Title: What Hurts the Most
Author: veiledndarkness
Fandom: Friday Night Lights - Television Show
Pairing: Implied past Tim/Lyla
Summary: Hearing the truth cuts so deep.
Warnings: Potential spoilers if you haven't seen the first season.
Disclaimer: Not mine. I'll save for them, and give them away when I'm ready.
0000
"It's different for girls..."
0000
I know that. I see what they're doin' to her. The guys, they don't say much to me.
It's the other girls, all those vicious comments. They're chippin' away at her.
I can shrug it off. No one's gonna think anything different about me. Everyone knows about me, or what they think they know. She saw me, the real me, saw more in me than I ever saw in myself.
0000
"You can sleep around all you want..."
0000
God, those words, they sting so damn bad. She's right. They call her a slut, the whore; filthy whispers and a website that makes me cringe just knowin' that people are laughing at what we had.
I've slept with a lot of girls, there's no questioning that. I got nothin' else in my life but football, and even that can't make up for everything that's missing. I drink until I can't stand up and lie on my couch, full of hatred for myself and for what's happened.
0000
"I make one mistake...and it was a mistake..."
0000
A mistake. I'm a mistake. If only she knew, I think bitterly. My mother said that to me once.
I never wanted to hurt her. When we kissed, my cheeks still smarting from her slaps, everything seemed to fade away. I held her in my arms, and for just one moment I could forget that I was a fuck-up, an idiot, and a shitty best friend.
All I wanted was to love her, to tell her the truth, that I've always loved her. Now, I'm drowning in silence, drinking myself stupid each night as I try to remind myself that I'll never have her, that guys like me never get a girl like her, to try and forget that I ever loved her to begin with.
It doesn't work. My heart won't let me lie. All a mistake to her and God, that hurts the most.
0000