- "Okay, are you ready?"
- "Anytime."
- "Right. So you are in a shady and smoky old inn-"
- "No."
- "Huh?"
- "I'm not starting in an inn again."
- "Huh. Uh. Well, then you are on a town square. Okay?"
- "Will do, I suppose..."
- "Yeah well. The noise of the market is ear-deafening, everybody seems to be screaming at once, and the odor of fish bites in your sensitive nose. To the east you can see the sun slowly rising, it is a nice morning and you-"
- "Cut to the chase. Where is the quest?"
- "... And you notice a herald standing on a little wooden chair reading out a piece of paper: Hear hear. Know that our noble and generous major has recognized the rats as a serious threat to our beautiful city and so he put out a reward of one hundred gold for whoever rids us of them!"
- "Rats."
- "You're level one. What do you want? Dragons?"
- "Whatever. Let's just get on with it. I go to that major to tell him I'll do it."
- "The major is a fat man but apparently he has lost quite a few of pounds lately. You can see traces of desperation and sleepless nights in his face and his voice if full of gratitude as he-"
- "Does he look like he can pay?"
- "His garments are of expensive clothes and his fingers hold many shiny rings."
- "That's a yes. Okay, I go back to the town square. Then I start playing enchanting melody.
- "You want to charm the rats? Do you know how many there are?"
- "So? They're normal rats! Their saving throws suck. Besides, they're pack animals. If I can get just half of them, the other half will probably follow."
- "Let me see your skill. Hm. You will still have to roll a twenty for a successful attempt."
- "Don't forget I'm a bard/ranger multiclass. Don't I get a bonus on charm animals as a ranger?"
- "Bard/ranger? Is that even legal?"
- "Of course it is."
- "You still need at least a sixteen."
- "No biggie."
*roll*
- "Wow. Good. The rats are gathering around you, looking up with their ugly black eyes. Now what?"
- "I lead them into the water. It's a city. It's gotta have a river, right?"
- "You will need to pass further tests on your enchanting melody for every round you hold it up, you know that, right? The river is twelve rounds away."
- "Here you go. Seventeen... Nineteen... Sixteen... Ooh lucky, a twenty."
- "Okay, the twenty will hold them for four rounds. You are still fighting the odds..."
- "Quiet you, my dice are hottttt! Sixteen... Nineteen..."
- "Can I take a look at that die, please?"
- "Ouch."
- "Four. Well, never mind. The rats are dispersing."
- "Wait! I still have my other flute!"
- "Your other flute?"
- "Sure. I'm dualwielding."
- "You are dualwielding... flutes?"
- "I'm part ranger, of course I'm dualwielding."
- "This is ridiculous. There is no way this is allowed."
- "'Musical Rangers', extra rule book. Chapter 7, 'Handling One Handed Instruments'. Didn't you read it?"
- "There is a rule book like that?"
- "Sure there is. If we were at my place, I could show you right now. I'll bring it next Saturday."
- "I'm still saying you're making this all up."
- "Hah! What do you know? Another critical success. Those rats are dead. What are you rolling there?"
- "You notice a little girl that seems to be entranced by your song as well, following you blindly towards the river."
- "Heh. That's gotta be awkward for her."
- "Am I to understand you are going to lead this girl into the water too? You won't be able to save her among all the frantic drowning rats."
- "You can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs."
- "But you might be able to do it without killing an innocent child."
- "She's an NPC. You've gotta have enough of those."
- "Fine, whatever. Everyone, girl and rats, enter the water after you. As they realize the danger they're in, your hold over them breaks. The water seems boiling with all the little arms and legs shaking wildly in a desperate struggle for survival. Satisfied with yourself and grinning, you leave the stream and walk up the slope. You notice an old fisherman who seems to have watched the entire incident. Before you can approach him, he dashes into the city."
- "How many XP do I get for rats plus girl?"
- "Can that not wait for later? It'll destroy the immersion."
- "Meh. In that case, time to get my reward. I walk into the city too."
- "A crowd comes your way. They are carrying torches and pitchforks."
- "They probably don't know yet what I did."
- "Why do you think that?"
- "Otherwise they wouldn't still be trying to earn the gold, right? I shout: Too late. The deed is done. The reward is mine!"
- "You spot the major in the mob. He shouts back to you: Monster! There will be no money for murderers!"
- "What? Murderer? Uh. Are you per chance referring to that stupid brat?"
- "You did kill her, didn't you?"
- "But that's crazy! What kind of ratio is that? Thousands of rats versus one hussy. The rats probably killed ten of her kind every day."
- "It would appear that cold maths are not warmly welcomed where little girls are involved.
"What do you do?"
- "Roll for initiative... Ffffu!"
- "Heh. And just a few minutes ago I thought your dice were rigged. But don't worry, there is only one towner and uh... two dogs in reach for an attack this round. What's your armor class?"
- "Two."
- "Well, the towner misses. Dog one... hits you... for four damage."
- "Ouch. Second dog?"
- "Three damage. How many health points do you have left?"
- "One. I run away."
- "An arrow is shot at you..." *roll* "... and misses. Barely. As you reach the forest you are finally able to shake off the pursuers."
- "I drink my healing potion. Then I make camp."
- "You're going to stay here?"
- "I'm not stupid. It's a religious holiday next week for these people right?"
- "Let me check the source book. Uh. Yes, you're right. You've got a good memory. What about it?"
- "Everybody's going to go to the temple, right?"
- "I guess. So?"
- "But they will probably leave behind their children."
- "I don't think I like where this is going..."
- "Huh. The bottle is empty. I'm just going to get new coke from the kitchen. Do you want something, too?"
- "There should be a bag of potato chips in the cupboard right of the fridge."
- "Gotcha. Use the time to calculate my XP, will you?"
- "Okay. Let's see. 16 000 rats... If I give you even one XP for each of them, it's still far too much. You shouldn't have been able to kill that many that quickly. I'm giving you 4 500 XP, that's enough for both of your classes to go up a level, right?"
- "You're cutting my XP!"
- "You can't go up more than one level per adventure anyway. Don't complain."
- "Okay, let's say it's a week later now."
- "No go. The city will send out patrols out much earlier to catch the child murderer."
- "Maybe, but they have no chance of finding me. Check my hide-in-shadows skill. Count to that the bonuses of a polyphonic silent bard play."
- "Polyphonic silent... bard play."
- "Sure. I have Vocalize memorized. Silent casting."
- "Bard song doesn't work without the acoustic component."
- "It does with Vocalize."
- "Whatever. But this will be the last time that I allow something like this, you hear me? So, what are you planning? There is a guard before the city gates. Are you going to attack him?"
- "I will not risk getting hurt in combat against an armed man when I have no health potions left. Bards and battle don't mix."
- "So?"
- "I disguise myself, of course. I have some makeup, too."
- "If you think that will suffice..."
- "My plan is flawless. I'm out of sight of the city, right? First I wait for a horse carriage. It's a festival, so there's bound to be lots of people coming in from surrounding villages."
- "You spot one."
- "I ask if the driver can take me along."
- "Wow. Actual thinking. This might really work, you know..."
- "And then, when I'm sitting next to the guy I stab him in the chest."
- "Uh."
- "Now I stop the cart and turn it around. After ordering the horse to stand still I-"
- "Did you- Why did you kill him?"
- "D'uh. Because I need to get into the city of course. So I throw the corpse onto the street. Then I add some additional wounds that will make it look as if there had been some actual combat going on. After that, I scream really loud and wait for the guard to approach. As he comes closer, I give the horse a good kick so it runs off with the carriage and start playing my flutes to improve my Suggestion rolls."
- "The guard is a young and strong lad, it doesn't take long for him to reach you."
- "I sing about the cruel world and how shocked I am having had to watch this poor sod getting killed at the prime of his life and that you'd have to be a real monster to perform such a deed. Then I tell the guard that this monster is trying to get away on the cart." *roll* "Twenty. Must be my lucky day."
- "I... ah... I really shouldn't have expected anything else from you, should I? The man runs off behind the carriage."
- "And the city belongs to me. Hah!"
- "You have now killed two innocent people in just ten minutes of playtime."
- "You angry?"
- "Just keeping record."
- "Back on the town square I start playing again. Last time I accidentally charmed the only girl in the vicinity when I was really aiming for the rats. Let's see how many I can get when playing at full volume. They are probably really bored, being left out on the party and all. I sing about all the fun we could have if they'd just follow me. Sweets and fancy clothes and music and so on. What do the dice say?"
- "Just a minute... one, two... ouch. Approximately one hundred and thirty children gather around you."
- "That should be enough, I guess. I lead them out of the city."
- "You are not going to do anything to them too, are you?"
- "Don't be stupid. I need them as hostages."
- "That's it. I'm still running heroic fantasy games. Kidnapping hundreds of children is where I draw the line."
- "So what are you gonna do? Make a deus ex machina?"
- "Suddenly a giant metallic sphere appears in the air before you, easily 20 yards in diameter. A door opens up and a black haired elven woman in a black dress jumps out."
- "Heh. Oh boy. Okay. I walk behind a couple of kids. Now she can't attack me without hitting them."
- "She casts Time Stop."
- "Aw hell."