A/N: this fic was written in full speed over the span of 4 days for the sole reason of getting it in time for the fanfiction contest on Yakusoku to Negai (www. /free /mirokusango) . Nikkou-chan was kind enough to let me in even though the finished part was overdue. Thank you so much!!! ::tears of joy:: This fic is dedicated to Nikkou-chan, Hououza (best reviewer ever!!!) and my dear friends: Chickachisato and Meg.
Btw, a lot of angst ahead so BEWARE!!!! ::dun dun dun:: Enjoy XD
Did I mention that spacing is stuffed? Well, it is... I originally had spaces in between parts of the fic instead of those lines... cringe It looks too crowded for my liking... Even HTML won't do the trick T-T Ah well...
By dEeYaN
What is the point in living?
Why do humans try so hard to stay alive? Some try so hard, they'd abandon all moral values and beliefs for the sake of borrowing a little more time.
They say it's because life is a gift from a greater source. A gift that must be appreciated and cherished.
They say it's because there is something to hold onto, to live for. The something that heroes from stories would hold onto, even when they could've given up. The something that humans believe gives them happiness. The something that make humans who they are.
But there are also those who hate life. Those who seek to destroy life, whether it be their own or others'. Those who'd given up hopes, those who think they no longer deserve to be happy, those who had let the darkness take over in them.
Those like Taya Sango.
Happiness was all I had, all I needed.
And that happiness was in you, in your existence.
Though nothing lasts forever, you'd still always be my poisoned trust.
Like many her age, she came to the world when peace reigned the realm of her residence. Like the few that were left of her generation, she had experienced for a short while what it was like to live happily. She had the chance to taste the now almost extinct friendship and trust between the clans. And like most of the population, she was to suffer the hurt and heartache from the raging wars, the never-ending feuds, the eternal riots.
Even so, for her that happy memory of childhood was nothing more than a vague memory. Barely even images, they were merely a remembrance, a belief that something did happen. Innocent ego, entwined hands, jubilant laughter, sunshine and green grass even in the coldest day of winter…
Nonetheless, as everything else had and always will, it ended. Abruptly, without warning like most separation were. With only a sneaked goodbye, she was wrenched away from her childhood innocence. And with her mother gone just a summer before in exchange for her only sibling's life, she was left to comfort herself as her father tried his best to secure his domain from the groveling swarm of other nobles.
She had resorted to rebellion. She refused to concentrate in her share of training in etiquette and womanly must-know tasks of her rank. Instead, she joined the men in their training, reveling in the art of war, building up her body with muscles and scraping away the last bit of her daintiness. Her father, though disapproved, let her be as he had promised his late wife their children's happiness.
It was when she had just entered her eleventh anniversary of existing in the physical world when she met him. Genji, was his introduced name and so it was by that name she referred to him, even when she found out about the blood curling past of his. Even more so then that she knew what chill his full name brought to the human race.
Until her last day, she still wondered why he was interested in her. Maybe he sensed a kindred soul, the shared passion they both had. Maybe he had felt pity for the scrawny, sun-baked little girl she was. Or maybe he knew what his knowledge would do to her had it been shared, maybe he knew that it would put her in the position she would be in, like it had to him. Maybe it was all out of spite and bitterness that he'd become her teacher, her mentor, her tutor, because he didn't want himself to be the only one who suffered what he did.
Or perhaps it was simply because he did not want his art to be forgotten when he passed away and she happened to be the only possible candidate in range.
She would never know and neither did she care that much anymore. It was hard to care about such petty things when life had proven to have more complications than it lets on. Over the years, she had learned that she could not change the world for herself, instead she had to simply go with it, accept whatever was thrown in her way. Change herself for the world if must be.
It was, however, rather hard and even impossible at times to just accept what had been given to her. Because she was human and humans are hard to satisfy.
And yet the art of poison had satisfied her, intrigued her, in the way that her other studies wouldn't. She became so absorbed in it that she would almost do anything to slip away as often as she could to meet her secret teacher. Genji's tutoring wasn't a gentle one and yet she endured it until at last she knew everything he did. Such that she could craft deadly poison from even the most harmless plant there was. By then poison had become almost like an obsession to her, a part of her life she couldn't bear of living without.
It was around that time when her father left once again to war. This time, her brother, who existed only because of their mother's sacrifice, rode with him. She was, of course, denied of the honor and was left in charge of the dwelling instead.
In her defiance, she drowned herself in the forbidden art even more until she was able at last to surpass her mentor.
It had started off as a normal practice session and ended as one of the most horrifying experience she was to have.
Genji's pride would not let himself live when his disciple had surpassed him, when someone better than him in his own beloved art existed. He cursed her, as he died the agonizing death her poison brought. He cursed her and made her watch him suffer, stripping away whatever childish innocence she'd ever had.
The whole episode effected her so, that she vowed to never use her poisons ever again. She thought her whole life ruined. She could not erase Genji's melting face away and she could not speak to anyone about it, for her obsession was a forbidden one, not to forget the fact that Genji's head was wanted for various reasons and by even more various people.
She had thought her whole life ruined. She really did.
Except that only lasted until news of her father's expedition came by. They were ambushed and practically wiped out by the Oni clan. Both her father and brother survived with a lot of injuries. They survived, but just barely.
And just as she thought things could not get any worse, it did. Not long after her father's party got back, their residence was attacked and taken over. Her brother was taken hostage and she escaped only because of her poisons. People thought her cursed, deranged even and her father committed suicide from shame, both his own and for his once beloved daughter. At least it was an honorable death, one people would not scorn him for.
Traumatized and humiliated, she left on a self-afflicted quest to get her brother back. In the end it turned out a good thing that she left when she did, for the Oni clan came back, this time ready to annihilate the Taya family. If she hadn't left, she probably would have been thrown into a forced marriage or prison or her head chopped off to be displayed in the villages to ensure obedience.
And so at last she gave in once again to her cursed love and obsession as she vowed to not only get her brother back but also to get her revenge. She vowed to restore her lands and her clan's honour with her brother as its leader. She vowed on her own life.
On her journey, she heard rumour of the Shikon no Tama. The cursed glass jewel that was said to be worth at least five years' worth of rice, for it was whispered that it could grant any wish, any wish at all. Even the worst of illness could be cured.
But this wasn't what sparked her interest in the Tama. No, not at all. She heard enough stories about magical things that could grant wishes and takes the wishes anyway they wanted. Nothing good ever came out of them. Plus she knew what most did not, the Tama would only serve certain masters and she knew who they were.
Her blood boiled because the Shikon no Tama had once belonged to her family. It was a family inheritance that was worth far more than it was said to be. She had forgotten about it in her hurry to leave and thought it still safe in its secret disguise anyway.
It was the straw that broke the camel's back. Everything she grew up with, taught to be proud of, was gone, stripped away. All she had left was her pride, for even her honour had been stripped away from her.
And so it happened in her search for revenge, she stumbled upon her worst enemy. It was the young lord of Shaku, traveling in disguise of a monk with two companions. For even though the Oni clan was the one who had stolen everything from her, the Shaku clan was the one that had made it possible. Her father had trusted Lord Shaku and yet his betrayal led to her father's downfall. It seemed to her the Shaku clan held more blame than even the Oni clan.
She had attacked him at once, not stopping even to think about her rash actions, the fact that she was outnumbered, her reason was already clouded by both depression and resentment for her own existence.
She had the upper hand in the beginning merely because of both her skill and rage, but in the end she was still exhausted and outnumbered. Not to forget that her underestimation placed her on a disadvantage, the silver-haired companion of the Lord had an exceptionally high skill and stamina.
Plus, she had long since confidently used her poisons in battle. Genji was the first human to ever die by her hands and let's just say that episode of her life wasn't her most favoured one. She had since used her needles only as her last resort, using the simple martial arts skill she'd learned from both her father's guards and Genji instead.
Just as she was about to receive the last blow, the other girl dressed up in miko garments, begged for her silver-haired companion to not hurt her. His guard went down instantly, she dare not let the chance slip and stabbed him through his arm. To her utter shock, instead of yelling out in pain, he merely looked irritated and knocked her unconscious.
When she came back to the world of consciousness, she found herself laid down in what looked like an abandoned hut of some sort with the miko in attendance. She did not hesitate to reach out for her hidden needles and placed it near the girl's throat, for both her knife and katana had been, of course, removed from her person.
She did not trust the younger girl at all. She had learned that trust only blinds one's judgment. Everyone she had ever trusted betrayed her in the end. Even the father she idolized, even the only person that was so like her in personality and passion.
The girl did not plead for her to spare her life, instead she plead for her not to move too much lest she'd open her healing wounds. Taken by surprise, she had lowered her needle for a fraction of a second, but it was enough for the other girl to push her back down to her bedding. Still untrusting, she questioned the girl's motives, confused as to why anyone would care for her when she had attempted to murder her companion and possibly even her. There really was no guarantee that she would not try it again. There really was no reason to not abandon her to the beasts.
The other girl simply shrugged, replying that she didn't look like a bad person. She was so astonished by the other girl's naiveté that she complied without any further questions.
Kagome was what the other girl's name turned out to be. And though she was still hesitating to give her trust, she decided to trust Kagome for the moment; she was still too weak to go on her own anyway. She decided to leave the moment the chance arrived. To leave and finish her near impossible self-afflicted quest.
She would leave. But not before Shaku's young lord had a taste of her revenge.
In span of time she spent under Kagome's care, she never once caught a glimpse of the two men she knew existed. She would hear their voices each afternoon as dusk enveloped the sky, but Kagome kept her inside. She was, in a way, a hostage despite Kagome's excuses. It seemed that Kagome's companions weren't as naïve as she was. Either that, or Kagome had more to herself than she let on.
Genji had taught her to always stay low and listen, to bide her time as she learn as much as she could about her enemy before striking down when least expected. So though she was dying to get out of the old hut, to breathe fresh air, to feel the wind in her hair as she ran, she forced patience upon herself.
Until one night she knew it was time. An illogical reasoning as it was, she somehow had the nagging feeling that if she did not leave then and there, she'd never will. Besides she had wasted more time than she could afford. Who knew how her brother fared? He was barely alive when taken away by the Oni clan and now with her gone and her father dead, the Oni Lord needed a Taya hostage no more. This single thought itself was enough to set her mind on leaving at once.
From the bits of conversation she had with Kagome, she had learned that the other companion of Lord Shaku went by the name Inuyasha. Kagome said nothing else about him, but she had recognized the name. Even in the peaceful Taya, people talked about him in hushed whispers, the foreigner Inuyasha who was said to come from the seas. The one who was said to have at least a drop of demon blood in him. For how else could a human have such strength, such stamina, such acute hearing?
That night, as she faked unconsciousness, Kagome left her to soothe her irritable companion. Inuyasha, it seemed, did not like to be kept at one place for too long. She noted the absence of the young Lord, who had been keeping Inuyasha company earlier.
She knew young Lord Shaku would not only be near, but also most definitely be alone.
Her prediction was proven right. She soon found the young Lord sitting alone by a small stream, seemingly lost in meditation. If she hadn't known better, she would've thought him a real humble monk instead of the heir to the powerful Shaku domain he was.
Never once did she let her guard down even as she felt a nagging familiarity in him. She hesitated once only, as she aimed her poisoned needle. She had learned enough first-hand lessons that hesitation was, most definitely, not a prerequisite in anything, let alone assassination. And yet she did that one fatal mistake anyway as she aimed for the back of his neck. She hesitated, because her last memory of Genji could never really be forgotten and she hesitated because she had never killed, or wanted to kill, anyone intentionally. Even the strong knowledge of doing the right thing wasn't strong enough to stop her from hesitating. Perhaps the only explanation to her hesitation was fate. Fate had written thus and so thusly it had guided her.
That single hesitation, of course, brought her downfall as fate, or whatever other forces that controlled humans' lives, had decided long ago. He had spoken.
Her shock and astonishment was so great that her shaking hands nearly dropped the needle. He had sensed her presence all along. He had given her the chance to end his life, yet she had let it slip by and, like most chances are, it was only given once.
He made no move to punish her arrogance in trying to take his life. Instead he started talking in such a voice that she came close to forgetting her reason of being there in the first place. Human memories are indeed weird in its working, for though she can no longer recall what he had said, she remembered his tone clearly. It was one she could not place, for despite expressing sadness and despair, it also had hope and optimism in it. Poignant as it was, it still managed to sound in ecstasy at the same time. It was lonely but also craving to get away from the crowd.
And for some time that felt as long as centuries and as short as moments, she just froze there, listening to his voice, not knowing what to do or think. After being lonely for so long, she at last found someone who might allow her to break free from the chains of seclusion. There was, of course, something else to it. The one thing that made sure she would not kill him. Yet, at the very least.
It was those few years of initial childhood pleasure that proved to be her ultimate weakness, even more than her fear, her dread, her guilt, her grief and her anguish. In the end, it wasn't her inner darkness that weakened her, but her innocence hidden deep inside, missing and longing for the happiness she once had. Because she knew for sure that her childhood friend would never want her to kill this man in front her. Because they'd spoke of growing up and she knew that her childhood friend would be saddened to see what she had become, to see the curse she bore so boldly in her fingers. Because…
Because wasn't that beloved friend of hers this man's past, his younger, child self?
When at last he turned around to face her, her hand, that clutched the needle as if it were her own lifeline, was lowered already. And as she did so, she knew she had failed her father once again and fulfilled Genji's curse instead. The curse, that ensured her to never be happy. She had proven that, after everything, she was nothing, nothing at all save for a gullible girl in a world of men.
And as her eyes met his, she knew that one day she would have to kill him or him her. Not because it was their choice, but because it was how everything would fall into place. Because life had always been about choices, though the ones taken would be taken only because it had been decided even before the choices itself existed. Because although everyone were created to be equal, although everyone had the same rights to happiness, there would always be those who must suffer in order for others to define happiness. For how could anyone ever be happy if they had never witnessed unhappiness?
She had kept everything inside her. Not only because her kind were expected to, but also because she knew no one would understand or care enough to understand. Her whole perception of the world had crumbled once, so she had built another one in her journey, one based on lonely pessimistic beliefs and values. And yet, just in the past few weeks itself, she found everything she had started to believe in starting to crumble once again.
She had gotten the feeling that Kagome would care enough to understand if only she'd let her. Kagome could never understand, of that she was sure, but she cared enough to try. Her naiveté allowed her to be unselfish; to be an idealist even as everything ideal were crushed and trampled over.
Then there was this man in front of her. The one whose face betrayed his heart's desires for once, instead of the disguise he played so well so as not to be recognized. The one whose eyes held the same pain she held. For what and for whom she would probably never find out and nor did she think she would wanted to. Perhaps she was blessed in her loneliness, for she only had to bear her own pain and no one else's.
She had learned to trust no one, not even Kagome, maybe not even her own brother if it comes by. Because giving away her trust would mean giving people weapons to use against her. She had learned from her own father's mistake that simple trust could destroy the lives of thousands. And consequently she convinced herself that she would trust not even this man, to ignore the illogical longing that wanted to trust him, to answer the plea in his eyes.
People like Kagome would almost certainly describe it as love. She had, however, long since believed in love. It is true that love existed, she could not deny truth. What else allowed her to forgive her brother all his faults and respected her father though he favored her brother over her? She believed in love, just not in the way where a human being would pine endlessly after another one on impulse, for no logical reason. And her snorts would remain accompanying those deceptive love ballads, which described an individual not be able to live without a certain other. For she had, once, thought she would die if her father or Genji ever left her. Yet after everything, she was standing there, still in loss on what to do, certain as the gnawing feeling in her heart that she'd done something horribly wrong to herself.
In the end he had reached out to her, as if to convince himself she was real, that he hadn't been just talking to another shadow of his longing after all. She was torn, a part of her wanted to give in, to accept the man's offered friendship, for here was one who'd not only care but would also understand. Even if it was just for the sake of their shared childhood, even if it wasn't more than pity, even if he truly did care…
But the other part of her could not, would not allow her such fancy hopes. Or maybe it was just too scared to be betrayed once again, to be left alone afresh. She was too used to loneliness that the idea of someone wanting to link their lives to her seemed absurd, terrifying almost.
Her weaker part won the fight, forcing her to run away. Just as his touch, the slightest possible contact of skin, landed softly on her arm, she fled. She ran as fast as her long unused legs would take her, its screams dimmed by her own panic and fear. She fled like prey from hunter. As if he was poison, as if he was demon. As if she did not care.
When at last her unpracticed legs gave away, she looked over her shoulders, fully expecting to see him catching up to her. And when she saw no one, she foolishly waited, half convincing herself that he was just a bit behind. People say trust was enough, but although she had allowed herself to trust once again after so long, she was alone nevertheless.
As she snapped out of her frantic trance, so surprised was she by her own foolishness, she nearly laughed out loud. She was astonished even more when she felt the warm taste of salt in her mouth, the soreness in her eyes. She was crying. The weakness she hated most. Because only women cry, only women would've failed as she had.
Only a woman deserved her fate…
She had cried her heart out that night. Because she felt she had sunk so low, that even the dirt-eaters would've had more honour than she did. Because she thought she had lost everything that there was nothing else she could possibly loose.
But of course when morning came she gathered her wits together once again. Because sometimes that was how life was. Because as unhappy as one could ever be, life will still go on. Even chickens who had had their heads chopped off would still run around with every last bit of their life.
Hence she moved on as if nothing had happened, concealing the eternal bruises she carried within her heart. Hence she moved onwards, clinging to her quest of hatred and revenge like nothing before. She had nothing left now, only her revenge and her pain. And if her revenge were completed, she'd only have the pain. Which would mean she'd have nothing left to live for. And she longed for that time. She longed for the time when at last she could just forget everything and do whatever she wanted to do.
She longed for the time when she could end everything.
She had thought her heart dead and loneliness her permanent sole companion. However, as unpredictable as fate always had been, her first meeting with the Shaku group proved only to be the first of many.
They crossed ways more times than she could count. And before she fully grasped the situation, she had more or less became a part of the small companionship. She'd still traveled on her own, of course. Her quest was a personal one; she did not wish to involve anyone else on it, even if it was her dear enemy.
They would travel together, disentangle for a short while and then meet up again by purely coincidental reasons. Every time, Kagome would ask her, half beg her to stay with them and she'd tell her she could not.
In true fact it wasn't because she couldn't, it was because she would not. She had learned to trust them a little in their companionship, although it was in exchange for the lost of trust she had in herself, she no longer trusted herself. She did not know what she'd do if… if… if something happened. If her loyalty were to be tested, she would not know whom she would choose, whom she would have to sacrifice. She lived each day on impulse, a feverish quality to her brain as she clung onto her blind quest. She did, however, found herself in no position to deny that destiny had seemed to make their destination one.
Yet those days spent with the others were ones where she could think a little more clearly, where the haze in her brain would lift up for awhile, where she had something other than loneliness to support her. Despite that, getting away from them was also a relief of its own kind. She did not have to pretend as much, she could be herself without being judged, without being pitied, without being loved.
Still, before she knew it, she had learned about them until she felt like there never was a day when she had not known them. Kagome loved traveling with her, as only having male companions tire her. She discovered from Kagome's chatty nature that old Lord Shaku did betray her father willingly under Naraku of Oni's threat. After the deed was done, he killed himself and his whole family. The youngest of his sons was spared only because he was away in the province for his studies. The youngest son never did have that much interest in the arts of war yet he now found himself hunted by Naraku for his father's insolence.
Inuyasha she had heard of, but now she started to actually know him. He had been washed ashore to their homeland long ago. The name he went by wasn't his real name of course, it was an insult to his differences. He could speak no known language when he arrived, in fact he did not talk at all, only made absurd sounds and grunts. If he did not have the strength he had, he would probably had been used as an animal circus of some sort. And so those who envied, who were scared of him called him dog instead. The wild dog that was a demon they say. Nevertheless, Inuyasha knowing whatever he knew, instead wore the name with pride as one would a scar from a great battle.
Kagome had, however, assured her that Inuyasha was perfectly harmless and treasured friendship once he had it. She had gathered that Kagome tried extra hard to understand Inuyasha and though her naiveté and her own hot head stood in the way, she could see that Inuyasha was touched by it.
Kagome herself was a miko apprentice, though not until very late. The clan war killed the young mikos of her village and Kagome, as desperate as it was, was the only one young and old enough a girl left to be trained by the dying miko. When the young Shaku lord and his guard was in hiding at their village, she decided to serve him at once and left her village with the her dying tutor's blessing.
The Lord in disguise had turned out to have more or less, the same horrible past as she did. Despite that, she knew that even though she had killed him that night, she wouldn't have felt as guilty as she did now for letting him live. For as right as it seemed, she knew it was simply the wrong choice. People like them did not deserve to be happy and testing fate would only bring worse ends than that originally intended.
In those rare moments when they traveled together, she found the young Lord gentle and caring. She had subconsciously started to look forward to, and to savour, his companionship, the simple pact they had of simply keeping each other company when Kagome and Inuyasha were about on their own business. He was the only one who knew her true identity, for even as much as Kagome had opened up to her, she could not bear to share her story lest pity be thrown towards her.
He did not betray her and so she repaid him by doing the same even as dark forebodings bordered her thoughts whenever she spared his life. Though his own personality was far from one of a monk's, he was a good actor. He was, in truth, as most warrior class lords were: charming, used to getting their way and had eyes to spare for women. Yet he was also mature and witty. He was also insecure as noble people are required to be, he very rarely gave anything away. That one fateful night, seemingly a lifetime away, was the only time he'd ever truly opened up to her. He'd occasionally shared his worries with her, but never too much, never enough. It made her felt as if he knew her better than she did. And though she knew he trusted her, she also knew that he was as scared as she was to bridge whatever was between them. He too understood how fickle their lives were.
He too feared the closeness of the end of their lives.
He too did not trust himself to not betray her.
And so as the events fell into piece, the Kaze clan had reason to war against the Oni clan. The head of the Kaze clan, the widow Lady Kagura, was somehow informed of the still living heirs of two powerful estates and sought their alliance. Soon enough, an agreement was sealed to the satisfactory of each representative.
The plan formulated was then put into action. She had wanted to lead, or at least be in, the team that was to slip into the Lord Oni's domain and open the way for the main army lead by Lord Miroku of Shaku alongside of Lady Kagura of Kaze. But of course not a single soul would hear anything of it, she was a woman and war isn't a woman's place. Lady Kagura, a powerful woman herself, did have sympathy to spare for her but not enough that she'd risk danger on a powerful alliance. Strategy for power always comes first in politics. Lord Shaku added in private that her poisons, though effective, might only put the soldiers on edge especially when wield by a woman.
Her pride scarred, she complied with not as much as a proud glare. When the time came, however, she dressed herself as one of the men and slipped in among them at the last minute. No one noticed her for they were far too concerned about what lay ahead rather than the addition to their number, which she thought was rather slack of them. What if she was one of their enemies?
She told herself that her reason for wanting to go in so early was because of her brother. For some unfathomable reason, she had a feeling that if she did not go in early enough, she would never see her brother ever again. News had it that he had recovered well enough from his injuries, but news had long since changed its name from gossip. Because the name 'news' sounded like a more honorable name than the malicious deceit it was.
The group made their way in silently, slitting throats of innocent people trying to make life decent for their family. She let the others do the dirty work, since the sight of dead bodies still stimulated bile in her throat. She dreaded whatever was ahead of her but she stilled her erratic beating of heart with methods taught by Genji. That, and memories of the calm serene moments she shared with a certain young Lord.
The way was soon cleared, as every possible invasion entries closed. The mission seemed to be going well and signals were soon sent to the waiting army outside. A subtle flare of torch, twice, thrice. She watched as the silent army marched in through the gawping doors into the unsuspecting Oni domain.
At last her chance came and she slipped away, making her way silently through to the heart of the castle. Somehow, her mind was no longer fixed on her brother but now on the Lord of the castle, the one they call Naraku. Hate flared as sudden as the torches and reason left her. All of the sudden, it was all his fault she had ever suffered, his fault that she even existed to learn pain. She brushed away the thought that reasoned her father's similar actions, that it was all politics sake. She loathed him so much she felt she could die of it.
If she wasn't so mindset, she would've probably noticed the missing guards from his chamber and things would probably have ended differently. But she didn't and so fate weaved its ugly masterpiece on.
He was there, the Lord of Oni, the one so feared because of his ruthlessness that none remembers his real name anymore. Instead, they refer to him as Naraku as he had titled himself. And though one might think the name too big for a human, he was one exception; he never once showed any emotion other than ruthlessness and dictatorship. Surely, Hell could not be much worse.
Her excitement had slowly turned into dread. Everything was going smoothly, far too smoothly for her liking. In her short life, she'd learned that nothing ever is perfect and the fact that everything seemed deceivingly perfect disturbed her. As she opened the door to his chamber, she half hoped that he would not be there. But who was she to kid herself? Things have rarely been right for her, so why would it be this time?
He stood there in his rich garments, in the middle of the even richer ornamented room. He stood there in his haughty demeanor, as if knowing that she could not hurt him, as if sure that he would be the one to ruin her life not her his. As she stepped through, she understood the reason why.
Her brother was standing in his defense, wielding the heirloom sword their father had given him just before they left for his first war. She felt tears prick her eyes from irony, she herself had been the one to teach him how to wield the sword properly. She had been the one who envied him for getting the treasured sword, because even though their father loved them both equally, she was still the girl who would one day be sent away into marriage, while her brother would be the one who carries his name and thus his honour.
For the past months she had grown to love her brother more than she ever had. Back in the happy times, they had tolerated each other, respected each other in a way that most siblings did not. But now he was the only link she had left to her family, all the envy and jealousy she had ever harbored for him had now turned into possessiveness. A passion, to get back what was hers.
She felt pride soar in her heart as she saw how much he had grown in the past year. How his stance and grip was steady and professional. Even the look of hurt and hate in his eyes still gave her a sense of pride.
As she contemplated her ironic situation, Naraku taunted her. He had known all along that she was coming after him. He had known all along that she was seeking revenge, that she was her father's daughter. For out of all his enemies, Naraku hated, loathed, her father, the pious Lord Taya, most. He loathed him so much that even the Lord's tragic end was not enough, Naraku still sought to ruin his afterlife's peace, to ruin everything her father had ever held dear.
Her brother he had corrupted. And now he would put his own castle in risk for the sake of her suffering. She saw that he no longer saw reason, that he had gone mad with power and reveled in other's suffering. It was true then that he understood no longer human emotions, that was prove enough for his credibility to live up to his referred name.
She had already prepared her most deadly poison. The one she most loved and most hated. The one that proved that she had indeed more talent than her teacher did. The one that had been used on only one person before. The one for which no antidote existed and where the victim suffers the most. The one no human being, save for Naraku deserved.
But as she plunged towards him, her brother parried her blow. And fought her as he hissed dirty words of hatred towards his own sister. Dirty words of devotion for Naraku.
She had once thought she would have to hurt her brother one day. She had thought that she would be able do it, for she had trained to steel herself. She had thought if she did, she would most certainly kill herself afterwards. So both their honours would stay intact. Now that it was to be done, she hesitated still. She knew what she had to do, saw clearly before her eyes what was right.
She had to kill her brother in order to get her revenge. For her brother was no longer the young heir of Taya anymore, too blinded was he by devotion, too brainwashed. And to only knock him unconscious would hurt her pride and her family's honour. She knew the only way was to kill him. To take away his right to live. She knew her father would forgive her; it was what he would do were he still alive. She could feel her father's own hands guiding her own as she parried and knocked her brother's sword away.
She could tell that Naraku had trained her brother harsher than even her father did, but she could still win. Gumo Genji himself, the infamous genius assassin who was said to make his victim suffer as much as his employer requires, had taught her. Gumo Genji, the one who was said to never fail a single mission, who could never have been killed by even the strongest person on earth. Gumo Genji who would carve his mark of the spider onto his victim's flesh while they were still animate. Little did the world know about the scrawny little girl who had delivered the ending blow that killed the world's most deadly assassin.
She vaguely heard the clang of sword as it struck the floor; her mind was way too focused on her brother. She felt warm tears cooling her hot face as her own katana shook on its way to her brother's throat. She was dimly aware of Naraku's taunts, his laughter pealing out as if in ecstasy. He did not care if he was killed next. He cared only for her pain and suffering, the scene in front of him proof that he had ruined her life.
Just as her blade touched her brother's throat, she felt something grabbing her from behind. A strong hand caught her own as it made its way to end the thread of her brother's life. Before she knew what was happening, she was suddenly thrown onto the floor with a lot of cussing from her assailant.
It was Inuyasha.
Naraku screamed in total fury. His perfectly devised plan was ruined. He did not care about anything, not even himself as long as he'd made everything his arch enemy treasured wither away accompanied by suffering. And as Inuyasha moved forward to face him, he pulled out his own sword and swung it around with great skill despite his broken sanity.
Even Inuyasha was slowly being cornered as Naraku made his way to her, to yank out her soul. To finish off what Genji had begun. For wasn't Genji Naraku's half brother? Perhaps it was all just a plot against her father after all. And she was the one who had betrayed her father, more than even old Lord Shaku. She had betrayed him in the worst possible way.
She half wanted to just give up then and there. To let Naraku win this small victory. A part of her was too tired of fighting back, too tired of betrayal and talk of trust. But the rest of her would not let her do even that, her soul was too tainted to even give up. So she stood up and ran to meet him, her beloved needle ready in one hand, her katana long since discarded by Inuyasha. She had only to let the poison into Hell's veins and her revenge would be complete. She had only one needle, one weapon. If she were to die, she cared not as long as the poison ran in Naraku's veins. And she swore inwardly to herself that she would make herself watch, she'd make herself watch as Naraku meet the same end as his half-brother, her beloved teacher, did.
Naraku sensed her approach and with strength that only a deranged being could have, shoved Inuyasha so hard, the wind was knocked out of the man whose strength were almost demon. She saw only him as he grinned manically at her throat, at her burning rage. Everything else was a blur. She thought she heard Inuyasha struggling to yell something to her, to warn her. But she had long since discarded her care for anything else but revenge.
Just as they came into each other's range, she felt time slowing down. She saw Naraku's sword raising itself to gather impact even as her eyes went to focus on the spot where the poison would spread fastest. That was when she felt something tug her legs and make her loose her balance. She was so astonished that she waved her arms around to regain her balance rather than putting the practiced moves into action.
She hit the ground far before she thought she would. Only it wasn't the ground, it was a body. Someone had caught her and now parried Naraku's blows, using his own body to shield her. By that time, Inuyasha had recovered just enough to deliver the blow that banished Hell from the mortal world.
And so it was proven that even the most cunningly devised plan could never be perfect.
She thought time should be going back at its normal pace by now, but it was still going in slow motion. She watched Naraku's body hit the rich carpet after the longest time as if gravity dare not let evil hit the ground lest its anger be turned on it, but everything must end eventually and soon his lifeblood was ruining the work of art that covered the chamber's floor.
Time was still going on its slow motion mode. It took her so long, much too long, to just look up at her savior to see whom it was. When she at last caught a glimpse of him, she was somehow not surprised to find Lord Shaku Miroku half grimacing at her, as if he was trying to smile at her but was in too great a pain to be able to do it properly. In his eyes she saw the ugly hue of fear spreading even as the serenity he always had remained, it was the ironic combination he always had that made him the person he was.
She smiled back at him. A true smile such as one she hadn't worn ever since her happiness, that was partly he, was torn away from her years ago. And as she smiled, she saw the fear in his eyes fade away that serenity and tenderness were all that was left. The fact that irony no longer existed in him scared her and for the first time she was aware of the absence of her needle from her hand. Her eyes widened in wild realization as she searched for it, dreading the location of its newfound residence.
Her needle, her beloved needle had claimed its place in the young Shaku lord's arm, somehow managing to look as if it belonged there.
Genji's bitter curse had at last proven its existence.
And so the emptiness you've filled is now even emptier.
And I knew there was something more to us from the start.
And I knew that we were never meant to be.
And I knew I should've ended it before it could even start.
And I knew you never wanted me to suffer.
And I knew you would never blame me for anything at all.
And I knew I was never worthy of your anything.
And so I linger on patiently, painfully.
And no one would ever be worthy of our story.
For no one would ever understand.
Not even I.
She had led a trying life when she was younger. Some would've given up when she hadn't and most would've chosen a different path from hers. Now her life tale would be nothing more than an exciting fairy tale told to keen young ears, who understood nothing but innocence and admired everything innocently. Yet she felt lucky, content that she had lived the way she did. If she could change the past, she would change a lot. But that would be like wishing Lord Shaku Miroku to come back from death. She had admired the young lord. He had touched her in his fierceness for life, his readiness to lay his revenge down if it meant happiness for others. She was one of the rare few whom he'd shared a glimpse of his true self to. In fact, she was one out of the five people he'd ever truly trusted. And she was eternally grateful for that honor.
He had died horribly. His corpse was broken and unrecognizable but for the smile on his lips. He had not died peacefully as everyone deserved, he had not even died in the honour of war as warriors dream for; he had simply died with pain as the only feeling in both his body and soul. Though why one would describe something as horrifying as what he went through as simple, she would never comprehend.
Once, she had merely respected him, now as his name dies away in the decay of time, she admires, almost worships, him for what he had done with his life. He would never be remembered by the world, for he had done nothing great enough to be written in histories. But he had done the one thing that was much, much greater, much more honorable than any human might wish for. He had changed a person's, even more than that, a lot of people's life. He had lived and died for someone he loved.
She remembered when their group first met Lady Sango of Taya, though at the time they did not know who she was. She remembered seeing all the pain, sadness and passion in her eyes and feeling pity for the girl. She had taken care of her injuries, the gashes and bruises not even peasants would've had. She had wondered what her story was. Now she wondered how a Lady of her rank could ever possibly been thrown into the position she was in.
Taya Sango had then disappeared one night only to be found again weeks later traveling on her own to complete a mysterious personal quest. She had been glad to see her hale and healthy although her eyes did seem to be emptier than it was when they first met. They had met and parted and she understood that whatever quest the other girl was on; she did not want any company. It had seemed absurd to her, for wasn't a lot of things easier if there are friends to help you?
She had suspected nothing at first. But then, it seemed that her Lord Miroku would make excuses up to stay longer than they would need to at villages. Inuyasha had not been happy about it, since the more they moved it was less likely that anyone would suspect their true identities. It was after the third delay that she realized how her Lord was waiting for the opportunity to 'coincidentally' bump into the lone traveler.
She had been excited about it and helped her Lord coax Inuyasha into agreement. She occupied Inuyasha as much as possible to give the two time on their own, though there were not much inconvenience on her part on doing that. She had thought both her Lord and his object of fancy deserved what they had. They were both lonely, untrusting and suffered the same. They deserved to be happy so much more than she thought anyone could.
At first Taya Sango had been cold, not willing to trust anyone, always eager to be off on her lonely journey once again. Nevertheless, as time rolled, she seemed to warm up to them, she'd stay with them for longer, opening herself just a bit and she had watched as the emptiness in the girl's eyes filled up slowly.
Before the final battle, her Lord had ordered her to keep a close eye on the Lady, but Lady Taya had still somehow managed to slip away from her. Panicked, she had informed her Lord at once, who knew the only place his love would be. She swore he would've jumped right into the castle and thus ruining the whole plan had it not been the years of training he had had. He had reined himself, though she could clearly see his worry etched into his eyes and for the first time she saw him loose his serene and confident composure.
As a miko, she had been allowed to accompany the army in and so she saw how the normally gentle, peace loving Lord fought fiercely. He had sent Inuyasha ahead to find Lord Oni as he followed with the rest of the army. But she knew nothing of what had ensued in the heart of the castle, even Inuyasha refused to tell her anything. And though it was whispered to be something more, everyone assumed that Lord Naraku had somehow managed to poison Lord Miroku as he was given the deathblow.
She thought all would be right; for love was enough to right every wrong. Eventually, a messenger had came to inform them of the castle's Lord's death and their victory. She had rejoiced with everyone else until Lady Kaze beckoned to her and told her of her Lord's condition.
Only a few were allowed in the room where Lord Shaku Miroku spent his last moments of fading life. Those who were dear to him: his two companions and best friends, Lady Kaze, of course, and Lady Taya. Yet in the end, they all left save for one. Not from disgust for his foolish end, but in respect to him.
When they dared enter the room again, they had found Taya Sango sitting there tranquilly by his side despite her afore hysterical state. Both his pain and his last breath had left him and yet there was the most serene smile she had ever lived to see on his lips, a perfect paradox to his broken body, having been eaten from the insides.
She had wondered countless times about what was whispered in those last few moments, what could make the pair look so happy, so content in the face of what fate had given them. She, herself, found it hard to move on, knowing it must've been partly her fault that her Lord no longer existed in the mortal world. Surprisingly, it was Inuyasha who had helped her through as he too struggled to heal.
It was discovered that Taya Kohaku had been controlled by means of the Shikon no Tama. Lady Kaze did everything in her power to wear off the effects on the young boy until at last she succeeded. He had then became the heir to both the Taya and Shaku lands as Lord Shaku had expressed his desire to hand over his domain to the Taya family if anything was to happen to him. The realm was for a while in the peace it deserved.
Lady Taya Sango had stayed around to ensure her brother's well being, betraying no more than she did the first time they met. Yet anyone could see despite her calm demeanor how the emptiness in her eyes was now hollow. Her brother did care for her even if he did not trust her fully as one was to expect, but she did not seem to care. It seemed that she did not care about anything much anymore.
The Lady would wake up early each morning after a few hours of sleep and start training her sword ship or explore the forests for some herbs. After that she would come back and make potions out of the herbs, potions that cured once incurable diseases. She ate little and pushed herself to the brink of exhaustion.
She had been extremely worried for her Lady. But the Lady would hear nothing of it and wasted herself away, convincing no one but her own self that she was fine.
And then, just as she once did before, she disappeared into the night.
Only this time, she was not to be found again.
No one knew where she went or what she did to herself. Most thought that she had gotten herself killed in the forest and her body eaten by wild beasts. Others whispered of a curse she bore, one that made her poison, one that made her more demon than even Inuyasha was.
Kagome, however, thought that the Lady had only waited around until she was needed no more. The Lady had never been one to accept pity and so she stayed to prove that she could live for the one she loved as he had died for her.
As for where she was… Kagome could only wonder. Though she was sure that the Lady was happy wherever she was.
Happier than she ever was.
As happy as she always deserved.
Taya Sango always did call Kagome naïve.…………owari…………
And erm... yes... Naraku translated literally means Hell or darkness. Something like that.
Inuyasha and Kagome did get together. And the last part of the fic after the poem thingy is from Kagome's POV. Miroku and Sango were childhood friends but separated for study reasons and such. Miroku died because Sango accidently killed him. Genji was Sango's teacher and she was attached to him basically. He supported her when there was no one else. As for what happened to Sango... your guess =P
I really like it for some reason... It's angst-loaded... and I tried to make it realistic... It just ended up being really abstract though.. -.-;;
Anyways, hope you liked it! Review!! And vote for me if you think it's good enough: http:www.anzwers. org/ free/ msfics/ aufanfictioncontest.htm Just take out the spaces.
The voting starts on the 15th. Go there anyway for some excellent S/M fanfics Thanks for reading!