Summary: How do Zim and Dib survive their bologna episode? They receive some reluctant outside assistance, of course.
A/N: Watching the ending, I kept wondering how in the world the two idiots managed to survive, and my mind came up with this. Also, I know in the episode that they spell the word as "baloney," but my inner PA Dutch as well as the Oscar Meyer song refused to let me spell it in such a way. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim.
"You jerk," sighed the Dib-Bologna, listening to the howling of the dogs that surrounded the shack he and his nemesis were currently occupying.
The sickly green bologna huffed in reply, but otherwise didn't rise to the bait.
"How are we supposed to get out of this mess now, Zim, huh?" Dib questioned halfheartedly. He had basically resigned himself to his meaty fate. "This is entirely your fault, you know."
If the Zim-Bologna had a face, it would have curled its lip into a snarl. "The blame does not entirely rest on me, foolish earth-stink. If you had not chased the amazing Zim out of your inferior lab then perhaps a solution could have been found!"
"Yeah, well if you hadn't turned me into a bologna sausage in the first place then I wouldn't have chased you!" Dib responded, frustrated.
"Then you should not have thrown a piece of that most disgusting meat upon Zim's beautiful head!" the alien yelled.
"I- Well, I mean- That is- Auuugh!" Dib exclaimed. "What does it matter? We're both going to be devoured by hungry dogs anyway! Isn't there some way out of this mess? Maybe you could contact your robot! He could make us a cure in your labs!"
The Zim-Bologna was silent for a few seconds, contemplating. "That might work," he admitted. A microphone-type device came out of his PAK. "GIR!" Zim shouted. "Gir, are you there? Your master requires your aid!"
Nothing was heard for a moment, until suddenly there was an excruciatingly loud crackle that caused both of the bolognas to jump. "Gir?" Zim queried, more concerned about the dogs that were getting closer than his minion.
"Maaaassssstaaaa!" a joyful voice called. "I can hear youuuuu!"
"Yes, Gir, good, now listen carefully-"
"I'm partyin' with ma friends!" Gir replied cheerfully. In the background, Dib could hear the heavy beat of a rave.
"Yes, yes, that's fine, but right now is not the time to be dancing! I need you to come get me NOW, Gir! I need a cure for the bologna absorption tack!" Zim yelled into his mouthpiece.
"But I always go dancin' Tuesdays," Gir whined. "And today is Thursday!"
If bologna could blink, both Zim and Dib would have done so in unison. "What does today being Thursday have to do with your dancing on Tuesdays?" said a confused Zim.
"Thursday is ladies' night!" came Gir's exuberant response.
"What the – huh? Oh, nevermind! Gir, the dogs are getting closer to breaking in! You need to come get me!"
"Hmmmmm," the robot drew out his response. "No, I don't really wanna. I get to jiggy with Janice next, heehee! Jiggy with Janice! Bye Masta!" With a click like a phone hanging up, the line went dead.
"WAIT GIR – No! Aurrrrrrgh!" Zim screamed his frustration as the microphone went back into his PAK.
"Just great. Now what do we do?" Dib asked, hearing how the hungry animals were beginning to chew at the boarded-up doors and windows. "Oh man, Dad is going to be so mad at me for leaving Gaz alone this long..."
The Zim-Bologna perked up at this. "Dib-filth! That's it! Your father! Surely he could come up with a solution and rescue us!"
The human nodded – or, at least, the bologna moved in some sort of way that let Zim know he was agreeing. "Yeah! I can try and call him, I just need to, hurmph, get to my, urgh, communicator-"
Something beeped and Dib would have grinned triumphantly if he had the ability. "Dad!" he called, "Dad, I need your help-"
"Dib?" said a voice that definitely did not belong to his father, "Why are you bothering me?"
"Gaz?" Dib said in disbelief. "Why do you have Dad's communicator?"
"I don't, stupid. You probably pushed the button for me instead of him, which was a dumb thing to do since I'm in the middle of a game right now," Gaz growled at her sibling-bologna. "Besides, Dad is out of the country right now, helping some loser with a time capsule malfunction, remember?"
Zim and Dib both sighed in dismay as their last hopes were dashed. "Well, earth-smelly, I cannot say that it has been a pleasure knowing you, but it seems like this is the end for us both."
Dib groaned as the chewing noises of the dogs got more frenzied as they scented their prey. "Goodbye, Gaz, I'll miss how you beat me up when I got you mad."
"You're in some sort of stupid trouble, aren't you?" Gaz asked in a monotone.
"Yes," Dib said. "We're about to be eaten by hundreds of hungry, vicious dogs since a certain alien decided to transform us into bolognas!"
"Hey!" Zim protested, though Dib ignored him.
"If I save you, would there be something in it for me?" the purple-haired girl inquired.
Her brother thought for a moment. "I'll let you hit me when you lose to a boss in your game!" Dib finally suggested.
"No good, I can do that anyway. I guess you don't need me to save you then. Bye Dib, Zim," Gaz said, getting ready to hang up on them.
"Wait, little Gaz-human! If you rescue us, then, eh, I, ZIM, will allow you to play your video games in my lab, on a giant screen!" the alien begged.
Gaz paused, mulling the idea over. Playing her video games on the giant screen in Zim's lab? That was an interesting idea. "That is acceptable. I'll be there shortly." She hung up.
A tense moment passed, filled with the racket the dogs continued to make. Then, a low humming noise could be heard, before the animals outside collectively yipped and ran away.
"Hey, that sounds like my ship!" Zim shouted, before the Voot Cruiser crashed through the roof of the rundown shack. There was a hiss as the visor opened and Gaz stepped out of the vessel, a syringe in her hand.
"Your computer made this antidote for the condition you're in. It said I should just inject it straight into you and you'll be cured," said Gaz as she walked closer to the chair where the two bolognas were resting. She quickly plunged the needle into the human colored sausage, releasing some of the cure, before pulling it out and doing the same to the green bologna next to it.
Almost instantly Dib and Zim returned to their normal selves, which caused a bit of a problem since they were both now squished into the same seat. "Urg, get off of me you pig-smell!" Zim exclaimed, pushing at his rival.
"No, you get – omph – off of me, you alien scum!" Dib complained, kicking wildly as he tried to escape from the chair.
"Both of you stop being morons," Gaz said, smacking their heads together.
"Ow!" Zim cried, rubbing his head. "How dare you! And just how, exactly, did you manage to make my computer give you the anti-bologna serum? And how did you fly my ship? That's Irken equipment!"
Gaz glared at the two, and they both shrunk back into the chair, all bickering forgotten. "I asked it for help and it did. Now, when do I get to play my video game?"
I think a sequel may be in the works where we see how Dib and Gaz escape from Membrane's lab in the Gaz, Taster of Pork episode. Hm. I am inspired but at the same time I am verrrry lazy. We'll see.
Please tell me what you think, and point out any syntax or spelling issues you see as I am a turrble editor. (yes that was meant to be a bad jive at me, don't judge)
Cheers!