A Past Best Left Unremembered
He huddled down further in the bed, pushing his face closer to Jeff so that his fur tickled his nose. One of his hands raised itself to his ear as he, quite ineffectively, tried to block out the rising levels of noise filtering in from the corridor outside. He knew that it was only Tracy and Elektra arguing over chores, he could hear what they were saying, but the animosity behind the words coupled with how loud they were shouting brought back some disturbing memories for the young boy. Even though he knew he was safe, that Mike, Gina and Sapphire would protect him no matter what, there was still that niggling of fear in the back of his mind that everything could go just as wrong now as it had then. He could only hope that Jeff would protect him just as well as he had then, hiding him from the rage of 'The Monster'.
None of the others ever believed him when he said Jeff was magic. Sometimes they would go along with him and pretend to join in his games, but they never truly believed, not even Sapphire. He didn't blame them though, his mum had told him that not everybody would understand when she had given Jeff to him as a present, that it was their little secret and he trusted that she was right. It didn't stop him from feeling sad however, he had no-one left to understand now that she was gone, no-one to share the secret with.
A sudden bang from outside followed by a particularly loud cry had him running for the wardrobe. It was too much like before, too similar the bad thing, to what 'The Monster' had done. In the darkness he felt safer, more assured that he would come out of it alright. He had always hidden in the dark before, in cupboards, in wardrobes, under his bed. There was something about being completely alone in a shroud of shadows that was soothing to him – alone except from Jeff of course.
In the wardrobe all sound was muffled making everything seem further away. The arguing was like background noise, a TV left on in a different room that you could only just hear if you strained hard enough, distant and unconnected to him and Jeff. It was smaller than the ones he used to hide in, or maybe he was just bigger, either way it made getting comfortable hard. He kept fidgeting, struggling to get into a position that he could easily stay in until everything quietened down outside, until it was safe. The touch of something against his face made him jump slightly until he realised it was one of his coats. He felt himself blush a little at the mistake but the incident itself gave him an idea. Balancing on his knees with Jeff procured securely under his armpit, Harry reached up and lifted down a few the clothes hanging neatly above him, placing them around him so that he would have something soft to rest against. It briefly occurred to him that either Mike or Gina might be mad at him for messing up his clothes but he roughly pushed it aside, focusing instead on getting himself and Jeff into a cosy position.
Later on he would come to regret getting as comfy as he did, when the last vestiges of the nightmare still hung over him in a cloud of terror. But just then, in the peacefulness of darkness, with the dispute now nearly out of earshot, he found himself slipping into a tranquil sleep. Or at least that's how it started. It wasn't long before the events around him wound there way into his subconscious.
He was in what looked like his old home, standing in the middle of the hallway that led from the front door to the bedrooms. Or at least what used to lead from the front door into the bedrooms, everything was different. It was darker for one; no light came in through the windows, or from lamps that his mum had placed strategically around the house so that neither of them would fall over wayward objects during the night. It was also warped somehow, like everything had been stretched out, took apart and put back together again in an altogether jumbled manner. He hugged Jeff closer to himself, searching for something familiar to hang on to. Taking a deep breath, he started off down the corridor to where his mum's bedroom had been, making as little noise as possible. Although he was walking quite briskly, he didn't seem to be making any progress. It was like the more he walked, the less ground he seemed to cover, creating the allusion that the room door was getting further away. His legs were getting tired and he had the beginnings of a stitch in his left side by the time he got to the door. Feeling relieved at the prospect of a rest, he gratefully pushed open the door with his free hand – the one that wasn't holding Jeff, only to be stopped in his tracks by the sight before him.
The only thought running through his mind at that moment was that it couldn't be happening again, it just couldn't. He had already been forced to deal with it once before, why would anyone want him to do it again. Closing his eyes firmly against the sight, he tried to back away only to find it blocked, the door gone and was nowhere to be found. Sinking to the ground he screwed his eyes up tightly and drew his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and Jeff in comfort. He stayed like that for what seemed like forever but nothing appeared to change. Taking a chance, and having no other choice, he opened his eyes once more hoping for the best, only to be sorely disappointed. Everything was just as it was. His mum was still lying as if asleep on the bed, a sore looking purple and black bruise blossoming around her throat. Clambering to his knees, he choked back a sob as he crawled slowly towards the bed, without strength or inclination to stand. Reaching the side that his mum was closest to, he used the covers to pull himself up to a standing position till he was leaning over her prone body.
Hesitantly, he reached out his hand to nudge her shoulder lightly, calling on her quietly as he did so, hoping beyond belief that she would show some response, that maybe this time it would be different. He was preparing to try again when the sound of a door slamming open made him jump. Eyes wide in fright he stood frozen in place, unable to act. He knew he should be trying to find a safe place to hide like he had last time, that he would only be hurt if he wasn't out of the way by the time the footsteps got close enough to deliver a kick, but he was stuck as if glued to the ground. Trembling noticeably from the force of his terror, he found himself collapsing onto the worn out carpet once again. Curling into the foetal position around Jeff, he felt the tears begin to fall down his cheeks, tracking there way down his face before falling onto the carpet. Shuddering harder as 'The Monster' – for who else could it be – came closer, he scrunched his eyes as tightly as possible, willing himself to be anywhere but where he was. He heard the door open and someone approaching him, the footsteps softened by the carpet to a light tread that he could barely make out. After a few seconds of silence and a lot of willpower on Harry's part to disappear, he felt someone standing over him and had to fight back another shudder that threatened to shake his entire body.
Nothing happened for a moment and he almost convinced himself that he was making it all up when a hand clamped down on his shoulder, shaking him a little in a way similar to what he had done earlier to his mum. Pulling himself into a tighter ball than he already was, he whimpered softly, anticipating the pain he knew was to come.
"Harry? Harry are you OK?" The voice was frantic, worried, and not the one he was expecting. "It's alright they've stopped know, everything's fine." The hand on his shoulder tightened once more, pulling him towards the voice. He opened his eyes then in relief, but thoroughly confused as to how she was there.
"Sapphire?" It was then he realised where he was, that he was still in the wardrobe, lying in the bottom amongst a pile of clothing. "What happened?" The young girl knelt beside him, holding him to her in a one armed hug.
"Tracy and Elektra were arguing over something silly but it's over now. I just came to see if you were OK. What're you doing in the wardrobe?"
"I was hiding, they scared Jeff." He rubbed at his eyes, trying to alleviate the itchiness that was there from his crying. The motion didn't go unnoticed however, and Sapphire quickly picked up on her young friends discomfort.
"Have you been crying? Was Jeff that scared?" He hesitated before answering unsure of whether or not he could tell her about what happened, about his mum and 'The Monster'. No one else knew after all, except Mike and Gina, but that was only because his social worker had told them and they had promised not to tell anyone.
"Yeah, he doesn't like loud noises. What time is it? I think I fell asleep."
"Nearly dinner time. Do you and Jeff want to play a game till then?" She was still looking at him worriedly, and Harry knew from experience that she didn't quite believe his answer, that she knew something else was really bothering him.
"Yeah, can we play hide and seek?" He forced a smile on his face, trying his hardest to appear happy at the prospect of a playing a game with her.
"Sure," she still sounded unsure about his response, but she was obviously happy about waiting until he was ready to come to her. "you go hide and I'll start counting. No falling asleep this time yeah?"
"Kay." He scampered off almost immediately, pleased to be away from her probing gaze. He was glad that at least one good thing had came from the argument though, Sapphire hadn't had much time to play with him lately. She spent most of her spare time talking to Tracy about moving into a halfway house and he didn't like it, besides Jeff she was his best friend, he didn't know what he would do when she left.
Just a little one-shot while I struggle with the newest chapter of Sometimes a Girl Needs to Run. I don't really know where it came from but it was begging to be wrote. What do you guys think?
xx