Chapter 1
Hotel Room in Luxembourg

Dinah sits at the small table staring at the small bowl in front of her. It had been four long weeks since she left Springfield. Four of the longest weeks of her life. She had known this would be difficult, but she had no idea the true toll it would take on her. Life without Shayne had proven to be unbearable. She couldn't eat, she couldn't concentrate, she barely even had the energy to even get out of bed in the morning. Not that there was really any reason to. Shayne had been her reason for doing everything. Without him, she had nothing. As she stood from the table to pour the still full bowl down the small sink, she gripped the back of the wooden chair. She couldn't remember a time when she felt this badly. Slowly she made her way back to the small single bed. Sleep was her only reprieve.

A light knock at the door woke Dinah from her sleep. She sat up slowly, listening closely to check for any clue as to who her guest might be. Unexpected visitors were never good when you were on the run. As she listened again she recognized the code knock. It had to be Anya. Anya had been her saving grace these past few weeks. She had met her when she moved into the hotel. Anya was part of the small housekeeping staff, but to Dinah she was her only friend. Her english was broken, so their conversations were minimal, but Dinah knew she could count on her. Anya made sure that Dinah had everything she needed. She ran her errands, delivered the letters that she would send to Vanessa, and brought in food for her when she needed it. More than that Anya stopped by every day to say hello and to make sure that Dinah was ok. Not that Dinah thought she would ever be ok again.

Dinah slowly opened the door.

Anya smiled at her, "Hello Dinah. I bring you some things."

Dinah forced herself to smile. "Thank you, Anya."

"You need more?," Anya asked.

Dinah's eyes slowly filled with tears. Even though she and Anya couldn't have long conversations, tears were the same in any language.

Dinah immediately saw Anya's concern. "Anya, it's fine. I'm just..."

Anya looked at Dinah knowingly, "your husband?".

Anya couldn't understand a lot about Dinah but she knew that she left behind a lot when she left her home. It seemed that ever day she saw her she was more and more upset.

"I just miss him," Dinah said tearfully.

"I know he miss you as well Dinah," Anya said, knowing that nothing she said would make Dinah feel any better. She would still be here alone.

"I don't know, Anya," she said, "but I really appreciate all this." She gestered to bag of food on the table.

"You eat now," Anya politely commanded. It didn't take much to see that Dinah hadn't been eating. She was always thin, but lately she looked tired and was clearly loosing weight.

"I'll try," Dinah said honestly.

As Anya quietly slipped out the door, Dinah placed the contents of the bag on the small counter in the kitchenette. She opened a small water bottle and took a small sip. It seemed to rise in her throat immediately. She sighed and made her way back to the small bed. As she curled up on the bed she reached under her pillow and pulled out a small picture of her and Shayne on their wedding day. Her mother had sent it to her for comfort.

She held the picture close to her and slowly whispered, "I miss you so much."

Chapter 2
Springfield- Shayne's hotel room

Shayne sat on the edge of his bed trying to figure out what to do with the day. Each day it seemed harder and harder to live his life. He knew that Dinah had been important to him, he knew that he loved her, but he had no idea that she had truly become his life. Without her, everything seemed meaningless. He was just going through the motions. Standing from the bed, he walked over to the table where the wooden music box sat. He held it for a moment flashing back to the moment when Dinah gave it to him. Running his hand over the top he slowly opened it. The soft, sweet melody played and he lifted the folded photo from the small open corner of the box. Unfolding it slowly, he swallowed hard. Every time he looked at the photo it was a little more difficult. It made her being gone a little more real. Had he really let her walk out the door? He told her that he didn't know if he could live with what she had done, but now all he could think of was the fact that he didn't know if he could live without her. The picture, the only one he had of their wedding day, had been given to him by Vanessa. She told him the day she visited that Dinah left loving him and wanting him to be happy. Shayne had looked at the photo every day since then, and every day it brought the same thought. He would never truly be happy again until the woman in the picture returned to his life.

Grabbing his keys, Shayne headed out the door. He had to see Vanessa. The day that she delivered the photo, they had spoken briefly, but Shayne still had questions. Questions that needed answers. When he arrived at WSPR, he walked swiftly through the control room. He could see Vanessa working in the office towards the back of the room. Making his way to the doorway, Shayne took a deep breath. He had to know. He had to know that she was ok. Wherever she was-He just needed to know that she was ok. Vanessa looked up from her work.

"Shayne," she said, "I'm sorry, I didn't see you there."

"No, I just got here, it's fine," Shayne admitted nervously, "I..I..I need to ask you some questions. Questions about Dinah."

Vanessa smiled, "Shayne, you know that she did what she did to protect Henry and…"

Shayne stopped her, "I'm not here to talk about that. I know why she did it. I don't understand why she didn't tell me, but I know why she did it, and she saved my son's life. I don't think I ever even thanked her for that. That's part of the reason I'm here. There were so many things that I didn't say to her, and I think you know where she is ." Shayne stared at Vanessa to look for changes in her expression. The look in her eyes told him that he hadn't been mistaken. She did know where Dinah was.

"Vanessa," Shayne started slowly, "I'm not ready to see her right now, but I need you to get a message to her. Can you do that for me?".

Vanessa smiled, "If you'd like to send her a letter, I'll be glad to send it to the place I think she might be."

Shayne looked at her confused, "the place you think she might be?".

"Let's just say that a mother's intuition shouldn't be doubted," Vanessa continued, "She'll get your letter, Shayne."

Shayne shook his head, "Thank you. I'm going to need a little bit. I've got a lot of thoughts to get together you know."

Vanessa shook her head. She knew how hurt Shayne had been, but she could see that the love he had for Dinah had not faded. "Shayne, just say what you feel. Just hearing from you will be more than she ever hoped for."

Shayne nodded. "I'll bring it to you. Thanks, Vanessa."

Shayne turned to leave, but Vanessa stood from the desk and walked around in front.

Placing a gentle hand on Shayne's shoulder she said, "She loves you Shayne. Whatever you believe about her, believe that."

Shayne took a deep breath and looked at Vanessa. His voice cracked a little as he said, "I do believe that. I love her too."

Chapter 3
Dinah's hotel room-Luxembourg

Dinah stared at herself in the mirror as she wiped her mouth. She picked up the paper cup on the sink and rinsed her mouth a second time. The taste of bile was still so strong. Each morning seemed to start the same. She would wake feeling every bit as drained as she did the night before. She tried to eat, but nothing seemed the slightest bit appetizing, and what she did manage to eat always seemed to come back up. The fatigue, the nausea, the crying, that was nothing new. This was new, and this worried her. As many times as she had wished that she'd gone down in the plane with Jeffrey, she didn't really want her life to be over, and she knew she had to find a way to snap out of this. She had made her choices. She had screwed up her life. Shayne was gone and she had to find a way to move on. The wave of nausea that overcame her again sent her back into the bathroom. Clearly she wasn't moving on today.

Dinah emerged from the bathroom with a moist towel and sat on the bed. She pulled the photo from under her pillow. Her eyes welling with tears, she ran her fingers over the image of Shayne's face.

"He's gone," she said softly.

She put the photo back down and stood walking over to the table. Anya would be by later to pick up a list of things she needed. She had to make a list. Picking up the leather planner even seemed to be an effort. Everything was an effort. Dinah grabbed the pen from the side of the small binder and started to flip through the pages . Grabbing the stack and pulling them to the left, she found the small notepad kept in the back. She slowly started the list. Shampoo, toothpaste, water, tissues, lots of tissues. Dinah ripped the page from the front of the pad. She didn't need much. Her life pretty much consisted of the same routine. She got up in the morning, tried to eat, got sick, went back to bed, got up again, visited with Anya, watched the local news, and went back to bed. She had tried listening to her ipod, which had been in her purse when she ran, but every song seemed to remind her of Shayne. She sighed and began to flip the pages back towards the front. Coming across the calendar pages, she noticed the weeks that had passed since she left Springfield. The block that contained the words my wedding seemed to glare at her. That seemed so long ago now. She ran her fingers over the empty weeks that had passed since then.

Slowly she whispered them out loud, "1..2...3..4.….and four days".

That's how long it had been now. She looked back at the previous page and saw other days filled with notes, movie with Shayne, dinner with Shayne, lunch with Mom. Her life had been so full in Springfield and now her days were filled with longing for what might have been. One other date caught her eye. It was a date in mid July marked only with a single x. Dinah started to close the book. Just as the book was almost shut, she jerked the small binder open again running her finger over the small x.

She counted again, "1..2...3..4..5..6..," she stopped then., "Oh God."

Chapter 4
Springfield-Shayne's hotel

Shayne sat at the table staring at the blank sheet of paper. There was so much to be said, but he didn't know where to start. He was angry at her, but now he wondered if he was more angry about what she kept from him or about the fact that she left him. He picked up the pen for what seemed like the thousandth time and started to write….

Dinah,

There are a lot of things I needed to say to you. Things you didn't give me a chance to say before you left, and now that you're gone, this is my only way to say them.

Shayne paused a moment, choosing his words carefully. Vanessa's words echoed in his head. She told him to say what he felt. He started again.

I want to thank you for saving Henry. I never told you that. You saved my son's life and I will never ever forget that. Despite what you did or didn't do, I know that you were trying to protect my son when this whole mess started.

Shayne was writing faster now. There were so many things that had been left unsaid and he was finally going to get a chance to at least let her know how he felt.

I know that I told you that I didn't think I could live with what you did, but the truth is, this, the life I have now….this isn't living. I don't know how to live without you. I miss you…so much….more than I ever imagined I would. There are a lot of things that I still don't understand, but there is also something that I'm absolutely certain of, I want you to come home. I told you once that no matter what, we would face things together and I meant it. Please come home. I'll be waiting.

Love, Shayne.

Shayne immediately folded the paper up and placed it into the white envelope. He wrote Dinahon the outside and sealed it. Standing quickly from the table, he grabbed his keys. He needed to get this to Vanessa before he changed his mind.

Dinah sat staring at the small x. She slowly picked up the small list from the table and added a final item to the bottom of the list. With a deep breath she folded the list in half and sat it back on the table. She glanced at the clock on the counter. Anya should be here any minute. The sooner the better. This was one day that she really needed her help. Placing her hands over her face, Dinah propped her elbows on the table. Just when she thought her life couldn't possibly get any more complicated. The three quick raps followed by two slower knocks jolted her from her own thoughts.

She rose and walked to the door.

Anya stood there smiling at her. "You have your list?," she asked.

"Yes," Dinah replied.

She walked over to the table and unfolded the small sheet of paper. She handed it to Anya and watched and her friend scanned the items. As her eyes reached the last item they widened slightly.

Anya glaced up at Dinah, "You?", she asked curiously.

"Maybe," replied Dinah.

"I will be quick," Anya replied, quickly slipping out the door.

Dinah walked over the length of the room and sat on the edge of the bed. She was certainly stressed. These last few weeks had taken a toll on her. She tried to think back, but she couldn't ever remember this happening before. Of course, she had lost this much before. Maybe it was just the stress. Maybe it was that she wasn't eating, but she kept coming back to the same thought.

"What if I'm pregnant?"

Shayne arrived at WSPR just in time to see Vanessa headed to her car. He quickly stepped out of the driver's seat and walked briskly over to her.

"Shayne, Hi," Vanessa said.

"Hi," Shayne replied. He handed her the letter he had prepared for Dinah. "I need you to get this to Dinah as soon as you can, ok?," Shayne said.

Vanessa took the letter from him. She smiled, "I was beginning to think you had changed your mind. It's been a few days since we spoke about this."

Vanessa was so glad that Shayne had decided to send the letter. She knew that there were plenty of issues for the two of them to work out, but she really believed their love was strong enough to overcome it.

Shayne looked at Vanessa, "Look. I need to make sure she gets this. It's important. I need her to know some things. There were a lot of things I didn't get to say. Things I needed to."

Vanessa looked at him now. She cared a great deal for Shayne and she knew he cared about her daughter, but she had to be sure of what Shayne's intent was.

Looking at Shayne intently she said, "Shayne, you know that I care very much what happens to you, and you know how sorry I am that you were hurt during this whole nightmare, but Dinah's my daughter and my top priority is making sure that she is ok. I won't do anything that is going to hurt her any more than she already is. If this letter is about getting the last word in or making sure she understands how much she hurt you….I'm going to ask you to rethink this. She's alone and she's scared and I'm asking you not to do anything to make it any worse for her right now. I just couldn't handle thinking that….".

Shayne held up his hand as he began to speak, "Vanessa-the letter isn't about that. She just left and I didn't know she was going. If I'd known, there are so many things I would have done differently…so many things I would have said, so many things I wouldn't have said. I just…I just miss her. I hope this letter brings her home."

Vanessa reached out to Shayne and closed the distance between them pulling Shayne into a hug. As Shayne pulled away from her, he noticed her eyes were moist and filled with tears.

"We have something in common," she said softly.

"What's that?," Shayne asked.

"We both love that girl in spite of everything," she said. Shayne nodded.

Chapter 5
Dinah's hotel room

Dinah sat beside the clawfoot tub. She had long since lost track of the time. The moment she saw the small plus sign, time seemed to stop. She thought about how innocent a plus sign could be, yet how that small symbol had completely changed her life. This plus sign was complicated. It was terrifying, but more than that, it was yet another connection to Shayne. An ongoing reminder of a life she couldn't have and a man that she loved more than anything in the world, but couldn't be with. Dinah braced herself on the edge of the tub and raised to her feet. She walked back into the small bedroom and sat on the bed. She had no idea what to do. Her mind was racing with thoughts. She had to find a doctor. Anya could help her with that, but beyond that she was lost. She thought back to the day of her wedding when Shayne talked to her about their kids. She had dreamed of that day when she could have children, but she never imagined she would be doing it alone. Before she left she told Shayne he would be a wonderful father. At the time she had no idea how significant her words truly were. If only she'd known.

"No," she said aloud, "it wouldn't have changed anything. I still made choices. I still screwed up my life. I still kept it from him. It wouldn't have made a difference."

Dinah laid back on the bed now. She placed her hand on her stomach. But, she thought, Shayne has a right to know.

She looked down at her hand now and spoke softly, "He has a right to know about you."

Shayne walked into the hotel room and took off the light jacket. He sat his keys on the counter and reached down for a beer. He walked over to the table and took a seat. Picking up the music box, he opened it and reached inside. He pulled the folded picture out and looked at it. Shayne took a deep breath. She had taken his breath away that day and she still did. He would give anything to have her back with him. He could only hope that the letter found her and that she understood. If she came back, they could work on things. They could get through it. He knew they could. Shayne heard a knock at the door. He stood and walked over.

"Vanessa," Shayne said, "Is something wrong?" Shayne wasn't expecting to hear from her so soon and he suddenly had the horrible thought that perhaps she tried to contact Dinah and had gotten bad news.

"No," Vanessa said quickly, "I'm sorry, I just wanted you to know that I sent the letter. She should it soon…really soon."

"Oh," Shayne breathed a deep sigh of relief. If anything had happened to her Shayne knew he would never forgive himself. He had no doubt that his life would be over. "Thanks, Vanessa. I really appreciate it."

Shayne closed the door as his mother-in-law left. He walked back over to the table. He picked up the picture it to his chest, "Please come home".
~

Dinah's hotel room

Dinah stood outside the doorway. Anya stood behind her as Dinah turned the key in the door.

"Thank you for everything today. For helping me find the hospital, for staying with me, you've been such a great friend to me," Dinah said sincerely.

Anya looked at Dinah and smiled. "No problem," she replied.

Dinah laughed at that and said, "Your English is getting much better."

"I'm learning," the young girl replied, "you need help inside?"

"No Anya. I'm fine. Thanks again," Dinah smiled at the young girl as she made her way down the hallway and she walked into her room.

Today had been a long and exhausting day. The trip to the doctor was so tiring. The doctor had confirmed the test, but more than that, he told her that the baby was healthy and that everything looked normal. She was happy, relieved, and exhausted. She walked over to the bed and without even turning on the lights, pulled down the sheets and climbed into bed. She reached under the pillow and pulled out the picture. She couldn't see the image in the dark, but she didn't need to. She knew it by heart.

"Tomorrow," she whispered, as the white envelope, left by the messenger, fell behind the headboard.
~

Tomorrow morning came early and for the first time in a long time Dinah got out of bed. Today she had a reason. Today she would contact Shayne. She picked up her phone. She needed to get in touch with her mother. Quickly she dialed the numbers and waited as the rings chimed.

"Hello," Vanessa said instantly recognizing the number, "Sweetheart, is that you?".

"Yes, Mom, it's me," Dinah said, "I'm so glad I caught you. I need your help. It's really important."

Vanessa was immediately concerned. "What? What is it sweetheart? Is something wrong? Are you hurt?".

"No. Nothing like that. It's just..I need you to get something to Shayne for me," Dinah spoke quickly into the phone.

Vanessa was relieved. This meant that Dinah must have gotten the letter. "Are you sure you can't come talk to him? Honey, everyone here understands what you did. I know you're afraid, but we're all behind you. We'll do everything we can to help you. Just…,"

Vanessa was cut off then by Dinah's quick response, "Mom. I can't come back right now, but I do need to get a message to Shayne, and I need to do it quickly. If I send something by messenger this afternoon and rush it, do you think you could get it to him?"

Vanessa sighed. At least it was something. She wasn't coming home, but at least she was responding to his letter. It was a start and it was hope.

"Of course I can," Vanessa replied.

"Ok, thanks Mom. I'll get it to you as soon as I can. I've got to go. I'll talk to you soon. Love you," Dinah replied.

"Love you too sweetie," Vanessa replied.

Dinah clicked off the phone and immediately moved to the table. She pulled out a sheet of paper and began to write. She wrote for a while, stopped to think and began to write again. She soon finished and sealed the letter in an envelope. Walking over to her purse, she retrieved another small envelope.

On the outside of the letter she wrote, Open Me First. She picked up both envelopes and hurried out the door.

A few days later
Springfield-Shayne's apartment

Shayne heard a knock at the door and practically ran to it. He tried not to show his disappointment when he saw Vanessa.

"Hello Shayne," she said, sensing that she was not the person that he hoped to see.

"Hi Vanessa," he said.

Vanessa pulled the envelopes from her purse. "These are for you," she said quietly, "I know you were hoping she'd be back, but she's reaching out to you Shayne. It's a start."

Shayne looked at her and smiled, "Yeah, it's a start."

Vanessa turned and walked away leaving Shayne standing holding the two small envelopes. He walked to the edge of the bed and sat down. He looked down at the envelope marked Open Me First. He slowly tore the seal and began to read.

Chapter 6
Shayne's apartment

Shayne unfolded the letter and began to read

Dear Shayne,

I want you to know how sorry I am for everything. I know that there is no way I can ever truly make this up to you, but I want you to know that I never wanted to hurt you. I loved you. I still love you and I want you to be happy. Please know that no matter what I did, I never did it with the intention of hurting you or your family. I just wanted a life with you. I know I messed things up. I know all of this is my fault, and even though I'm not there paying for my crime in a jail cell, I am paying for it. I'm paying in ways you can't even imagine. Every day, every hour, every minute without you is torture. I miss you more every single day and sometimes my life seems absolutely unbearable without you. I know that my life is how I have created it and I know that I am getting what I deserve. I didn't write this letter to make you feel sorry for me or to try and explain myself again. I know that you don't need to hear that. I'm writing you because you need to know something, something I just found out about myself. I want you to understand that I don't expect this to change anything. I know that nothing will ever make up for what I kept from you and what I took from your family, but I had to reach out to you about this. I can promise you one thing. I will love you forever and I'll never forget what you've given me.

Love,

Dinah

Shayne took a shaky breath and laid the letter on the table. He didn't understand. None of this made sense. Didn't his letter mean anything? Didn't she believe him when he told her that he would make it work, that together they would make it work. Shayne remembered the second envelope and looked at it, turning it over in his hands. He lifted the small metal prongs on the back and pulled out a small square piece of paper. He flipped it over and as his eyes focused it fell onto the table. Shayne picked up the paper and tried to focus on the black and white image in front of him. He didn't understand all of the notations. There were numbers and markings, but three white typed words in the upper left corner were very clear.

"Dinah Marler Lewis," he read aloud. Shayne picked up the picture and the letter and stormed out of the room. He had someone he needed to see.

Part 2 coming soon...