APOLLO JUSTICE
THE OBJECTIVE TURNABOUT
BY BARRYLAWN
CREDIT TO PHANTOMUNKN0WN FOR POSTING ABOUT THIS SAD PIECE OF TRASH ON R/ACEATTORNEY, IMPORTAUSTRALIA
one day apollo justice was emotional over clays death so he decided the best way to deal with this was to play pirate so he put on an eyepatch and a blue coat tat was clays
he went saling teh seven seas to find the murderer of clay when he saw blackquill getting arrested by some fucker
"U ARE IN DD SO U R OBJECTILY TRASH, SO I SUE U" shouted the guy
"woah i better defend blackquill" said apirate
apololo ran to court to defend black
"court is in session" said udgey
"i am ready" said franziska and she made her opening statement "i am prosecuting blackquill becaus hes in DD and DD is objectively the horrible game but we cant prosecute DD so well prosecute him instead"
so franziska called the guy who arrested blackquill to the stand
"my name is import australia" said import australia "dd sucks and everyone in it should die"
"OBJECTION" shouted apollo "pls be respectful!"
"actually" said import...
===WITNESS TESTIMONY===
"lets NOT keep it respecful, bcaus i has no intentions of respecting the "oponions" of those who would praise duel detsniys, the epitone of stagnathen and setting for band, formulac, inoffensive garbAJ for the series."
"if you already know that i never used the word "opinion" to describe AAI2, and you know that i have objectivly called it the best game in the series, then this entire debacle is pointless and youre a fuckwit whos wasting my time yes? if its someones opinion that 2+2=3 does it deserve to be respected?"
"ur appeal to emotion is completely ridiculous. do u actually think i give a shit whos upvoting these comments or not?"
suddenly he turned into MANFRED VON KARMA
"validation is for insecure people who have no faith in what they believe. i dont want the support of people like that nor do i want the support of people who would call dull detsniys anything but garbaje it is."
AND THEN HE WAS HUE OCONNER!
"i consider them all lower life forms who are not even worth acknowledging. if it makes you all feel better and secure and right because you all jerk each other off and upvote each others comments, then please do so at your own will, i has no intrest in partisipating."
"and spare me with the "im sorry if i sounded rude!" bullshit. i am not so weak that anything your inferior mind can conjure up is going to affect me."
dis tiem he turned into some crying littel brat tat everyone loves for some reason even tho shes shit
"i have been through my parents divorcing, people important to me breaking down and threatening to commit suicide (and everyone treating the whole ordeal as a joke) years of a very straned relationship with my mother, and several years of league of legends, OBJECTIVELY (again, i do not use the word lightly) the worst community on the entire plant that essentially impossible to survive in. being permabanned was the best thing to ever happen to my life. the very notion that anything you a stranger who is completely meaningless to me could ever write anything on the internet to piss me off is far more offensive than anything to could write."
"if u have something to say to me, be a man and fucking say it. ive had all i can take of this pussy-futed liberal bullshit of stifling negativity because everybodys too much of a candyass to deal with it these days. say whats REALLY on your mind for a change."
"OBJECTION" shouted apollo "UR HONOR, THIS FUCKING TESTIMONY IS LONGER THAN RIGASUT'S!"
"so wats ur point" said udgey
"well it took shymain a week to crossexamine that so surely i shoul-"
"u have 2 minutes"
"O COME ON!"
apolloi took a deep breath for wat was sure to be teh most idiotic testimony every given
===CROSS EXAMINATION===
"lets NOT keep it respecful, bcaus i has no intentions of respecting the "oponions" of those who would praise duel detsniys, the epitone of stagnathen and setting for band, formulac, inoffensive garbAJ for the series."
"if you already know that i never used the word "opinion" to describe AAI2, and you know that i have objectivly called it the best game in the series, then this entire debacle is pointless and youre a fuckwit whos wasting my time yes? if its someones opinion that 2+2=3 does it deserve to be respected?"
"HOLD IT" shouted apollo "tats not an opinion its a fact u lern in preschool u fuck"
"so? kids shud be taught DD sux in preschool too"
"well its not relevent so remove it from ur testimony"
"U HAV NO RITE TO TALK DOWN TO ME MORTAL" shouted australia
"ur honor, teh witness wont shorten his damn testimony" said apollo
"overruled" said judge
the testimony continued
"ur appeal to emotion is completely ridiculous. do u actually think i give a shit whos upvoting these comments or not?"
suddenly he turned into MANFRED VON KARMA
"validation is for insecure people who have no faith in what they believe. i dont want the support of people like that nor do i want the support of people who would call dull detsniys anything but garbaje it is."
"OBJECTION" shouted apirate "peeple may be insecure BUT DAT IS WAT MAKE US HUMAN"
"o pls tis is DD shit, ur honor charge apollo with being DD"
"Ok" said judge
"NO" shouted apollo "god dammit i gotta find a hole in tis stupid logic"
but teh problem was ther were so many holes in it apollo couldnt figure out which one was the right one, so he got penalties for making valid objections but the game didnt allow him to progress, like in a few CEs in justice for all"
"now mr justice if you have nothing more to say.." said judge
"OBJECTION" shouted apollo "I HAV ONE LAST PEECE OF EVIDENCE"
"it must be foolish" said franziska
"it is THIS" he presented some guys rant
"im the type of guy who enjoys series as a whole. before i came here, i didn't know jfa, aj and dd were supposed to be bad, and oh man am i constantly remembered about it."
"AS U CAN SEE, JFA AND AJ ARE ALSO CONSIDERED BAD"
"INFERIOR LIFE BEING, MY OPINION IS TEH RIIIGHT OOOOONE" import turned into the little brat again and cried like a whiny high pitched bich
"no, jfa has the circus case, an teh forgotten case, and teh confusing spirit channeling case wich is kinda decent but TAT CAN BE CONSIDERED WORSE TAN DD, UR OPINION IS NOT OBJECTIVE"
"FUK U, I AM A PERFECT GUY" shouted import
===WITNESS TESTIMONY===
"apollo u insecure child my opinion is perfect i used perfect logic to use it so it gave me my perfect conclusion"
"OBJECTION" shouted apollo "u keep using perfect... UR LITERALLY MANFRED VON KARMA"
"but why does this matter"
"it matters because VON KARMA SHOULD BE IN PRISON"
"o yea" said udgey "arrest him bailiff"
and then u/meistergrinch came in and rekt his entire speech cause he should be an attorney, hed be ace, and then he arrested him
srsly, meistergrinch for president 2016
"YU FUCKER!" shouted import "U CANT ARREST ME! I HAVE A TRAGIC PAST OF LEEG OF LEGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENDS!"
he screamed kicking and screaming trying to convince people tat his retarded acrostory was supposed to justify his actions
"thank fuck hes gone i declare DD not guilty" said udgey
and apollo went back to pirating evidence for the clay case
THE END