A/N: Hey guys~ Here's a second Madoka Magica story I've written for the fandom, which is amazing by the way. I kind of.. .well, I really strayed away from my usual writing style. I have no idea how this got like this, though, haha. As for the name of the story, I had a hard time deciding on it... but if you get why it's called that, then kudos to you. It's not that hard but I hope it doesn't look stupid. ;v;
I think… I think I really wanted to show how Kyouko can break and pick herself up at the same time, and show how she'd take to Sayaka's death in the New World. Also her relations with Mami and Homua. I also just kind of wrote this as a spur of the moment thing, meaning I didn't really change anything… so it's all as it was first written. In all honesty, I wrote it out as a collection of random snippets, so they're each written on different days and whatnot. If it doesn't flow correctly you can blame it on that, haha. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy and whatnot. I think this has a little bit of everything for everyone, couple wise.
Originally this was all supposed to be an entire oneshot all together. Although after seeing how long it's gotten, I've decided that this first chapter will kick things off with Kyouko's feelings and then I'll move onto having a chapter for her interactions with Homura and one for Mami. This will be finished fairly quickly, I believe, seeing as I have most of Homura's side written out as well. I hope you enjoy this first chapter.
Contains only a tad bit of MamiKyou and HomuKyou, although it's really not centered around them, so it's not a worry. IMPLIES HomuMado and Mamilotte, and heavily implies KyouSaya.
Also, a quick footnote that you'll see later in the story:
(1): I always believed that although a magical girl simply disappears in the new world, that Madoka would at least have something to mark their spot so they wouldn't be fully forgotten. This is why I've added this one little factor, and I hope you don't find it too odd.
-0-
Sayaka dies. Sayaka dies and nobody really seems to care. Homura is indifferent as always, and she even has the nerve to sob out another name after it happens. Something about a 'Madoka'. Something that's probably not even fucking relevant to this depressing situation. Mami is calm as usual, and she only smiles and says something stupid about some law of circles, taking Puella Magi away. What is it with her and naming every damn thing she comes across? This is something serious, and she still does it. Every time.
Still, Kyouko's throat is too dry and she can't snap at either of them the way she wants to. So she stays quiet, until a wheezed scoff leaves her lips and she bangs her fist against the wall. Something crunches at the force.
She actually hopes it's her fingers, and maybe she's just too numb to feel it.
"Damn it..." Her words are choked and she isn't sure whether it's directed to those other two who don't seem to care, or if it's just… directed at the entire situation itself. The loss that she should have seen coming.
She decides on somewhere inbetween those.
-0-
The first time she sees a violin, she snaps it in half. It had been her first instinct, after all, to want to break something that was part of the cause of a certain other's death. Mami scolds her for it. Her voice is worried and thick while she's bandaging Kyouko's damaged hands, pulling out the occasional splinter. Just to get her to shut up, Kyouko promises that next time, it won't happen.
Next time happens. Next time happens, and when it happens, it's not only the violin that she sees. The violin is coupled together with this gray haired kid that makes Kyouko stare in half awe and half hate. This kid has a familiar aura to him, and right next to him is a green-haired girl whom also catches Kyouko's attention. The aura makes Kyouko want to punch something and she only had a mild amount of time to ponder over it until Mami touches her arm gently to get her attention, patting off a speck of dust from Kyouko's school blazer(something she wouldn't be wearing if the blond hadn't forced her to enroll). The fiery girl stops looking at them just for that moment to regard Mami with mild distaste.
Then she hears his name and the next thing they know, the violin is smashed up against his face and Kyouko is storming out, punching the pristine glass of a classroom's window into pieces.
She never heads back into that classroom again.
-0-
"Are you sure you want it?" Mami's tone is conflicted and she looks hesitant at the entire situation, something that's quite understandable considering the unusual request. Her fingers are resting on polished wood, seemingly testing the material and running them over the sharp strings of the instrument. Red eyes are watching her in annoyance at the repeated question. Twice was okay. But having her repeat it over five times? Kyouko thought it was a bit overboard. Then again, if Kyouko were the blond... she'd be doing the same, too. So she simply crossed her arms, nodded, and waited for the blond to let up. Mami sighs and finally agrees.
Kyouko can't quite recall how she feels when she first holds the thing. Sure, she knows what it feels like under her fingers... well, what it feels like broken and smashed. But actually holding it is a different story. It makes something odd stir up in her stomach, almost like she's going to throw up all that pocky she had eaten before coming into the store. It's different at the same time, though. It makes her a bit light-headed and she actually closes her eyes, doesn't realize she's swaying to the side until Mami kind of catches her. "I'm fine," She automatically snaps, and the violin is brought to her chest again.
The first notes she plays are terrible. She keeps Mami up at night, pains her in the day. Keeps her annoyed and agitated when she tries it after the Puella Magi comes from school. She offers to enroll Kyouko in classes, yet the stubborn red head refuses. At one point, Mami looks like she just might snap... until, by total luck, a beautiful note comes pouring from the instrument and she just kind of stares at Kyouko.
It's funny because after that one note, it's a struggle to receive another. Kyouko doesn't give up and Mami isn't angry anymore, though. Her looks turn fond and instead of scolding Kyouko for causing her insane headaches, she buys painkillers and allows the red-head to practice in peace. At one point, Homura enters, and her eyes widen at the sight of the violin in Kyouko's hands.
She stares, and then smiles a funny kind of smile. It's a little pained but approving and there's respect there. Homura sits down and has a cup of tea, courtesy of Mami, although they all know that when she begins coming every day, it's a different story.
Two years pass. Homura is halfway through high school, while Mami only has a year left. Kyouko, as usual, is at home. She's not wasting her time, though. She never is. And Homura and Mami never leave the house when Kyouko attempts to play violin.
-0-
Kyouko learns how to decipher the notes, or so she believes. She can easily pick out the sounds of a violin player's notes just by listening to it. Of course, she doesn't know how to read the music. It's a minor setback, and Kyouko doesn't really care for it either. She doesn't need it. Sitting in front of papers and picking out symbols isn't her thing. If it was, then she'd be in school right now. While she's alone, she takes advantage of the time to play around with the strings of her violin. She fiddles with it, testing and teasing notes, gritting her teeth when something sounds off.
In all honesty, she has no idea what she's doing at all. She knows how to play notes straight up, mix and match, see what sounds good. Simple things that Mami and Homura still stand around for, trivial things that are now getting her nowhere. Solid. She wants something solid that maybe she can cling onto, she supposes. It's probably a stupid little wish. She tries, again. She tries soft notes, short notes, long notes. Rough notes. Guessing over and over. Most of it always sounds off to her, and frustration eventually creeps up and into her.
At one point her violin ends up thrown onto the ground and she's running her hands through her hair in mild frustration. Mami comes home and automatically gets to worrying when she sees the normally well kempt violin on the floor, sees Kyouko with her hands in her hair and chewing angrily on a stick of pocky. She doesn't get enough time to question the sight when suddenly her companion is sharply standing up and moving to exit the house.
Kyouko leaves to go on a walk, hands shoved in her light blue hoodie. It's a customary outfit that she would never think to get rid of. Her hands are curled around a little packet of chocolate cookies she had snatched on the way out, the bag popping in her tight grasp and allowing her easy access to the food inside. She allows her feet to lead her, knowing the area well enough to find her way even if she ventured out too far.
An hour comes and goes. Mami must be worried, although Kyouko can't find herself caring. The irritation is still in her stomach, settling together with the food ( a horrible combination, she admits later ) and she had to grit her teeth to keep it all down. It's been a long time since she's felt such a conflicting emotion, and it's tiring. The last time had been... well, a little after she had gotten her hands on the violin. What did she really want now? Kyouko's teeth clamp down on another dark cookie, still eating despite the nausea in her stomach. She's angry. What does she do when she's angry? She eats. She eats until her stomach feels like exploding.
Food isn't a thing to be wasted. It's one of her philo... no, it's her only philosophy, really. So when the packet slips from her fingers and falls on the ground, and she neglects to react to the occurrence, it's obvious something is terribly wrong.
Her eyes dilate for a moment, as if to take in the sight she sees. Her stomach does another turn, flip, twist, whatever, and she puts her hand on her mouth instinctively.
Doodled on the ground is a twisted heart drawn in red and blue, messy, boyish handwriting inside of it. There's an arrow right through it, followed by the simple words of 'Love Me Do' scrawled in blue. (1)
Kyouko's body shakes and she backs away, a weak smile crossing her lips.
And then she bends over and throws up everything she just ate.
-0-
Kyouko's at home again, as usual. Something seemed to strike up in her after that event. When she had made it home, Mami had worriedly paced around her, asking what had happened and where she had gone. Kyouko refused to say anything, only grumbling at Mami that it was really nothing. She almost had Mami fooled until the blond offered her a piece of cake and Kyouko only stared at it in mild disgust, before walking to the couch and falling on it.
Mami tries for several more days, only for nothing to happen. Homura comes over, examines the girl and determines that it really isn't in her place to prod. Then again, she never seemed to want to prod anyways. Kyouko's violin is left untouched for days, days that stretch out into weeks and soon Mami learns to stop asking when Kyouko just stares at her with a pained gaze. It's only pained for a second, and that's most likely just because Kyouko is too stubborn to admit that it's an emotion that's there. But it's there, and it always will be there, and Homura and Mami know it.
Kyouko tends to stay up and watch tv the entire night. Mami is fine with that, except for the fact that when she walks in, Kyouko's attention is never on the moving animations themselves. It's always elsewhere, blank yet so full of things that Mami can't pick out. At one point Kyouko neglects to cover herself, and Mami has to come out and cover her herself when she realizes that Kyouko's too deep in... whatever it is to do it herself. Kyouko jumps at her touch until she realizes it's Mami, calms down, and offers a mild smile. Mami only frowns at her yet doesn't have the heart to really scold her either. So she just walks away and leaves Kyouko by herself.
Another long week of the same routine passes. Homura keeps coming over, only it's awkward without the usual sounds of Kyouko messing around with her violin. Purple eyes are nearly always kept on Kyouko, flashing with a mild dose of worry that Kyouko's too out of it to catch. She prays something under her breath, Kyouko catches the name 'Madoka', and she twitches. Her red, fiery orbs are on Homura and she's shooting the stoic female a glare.
Homura leaves immediately after.
Mami comes home late one day, having been slowed by the sudden appearance of a hoard of demons on her way home. When she gets home, she tenses up at the sharp sound of a string snapping and she immediately goes to check on the source, worried that Kyouko had finally done something drastic. 'Oh god, oh no… Please, god, no…' Her voice is pleading in her mind as she rushes to get there, a terrified look marring her features.
She catches Kyouko staring at a broken string on her dusty violin, looking up as Mami walks in and grinning sheepishly. "I broke a string."
The terrified look is quickly drops and Mami knows that everything is normal again.
-0-
It's practically a miracle, really. Kyouko's actually working on something that's not obtaining those damned cubes or searching around for free food. At first, no one knows what shes up to. It happens right after she snaps out of unusual state, after Mami gets her violin string repaired and everything starts going back to normal. Homura swings by again, Mami bakes cake, Kyouko plays violin when she's not out. Demons are a lot harder to come by lately and even if it's odd, none of them question the state of peace. It was more of a blessing then anything and they welcome it with open arms. Homura seems hesitant to do so, yet she gives up eventually and relaxes. No one is really on edge anymore.
That's when Kyouko takes the opportunity to work on her project. She hesitates to call it a project, and instead settles for calling it something different, like she's improvising. Which, in reality, she kind of is. What she's working on alerts Mami and Homura that something really did change in her last time and they still don't know what caused the brief period of oddity in the red head. After all, since when did Kyouko ever care about attempting to write a piece of music? Kyouko objects to this when they both ask one day, insisting that even if they hear her practicing the same notes always, it doesn't mean she's working on one particular thing. Kyouko never really liked to admit that she's sticking to a particular something. The other two Puella Magi know something is up whenever they get there only to hear the sounds of sharp, high notes, edging onto a sad deep end that leaves them both awed.
Unfortunately that's only the first part of the music that Kyouko "isn't writing". Kyouko is nearly always at it, and Mami really wants to kind of tease the girl when she sees such a serious expression on the normally goofy girl's face. She refrains from doing so.
Kyouko is finally a good minute into the rough draft of the music when suddenly it happens. Demons come back into town and they all have to act quick. The monsters appear right there the city's hospital. They're a little stronger then usual, a feat that makes the girls falter. All of them are rusty from the period of relaxation, after all. Mami's arm is a little torn and ripped, Kyouko's bleeding from a deep cut on her cheek, head pounding dangerously and Homura is cringing and holding onto the wound in her stomach. Mami's gaze stays on the hospital while Kyouko curses in a rather colorful vocabularly, followed by Homura's quiet mumblings and attempts to heal herself. They're all a little shaken up by their obvious struggle, yet they won and they guess it's all that matters.
Mami offers to head into the building to check if all the patients are okay. Kyouko only responds with a hiss of, "Fuck!" and Homura nods at the blond, sending a look to Kyouko at the distasteful use of language. Kyouko decides that she should probably help Homura home, since the girl looks like she's not going to make it too far without help. It doesn't matter if the stoic girl decides to brush off her help. The red-head firmly decides she's going to do it, and so she does. That's how she ends up walking to Homura's house that night.
-0-
A/N: After this I'll probably end up posting Homura's side within a week or so. Like a said before, it's almost all finished up and I just have to figure out how to tie it in with Mami as well. Erm, anyways, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. Reviews are appreciated, although not needed. Until next time. c: