auntie," quickly saying that, I walked off without waiting for any replies.
"Bye mother," she waved before catching up to me. "Umm..."
"Yeah?"
"Can we...go to the secret base after school?"
A grin widened across my face. "Yeah. We'll commence our hero plan as discussed!"
She gave a joyful nod.
"But I sure hope it won't rain soon..." Her smile dropped at my statement. "Whatever. It's okay I guess. If it rains, we can go elsewhere and play."
And that brought her smile back.
I shook my head with a snicker. How predictable can this girl be?
"Hey Mori, you seem to hang out around that Hatsune a lot lately."
"Yeah? Oh, Ikeda and Abe huh," I looked up from my homework to see my classmates.
"She's a weirdo, don't you know that?" they laughed, much to my annoyance. "You're going to be mute like her if you get involved with her too much! But hey, mind entertaining us about how weird she is?"
"...shut up."
"Huh?"
"I said shut up, you ass," I muttered. "Don't speak in that half-assed way about others."
"W-what? Are you defending her now? That's not like you, Mori."
My eyes widened a little as realization dawned on me. I closed my homework and stood up, scaring them a little in the sudden process. "I'm gonna go have a piss." With that said, I went away from the class.
Time flied. Hatsune showed more of her enthusiasm towards heroes-related stuffs and now becoming a part of my imaginary 'justice team' I've never even dreamed of forming.
Without even realizing I have distanced myself from others, instead spending more time with Hatsune. It felt so calm, so peaceful when I was with her compared to speaking with my other rough classmates or listening to them gossiping about mostly unpleasant things- like getting girlfriends, blind dates, gossips, perverted talks or things like that.
But with Hatsune, I don't have to force myself into those kind of conversations. We constantly talk about the most little, worthless things and could still laugh wholeheartedly. Seeing her smile melt makes me forget my problems.
It was as though I could be myself without any worry.
"Here's what I did: our justice weapon to fight against monsters!" she chirped, waving two sticks tied with cloth at the end of it. It was childish and simple, but a hearty laugh escaped me looking at her expression.
"And here's our secret weapon!" I took out a small lamplight and switched it on. The soft red light illuminated the room as Hatsune watched at the simple thing with genuine awe.
"Shou-kun, that's wonderful!" she scooted closer.
"I got it from mum's junk," I snorted, passing the lamplight to her. "she doesn't want it anymore so we can use it as our weapon now!"
"Light of Justice!"
"Here to protect the Earth with its light!"
We laughed. Two young teenagers acting like 5 year-old kids.
"Shou-kun, I want to be a hero when I grow up. A hero with just to display, it would be wonderful!"
"The heroes of Earth, that sounds good," I mused. "How are we going to do that though?"
"I know!" she stood up in exhilaration, "We can start practicing from now on!"
I simply watched as the girl took the sticks she made and pulled me along. "Hey, don't tell me you're thinking of wandering around the forest! I was strictly warned to not put you in any dangerous activities-"
"It will be okay since Shou-kun is with me, right?"
I could only reply with silence against her smile. With a sigh, I went along with her anyway.
Alas, she went deeper into the mountains, deeper than I've ever entered by my own. It was growing creepier with every step we took. "Oi, how far do you plan on going?"
"To the monster's den for exploration!"
"Huh? I didn't know that kind of thing existed..." though, I was still following her closely at a slow pace. We continued for what seemed like eternity until Hatsune finally stopped from exhaustion.
"This is too deep, the roads are getting steep. I think we should turn back now," I suggested.
What was expected to be disappointment, was instead a crystal clear laughter. I gave her a puzzled look. "This really felt like some kind hero's journey, doesn't it?"
I blushed and turned the other way to hide my face. What was happening? It's as if somehow her smiles and laughter were getting to me...
She stood up, brushing the dirt from her skirt. "You're right, Shou-kun. Let's head back-" in all of the sudden, she gasped, causing me to turn around in a neck-breaking speed. I reached out my hand to catch nothing as she fell backwards onto the steep ground...
"MIKU!"
I jumped forward and caught her. Trying to protect her, I pulled her close to my arms as we tumbled downhill and fortunately landed on something fairly soft. As soon as the dizziness from the fall wore off, both of us opened our eyes and found ourselves saved by thick bushes. Luckily the ground wasn't that steep either, so we could still see the place where we fell from.
"Shou-kun, are you okay?!" she tried shaking my shoulders, her face red from franticness.
"Yeah, thanks to these," I grinned, patting onto the bush beneath us. "Are YOU okay? Are you feeling hurt anywhere?"
"Yes..."
"What happened anyway?"
She went speechless. Her eyes started to swim in tears and she buried her head to her knees. "I-I'm sorry...s-spider..."
I looked to where Hatsune was earlier. Hardly visible, but there was indeed a spider hanging on a very thin thread in mid-air. I would definitely be laughing my heads off if not because she was sobbing so much.
I climbed back up, using the stick (our 'heroes' weapons' ) to twirl the thread the spider was hanging on. "Oi," I kneeled beside her, bringing the spider closer with the stick, "oi...it's nothing. See? It's just a harmless spider."
To my distress she let out a gasp and backed away. I quickly threw the stick away before she cry even more.
"I-I'm sorry. Well, see? It's gone!"
That still did not stop her from crying.
Miserably I started scanning around again and saw some red flowers not too far from where we were. Plucking one of them, I extended it towards her.
"I thought we're heroes. We'd protect the Earth all the time, right? Heroes can't be crying over something as trivial as this!" my face started burning for the umpteenth time the moment I finished what I wanted to day.
Hatsune lifted her head, her big eyes still swimming in tears but she had stopped sobbing. Slowly but surely, she reached out, her small hand touching against mine...and took the flower with a nod. "You're right. We'd protect the Earth today, and every now and then!"
I couldn't help the chuckle from escaping my lips. "Come on Hatsune, let's go back."
I felt a weak tug on the back of my shirt. "Umm..."
"Yeah?"
"Can you...just call me by my last name from now on?"
My face burned even more. "L-like I care! What's with that in all of the sudden?"
"You just called me 'Miku' just now...so..." she smiled, waving her hands, "it's okay if you don't want to, sorry for forcing you! That's very selfish of me to-"
"...Miku."
She stopped.
"Let's...go back, Miku," I smiled despite the burning sensation as I extended a hand. Why did I do that, I wonder?
But her widened grin when she took my hand made me realized the answer to my question.
"Yeah, Shou-kun!"
It is scary...
But I just want to cry with you, together...
Us two.
Maybe it's not just the Earth I want to protect.
I want to protect you.
I want to protect you, Miku.
That was what I first thought, but...
"I wonder if the spider is okay..." she mumbled on our way home.
"...why are you wondering about it in all of the sudden?"
"It was going down on such a deep steep, tied to the stick like that...being afraid and distanced by everyone...it's as if it has no choice with its powerlessness but being dragged along on such a sad fate..."
Why is she suddenly being sophisticated? "The steep wasn't that deep though..."
"...hey, do you believe in being born again?" she resumed with a faint smile.
I snapped my head up in surprise. "Being born again?"
"Yup. You're born again as something else."
Why is she bringing it up now? The way she said it, how she asked about it...it's as if...
I shouldn't be too paranoid, I know. But it was taking my voice away.
"Huh..." was all I could reply.
"You see, even if I were to die, I would absolutely, positively be born again, and come to see you again. So let's play together at that time, okay?"
My eyes widened. She referred it to herself this time. "Stop. What are you saying?"
Miku gave a chuckle. "'If', I mean 'if'."
"Even if it's talking, you shouldn't joke on things like that! We ARE together now, aren't we?" I exclaimed louder than I intended to.
It surprised her, but she began laughing again. "Sorry. You're right, Shou-kun!"
It...somehow still disturbed me.
Her words...
They sounded so real, it's scaring me a little.
"I'm sorry, Shou-kun!"
"Again?" I looked at the green-head as she clapped her hands together. "What have you been doing recently? You had yet to tell me any of that though..."
"I'm so sorry! Well then...this time I have to go with my mother to the mart today after school so I can't go home with you..."
"Ah ahh, it's okay. So it's for the upcoming festival?"
"Yes!" Miku smiled, as cheerful as ever.
"What are you getting so hyped up about..."
"But it's summer festival! And candy apples! And-" I swear, there were sparkles around her eyes.
Crap, the heat. "A-alright, I get it. Your mother's already waiting, right? Go ahead safely then."
"See you tomorrow!" She waved goodbye before making towards the school gate where her mother was. I watched as they both went away.
I yawned loudly and stretched my limbs. It had been so long since I've last spend my time after school without Miku, I had been practically slacking around from not knowing what to do for the past few weeks by myself...
Sounds of doors opening attracted my attention. A group of boys walked in, laughing, among them were Ikeda and Abe. The moment our eyes met, the two stopped with the rest of the group.
"Look who's there, a weirdo."
I sighed, pretending to not listening anything as I picked my bag and headed towards the door.
"Yeah, hanging out so much with the weirdo, he must also be a weirdo himself."
The last sentence stopped my tracks. That was when rage started building in me.
"He's been defending her ever since elementary school. Is he still going to continue the heroic act now? It's middle school here!"
"You know she's a mute weirdo, maybe she had done something weird to him!"
"SHUT UP!" I hollered, banging my fist onto the table.
No matter who or what it is, I couldn't and wouldn't tolerate someone speaking ill of Miku.
The group glared at me. "So, he IS still doing it. Grow up, Mori."
"The ones who have to grow up are you people. Shut your traps and reflect on yourselves."
"Grow up as in facing the reality. She would die someday, her illness is chronic, just leave her alone and-"
Before Abe could finish, I interjected him with a harsh shove against the wall, grabbing him by his collar. "Say that again, I'll smash your head."
My glare seemed to have sent chills up his spine. "C-Cut it out, Mori! Hashimoto's father works at the hospital where Hatsune attends to. We know her condition better than you do!"
His words stabbed right at me more than I thought it would. I peered over my shoulders at the said person. He nodded his head while I could only stare wordlessly.
"Don't think your lies would work. Hatsune had never-"
"She did not tell you anything? I've seen the report from my father. Her health is not progressing at all. In fact, it's gradually deteriorating."
"You wanna bet with us? Try asking her by yourself and see what happens."
"Yeah, just stop that hypocritical act, Mori. Seems like Hatsune doesn't care you enough to let you in about her health. You were not like this when we were young, how much you've changed!"
"Hatsune's gonna die anyway!"
"And Hatsune is not telling you about something this important!"
You're wrong.
"We are not wrong about that! You'll be all left out when Hatsune's dead!"
"Stop hanging out with a weirdo like Hatsune, won't you?"
Shut up, shut up!
"Hatsune will die one day!"
"You will be alone with Hatsune gone."
~Hatsune! Hatsune! Hatsune!~
"SHUT YOUR MOUTHS!"
I roughly pushed Abe away and stormed out of the class.
I allowed my legs to carry me, not caring whatever or wherever I'm going to anymore with the countless thoughts in my head. This couldn't be. This couldn't be...her smiles, her laughter, were they really all going to...
Why did she not tell me anything? Why is she keeping all from me with those smiles?
My chest hurt. It felt as if I was being betrayed.
A future without Miku. I couldn't picture it.
"Are you really okay, Miku-chan? Tell mum if there's anything wrong, okay?"
The voice of Miku's mother broke me out from my train of thoughts. I walked out from her house's compound to see the familiar green-head widening her eyes at the sight of me.
"S-Shou-kun?" her hands were quickly hid behind her.
My eyes narrowed at the parcel she was holding before I bowed deeply. "Good evening, auntie. If you'll allow me, can I speak to Miku privately?"
I don't know what kind of face she was making since my eyes were fixed to the ground, but her gasp and squeak was one of a kind to get my eye twitched. "S-speak...what kind of...eh, Miku-chan?"
A short moment of silence before the elder muttered "is it okay?" and "alright" before going into the house.
I stood straight, staring straight at Miku as she returned with uncertainty before smiling. My eyes landed on the parcel behind her, the words "Hashimoto Hospital" were partly visible.
"Shou-kun-"
"Is it true about your health?"
That wiped the smile out completely. Her reaction spoke enough.
I tightened my fist, forcing the next sentences out from my throat. "...why did you not tell me anything about it?"
Awkward silence filled the air. Her lips trembled and a layer of tears were starting to form in her eyes. It hurt me to hurt her this way, but it hurt me even more by knowing she left me out about something that critical.
"Miku, am I not important enough to you to know about that?"
"That's not it, Shou-kun..."
"Then...why did you not tell me?"
"I..." she trailed off. The rustling of the item on her hands signaled her tightening of grip from franticness, but still she said nothing.
" Seems like Hatsune doesn't care you enough to let you in about her health."
"Hatsune's gonna die anyway!"
"And Hatsune is not telling you about something this important!"
My eyes widened at the thought. I don't get any of these- why was Miku not telling me?
With a barely audible gasp I came back to reality to see her eyes widened even wider at me, eventually adverting them. Her voice was cracking when she muttered "S-Shou-kun...I..."
"We are not wrong about that! You'll be all left out when Hatsune's dead!"
"...the doctor said I-"
"Stop hanging out with a weirdo like Hatsune, won't you?"
"-might not have much-"
"Hatsune will die one day!"
"You will be alone with Hatsune gone."
A future without Miku.
My hands shot out to grab her shoulders, cutting her sentence halfway. I stopped completely at my own actions.
I don't want to see her go. I don't want to see Miku go.
"Sho-"
Before she could complete her next word, I turned on my heels and ran back to my house, ignoring the way her voice cracked as she called after my name repeatedly indicated she was crying.
While I was trying to get my mind off everything on homework, my mum shouted from the end of the corridor. "Shou! Miku's on the phone!"
Upon the mention of her name, my shoulders tensed up. "...tell her I'm not at home."
"Eh? But she is-"
"Just tell her I'm not around!" I snapped, then realizing my tone. "...sorry. I don't feel like answering it, mum. Please."
My mother, still shocked from my sudden temper, nodded and went back to the phone. I resumed my homework, albeit my mind was already elsewhere.
Focus, Shou, focus. But the pain in my chest won't go away. My feelings were being broken in two...
With a groan I slammed my book shut, proceeding to lock myself in my room. It was all not true, right? What the boys said: it would all be resolved if I ask it directly from Miku herself, but all I did was running away after all the terrible words I said to force it out of her.
Though, somewhere in me was afraid to know the truth. Was it because I know part of it was true? Her fatal illness since birth, the fact she moved to this countryside because of her health, it all clicked in place...I couldn't bring myself to face her now.
With the mess wrecking my thoughts, I pressed both my hands to my head, curling myself on my bed. Look what's happening to me- pathetic, doubtful, cowardly, stupid. Running from reality. None of these franticness were going away no matter how much I tried ignoring them.
It continued for days. I've gone to and from school without waiting for Miku. I stopped going to the secret base. I've avoided Miku the whole time in school, walking away as soon as she tried to talk to me, not even giving her a chance to finish the first word of her sentence. From time to time I would see her giving me a sorry, worried look from the side of my eyes. I'm scared, I'm worried, I'm paranoid, I'm falling out of character.
It was always 'I'.
"Shou? Are you not going to the festival today?"
Trying to drown myself in television, I replied with silence, not even caring to hide my gloominess these days. Fortunately, my mother understood it and did not try to nag me too much, giving me my space.
My eyes landed at the piece of paper on the table which had been laying there for two days. Apparently, unable to talk to me, Miku asked mum to pass me the note.
[To Shou-kun:
It's already summer festival on Sunday! I hope you will be coming, I'll be waiting for you!
I'm sorry if I ever made you angry. I hope we can talk this out, too.
From Miku.]
'I'm sorry'.
Why is she the one apologizing?
Would she really be waiting for me there?
"You know, Shou...if both of you got into an argument, just talk with each other and resolve it. It's not that hard, you know?"
But the fact is it is THAT hard, mum.
I glanced at the clock. It was already time for the festival, time for us to meet, and yet here I was, at home, burying myself on the couch. Miku would probably already be there, waiting for me...
I did not want to go. I was afraid, if I see her smile again, I would be reminded of that fearful future.
An hour passed. Two. Three hour passed since the summer festival started.
A part of me was scared...yet another part of me was telling me to stop running away.
My fists tightened. Finally grabbing my jacket, I ran out of the house without saying anything, and dashed to the village.
More and more villagers and stalls came to view. The seas of people made it hard for me to go through, let alone trying to make out anyone, but...
It caught my eye. The beautiful green. The smile I grew fond of. The girl was standing under a tree, waiting, waiting for me.
Without thinking, I turned my back on her. She was there. How long had she been waiting? My throat felt dry. Everything went blank in my mind. My limbs started to tremble.
A future without that smile. A future without Miku.
I walk up to her and apologize for my tardiness.
-was what I was supposed to do.
Instead, I bit on my lips and just ran away from the crowd without a pause, like an animal escaping with tails between his legs.
As soon as I reached to an isolated place, my knees gave away. It started drizzling a little, which was rare for summer season, but I heed no mind as I chuckled to myself. Hero? What hero? I'm such a coward...running away like this selfishly, I'm no more a hero who protect the Earth or Miku... "I'm a villain...who made a girl waiting for me alone under the rain for hours...I'm a villain for unable to face the reality..."
I'm sorry.
I'm a villain.
The gentle rain that poured down from the sky concealed the falling tears on my cheeks.
That day, that one time.
The rainbow just embraced the gray sky...
I went home very late that night, slightly wet from the rain, to see Miku's mother at the entrance.
"Shou!"
I arched an eyebrow. "...what happened...?"
"Shou-kun! Were you not with Miku?! Where is she?!" she grabbed me by my shoulders.
"A-aunt Hatsune," I calmed her down, looking away. "I...I don't know where she is...I..."
She started breaking down. It then clicked on me.
"Miku...she hasn't came home?"
They shook their head in dismay, her face wet with tears. "She hasn't been returning ever since she went for the festival, but it's supposed to have ended!"
Impossible, it's already past midnight...the festivals should've ended, she should've gone...
...home...
I ran off, ignoring the calls of my name.
Stupid...stupid me! How can I be so selfish that I could forget? This was Hatsune Miku, THE Miku we're talking about. She's not any normal girl to throw tantrums, to shout or throw things...she's one to hold off at any insults, always positive and smiling...always working hard.
What took me so long to realize that obvious fact I've knew since years?
I finally reached the tree where she was waiting for me. A figure laying on the ground became clear as I approached her and gently picked her up in my arms. "Miku? Hey, Miku..."
Her eyes were closed, she was panting slightly , her cheeks red. She had been waiting the whole time, for hours, in such heat, under such rain, with these feelings...
...for me, the cowardly 'hero' who ran away selfishly with no pause. Because I was so pulled in by fear, I ignored everything.
"Miku."
No response.
"Miku...hey."
Still no response.
"Miku..." Tears sprung to my eyes. I pulled her into my arms. "...YOU IDIOT! YOU IDIOT!"
A frail girl whose spirit is stronger than my cowardly one.
"S-Shou..." a hand pressed gently on my back, "you came...after all..."
"Miku," I gasped and carried her, breaking into a dash towards the Hashimoto hospital, "Hang on there. Promise me you'll hang on there."
"I'm sorry..."
"Stop...stop! It's not your fault!
"...are you...crying? Please don't..."
"Shut up!" I barked, tears rolling down my eyes. She really did. "N-no, Miku, I pull back my words. Please keep speaking, I beg you, please."
Her voice disappeared. It was all silence after that, no matter how much I called her. My hands were trembling so much, but I couldn't let go with Miku in my arms. I can't let go. I can't...
I dashed into the hospital. "SOMEONE! PLEASE, PLEASE SAVE HER...PLEASE!"
A nurse came to my aid; all her questions were drowned in my powerless pleas. Thank God she recognized Miku and quickly called in for emergency.
Had she been here so frequently that the staffs recognized her at one glance? How much had she been suffering? Knowing her, she wouldn't want to worry me about anything...and I was selfishly mad at her for days just for this?
"Shou! We've received the call from hospital!" my mother and Miku's rushed in after God knows how long. Despite hearing that, I gave no response from where I sat. My body felt too heavy to move, the ground seemed to be distorting, their voices were as if being filtered.
"How is Miku-chan doing? Where is she?"
"Shou! Why are you not answering anything?! Shou..." my mother's voice slowly faded out as my sight blurred, feeling the hard, cold ground against my face before the world was painted whole with darkness.
What have I been doing?
A hero who can't protect anything.
I'm sorry, Miku...
"I'm sorry, her condition is deteriorating...it's up to her own strength now."
Aunt Hatsune broke down to tears at the doctor's words. Mum patted her on her shoulders in an attempt to console her.
I gulped, mustering my courage to speak. "...what illness has Miku been facing after all these years...?"
She looked at me in surprise. Of course, it's been years since we've known each other and yet I didn't know about something like that..."Miku-chan...did not tell you?"
I shook my head in reply.
"I see...she must've been really concerned about you to not make you worry..." she sighed, "Weak heart...Miku-chan was born with a heart weaker than any normal person's, that's why she couldn't handle too much pressure on her body. It was okay when she was young, but as Miku-chan grew up...her condition just worsens," she started breaking into tears again. "We have been waiting for years for a donator with a suitable heart for Miku-chan, but it's to no avail..."
My limbs twitched just as my eyes widened wordlessly.
How did I not notice any of these?
A nurse came out from the room. "The patient had woke up, you can see her now-"
Mum and Miku's mother rushed in while I just stood there, unmoving. I couldn't bring my legs to move forward. It was my fault...my entire fault.
Instead, taking a few steps back, I turned and went away with my mind completely blank with nothing but guilt and Miku's smile. It's eating me slowly, and I'm still running away. What have I done?
Nothing but doubting, leaving, running away...
Haha. What a coward.
And I can do nothing about it.
"Shou, are you not eating? It's been days since you have a proper meal..."
I shook my head in dead silence.
"Maybe you should visit Miku-chan for once...she's been asking about you every day."
I clenched my teeth in reply. It had been a few days since Miku was hospitalized. Not even once I've entered the room to see her, although I've been to the hospital a few times.
In all of the sudden the sound of doorbell rang in the unpleasant atmosphere.
"Coming!" my mum got up to open the door while I just sat there lifelessly...to Miku's mother. She looked so much paler and thinner now. I flinched slightly at the sight, she must be resenting me for not seeing Miku at all despite how close we were. Yet there was no slightest hint of hostility in her lethargic expression as I walked to her.
"Good evening...ah, Shou-kun. I've been asked to pass this to you..." she handed me a letter. "Please read it, for that girl's sake."
Her words accompanied by her expression looked desperate, it disturbed me. I nodded in reply.
"How is Miku-chan's condition?" my mum asked.
Saying nothing, she only shook her head before excusing herself.
I went upstairs to my room with the envelope in my hands. It must be from none other than Miku...what was she trying to tell me?
I have to open it, although a part of me was afraid. Nevertheless, I forced my slightly trembling hands and opened the letter. The words were slightly untidy, but no doubt it was Miku's handwritting.
[To Shou-kun,
Where should I start this? There are so much these days that I have yet to tell you...
First of all, thank you so much. Thank you for carrying me to the hospital, it must've been troublesome. Are your hands alright? (laugh) I think it's already recovered since Shou-kun's a strong hero after all! Sorry for asking this so late, but I couldn't meet Shou-kun these few days. It just occurred to me that I should've wrote a letter. Stupid me, I hope you won't mind. (laugh)
Thank you for coming to the festival! Shou-kun must have been busy for the past week, right? You still came to meet me after all I've done. I'm sorry for being a nuisance. Miku is not any notable hero at the end, yeah? But I still try my best...
Thank you for making me a hero. Hehe, all these memories we've made in our secret base have made me felt like a real hero. Truth to be told, I have been living in such weak body since young, so being a hero was something like a daydream to me, until I met Shou-kun, discovering the secret base, going everywhere when it starts raining...all those adventures, I will keep them with me forever.
Thank you for helping me so much. Shou-kun has always been lending a hand to this weak girl when everyone else distances themselves from me. Remember the first time you've helped me in class shouting for a teacher who was passing by? You are also the one who helped me see the day in a different way. Talking much was no more scary, smiling wasn't something to be forced in order to forget depression or keep myself from being bullied anymore. Every day, especially after school, became such a thing to look forward to.
Thank you for being my friend. Meeting Shou-kun is something I really appreciate in my life. Despite my weird appearances, my quiet attitude causing everyone to call me 'mute' and 'weird', I've always dreamed about having a friend. It once seemed so unreal because of the threads that bounded me to such pitiful fate. That is why, this one thread that allowed us to meet, I will treasure it with all I have.
You made it possible for me.
I'm truly sorry for all I've done.
If only I have been braver.
Thank you for reading this until here! I'm sorry if it is too long, but there are just too many things I want to tell you, else it might take very long before I could express my gratitude.
Hey, Shou-kun, do you remember my question from long ago of what would you want to be if you believe in being born again?
(laugh) That is such a weird question, right? But I do. I do believe it.
I wish times like that were meant to last, not to just hide in memory...so this time, I would be the one to make my own wish possible. We will definitely meet again, and let's play together again.
So please, stay strong and smile like you always do. I will make sure to come back and meet you, I promise. So when that time comes, greet me with the bright smile as always, okay?
Thank you for coming into my life.
And
I'm sorry.]
The words were in slight mess, obviously written with trembling, weak hands. Tears rolled down my cheeks. How much effort was put into this letter? Was this how she always had been viewing me, a 'hero'?
You're wrong, Miku. I'm always the villain. I'm always running away. You're the one who ended up having to apologize to me instead.
But...this time, I'll prove you right.
I dashed from my house, heading towards the hospital as fast as I could. The tears were blurring my sight, but I can't afford to stop. Not anymore. I'm tired of running away, of letting her down.
I'm tired of missing you, Miku.
As soon as I arrived to my destination, the hectic nurses were everywhere, shouting commands and requests at each other. I ignored them, trying to push my way to my destination, when I noticed the nurses were heading the same direction as me.
To where Miku was waiting for me.
...why? What happened? Why was everyone who were entering and coming out from the room had such panicked expressions on their faces? I tried to run in but was held back by a few nurses.
"Mister, the patient is currently in a serious condition! You can't enter now!"
I could feel my legs weaken. "What? What do you mean by that?! Stand aside, she's waiting for me! Don't get in my way!" The harder I tried to break my way in, the more nurses came and pushed me back until I was out of the room. The door was then locked in my face.
"God damn it! Open it up, let me meet her! LET ME SEE MIKU, I BEG YOU!" I pounded on the door, kicking, slamming, shouting, doing whatever necessary to open it repeatedly with all my might, but it's not budging. Why now? Why when I finally have the courage to meet her...
Why? Why? Why?
Why?
Ahh, so I see...this is it, the villain's fate...
Being a coward, breaking promises, forgetting my goals...
Being tied to a stick, pulled down without any power...
My knees gave away as I cried against the door.
How long has it been?
The door still locked, the emergency light on top of it was still lit.
Miku's mother had been wailing ever since she arrived with my mum beside, trying to assure her everything would b alright. Or so I think that's what they said...I couldn't really hear anything.
It seemed like eternity when the door finally opened. I stood up immediately, almost smiled, but the faces the doctors and nurses were wearing...
A lump formed in my throat.
I couldn't hear well. Everything was as if being blocked out from my ears. It was so silent as I watched the despondent frown on the staffs while talking to Miku's mother before she dashed in, crying even more. I stood there still, the faint words from the doctor ringing in my head.
"I'm sorry, there is nothing more we can do for Hatsune-san. This is your final chance to talk to her."
...
"Please talk to Miku-chan, Shou-kun...she would be pleased to see you...for one last time."
I dragged my feet into the partly dark room, the sound of machine beeping drew closer and clearer. What was waiting for me in there...was a beautiful smile.
"Shou...kun..." she croaked.
Miku. It felt like decades since I've last seen her. Her figure which had grew thinner was weakly laying on the bed surrounded by hospital equipments, but her unchanging smile never felt nostalgic for me. Like it had always been there, always with me. Seeing her smile was the last thing needed to bring my tears which I've been trying hard to suppress for hours.
I shook my head. I can't cry, not in front of her. I have to smile...
Smile.
I parted my lips. "H-hey, Miku," I muttered, all the while trying to smile, but the tears were not stopping at all.
"Shou-kun...I'm...sorry... "
"You idiot, stop apologizing," I forced a chuckle, taking her hand and enveloped it with both my hands. It felt so cold. "You're wrong, Miku...I'm not any hero...the villain was always me...I'm sorry..." I shut my eyes tight, "I'm sorry, I'M sorry..."
"Let it be, Shou-kun...smile brightly like...you always do...we're the heroes with...just to display... we'd protect the Earth today...every now...and then..."
Her voice was shaking, eyes filling with tears, yet Miku's smile was unwavering. I brought her hand close to my forehead and stuck out my pinky finger. "You'll come and meet me and we'll play again. I will always be waiting for you, so promise me you'd make sure to fulfill this."
She giggled and weakly entwined her pinky finger with mine. "I will...I promise to...wind the thread again..."
I smiled until she started gasping. "M-Miku?"
Her voice was growing weaker with each second, "I will be born...again...your smile...to meet you..."
"Miku," I rasped in despair, more tears rolling down my cheeks. I could feel her hand growing colder than it already had, her life slipping out of my grip. "No, stop..." I pleaded helplessly.
"Thank you for coming into my life, Shou-kun." Her grin widened, a few drop of tears escaping her eyes. I returned the grin as her hand dropped from my grip, her eyes slowly closing and voice fading.
"Miku."
My calls rang in the silent air with the flat deafening beep of the machine. I took her hand to see it falling onto the bed with a dull 'thud'.
Come back. Please, no...
"Mikuu..."
I tried nudging her hand. I looked at her face desperately to see any twitches, any response from her at all. Nothing but her eyes closed with the usual smile she always wore as she found what is peacefully, innocent and free. What took her deep...
Eternal sleep.
I threw my head upwards. My smile was unable to be maintained anymore just when a desolate yell with tears escaped me in attempt to release all these overflowing feelings eating me alive from inside.
Unlike me, until the very end, Miku is still smiling.
"Miku...don't go...Miku...!"
A frail girl whose spirit is stronger than my cowardly one.
"Miku...Miku..."
"I have to thank you too, Shou-kun...for taking care of Miku-chan for years..."
"It's my fault...I'm the cause of these. If it was not because of me, Miku would still be alive now. The selfish me..."
"That's not true. As Miku-chan's mother, I have never seen her so happy before she met you..." her voice was starting to tremble. I could see the layer of tears forming in her eyes.
I hung my head low, feeling the guilt stinging me again.
"Please live on a good life. I'm sure that is what Miku-chan wishes to," she gave me a deep bow before walking away.
The gentle breeze swept in the air, the shining light turned the sky into blue. The sky which we used to share, we always played under...
My chest felt so empty now, a huge part of it was missing. My feelings broke in two, with her gone, with only just her memory to live on, I will keep on waiting for her.
And one day, they will erase you...
Hey, Miku. Listen.
Since the thread is still bound onto me, you will see, it won't fall apart so easily.
We will meet sometime again, this is what promises are about.
No doubt.