Disclaimer: I don't own this… only Kubo-san does… hehehe! Have fun reading!
Summary: Renji's piece of advice to Ichigo regarding a certain puny Kuchiki…
It all came down into this
"Yo!" A mass of red hair tied in a high pony tail, and a weird tattooed- looking buffoon came into view. It's been a while since he had seen Renji, with all these paper works and the report he's trying to finish with his already ashen butt.
"Aa! I can see the prick was out patrolling the district, looks like you're fresh from the lion's den." A smirk made its way to his face; eyes revealed his cockiness etched in his persona. He hated to admit at, but seeing Renji in this type of day can be somehow relaxing… knowing the latter seems to be stressing out lately.
"Shut your ass up! Anyway, have you ever finished your report regarding your, uh shall we say, incident with Zaraki-taichou? You actually did a great damage out there." Renji caught up with him. This appeared to be so unlike him, initiating a conversation for him is just like offering a hand of friendship… and he knew Ichigo is more like a rival, not a friend.
"Sheesh thanks! That actually helped my confidence…" The orange head sarcastically replied. "That jingle-haired psycho was trying to put an end to my existence and there's no match, I'm telling ya! I've been randomly shooting off Getsuga Tenshou like I'm doing Gladiator in live…too extreme!" he gripped his orange mane as several vein came popping out of his forehead, his brow creased deeper, and just like everyone who could see him in his state like this, Renji only wondered what the hell happen in his past to appear like someone who's been struggling beneath the weight of the world.
"I could go on losing my hair and… be bald just like that Ikkaku-bastard… but if I continue on living like this…I'll probably lose a head!" Ichigo continued to rant… Renji only listened with an unbelievingly stupid grin plastered on his gangster-like image.
It's too fun seeing Ichigo like this! Hehe!
"About that report thing… Rukia volunteered to finish it for me."
You didn't!! Renji looked like he was about to pass out and Ichigo couldn't help but feel sorry for his friend, looks like he's in deep mass of heap shit. Obviously, being a vice captain doesn't mean you could escape the task with all those mountain of paperworks when there's no mission, while he, a substitute shinigami, even had Rukia to help him with some related to his current level.
"Well if Rukia won't mind, I'll ask her if she could finish them for you too." At least he doesn't appear biased.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Thank you but no thanks!!! She's too much of a help if you ask me!!! I'm pretty fine popping my eyes out and growing bags under my lids for all I care!!!" A ghastly image of Rukia holding a pen and a parchment with a terrible grin forming on her shadowed face was too traumatizing. Gak! No Rukia!
"Huh? Care to fill it in for me? At least try getting to the point." Ichigo annoyingly huffed. Obviously, whatever's been making this tomato uncomfortable shouldn't also allow him in a comfy fitting state. I've never seen him looking more stupid and pathetic than anybody else.
"'Cause it all happened like this… "
--flashback--
"Oi Renji! What the hell happened out there?" Rukia called out. She instinctively followed him as he skidded in and out of the crowd, his face matching the color of his tresses. His day as to what he thought as the most exciting one when he eventually got the courage to challenge Byakuya-taichou… only to get whipped in the ass with the latter's senbonzakura. He tried to reason out that the battle was tipped to his taichou's advantage because he's in a drunken state. But his own humiliation in front of some shinigami-in-training only awakened himself from much stupor. As punishment, he had to do an incident report and a letter of apology. And in addition for their satisfaction, they want him to report two hours before his actual working shift to help repair the damage he so help inflicted. Oh how his head hurts!
"Shut the hell up!" he replied in a high-pitch tone. "Damn! Better start with that report!"
"What report?" Rukia eventually caught up. She's small and light-weighted, so passing through a jungle of people who tower you at least in 3 feet tall, won't be much of a trouble.
"For initiating a ruckus and damaging two blocks of Rukongai's residency. Not that I can help it… I was drunk. And stupid Ikkaku wagered 1000 yen on me to challenge Kuchiki-taichou into a duel… and you know the rest of it."
"Well, I could help you." He turned to his right and stared at her as if he's seen an angel flapping her wings in front of him. Miracles do happen.
"I could finish your report and letter of apology in a jiffy. You do your own thing. It's better this way than seeing you sulking for the succeeding days."
"You're an angel! Do you know that?" He smiled warmly. A spread of blush was on his cheeks.
"I know that… now off you go!" She haughtily smirked at him. And he did as he was told.
3 days later…
"Rukia!!!!" A blazing red-head can be seen 30 feet from where she's standing. Rukia could only looked innocently, muttering 'what now?'
"What the hell are you trying to get at?! You said you're going to help me!" He's looking much more like a yakuza she had seen from Ichigo's old collection of variety T.V. series.
"What's with the look? I did help you. I finished the damn report and letter of apology and sent it to the 1st division. I burnt my eyebrow just to pass it on time, dick head!"
"You mean this?!!!!" He exasperatedly exclaimed, shoving a couple of parchment in front of her face. Her writing is no doubt recognizable even from his exaggerated movements.
"Of course! What the hell's wrong anyway?" She said, somewhat feeling annoyed. 'Ungrateful tattooed bastard!'
She stepped forward, yanking the parchment from his grip.
"You could have seen their faces!" He muttered, more like grieving over a dead comrade. "They're staring at me like I'm doomed and will soon be thrown to the pits of hell!"
She ignored him and started reading her work out loud.
"Letter of ApologyI , Renji Abarai, would like to apologize for the incident that happened 3 days ago. And would humbly request for your forgiveness, knowing this tattooed ass freak will simmer down with your grace…"
"What happened to the formal letter you're so good at in writing?!!!" His voice merely played like background music.
"…Thus, this low life creature suggests to clean your house and to clip your long nails…"
"I was so wrong about you!!!" She completely ignored him as she continued reading the letter.
"… And to compensate for my fuckin' behavior, I'll build a parlor to paint the town people's hair, red."
"What's with the profanity?!!" Again she ignored him. That bitch!
"To Kuchiki- taichou, may God's grace be with you so I can enjoy being pummeled in the ass with your zanpakutou…"
"Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!" She grinned with total madness!
"… with love, Renji Abarai, 6th division vice captain."
"I'm so gonna kill you!!!" She laughed, leaving him looking so wretched as ever, shunpou-ing away like there's no tomorrow.
--end of flashback--
"Oh shit!" Was all he could say as he raced back to the 13th Division.
His mind can only register what Renji had told him before he parted. "She has her way of helping. But trust me that you don't wanna hear what she wrote on my incidental report. I learned my lesson from then on…You could count on her on anything… not on her vocabulary."
"Shit!"
Owari!
A/N: I really had fun writing this (If grinning all the way while typing this is the definition of fun…yeah!)… I just hope that you too, while reading it of course. No flames pls!!! Constructive criticisms are much appreciated.