"Lavender, I'm sorry about your rabbit," said a soft voice next to me, nervously. I turned and found myself staring right into the deep green eyes of Dean Thomas.
"Th-thank you, Dean," I replied, stammering through my tears, and Parvarti shoved herself between us to put her arm around me. Dean hurried up ahead next to Seamus Finnigan and Neville.
"What was he after?" she asked suspicously.
"Parvarti, he was just being nice! About...about...about Binky," I said, starting to sob again. He was such a cute rabbit, only a baby...I wish Mother had let me take him to Hogwarts with me. Then this wouldn't have happened at all!
"Lav, watch out!! It's Maria Sancheria coming, that gossipy Ravenclaw. Ugh..." Parvarti tightened her arm around my shoulders as Maria crept up behind us and whispered in my ear.
"I saw that, Brown."
"Saw what?" I spoke loudly, not in the mood for her giggly stories at the moment.
"Saw you and Lover Boy a minute ago," she answered slyly, still whispering. I decided I had better follow the trend and whisper as well, now that the conversation was going the absolute wrong way.
"Who?"
"Dean Thomas, of course!! Haven't you heard? The whole Ravenclaw House is abuzz - Dean's fallen for you hard, Lav darling."
My hands turned clammy and my face red. I hoped dearly that I wouldn't give anything away.
"What do you mean??" I inquired nastily, trying to make it clear that I would have no more of that. She shrugged.
"I'm not saying that you do or do not have a crush on him," she told me, "but the entire student population of Hogwarts could see you two stammering like lovebirds next to each other. Well, I'll be off to Potions. Ta-ta!" She was gone as suddenly as she'd come, and it was at times like these when I wondered if she could Apparate or something.
"Don't listen to her," Parvarti said harshly.
"Rubbish, I know," I agreed, though secretly my heart soared with gladness. If the whole Ravenclaw House was abuzz, then that meant...I could hardly supress a smile. At Potions, Harry and Draco attracted the attention of the rest of the class in one of their usual insult matches (well, Draco always starts them, and Harry doesn't stoop as low as he does), which gave Dean and I a chance to glance at each other. I swallowed my sadness about Binky and my shyness, and managed to give him a small smile, and he sent me a huge grin that spread warmth from my heart to my toes. I hoped that Maria - and everybody in Ravenclaw - was right about him.
A whisper in my ear interrupted my thoughts.
"Ouch! What a thing to say to Harry Potter!" Parvarti exclaimed quietly.
"What?"
"Haven't you been listening to them??"
"I was, um, reading my, I mean, watching those weird creatures over there in the-in the green jars," I stammered, looking for an excuse. She looked a little befuddled.
"I see. But didn't you hear Draco when he - "
"Class, let's get started," yelled Professor Snape as he walked in. "Just because Minerva caught me in the hall does not mean you can fool around - like HARRY."
Ron Weasley growled under his breath, and Harry frowned. Luckily, Snape didn't notice, and soon we were all working on our Confusion Concoctions. Snape paired us all up differently, and I ended up working with Seamus - right next to Dean.
Seamus chattered noisily while he cut up the caterpillars and rotting onions needed for the potion, but I wasn't really listening. I chopped the carrots and vinegar, mixed them together, threw them both in, and watched our potion turn a boiling white. I did a double take and checked my book. That wasn't supposed to happen.
I quickly tried to cover it up, acting like I knew what I was doing, but that only made it worse. Snape's watchful eyes soon caught me and he dived to our cauldron like a ravenous hawk.
"Lavender Brown!" he snapped. "What have you been doing, gazing at Seamus the whole time!?! Start paying attention!! Thirty points from Gryffindor!!"
Thirty points - I felt awful. And worse than that was the hurt look Dean gave me as Snape mentioned me gazing at Seamus. If only I could tell Dean who I was really preoccupied with!!
That night in the common room, Parvarti lingered by my armchair, trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Eventually she gave up and went to join Seamus, Ron, and the Weasley twins in a chess tournament. Dean came over by the fire and sat next to me, still not saying a word and still with the hurt frown on his face.
"Dean, I wasn't -" I started, and he nodded understandingly.
"Snape's a jerk. I'm sorry," he comforted me, and I broke the awkward silence by engaging him in a soccer discussion. It did sound interesting, even though it was a Muggle sport. We stayed there long after everyone else had gone up, recieving weird and scolding looks from some of the seventh years, especially Percy. But I didn't care - I didn't care at all.
After the last Gryffindor had headed up the stairs to bed, and we'd finished our soccer, gossip, and childhood memories (he really seemed to light up when he talked to me! ), he turned to me with a new kind of look in his eyes that I couldn't quite place.
"We'd better be off to bed, I suppose," he suggested. "'Night, Lav."
"Wait," I said quietly, not even aware that the sound had come from my own lips, and right away he was back next to me, kissing me gently, like it was perfectly natural and like he'd been meaning to do it all night. I smiled, and we each went our separate ways to bed.
That night, I didn't even bother to change or even brush my teeth. I just sighed, and flopped back onto my bed happily. I couldn't get out of my head the image of his face against mine, and that didn't bother me one bit. As I leaned back into my huge, soft pillow, I knew he was thinking of me too.
The next few days were a blur. Incredible rumors about Dean and I swept the school, but neither of us cared. It was like everything else in the world had disappeared and was of no importance whatsoever. I only started to get really scared when Draco Malfoy showed signs of jealousy.
"Stay away from him, Lav," he warned me one day as I was walking up from Herbology.
"Don't call her that!" snapped Dean, and he put an arm around me protectively.
"Why shouldn't I, soccer-boy? Not like she really likes you anyway...but I guess you don't want to hear about that." Draco sauntered up to the main doors, aware that we were both following him. I reached him first, and in a rare show of bravery I whispered sharply at him.
"Draco, if you spread one nasty rumor about me I'll -"
He didn't give me a chance to finish. He pushed me away and glared, pretending I had said something else.
"Well, of course you don't want me to tell him about you and Seamus!! But there's no way out, Lav....and you have to admit, kissing me was a bit far."
That hurt look that I hated was in Dean's eyes again. They went from Draco to me, Draco to me, as his ears blocked out the sound of my pleading. One last painful jab at my heart, and he vanished like Maria Sancheria. Draco turned to me, eyes flashing with something I couldn't place - but nowhere near the loving looks I used to get from Dean.
"All right, now he thinks you have - so do it. Kiss me, Lavender," he ordered softly, moving closer and closer with every word.
"Never!!" I screamed, and tried to run. But I found Crabbe and Goyle barring my way. I suddenly realized how much bigger all three of them were now that Dean wasn't right there. Draco moved forward again, and I knew I was desperate. In every last ounce of my bravery and strength, I slapped him as hard as I could and ran across the field. I would go in the side doors, even if it meant being hopelessly late to Divination. Professor Trelawney would be so angry with me!!
Miraculously, she barely cared. I rushed in, panting, and she smiled warmly.
"Lavender, see me after class. I know why you are late, and I will report him to Professor Dumbledore." I sat down on one of her fluffy armchairs, grateful and incredibly relieved. As the class gave each other puzzled looks and continued their lesson, she told me I could have free time to do what I wished. It was amazing how much she knew sometimes!!
After class, I shyly approached her desk, and she told me that she had seen everything.
"Will - will Dean ever like me again?" I asked worriedly. I hoped I didn't sound as hopeless and lost as I felt.
"He is at this moment thinking of you, wishing he hadn't left so fast," she told me comfortingly.
"Thank you, Professor!! Thank you!!" I exclaimed, suddenly filled with a new kind of energy, and I rushed down the stairs to the common room for a study break. Dean was at my side the minute I entered, apologizing, and I told him everything that Draco had said and done to me in a low voice. He was horrified.
"Don't worry, Dean," I reassured him, "Professor Trelawney saw it in her Orb, and she's going to report everything to Dumbledore." He still looked anxious, but I convinced him not to get involved. We sure didn't need any more rumors spread about us!
From that moment on, Dean was always at my side, and Draco seemed to calm down. He didn't dare touch me again. I began to let go of my fear, starting to hope that this year would be wonderful from now on.
But I was horribly wrong.
Around Christmastime, flying classes with Madam Hooch were going over a few dangerous things - such as diving. She needed to train a Seeker, she said, for when our star Harry Potter was gone (here she nodded respectfully to him), and she needed a class to practice diving exercises with. She took us in a few loops, too, and I knew I would never be a Quidditch player.
One quiet Thursday, we were all going through our regular warm-ups, and we were just finishing a perfect dive when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone drop out of the straight line of brooms. Dean.
He had a huge scrape across his forehead and on both arms, and I couldn't keep from crying as Madam Hooch, assisted by Ron and Seamus, carried him up to the infirmary. Draco seized his chance, and the rest of the class watched in horror as he tried to get me to kiss him again.
"Leave her alone, Malfoy!!" Harry yelled angrily, and swooped towards him on his broom. Draco, in a common display of cowardice, backed off, warning me that he'd always have another chance. I thanked Harry later, just before I went to check on Dean later that day, and he smiled and patted me gently like a friend, sending his best wishes to Dean.
He needed every wish he could get. He looked awful, face bloody, arms bloody, when I walked in. It was all I could do not to start crying again, and I guess he could tell, because he started his soccer jokes right away. When he had run through every single one he could recall, there was an awkward silence between us, and I tried to look brave. He put his hand on mine.
"Lav, please be careful. I can't stand thinking of what Malfoy might try," he said tensely, a worry line running down his sweet face.
"I can take care of myself, don't worry," I told him, sounding much more unafraid than I was. "You just concentrate on getting better."
"I will, don't worry," he said, touching my cheek softly, and Madam Pomfrey came in and told me to get going. Giving him one last gaze, I stepped out of the room towards Herbology.
Walking back to the school after Herbology, I felt the same apprehension, the same dark feeling, that I'd gotten that horrid day when Draco had tried to kiss me the first time. My hands got cold and clammy, and my breath came in short spurts. And then suddenly, my worst fear was confirmed. He came wheeling around the corner of the castle and kneeled, hands clasped, at my feet.
"Lavender," he started, sounding apologetic and loving, "I know I've been so nasty to you for such a long time." I looked around in fear for Crabbe and Goyle, but they were nowhere to be seen. "And I know your heart belongs to Dean - which is right," he added, a touch of sadness in his voice, "but I'd just like to ask for one sweet, small kiss before I leave you alone forever. Please, Lavender darling, I never meant to do any of it to you. I never wanted to hurt you."
If it would keep him away from me forever...I watched as he stood up and leaned over towards him, revolted with the idea but glad to be rid of him forever, meaning only to give him a tiny little peck, but he grabbed my shoulders roughly and pulled me into a long, long, passionate kiss. I knew it was all over for me even before I saw the camera flash at my side...
Dean was letting no one in to see him, pulling the huge canopy over his sickbed so that nobody could see his face. Of course, Draco had gone in later that day with the fatal picture, dragging me unwillingly by the wrist, pleading with Dean to understand. I was horribly right. It was over.
Draco was acting sweeter than ever around me, hoping to win back what he had lost with his cruelty. I knew he'd never get me, he'd never get what he wanted from me. I was so different from the beginning of this year. I wasn't the shy, crying, flaky girl I had been before. I was strong, I knew how to defend myself - I guess that was what Dean's love had done for me. And now it was gone.
I got better grades that term than I had ever gotten. I turned my whole attention to schoolwork and the Dueling Club I was in; not letting myself have any social life. I was completely cut off from everyone: Parvarti, Draco, Ron, Hermione, everybody. Every spare minute I got, I read obsessively, not wanting to talk to anyone. I was too afraid I'd break down and start crying the minute they asked me what was wrong, or a ghost of Dean's loving look appeared in their eyes.
I became shy again, I avoided all human beings, I never raised my hand in class, I started again to live in my own secluded, depressed, hopeless world. Dean got out of the infirmary, looking better than ever, and never missed the chance to shove by me in the hallways, making me scatter my books all over the floor. Nobody stayed behind to help me pick them up.
Christmas vacation was just as bad. I stayed holed up in my dormitories, and ate quietly at the Christmas Feast. My presents didn't matter to me - a photo album of Binky's best moments, a brand new paint set, a new wand with a specialty for dueling and transformation, and a huge jewelry-making kit with beads that flashed different colors. I threw them under my bed, crying under my quilts for a long time that night.
The first Wednesday after the New Year's Feast, Professor McGonagall came up to me in the hallway, a pleased expression on her face.
"Lavender dear," she said happily, "your transformation of the filing cabinet to the computer was superb, and that's one of the hardest transformations I ever ask my students to do. I want you to perform it in front of the school."
I didn't know what to say. In front of the whole, entire school?? But she whisked me off to her room before I could say anything. At least I was missing Potions...
I must have transformed everything in her room that afternoon. Coats to ballroom gowns, nails to needles, rope to garlands of pearls...she wanted to see it all. In the end, she decided that she would have me do three transformations for the school: filing cabinet to computer, string to necklace, and lamps to candlabra. I was nervous, but she used the tone of voice that said it would not bode well for me to refuse. I was stuck.
On the day of my performance, I stepped into the Great Hall. My equipment was already set up, and the chairs were lined up in front of my "stage." I gulped. It had never occured to me just how many people would be sitting in those chairs. I went behind a table and tried to calm myself down while the students filed in.
Professor McGonagall came to the front and told them all about me with me by her side. She said I was the best Transfiguration student she'd seen in a long time, and that she was honored to see me perform.
"And now," she finished, "I give you Lavender Brown."
I seemed to swallow everything in the air, and all of a sudden my stomach began to twirl and whirl like a roller coaster. I looked out across all of Hogwarts, and there was the hurt look again. Dean's face grew and grew until it was all that I saw, and I just couldn't take it anymore. Those hurt eyes, crooked mouth, sad, tired face - I just started to sob. I let loose everything that I had been holding in these long weeks. A jumble of thoughts floated in my head - what would McGonagall think of me now?? - Dean was gone - I would never hear the end from Draco - I had made a fool out of myself in front of the whole school - no one was there but me - I was completely alone - Dean was gone - and suddenly my tear-stained face was being held up high, and I felt comforting arms all around me. Dean. I wasn't alone, and that was the last thought in my head before his lips touched mine once more and he kissed me, and this time I knew it was right, and it would never be broken.