Okay, so I am extremely happy to be finished writing this. I've been writing it for the better part of about a week and a half in my free time in and out of school, so... yeah. It's probably the most time I've ever spent (actually writing and not just with writer's block) on... I dunno, about eight pages in my notebook? This will, however, be a two-shot despite it already being finished. I'll try to update tomorrow, though, and it may happen because this is a three day weekend for my school. If not tomorrow, then definitely by Tuesday. I hope.

Anyway, I, personally, believe the beginning of this is the best part, as the rest kind of... spirals into Dialogue Drive. So yeah, the beginning is the best part. But you can still read the ending! Just because it's Dialogue Drive doesn't mean dialogue is the only stuff that lives there.

I am also proud to say that I am the first person to publish an Avengers/Hobbit crossover! At least, I think I'm the first. I looked before I started writing this and nothing was there, but anything could have changed.

I do not own The Avengers or The Hobbit (although I would seriously love to, as they're my favorite fandoms right now and Hawkeye/Clint and Kili are awesome). As you can probably tell, I love my archers.

Hope you enjoy!

Now cross-posted to ao3 at /works/6513379/chapters/14904091.

Chapter One

It was a simple, sunny day in May. One that, for once, was villain free. Unfortunately, it was not Stark and Barton free, and the two were taking advantage of the unnatural heat by pelting people below with water balloons. Tony's usually missed, but Clint hit his targets with the startling accuracy he was known for. So far the score was 56:7 Clint.

Of course, the simplest of days are usually the most unusual days, and this one planned on being no exception. Which was probably why a portal opened directly above Tony and dropped a tiny figure on top of him.

Said tiny figure was, to the annoyance of the two men, wailing about as hard as he could, screaming something that sounded like 'Filcle Thowma!', but could very well be something completely different.

Tony let out a grunt as the little bundle hit him, bringing both to the ground as the figure's screams brought the other Avengers running. Clint, on the other hand, was laughing his head off – until he discovered that the bundle was a little, dark-haired boy about the age of four.

That fact sobered the archer up rather quickly, and he stepped forward to pluck the boy off the ground and hold him. Unknown paternal instincts quickly rose to the surface as the boy wrapped short arms around his neck and sniffled, quieting down almost immediately. The other Avengers gazed at Clint in amazement before turning to the young boy in their teammate's arms.

"Who are you?" Steve asked first, voice gentle.

"Kee." The boy replied proudly.

"How old are you?" Bruce asked next, moving to examine him. Kee seemed to ponder on this before flashing all ten fingers followed by another six. "No, Kee, how old are you?" Bruce repeated. Keep fixed him with a glare surprisingly scary and said, "Sixteen."

"There's no way the little squirt is sixteen." Tony protested.

Natasha thwacked him over the head. "We don't even know if he's human."

At that, the brown-eyed boy made a face and stuck out his tongue.

"He is not Midguardian?" Thor wondered, reaching out for the boy. Kee took one look at the man and, to the surprise of the others, his face lit up and he reached for the demigod. As soon as he was in Thor's arms he reached up and tugged the blond hair, a happy look on his face.

"Fee." He murmured. Kee's face suddenly crumpled and he began to wail again, screaming, "Fee!" over and over again, an occasional "Uncle Thowin" or "Mama" breaking in.

Thor held the boy out at arm's length, panic written all over his face. "What do I do?!"

Clint sighed and took Kee back, bouncing him a little. When that didn't work he snatched a water balloon from the bucket next to him and threw it with perfect aim at Tony's face. It splattered open and Kee stared, open-mouthed, at Tony before he giggled and then began to laugh.

"Out of everyone, you had to choose me." Tony grumbled, though he was smiling.

"Whatever." Natasha replied, leading the way into the tower from the balcony. "The question is what do we do with Kee?"

"We take care of him, of course." Steve replied. "He says he's sixeen, but that's obviously not in human years. I'd say he's about four, maybe even three because he's so small."

"Tony and I can try to figure out how to replicate that portal thing so we can send Kee back." Bruce offered. He shifted uncomfortably. "We'll have to run some tests, though."

Clint opened his mouth to tell him that no, they would not be running tests on the adorably little boy in his arms, but what came out was, "S***! Kee, stop struggling!", as said boy almost fell out of his arms.

At that, Steve reached out and snatched Kee from Clint, giving his fellow blond a reproaching look for cursing in front of a boy. Still, Kee continued to squirm, and finally Steve set him on the ground and let him go where he wanted to go. Which was, to the Avengers' horror, straight to Clint's bow and arrows, which he'd left propped up against a couch. And the arrows were sharp.

This time it was Tony who plucked the boy off of the ground, holding him close to seize the struggling. Kee stared after the bow and arrows mournfully, reaching out. Clint, who recognized the look on the boy's face as one he once had with his bow, chose a net arrow from the pile. At least it wouldn't hurt Kee if the boy accidentally deployed it.

"Let's turn that frown upside down." Clint teased as he handed the arrow to Kee. He could already tell that the boy would grow up to become an archer. And he may not end up using fancy arrows like Hawkeye did, but that didn't mean he couldn't spoil him.

Natasha rolled her eyes at Clint. Her partner could be such a softy sometimes, especially with kids.

Just then, a thump echoed from the balcony, and the Avengers turned to see a large figure – though it seemed to be smaller than all of them in height – on the ground, a portal closing above him. The figure rolled over and got to his feet, saying things in a strange language. The tone of voice let them know he was most likely cursing.

He was facing away from the Avengers, but as soon as he turned around they gasped and looked from the short but obviously muscular figure on the balcony to the little boy still held in Tony's arms attempting to twist around so he could see what was happening. The likeness between the two was uncanny, even with their differing ages. As soon as the figure had turned around he was strodding toward them, arms open in the classic 'give him to me' pose.

Instead, Steve stepped in front of Tony and Kee, putting hands out in front of him in the universal 'stop' sign. "How do we know you'll take care of him?" He questioned.

At that moment Kee managed to completely twist around and saw, to his delight, Uncle Thorin. Or, uh, Uncle Thowin.

"Uncle Thowin!" Kee cried.

'Uncle Thowin' gave Steve a smug look before taking Kee from Tony. As soon as he saw the arrow his face twisted in disgust and he muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, 'tree shaggers'.

"Thanks you for taking care of my nephew." Thowin said. "I, and his mother and brother, are most grateful."

He stepped back out onto the balcony, and Clint gave a start. The man couldn't just take Kee like that and leave.

"Wait!" He blurted. "Would you like to stay for dinner?"

Thowin paused, a battle obviously raging in his mind. Eventually it was Kee who made the decision, a soft "Hungwy." making up his older doppelganger's mind.

"Just for dinner." He promised firmly. He hoisted Kee up further in his arms, obviously well practiced in carrying a young child, although seeming a little rusty. "You." He muttered to his nephew. "Are going to be the death of me." In response Kee let out a giggle and yanked on one of Thowin's braids. The dwarf grunted in annoyance, but let the dwarfling have it. "And I'm going to kill Gandalf as soon as we get back."

"So." Tony said, "What exactly are you? Kee-"

"What did you just call him?" Thowin interrupted.

"Kee. That's what he said his name is." Steve replied.

"It's a nickname. His real name is Kili." Thowin paused. "Did he happen to mention any other names?"

"Someone named Fee and Uncle Thowin, although we assumed you were Thowin." Bruce said, throwing his two cents into the conversation.

"Of course." Thowin muttered. He sighed. "Fee is his older brother, although his real name is Fili, and I'm Thorin, not Thowin. He can't pronounce his r's quite yet. And as for your question…" Thorin fixed Tony with a look that would make Fury proud. "… we're dwarves."

The Avengers, save for Clint (who was in the kitchen making dinner) and Thor, all gaped at Thorin, even Natasha. None of them had ever encountered dwarves or even heard of anything to suggest that they were real (except for Thor, who actually had met dwarves).

"Ah, so that is why you looked familiar!" Thor boomed. "Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror, is it not? The last time I saw you, you were Kili's age!"

"How do you know who I am?" Thorin asked, alarmed.

Thor gave a warm smile. "I am Thor Odinson! Surely your parents told you of me?"

Thorin's face grew stony in response. "No. And I go by Thorin Oakenshield now. Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thrain, son of Thror."

The rest of the evening went by in an uncomfortable silence, only broken by Kili's occasional giggle at Clint and Steve, who made faces at the dwarfling in the hopes of getting a smile. Tony also joined in at times when Thorin's gaze wasn't on him. They were just finishing dinner when another thump echoed from the balcony.

Okay, so my fingers apparently believed Thorin to be a member of Oin and Gloin's family, as I kept typing his name as 'Thwoin' and then 'Throin' instead of 'Thowin' and 'Thorin'. Bad fingers! I honestly don't know what came over them...

Anyway, who can guess who has just arrived?

And please review! I love hearing from my readers, and as this is my first Hobbit fic (even if it is a crossover) and... I think my fifth Avengers fic (second crossover), I really want to know what you guys think!