DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Big Bang Theory, thus all rights belong to them, with the highest regard and admiration for all those who brought this wonderful, humorous show and characters to life. May my story add to your laughter. . . .
THE BIG BANG THEORY
"It Runs in the Family"
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"Ohhh, Lord," Mary Cooper muttered. "Give me strength to do this!" Her nervousness ramping her energy to a higher level, Mary zipped from the kitchen of her Texas home into the dining room, coming to a dead stop before the large oak table, where she practically flung the place mats into position.
Doing a 1-80, Mary dashed back into the kitchen, flying out an instant later with napkins and silverware in hand. "AHHH!" Mary shrieked, her arms flying, the items hurling everywhere.
What was empty space in front of the door mere seconds ago now contained the tall figure of her youngest son.
"Morning, Mother," Sheldon greeted, his astute eyes crinkling with rare pleasantness. "Something wrong?"
"Outside of your scaring me out of a year's growth and—" Mary stopped there. Gazing at Sheldon's sweet, innocent face reminded her of her Bible lessons and what happened to those who lied. Mary gulped so hard she was sure Sheldon heard it. "Why, no-o-o."
Sheldon's gaze cut to the food-less table, his expression collapsing into blatant annoyance. "Where's breakfast? You said breakfast was ready!"
"I know, baby-cakes," Mary said quickly, snatching up the scattered utensils. "And it will be. Just as soon as we have a little chat. Here. Sit down." She drew Sheldon to the table, gently pushing him into a chair, swinging herself into the seat nearest him.
"Now, Shelly darling, I know how you like to eat your breakfast as soon as you arise to. . . ," she crinkled her nose as if smelling a freshly flattened skunk, ". . . to keep your body in rhythm."
"Of course. It's one of the most important functions we humans have! It's movement—"
"—Shelly, we all know how it works so let's just skip the science lesson today, okay?"
The concern on Sheldon's face deepened. "Mother, what is it? You're as jittery as a steer at a Texas cook-off."
"To be perfectly honest, I am, Shelly honey. What with cousin Milton dying so sudden last week, him being so young and all."
"Mother, he was 85!"
"To us approaching—" Mary coughed into her hand, "—that is young. Well, it got me to thinking and, Shelly, Mama needs to come clean about your family history—your father's branch to be frank—because I don't want to die having this on my conscience."
"Mother?" Sheldon looked baffled and a little frightened.
"Okay, it's like this . . . ." Mary took a deep breath, wishing Aunt Greta hadn't finished off the dandelion wine last Christmas. Had there been any left, she'd be partaking a sip of it right now—with God's forgiveness, of course. "Ya see, the genius gene, well, it does runs in your family."
Sheldon blinked. "I don't understand. I know all the respective branches of our tree and its numerous—if sometimes questionable—issue, and there are no other persons like me among them. I am, truth in fact, uniquely singular within this genus." He broke into a snug grin, proud of his pun. "However," at that, his amusement dropped, "you specifically said 'your family', not the expected and correct term of 'our family'. Am I adopted?" Sheldon's face lit up. "If so, that would explain everything!"
Mary's eyes narrowed at his delight. "You are not adopted. You and your sister came out of my womb together and don't you ever forget that, young man!"
"Nuts, another dream busted," he frowned. "For a minute there, I had a glimmer of hope. But since that notion is now dashed, I ask you to continue."
"Well, Shelly honey . . . ." Mary shifted uneasily in her chair, "your great-grandfather, Richard Fortner, isn't your great-grandfather."
"There's only one way for my great-grandfather to not be my great-grandfather and that's . . . if he isn't my great-grandfather." Sheldon's eyes went steely. "Go on."
"Right, okay. As you know, your great-grandmother Matilda had trained as a nurse. Well, during the war, World War Two that is, the women were shipped to where they were needed and not where they wanted to go, so G.G. Matty got assigned to a hospital on the East Coast, somewhere in Connecticut state. Near a naval base, she told us."
Sheldon blinked. "Go on."
"Now, you have to remember, G.G. Matty was young and pretty and somewhat naïve, so what happened was not all her fault. Had she given her father the man's full name, Papa would have done right by her with a shotgun, but she refused."
"You're telling me she had coitus with—".
"—Young man, do not use such language in this house!"
"Sorry, mother. So who was he?"
It was Mary's turn to frown. "We don't rightly know. All Matty would say is that he was very smart and somewhat important. 'Course she said the same thing about the gasoline delivery man, too. She called him 'Harriman'—"
Sheldon shot upright, eyes wide. "—W. Averell Harriman?" he gasped.
"Nope, not him, uh-uh," Mary shot back. "That Harriman was an ambassador; her Harriman was a navy man. Trouble was Matty never would say if Harriman was his surname or Christian name, and she never talked about him again after she came home and announced her . . . surprise."
"Why not?"
"Oh, honey, it was a different time back then. To be unwed and with child? That was a scandal of biblical proportions. People didn't talk about such things, let alone confess to having done them. Even married folks didn't discuss . . . sex." Mary slid a hand over her mouth. "And therein lied the problem," she uttered into it. "Anyway, it just wasn't done. Not like the girls of today who put a notch in their bedposts just to keep track of their paramours."
"Did she say anything else about the sire?"
"Well, she did say he was a genius, like you, but he was also—what was that word your friend Penny used? A whack-a-doodle? That he was on the edge of reality, which was why she didn't want to tell him about the baby."
Sheldon blinked. "Was he a physicist, too?"
"I don't know. The only reason I do know is because Matty let a little bit slip out after too much wine at a wedding once. Now you see, that's why alcohol is the devil's drink and I—"
"—Mother!"
"Oh, right, right. She told me in drunken confidence that he invented things."
Sheldon perked up. "What kind of things?"
"All sorts. Instruments of some kind. Navy stuff mostly, technical stuff. She didn't understand much of it. She said he told her was going to build the biggest submarine in the world. Well, if it was anything like that Spruce Goose airplane, we all know how that turned out."
"A boat?" Sheldon deflated, his shoulders drooping. "That was his big invention?"
"The man was well thought of and highly respected. She knew that for a fact."
"What'd he look like?"
"Nice try, but she wasn't that drunk."
Sheldon lowered his head. "So grandmother Claire was illegitimate."
"Whoa, now, you just stop right there! Memaw Claire's bloodline might have been askew, but no one can ever say she wasn't wanted or cherished. Richard Fortner loved your G.G. Matilda from the minute he set eyes on her in the first grade. And when Matty came home from the service with her extra package, Richard had her wed before she had her suitcases unpacked. Most important, they were happy and they loved your memaw. And seeing the way things turned out afterwards, with Richard firing blanks and all, they came to consider the incident as a God-given blessing."
"So she never told you anything more about the man's identity?"
"Wasn't a need too. They loved each other and that was all that mattered."
Sheldon blinked. "Rats." His disappointment suddenly vanished, his eyes filling with gleam. "The Nelson Institute in Santa Barbara, California builds some of the biggest submarines to date—strictly research subs, of course—so I wonder if they can tell me anything. They did build the S.S.R.N Seaview after all. I'd love to see her. They must know who'd be capable of-"
Mary slammed her palm down on the table so fast and hard it made Sheldon jump. "No! She leaned forward boring her eyes into his, emphasizing her intent. "It stops right here, right now! You understand me? They were happy, leave it at that."
Sheldon matched her stoic gaze for a long time, as Mary knew he would. His stubbornness was infamous. But she couldn't let him win. And when she saw his eye twitch, Mary knew she had him! Seconds later, he broke into his signature smile.
"Can we have breakfast now?"
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For those who have never seen Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea, the show was created in the 1960s by Irwin Allen, who also gave the world Lost in Space, Time Tunnel, and Land of the Giants. The episodes centered around the S.S.R.N. Seaview (the largest, fastest submarine in the world), her genius inventor, Admiral Harriman Nelson, and her numerous crew, particularly Captain Lee Crane and Lt. Commander Chip Morton.