Pairing: Shizuo/Izaya

Prompt: Shizuo and Izaya somehow meet the parallel universe versions of themselves, who are a nice, mild-mannered, cheerfully upbeat cohabiting yuppie couple with a dog and a white picket fence. Something kinky happens.

Izaya was strolling down the street, humming a tune and thinking about what to do later in the evening. Perhaps tease a few schoolgirls into jumping from a building or maybe gather some intel online. He turned a corner and suddenly Ikebukuro was gone. Instead of the garish neon lights and all the hollering from street vendors, he was walking along two-storied houses fronted by well-trimmed green lawns and separated by white picket fences. He blinked and turned around but there was no Tokyo to be seen as far as the eye could see. Instead there was this uncanny scenario straight from an American sitcom. If it was a hallucination, it was a very realistic one, Izaya could smell wet grass, catch the faint scent of baked pies cooling by the window and hear kids shouting in some other block.
A bright sunny day was around him to add more to the feeling of otherworldliness. Any other person would probably have broken down at this point. Orihara Izaya shrugged and after a while carried on humming the exact same tune. A tiny puppy came bounding his way, shrilly barking with what Izaya felt was a death wish. His switchblade was in his hand and ready to silence the furry pest when all of a sudden Shizuo was standing in front of him which completely froze him to the ground.
"Izaya-chan! You should've told me you were taking a stroll, I would've joined you!"
Shizuo picked up the doggy and approached Izaya who did not register any of his words or take in the amicable tone in which they were spoke.
"Shizu-chan, I was just passing by. Gotta go now."
Izaya was ready to make a run for it but horrible furry creature lurched from Shizuo's arms and ran in front of him, causing him to trip and fall flat on his face.
"Izaya-chan! Are you okay? Let us get you home and-"
"Don't hit me!"
Izaya shielded himself and cried out of instinct. Shizuo was far too close, already kneeling by his side and that meant that Izaya was within punching range, in other words: as good as dead. A look of horror crossed Shizuo's face. Izaya noticed that his glasses were tinted pink. Maybe Shizuo had already killed him and this was hell.
"Izaya-chan, I'd never do such a thing! Maybe it's some kind of sunstroke or something. Let's get you inside, I'm calling the doctor."
Izaya crawled away then got up with a jolt. He tried to flee again but Shizuo grabbed his hand and stared at it with wide eyes.
"You're bleeding! This is not good, must get you some first aid. You can never be too careful with wounds."
Izaya was greatly confused. Magically disappearing metropolises he could handle, television set streets popping out of nowhere he could cope with, but Shizuo making a fuss over a cut that was so tiny, he did not even feel, was too much. Now that he paid close attention, Shizuo looked quite different. He was wearing some sort of jumpsuit and his hair was cropped shorter than usual. Then there were the strange glasses.
"Shizu-chan? It's you, right? Heiwajima Shizuo?"
Shizuo laughed.
"You're always so funny, Izzy."
"Izzy?"
Izaya found himself ushered into a one of the very neat houses that turned out to be even more tidy and pretty on the inside. Shizuo produced an elaborate first aid kit and a disinfectant. He looked exceedingly worried as he looked into Izaya's eyes.
"Now Izzy, this will hurt a bit. Just bear with it for a while, okay?"
"Who the hell are you calling 'Izzy'? And just give me that."
Izaya disinfected and bandaged the insignificant cut without even batting an eyelash. Something way too creepy was going on here and he wanted nothing to do with it. He was about to leave when he heard his own voice chirping merrily.
"Shizzy! I'm home! Guess what, today I drove past this new Italian restaurant. We should check it out, make it a romantic night out. What do you think?"
Izaya paled. His own self was standing on the threshold, a longer version of his trademark jacket on, and carrying the small dog under his arm. Izaya's jaw dropped. He stared in complete confusion. For once in his life Orihara Izaya's mind was utterly blank.