Okay everyone here it is, my first twilight fanfition. Hope you guys enjoy thid first chapter. The chapter's will become a bit longer when i have an idea where i want the story to go. There will be some angst since it's hoing to be hurt and comfort...untill edward arrives, then it be a bit more romance and other things...;) i don't own any of these characters or twilight. It all belongs to the amazing Stephenie Meyer :)

CHAPTER ONE

"Racing is in are blood, never forget that Bella".

"I won't daddy, I promise you".

"Charlie, let the girl be! She just wants to play in the stables".

"No Renee she needs to know this, it's for her own good!"

"Fine, but you're making her grow up too fast! She's only ten!"

"Like I said, it's for own well, besides my dad told me the same thing at her age and I turned out fine".

"Yeah if you think turning into an old bitter man is fine" my mom teases him.

"A bitter old man that you love" My dad gives her a sly smirk, and picks her up

"That's true, a bitter old man that I love always and forever. Now put me down!" He puts her down and gives her a kiss.

Renee bends down to my level and holds and hands. "I love you sweetheart, never forget that". I nod my head and give her a kiss on the check.

"I know mommy, I love you too but daddy has a point "My dad gives out a good belly laugh and turns to my mom. "She's a Swan alright, I said same thing to my mom"

My mom shakes her head and gives out a long sigh "I'm never going to win with you two"

"No, but we love you for trying" he gives her a wink and I give her a big smile.

"Okay, well I'm off to see my mom. I'll be back to before dinner" she stands up and walks away.

"Wait honey, I'll walk you to the car" my dad always the gentleman, grabs her hand and turns to me.

"Now go play and be careful around the horses. If you want to ride one, let Felix know so he can help you".

"Ok daddy, I love you".

"I love you too baby girl, always and forever". He gives me a wink and mom blows me a kiss.

I see them walk away, they turn back one more time saying, "Always and forever Bella" and then they disappear into the fog.

Mommy, daddy wait" I start to run towards they fog, but I can't find them.

"Please don't leave me!" I start to cry but they never return.

I wake up covered in sweat, my body is twisted in the sheets. I always have the same dream when it's my parent's anniversary of when they died. I sit up and look towards my window and see grey skies. "Gloomy weather for a depressing day" I say to myself.

There's a knock on my door. "Bella are you up?" It's Alice; she knows what today is and wants to make sure that I'm up or alive.

"Yeah Alice I'm up, you can come in". She opens the door and peeks her head through the opening.

"Hey how are you?" she walks towards my bed and sits down. She's quite and starts to look all over the room. I have clothes on the floor and books lying around. I have not brother to clean my room for a while now; don't have the energy for it. Alice finally stops her evaluation of my room and fixes her gaze to me, looks me up and down and frowns a little bit.

"Stop Alice"

"Stop what?" She's looking down, playing with the hem of her shirt.

"Giving me the look, please don't be like the others and give me the; be careful what you say to Bella today look I hate it!"

Her heads snaps up, "I am not giving you that look; I'm just worried about you…" her eyes are hold back tears, she about to cry. "I hate seeing you like this Bella, you're like a zombie; your body is here but you mind is somewhere else and it needs to stop!" I look at her as if she's grown two heads. She will never understand what I go during this time.

"It has to stop?" I ask her with my voice rising at the end.

"Yes! It's going to be five years since your parents passed away. It's time to get out of this house and go back the way you were and live your life. You need to get on the horse, both mentally and physically" She throws her hands up in the air, likes she's given up on me. She try's hold in some kind of emotion, I don't know what it is. She either wants to cry laugh or be angry at the same time. I don't blame her, I have been acting like a zombie for the past couple of years and these past few months have been the worst, for the both of us.

You see when my parents past way five years ago, Alice's parents, Esme and Carlisle took over. They wanted a fresh start, so they moved here to Wyoming. They were also old friends of my parents and wanted to help me out. They liked it at first, getting into the horse racing life and wining almost every race. I was the jockey for my parent's ranch, the best that there was. But when my parents died, it wasn't the same. I still ride, and won races but not see my parents at the stands cheering me on or seeing them in the winner's circle is what hurt me the most. After my last race which was two years ago, I stopped racing for good, told the Cullen's to find a new jockey because I was done. They understood and did what I told them, since I was still part owner of the ranch.

They found one of the best jockeys in this state. He's name was James Scott, and as a cocky asshole who likes to use people to get what he wanted. He was good, even a bit better than me and he never forgot to mention it. His ego has reached the limit with the Cullen's; he asked for more money since he was they only one riding for us and winning all the races. They Cullen's had enough of him thinking he was better than us and they fired him, of course he didn't leave without telling us, "You will never find a better jockey then me!" slammed the door and was never seen again.

After that, things were getting bad to worst. We couldn't find a jockey that wanted to ride for us, are stable hands started to quit one by one, we convinced some staying with us; Carlisle promised to raise their weekly check. It's has been hard for Carlisle and Esme; they don't have much money left from the loan they got from the bank and they need to pay for the horse feed and fixing some things around the house and stable.

A week ago, I overheard Esme and Carlisle taking in the kitchen about selling some horses. I came through the kitchen door and started yelling at them. I don't remember what I said; all I remember was Alice pulling me out of the kitchen, up the stairs and to my room. I became angrier and kick her out. This is the first time I seen Alice seen that day.

"So what are you going to do Bella? Are you going to leave this room and start living life again?

I looked at Alice, blink once, lay back on my bed and turn to face the wall.

Alice gives out a tiring sigh, "I guess that's a no…" she stands up and starts walking towards the door, but not before saying "I'm tired fighting you Bella, you need to figure this out sooner or later' and with that she opens the door and slammed it closed.

I jump from sound and hear the echo of it, I turn towards the door and stare at it for a while. I feel the air leaven my lungs, I try to take a deep breath but all that comes out is a sob. I cry until it turns dark outside. Alice and her family were the only ones that still had hope for me, now I think that hope is gone.

So what do you guys think? hope it was good and not that many mistakes. I need a beta to help me out spelling and everyting else. So please help me out people...pretty please with sugar on top :)

p.s. I wil try to update twice a week, then maybe once a week, depending how it goes.

until next time

deecullen