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It felt...bigger.
Hux swallowed, and looked down at himself. His stomach felt bigger, his clothes tighter, and he felt...larger. As he had done ever since the Rebellion had made it clear that he and Ren were now theirs. As they had been for months. The pets of the Rebellion. The thought made him nauseous.
They looked after them, Hux was forced to concede. No starvation rations or pitiful food. They were encouraged to eat with their captors, and often found themselves with the three that Hux detested the most - Rey, Poe, and Finn. In ffront of them, he felt it was easier to simply eat - then he didn't have to converse with them.
So he ate. And didn't realise the impact until Finn commented one evening.
"You're looking really healthy," he said, casually, as Hux's fork rose to his mouth.
The former General froze. "I'm sorry?"
"Healthy," Finn continued, seemingly oblivious to the mental turmoil he was tipping Hux into. "You've got some colour."
Hux's fork clattered to the table. No one noticed. Mumbling an excuse, he turned and left.
Running.
Running set him free.
It was the only time he could get away from them. From his captors, and Ren. Because Ren, he noted, had changed. He was no longer Hux's ally, a friend - he was now getting increasingly drawn into their web. Especially her's. She was always there, so quick and willing to talk to him, to see him. Hux no longer felt he even existed.
But when running, he could feel himself moving away, moving further. Even though he could not go far, and ended up returning to the prison that he knew they wanted him to think of as home. From the thoughts that surrounded him every waking moment.
"Long time," General Organa commented as he appeared. He blinked. The woman was a lunatic. Her husband had been murdered by their son - and she still welcomed him? "Yes," he said, curtly.
"You seem to enjoy it," she responded, as though ignoring the sharpness of his voice.
"Its discipline," he responded, walking past her.
Discipline. Discipline was what had made him feared amongst the First Order. Discipline is what will prevent him growing fat - and weak. Which is what the Rebellion seem to want.
Its easy to refuse food. Even Ren doesn't notice. Poe and Finn ignore him, except when they want to make jibes. But the girl...she notices.
And she comments.
"Are you not hungry?" she politely asks him one evening.
"I'm fine," he replies shortly.
"Tomorrow we should do some training," Poe cuts in, not paying attention to her gentle tone of voice.
"Training?" Hux sniffs.
"Well, you have skills- "
"I'm not your pet."
"Wouldn't dream of asking you to be."
The meal ends in silence.
He continues running. Its good. Its good to feel the sweat, to feel himself growing smaller and tighter. Tighter and smaller. He thinks wistfully of his former uniforms. His former uniforms that he'd probably still burst out of now. He grimaces, feeling the nagging pain in his abdomen, the ache in his legs.
He keeps running.
Its the girl who finds him. She finds him sprawled on the ground, after running. After ignoring Poe's demands to train with him, he goes running again. Except, he was followed.
By her.
When he awakes, he's in bed. With one other person in the room. He blinks, and focuses on her face.
"You're awake," she comments, quietly.
"Observant," he says, the coldness of his voice faltering slightly. He knows that he's in trouble, and he also knows that she has tried to help. "I am."
She pauses. "Do you have any idea...what happened?"
"I was running."
"You collapsed." She looked at him. "According to the medic, you're skin and bones."
Hux looks down at himself, smoothing the cover over his frame. Suddenly, his abdomen is concave, the hip bones sharp. Everything feels pointed and razor edged.
"I..." he falls silent. "Going to try to feed me up, are you? How...motherly." He tries to load the words with venom, but they end up sounding detached, impotent.
"Starving yourself won't free you of the guilt," she says quietly. "Of what you did."
"I don't feel guilty."
"Then why are you here?"
He blinks. She's right. She is right...although he'll never admit it.
Perhaps not yet.
"I'm just...tired."
She nods. "I'll come back when you're less tired."
He closes his eyes, and hears her leave. He didn't contradict her. Because, ultimately, he might want her to return.
He does.
And so does she. With food.