A/N: Hello everybody,
Inspiration struck and I present to you this, a little story about...well, I would have thought it obvious. But yes. I went there.
Anyway, I haven't got much to speak about, aside from that I've converted several people to Sherlock Holmes, and am in the process of introducing them to Iron Man. I cannot believe they've not met. Beats me.
I gotta stop writing this A/N now. It's boring. You don't really want to read this, you just want it to hurry up and get to the story. Hah, I've just wasted more of your, I'm sure, valuable time. And damn, did I sound crabby then. Please forgive me; I had today a maths exam and an oral, and it's true that most people would rather die than give a speech. Just not for me. I'd rather live. Yay for pointless facts that don't concern nor effect anybody!
Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I own not Iron Man, and did you see that awful rambling A/N up there? That wasn't me, either. Who cares that it says 'RawrFangMonster' - we know it is lying.
Tony glares at Pepper.
"No, it is not -hic- funny. Stop -hic- laughing."
Pepper just tries to clamp down on her giggles.
"Pep -hic- per..."
She can't help it. She bursts out laughing.
"Seri -hic- ously, I'll s -hic- ic Jarvis on -hic- you."
"Go on," Pepper gasps out. "Say 'sic' again."
"S -hic- ic?"
Pepper doubles over again in laughter. And a weird 'har har har' rings out, robotically.
Oh.
Tony glares at his foot. He had fallen for it. And now both and assistant and his freaking computer were laughing at him.
"If you're -hic- going to -hic- be like that, I'm -hic- leaving. Good -hic- bye."
Tony walks off with an air of exasperation, 'hiccing' now and then, totally ruining the effect.
And did he know it.
So, Iron Man had a new mission. Cure the hiccups.
Funnily enough, Tony did not keep a record of possible cures in his head, so he went down to his workshop and brought up Google on his computer. Yes, he was perfectly able to create his own search engine, but why? He'd rather invent bikinis that could flash and change colours. It was one of those 'men' things.
He types in 'hiccups cure'. And brings up 331 000 results.
Oh. He hadn't realised that it was such a hot topic.
Worriedly, Tony quickly searches his own name. He sits back, relieved, as 2 660 000 results are found. His ego can relax.
Anyway. Back to hiccups. '300 Ways to Cure the Hiccups'. Uh, he thinks, yeah, no. He didn't have all day.
'Ten Remedies for Hiccups'. Better. Might be worth a look.
Ah, here it is. '12 Second Hiccup Cure'.
"'Hold in breath while -hic- stretching abdo -hic- men. This can be -hic- done against the doorframe.' What do -hic- you think, Jar -hic- vis?"
"I think it is a ridiculous idea, sir. Don't let that stop you."
"...O -hic- kay..."
Tony had stretched for thirty seconds, and had gone rather red in the face from holding his breath, before calling it quits.
"Jarrrrvissss, it was -hic- bullshit."
"...No comment."
"Well, -hic- fuck you, too, -hic- Jarvis."
"Sir, I didn't know you felt that way. You might have to build a humanoid shape for that to be possible-"
"Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up."
"-But I would advise getting rid of your hiccups first. This website says drinking water helps..."
Feeling rather stunned, Tony stammers an affirmative, scattered with 'hics'.
Sprinting upstairs, Tony finds the kitchen and sculls the glass of water Jarvis had ready for him.
Then he stands in place, barely moving, and waits.
...And waits...
...And waits...
...And waits...
"-hic-! Dammit, Jarvis, it didn't -hic- work!"
"How about this one, sir? It says to hold your breath for as long as possible."
"Does the -hic- stretching thing I did -hic- earlier count? 'Cause I'm not -hic- interested in doing it a -hic- gain."
"Fine. This website suggests BOO!" Jarvis yells.
"Argh! What the -hic- hell? What did you -hic- do that for?"
"Oh. It didn't work either. As I was saying, sir, this site suggested being frightened."
"...Jarvis, you did that -hic- earlier. This -hic- 'boo' nonsense is nothing."
Three hours later, Tony was getting frazzled, and Jarvis was not far behind.
"But sir! It said to put the popsicle under the tongue!"
"Yes! It -hic- did! Where do you -hic- think I put it?"
"Oh. Of course. Sorry, sir. Couldn't see past the orange slice you put in your mouth earlier."
"No -hic- worries. Now, what's this one? Drink my own -hic- urine while -hic- chanting 'Dominoes' in my head? The -hic- hell? I'm meant to -hic- drink my own pee?"
"It would appear so. I would advise giving that remedy a miss."
"Quite. ...Hang -hic- on, I think I -hic- might have an idea..."
After loping over to Pepper, who'd for all day been smothering further giggle bouts, Tony perches on the seat beside her.
"Hey, -hic- Peps."
Biting her lip, she replies. "Hi, Tony. How are your, um, hiccups?"
Tony gives her a blank stare.
"So you don't want to talk about it. That's okay, I should've realised you'd still be sore over it, and anyway, hiccups aren't funny at all, oh noo-"
Figuring now was as good a time as any, Tony kisses Pepper. Her eyes widen in a saucer-like fashion, and she makes an adorable little squeaky sound. Well, Tony thought it was adorable.
Breaking off, Tony waits with bated breath. This was it, the last possible hope of getting rid of the hiccups.
Pepper was still staring at him, completely stunned. He found the look was cute on her.
And...his hiccups seemed to be gone. Huh, that actually worked. And, score, Pepper was blushing. Her freckles were standing out. Tony loved it when her freckles stood out.
Grinning, Tony flicks back his hair in a non-Justin Bieber fashion and kicks back on the couch.
"-hic-! Damndamndamndamnitdidn'twork!"
Pepper, who had up to this point been silent, had a break from blushing furiously and asks Tony what exactly hadn't worked.
"...My, er, -hic- secret plan. It, um, wasn't very -hic- good."
Guiltily, his dark eyes meet hers. "Um -hic-."
It all goes silent, as Pepper gazes at him. She pretends she is glaring, and on the outside it looks so, but really, she is totally checking him out. If you think about how many times Pepper glares at Tony during the day, a number far larger than it should be, this little fact explains it. Don't judge – we all would do it too.
Anyway, Tony looks impossibly cute as he squirms and hiccups, and Pepper is having a hard time not jumping on Tony's lap and licking his face. Her eyes glaze slightly as she thinks about this. Again, don't judge. You were thinking it too.
"Um, Pep -hic- per? It's gone all -hic- quiet, and you're just staring at me. Please -hic- say something."
Soulful brown eyes plead with hers. They say, "We understand what our person did was, while hugely enjoyable and we know you don't regret it at all, out of place and badly timed. Our person is trying to apologise. Please give him a break."
"Tony? I'll forgive you, if you tell me about what Jarvis said. He was going on excitedly to me about yours and his 'upcoming big night'. Care to explain?"
Tony's mouth dropped open. No sound came out.
Then, "JARVISSSS! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY?"
Notice something? His hiccups are gone.
A/N2 Okay, I read through that, and it's a bit lousy. Oh well. Mathsexammathsexammathsexam sexsexsexsex. Sorry. It needed to be said.
R&R?