"No that's stupid. You're stupid." You say, tossing a piece of crust at Rose, who was seated across from you.
"Aw come on Davey! You could get him if you tried!" Her older sister Roxy grinned at you, as she played with your older brother's hair. He batted at her hands half heartedly.
"Ro, leave him alone. If he wants to be a little pussy then let him." Dirk grunted, giving up and letting the older Lalonde do whatever she wanted.
You sigh. "I don't think you guys get it. John Egbert is way too mainstream for me. I can't date a guy like that. He'd totes ruin my image." You say, only partially kidding.
Rose scoffed. "Your image Strider? And what's that? A scarfed up douche with fake glasses straight from the early fifties? Pretend Egbert is your jock."
Your eyes narrowed behind your frames. "Least I'm not some fashionless nerd. Nice kitty sweater, by the way. Definitely fits the twelve look you seem to be goin for."
Dirk snickered, and Roxy rolled her eyes, stepping between you two. "Guys, guys, stop." She said, more fondly exasperated than anything. They were used to and Rose's bitch fights by now.
Both of you nodded, and you stuck your hand out to her. "Truce?" You said, smirk playing against your lips.
She arched a blonde eyebrow, reaching her own hand out to meet yours. "Very we-"
"Psych." You said, taking the hand and running it through your hair, grinning at Rose.
"You have the mentality of a five year old Strider." She said, chuckling lightly.
You ruffled her hair as you got up, knowing she hated it. "But you love me for it Lalonde." You said, throwing your messenger bag over your shoulder. You stuffed your hands in your pockets, and walked to your next class. History.
There was still a good five or six minutes left of lunch, but if you got there early, you could get the seat in the back row, behind Egbert and you henceforth would be able to stare at him as much as you wanted. You fully admitted Egbert was hot. Broad chest, square jaw, made all the ladies go crazy, no doubt.
Unfortunately, as far as you could tell, he wasn't gay.
(Not that you had talked to him.)
(No you weren't scared, no matter what Rose said.)
But still, staring at Egbert was way better than learning about Champlain or whatever.
"Hey! Dave!" A voice called out to you. Sweet, and peppered with innocent cuteness.
"Hey." You said, turning to the girl. Jane Crocker, Roxy's kinda sorta something, and head cheerleader to be. "Sup Crocker?"
Also one of the only popular kids to talk to you.
Okay, so maybe the only, but whatever.
(It needed to be stated at this time that not even the other hipster in their group would talk to you.)
(You guys could shares scarves or something, you dunno.)
"Hey Dave! Could you give this to Rox for me?" She stuck out a piece of paper, scrawled with the word Roxy on top in cotton candy blue.
You took it, with a small smile and an arch of your brow. "Love letter Crocker?"
She flushed. "N-no! Nothing of the sort! Just give it to her, please?" She asked, rolling on the balls of her feet and biting at her lip.
You grinned, and nodded. "Sure thing Crocker." You started to walk to class once more, and waved a hand in acknowledgement as she called after you.
"Thanks Dave! And don't read it!"

Well shit. Your little chat with Jane put you in class just before the bell. Your normal seat in the back corner was taken, and surprisingly enough the only seats open were the front and centre seats, or the one right next to Egbert.
Egbert.
John Egbert.
Hoooly shiiiit.
This opportunity was too good to miss out on.
You slid into the seat, and tensed. You tapped your fingers against the dusk, waiting for him to notice. It took until the teacher started calling names for him to even turn around from where he had been messing around with some fringe popular you had been in a few classes with, yet still didn't know the name of. Carter? Caron? Something weird.
Even when he turned around, he still didn't realise you weren't in your normal spot. "Notice me Sempai." You mumbled under your breath, smirking. Your weeaboo of an older brother would like that one.
Finally, the teacher told everyone to turn to their partners and discuss some Roman Emperor or something. You didn't pay enough attention to care. The only cool emperor was that Nero guy. Standing and playing violin as his city burned down? Preeetty badass.
He turned to you, expecting Jade, who must have been sick or something, not that you cared much. His eyes lit up (with what, you dared not say. Joy, you hoped, but probably recognition. Why would a guy like him be excited to sit next to a hipster douche like you?)
He stuck out his hand. "John Egbert. I doubt you know me." He said, flashing you his signature grin.
You took the proffered appendage, giving it a shake, and hoping your palm wasn't too sweaty. "Yo." You cracked out, wincing at the slight shake in your voice. What the hell Strider, pull it together man.
He laughed, releasing your hand. "Strider, right? Dave Strider?"
He knew your name? Damn. "Uh, yeah. Strider, that's me." You said, nodding your head.
"Cool." He grinned at you. "So then, Strider, what's your favourite part of the crusades?"
Crusades? Last time you had checked in, you were studying Rome. But honestly, you wouldn't be shocked if you had tuned out a few hundred years. Whatever though. "I dunno. TBH Egbert, I haven't really paid much attention this year." You said, shrugging.
He laughed. "Fair enough. Can I tell you my favourite part? But you have to promise not to think less of me."
"Sure. Have it at dude." You said, gesturing for him to continue.
"Well, I happen to like the Children's Crusade the most." He said, grinning mischievously.
Children's Crusade? Wait, you knew this one. "Isn't that where they sent children to war?" You asked, smirking. "You like dead children Egbert?"
He shook his head, chuckling. "Not at all. But the fact that they thought they'd win a war with a bunch of children amuses me to no end." His voice held a lilt, a hint of an accent that he must have picked up from his ever enigmatic cousin, Jake English.
(Who was totally in love with your older brother Dirk. There was no denying it.)
(You bet money with the Lalondes that Dirk liked him back.)
(No biggie.)
You laughed as well. "That is pretty du-"
"Ugh John, why are you talking to the weird hipster kid?" You heard Jade Harley's patented whine filter through the white noise of the classroom. Apparently Harley had been a little late to class, and from her stance, she fully expected her seat back. Like hell you were going to give up this prime real estate though.
You glared at her, stare potent through your square frames. "Hey Harley. Your hair looks different today. Did your mom finally grow out enough pubic hair to make another wig?" You chimed in a sickly sweet voice. And, if that wasn't snorting at your little jibe, you were losing your hearing.
You and Jade had dated in eighth grade, back when she was nice and not abso-fucking-lutely insane. She dumped you the day before ninth grade, because she didn't want you "ruining her image." The next day she came to school, and fell right in line with the other douche bags of the school. It had been an all out war since then. No one says Dave Strider ruins their image and gets away with it.
"Whatever Dave. At least I dress like I live in this era." Oh fuck no. Jade Harley did NOT just insult your clothing.
You leaned back in your chair, looking the picture of perfect nonchalance. "So Harley. What went wrong with you to make you such an absolute bitch? Did daddy not love you enough?"
Her jaw dropped, ad her thin eyebrows pulled together. She looked positively enraged, with only widened your smirk. "Shut the fuck up Strider. At least I have a dad."
You slammed your chair down, jumping to your feet, hands balled at your sides into tight fists. You fully intended on slapping that little fucking ho in the face, before you felt a hand jerk you back into your seat.
"Cool it guys. Jade, go sit somewhere else." John said, giving her a pointed look.
She seemed like she was about to argue with him, but thought better of it, turning and tossing her hair. "Whatever John. Have fun with your boyfriend." She said, flouncing across the classroom and seating herself next to the resident nerd. Apparently she didn't stay mad for long, having already draped herself over him, probably flirting herself into free homework.
His laugh pulled you out of your disgusted sneer. "So I'm never going to hear the end of that. You're lucky I like you Strider." He said, finally releasing the corner of your t-shirt.
"Sorry." You mumbled, folding your hands in your lap and averting your eyes. It finally clicked about how much of a fool you must have looked just now, arguing with his cousin like a petulant child. Way to embarrass yourself, you though, sighing.
He leaned, resting his elbow on the table as he lowered his voice to a volume just low enough for you only to hear, punctuating it with a small smirk. "To be honest, I get kind of done with her shit. I don't blame you for calling her out. She needs to be knocked down a few pegs."
You nodded, smiling hesitantly. "Okay." You said, turning back to the desk. God, did he make nervous.
"Hey uh, Strider?" He said, poking you in the arm. "Um, would you like to go out for a movie or something some time?"
Your head snapped up, and your eyes met his. His cheeks were tinged rosy, and he looked about as nervous as you felt. "Sure. Yeah." You grinned.
"Cool. How does Friday at seven sound?" He asked, smiling widely and sighing in... Relief?
"Yeah. Sounds good." You tore out a piece of paper from your binder, and wrote down your address, and your cell number. "There's where you can pick me up, and my number if you get lost." You said, sliding it over to him.
He gave it a once-over, before folding it up and putting it in his shirt pocket. "Cool."
"Yeah." You said. Before you could say anything else (probably something embarrassing), the teacher called on you.
"Mr. Strider. Since you seem so intent on talking after I've begun to lecture, can you tell me what your partner and yourself agreed on?"
You hadn't heard him start up the lecture. Oh well. "We agreed that we like the Children's Crusade the most."
The teacher's eyes narrowed, and a few snickers went around the room. "Very well Mr. Strider, but the crusades won't come for a few hundred more years."
"Oh." You mumbled, as the rest of the class began to laugh more. You looked at Egbert out of the corner of your eye, and he shrugged, flashing you a cheeky wink.
You couldn't help but smirk. He had known you weren't paying attention, the bastard. Pretty sly though. Ten points to Egbert, you thought.

A/N: Why am I starting another chapter story? The world may never know.
Okay and also don't expect regular updates from me, at least while I'm still working on HtbaH. This should just be a few chapters, but when I first started this I thought it would be a one shot so oh well.
He is literally so full of himself. Dave Strider: Ultimate Douche bag. Good thing this is Douchestuck, eh?

EDIT: My furend pointed out some typos so I fixed them okay enjoy now.