A/N: So this is my first writing like this, so go easy on me! I wanted to try something new, so I gave this a try. I do hope you like this! Please let me know what you think. I would like to know if I should ever try this again. Thank you for even reading this is the first place. You rock!
Ps. This is my second copy of this story. I don't have anyone to go over my stories of me, so I had a look at this one and fixed it. So thank to all to reviewed the last copy and I do hope this one is better!
JennSidle
Time Standing StillLooking down at my hands all covered with blood I knew this all had to be a horrible nightmare. How could any of this be real? All the color in your face was fading away. You are looking more and more like a ghost. You can't leave me like this. I will never make it without you. You have always been there for me, the one person I could count on.
The years came flooding back to me, as if I was asleep in a dream. I still remember the first day I saw you at the lab. I knew you were there to investigate one of our own, but I still could not stop looking in awe at you beauty and grace. There was something about you that I could never seem to put into words. All I knew was I felt it in my heart. We became close and I could not be more thrilled to know such a wonderful woman. The day you told me that you had feelings for Grissom, my heart broke. I knew then that I would be nothing more then a good friend. But if that was all that I was ment to be, I was going to take it. Our friendship grew even more once you knew that you could trust me. We are like brother and sister now and I could not be happier.
This night was like any other. Nothing seemed to be any different. But if I only knew then what I know now, I would not have let Grissom even let you out of the lab. But then you would have argued and said you could take care of yourself. That is the kind of person you are not to run away form anything.
It all happened to fast. It did not even seem real. We went to the scene, like we all ways do. It was all clear, or so that's what they said. We entered the room and began to do our work. We talked about nothing important, or so I would have though then, but now looking back it might be the last we will ever have again. No one seemed to realize that there was a back door leading in. The man who had killed his wife and ran decided to come back again. None of us heard him come in and we never though twice. But then it was to late he had the gun on me. I could do nothing, not even say a word. Then you turned around and before I even knew it you had your gun aimed at him. The way his body moved, you could tell that he was scared. As he held the gun against my head, I could see the fear in your eyes.
All you said was "Mr. Simons you don't want to do this." And you held your gun tight. I could only imagine what you saw there. A mad man, who has already kill, now holds a friend with nothing to lose. If only I would have turned around and saw him coming none of this would be happening.
You tell him that you can help him if he only put the gun away. No one moved or even seemed to breath what felt like an eternity, but in fact was only a few minutes. Then your words seem to affect the man as he loosened up his grip. So I took action not thinking of what I might be about to lose. I rammed my elbow into his gut making him loose the grip he had on me. As I tried to get away he pushes me hard and I fell back into the glass table. As I fall I heard three bangs before I hit the table. The glass shatters, cutting me up pretty bad, but none of it seems to matter. I got to my feet as quick as I could and saw you standing there with your gun pointed at the fallen man.
Your aim was incredible, right through the heart. Then the nightmare truly began. I remember as I fell, three shots being fired. As I look down at the man I can only see one hole in his ratty white shirt. What happen to the other two shots then? I turn to you and in your eyes I can see pain, fear and hopelessness. As you fall to the ground. I race to your said and hold you tight. I push back your jacket and reveal a horrible sight. The two shots had found you, one in the stomach and one in the cheats. Why was this happening? Why? That was what was running through my head as I tried to stop the bleeding.
I remember then yelling for help as loud as I could. Then I snapped back into reality, now aware of what was happening around me. It must have been right after the shots were fired that Brass and the other man came running in. The other man was bent down over mad man checking if he was still alive and Brass was on his phone. All I can remember him saying was that there was a CSI down and they needed an ambulance right way.
Your face is so pale now. I just want to look away. This was a woman who was always strong and brave, but now is fading away. Your breaths are getting shallower as I begin to cry. I just keep tell you to hold in there that help is on the way, when all I want to do is run and hide. You look up with your big eyes and ask me if I am ok? That is just the kind of girl you are, always looking out for me. I try to say something as tears form in your eyes. "Nicky I'm so cold. Please don't let me go." All I can do is try not to cry harder. I know that I am loosing you. I tell you that you are strong and that you have to fight, for me and for the others.
The others, oh god. The team was like a family. We loved each other in our own special way. Catharine, she looked out for you more then you may have ever known. She though of you as a daughter, even if the two of you always seemed to fight. Warrick, man that guy loved you. The two of you might have started off on the wrong foot, but soon you became his family and he said that you made his life better in so many ways. Grissom, sometimes that man can be so dumb. He knows the feelings you have for him and yet he is afraid to show his. He has got the best woman right in front of him and is too blind to see it. But then the way he seems to light up when ever you name is mentioned. And then there is Greg, oh god Greg. He has the biggest crush on you. You are the only reason that he even wanted to become a CSI in the first place. He is going to be so lost if anything happens to you.
A hand on my shoulder snapped me back from my thoughts. Brass's hand was on my shoulder. "Nick you have to let her go. They need to do their work." I looked up and see the men yelling to each other as they took you out of my arms. Your eyes are now closed. Had you closed them while I was still holding you? I can't seem to remember.
It was all going to fast. The paramedics were working so hard. They said something about you not breathing as they started CPR. Why were you not breathing? This was not the strong woman I knew, just to stop like that. Everything seemed to be in a dream like haze. I stood up slowly as they placed you on to a stretcher and they continued CPR. Then I could hear them yell, "We have a pulse. We need to ventilate her and get to the hospital fast." As they started out the door I could hear "Were loosing her."
I could not take anymore of it. I could feel my knees start to give out, but then an arm supported me up and lead me to a chair. "Nick your hurt." It was Brass that was talking to me. "You need to get your back looked at." I had completely forgotten about falling into the coffee table. The truth was the pain that I felt from that was nothing like the pain that I was feeling in my heart right now.
Another paramedic looked at my back. Took out some shards of glass and told me that I was going to need some stitches. I did not care about myself at that moment. I needed to get to the hospital. I need to keep sure that you were all right. I headed to the door but Brass stopped me. He told me I was in no condition to be driving and that he would take me. I had no words for him, so I just nodded.
The car ride was spent in silence. Brass had his light and sirens going. He wanted to get there as fast and as bad as I did and it showed in his eyes. Then it hit me. Did the others know what was going on? Did they even know that you had been hurt? I was just about to ask, when Brass said quietly "Grissom and the others have been phoned and they are on the why to the hospital as we speak." It was as if Brass could read my thoughts. But is that was true, did Brass know how guilty I feel? How responsible I feel? How it should be me being rushed to the hospital not you?
The next few hours were going to be the hardest of my life. I just wanted to rewind time and start everything over. I still had so much to tell you, so this could not be your time. Walking through those doors into the emergency room, it felt like all the warmth in the world was gone. I saw the others standing together off in one corner. Then they saw Brass and myself coming up to them. They all looked so horrible, like they would never smile again. Catherine was crying and Warrick was comforting her the best that he could. Grissom just sat there, staring off into space. And Greg was pacing back and forth. Then all eyes were on me. I could see the fear in their eyes once they saw the state I was in. Small cuts and scratches all over my body. Catharine got up and gave me a hug, but once her touch fell apon my back I flinched and took a step back. I did not want to worrier her any more then she all ready was. I told her that I was fine, I had been checked out at the scene and I would take care of my back later. I sat down next to Grissom and asked if there was any word on you. They just shook their heads.
Time pasted maybe an hour or two. I really can not recall. We all just sat there in silence. There was still no word on you. For the first time since I got to the hospital Grissom spoke. He turned to me and asked me how this happened. This must have been going through all their minds. How they ended up at the hospital. What want wrong that night that one of their friend's life was in the balance and another was hurt? So I told them all what happened. But it was like telling them a nightmare I had the night before. None of it seemed real. How could this truly be happening? That was what I kept asking myself.
A doctor came out of the double doors and walked over to the group. The look on this man's face, I knew the news was not going to be good. "We have done everything that we can for her. We have stopped the bleeding, but too much damage has been done." The man looked down at the ground. I knew this had to be hard for him to tell us. "I am sorry I don't believe that she will make it through the night. She is a wake now. And asked if she could see you all. She is very weak and might not have the strength to do much talking, but please if you follow me now I will show you to her room." The man lead us to your room and each of us went in, one by one.
I was the last one to come in. Everyone had left crying. How could we be loosing you? This was not the way it is ment to be. I see you fragile body lying in the bed. All the life had seemed to leave the room. Your were once so full of life, now you look like a porcelain doll that would break with a single touch. I walk slowly to your bed. As I come closer you open you eyes. "Nick?" you say barely above a whisper. I tell you that I am here. A very weak smile forms on your face. I can tell that we were loosing you. It took all your strength to even keep your eyes open. "Nicky its going to be ok." I hold your hand lightly not wanting to hurt you. "It does not hurt anymore. Just a little cold and scared that's all." Tears were now flowing down my face. It hurt me so much to see and hear you like this. You were a fighter, and now it seemed like you were giving up. I tell you not to give up, that you could make it, but deep down inside I knew better then that. You look into my eyes "You got to go on Nick." I can't believe this, you are saying your good byes. NO, this cannot be happening. I tell you that I can't go on without you, though. It is getting harder for you to talk, but you go on. "You've got so much to give. None of this was your fault, so never think that. Take care of them Nick. You need each other now." It was getting hard to hear you. Tears were flowing freely down my face. No was all I could say. "Yes" then you gasp for a breath, not having much left in you. "Promise me, promise me Nicky." I just nod not knowing if I even tried, if any words would come out. I lift your hand and kiss it gently. Your eye slowly close, a single tear rolls down your face. "I'll always be with you." With those words the room fall quite. The lines on the monitor went flat and I knew that I had lost you. My best friend, the only person who I ever truly trusted was gone. Nothing but a shell was left. Time was standing still. What felt like years, I just sat there and held your hand. Then I placed your hand across your chest and kissed your forehead for the last time.
I left your room with my head down. The others were waiting out side. Looking them in the eyes, they knew then that it was over. We had lost the person that had brought us together as a family. Life was not going to be the same after that second. Greg held Catharine as she cried. Warrick placed an arm around my shoulders. We all needed to get out of this place. We all walked slowly out of the hospital without saying a word.
The next few weeks were hard to truly recall what was happening. The whole night shift was given two weeks off with pay. We were all trying to be so brave, but in our eyes you could tell that we were all at a loss. Your funeral was the most beautiful thing I've seen. You had all kinds of flowers, thousands and thousands in every color out there. So many kind words were spoken about you. How you were such an amazing person, how you touched everyone's life that meet you. No one had dry eyes. Not even Grissom and we all know how he never shows his feelings. The team was the last to leave. We all wanted to say our last goodbye together.
It has been almost been a year since we lost you and not a day goes by that we don't think of you. It was so hard at first to even think of going on without you. We all had our good and bad days. But over time it got easier. I made you a promise that day and I have kept it. I will always look out for them till the day I die. You would not guess what is happening now. Our Catherine and Warrick got together and are now expecting their first child and guess what they are going to name her? Greg had become an awesome CSI. He reminds me so much of you, the fire that is in his eyes when he is working on a case. Just like the way you were. Grissom took the whole thing the hardest. He locked himself in his office for the longest time. He once told me that he never got a chance to tell you how much he loved you. Did you hear what I just said? He loved you. I hope that makes you smile up there in heaven.
I lay some Lilies in front of you tombstone. I trace my fingers around the engraving. I knew that you were looking down at me from heaven, so I look up towards the sky and smile. I tell you to save me a seat up there with you. A tear rolls down my face as I take one last look at your tombstone before I head down the hill.
Sara Sidle
Loved by all who knew her.
September 16, 1971 – May 15, 2005
The End! (But TBC)
A/N: I hope you liked it! Thanks for reading it! You all rock. Let me know what you think. Oh by the way, I am going to be adding a second part to this story. If is going to be from Sara point of view. So if you liked this one keep an eye out of the next part. It should be up soon!
Jenn Sidle