Title: Forsaken
Author: Tara Kitaide
genre: romance/angst/tragedy
Pairing: Ichigo/Renji
Disclaimer: Wouldn't it be so cool to own bleach? Unfortunately, I don't. If I did, there'd be hot yaoi smut every chapter.
Warning: Yaoi, language, fantasy violence
Rating: M for possible yaoi scenes
Dedication: To my fans! I love you all!
-/-/-/-
The look on Ichigo's face could be described only as sheer terror.
He watched helplessly as his red haired comrade fell before his eyes, that ridiculous long hair strewn across his face, a fountain of blood spewing from the long jagged gash reaching from the red head's waist to his neck. Ichigo watched as the man who had done this stood as calmly as ever, that fox-faced grin of his stretching from ear to ear. The man sheathed his sword slowly and turned his head to look at Renji who now lay dieing on the cool white floor.
"I'm done here." He said simply in his merry sing-song voice. He looked at Ichigo again who now knelled, his sword loosely in his hand, his eyes wide at the site of his friend's mangled body. Ichigo looked up momentarily, his eyes meeting the former capitan's.
Ichigo didn't know how it was possible, but the silver haired man's grin actually grew wider. He felt as something inside him snapped at this. Ichigo's eyes were replaced with rage as the grip on his sword tightened with new found resolve. He cried out as the man was turning to leave and lunged at him, stepping over his friend and swinging the long black sword through the air.
"DAMN YOU! I'LL KILL YOU!" Ichigo shouted. Gin gave a small "hmph" and turned his back, disappearing into pure darkness before Ichigo's sword could reach him. Ichigo stumbled forward a few steps when his sword didn't make contact and instead crashed into the ground, forcing the white tile to crack.
Ichigo breathed heavily. The wound on his shoulder had reopened and now stained the black coat like shihakushÅ red. Ichigo didn't care.
He thrust Tensa Zangetsu into the ground and leaned heavily against the blade for support. He cried out again, this time in sorrow and pain. He didn't want to look back, to see his friend, the one he loved, laying there cold and motionless. He didn't want to believe he was dead, didn't want to believe he was gone. That Renji was gone.
"RENJI!!"
Ichigo's head snapped up at the sudden call of his friends name. He knew it was Rukia. He knew it was her, probably having just finished her own battle only to look over and see her best friend laying mangled in a pool of blood. He knew she would be running now, rushing to Renji's side and trying to get some response from him. He also knew he should try to help her, and even though he didn't want to, he turned around slowly and walked to where Rukia knelled down next to Renji's body.
Ichigo walked around and knelled on the other side so he could face Renji too. He was surprised to find the shinigami grunting and coughing when he arrived. He was sure Renji was dead but it seemed like the loud mouth red head had a bit more life in him after all.
"Renji!" Rukia called again as she reached out to hold Renji's head in her hand. Renji wheezed and coughed some more before finding it within himself to formulate a response.
"H-Hey..." He chocked, his voice rough and cracked. He smiled weakly up at them and watched as Rukia's eyes narrowed in pain. "What's with you Rukia? Why are you--" He was cut off by another cough, this one shaking his whole body.
Ichigo and Rukia gasped.
Renji pulled his hands away from his mouth and gazed down at the blood that dripped from his fingers. Blood dripped from the corner of his mouth and Ichigo quickly wiped it away for him.
"Kurosaki...?" Renji muttered as best he could. "Didn't see ya there..." Renji tried best to chuckle but it turned into another cough and more worried glances from his two friends. "Stop lookin' like that." Renji muttered, his gaze drifting from Rukia to Ichigo. "I'm just fine."
"Bullshit Renji! Your dieing!" Rukia burst, tears filling her eyes. "Just hold on! We'll send for an emergency relief unit! We'll get you back! We'll fix you! We'll--!" Rukia broke off and buried her face in her hands as tears tumbled down her pail cheeks.
"H-Hey now... none of... that..." This time Renji's voice came out as barely a whisper. The words seemed to float through the air and ghost across Ichigo's skin. The boy clenched his eyes shut and shuddered. There was a lump building in his throat and he felt his heart sink as his eyes began to fill with tears. He forced them down and opened his eyes to face his friend. He refused to cry. Renji wasn't dead. Renji wasn't gone. As long as he held on Ichigo could too.
"Kurosaki."
Ichigo jumped when he heard his name called. He looked down at Renji, an unbearable sadness in his eyes. Renji frowned and met the boy's gaze, dark red swirling with chocolate brown.
"Yes?" Ichigo squeaked, his voice slow and sad.
Renji let a small sad smile cross his lips. He brought up a hand which Ichigo grasped and held desperately on to. Ichigo brought his friend's hand to his chest and tightened his grip, afraid to let go. He couldn't take this. It was all so unbearable.
Ichigo looked down at Renji's blooded face a knew. Knew this was the last time he would see him, speak to him, hear his voice. He knew yet he couldn't bring himself to tell him. He couldn't just open his mouth and tell him how much he loved him, how much he'd always loved him, and it hurt.
"Tell Inoue... I'm sorry I couldn't... help save her... and that it's not her fault..." Renji chocked
Ichigo nodded at Renji's request and sighed to work past the lump in his throat. "Okay..." He muttered.
"And both of you..." Renji paused to wait for Rukia to lift her head from her hands. All this time she was still crying. Rukia swiped at the tears with the back of her hands and looked up at Renji. Renji smiled reassuringly at her but it only made more tears for the girl.
"Thank you both so much... Please... be strong for me..." Renji smiled, his gaze drifting between the two of them. "Thank you..." He whispered as his eyes settled on Ichigo. "...for everything..."
Then he was gone.
Ichigo and Rukia watched as the shine in Renji's eyes slowly faded and they became lifeless. Ichigo's heart sank as Renji's hand became limp in his hands and slowly slipped from his grasp. "No..." Ichigo muttered under his breath, his eyes wide. Rukia couldn't take it and went back to burying her face in her hands and crying.
Ichigo's breath started to become sort and ragged. "No..." He said again, this time his voice louder. Her lifted a shaky hand to Renji's face and placed it on his cheek where a faint smile still lay. Ichigo leaned closer to Renji's body, his other hand resting on the man's shoulder. "Your not dead..." Ichigo said, his voice straining as his eyes swelled with tears. "Your not dead..." He repeated. "You can't be..."
Ichigo looked into Renji's dead eyes, hoping, waiting. He wanted those eyes to blink, to shine again, to look at him but they didn't. They couldn't. Not anymore...
Realization began to sink in and Ichigo snapped. "Your not dead!" He shouted, removing the hand on Renji's cheek to grip his other shoulder and start to shake him. "You can't be dead! You're not! YOUR NOT!"
Rukia looked up from her hands at Ichigo in mild surprise. She sniffed and wiped some of the tears away.
"You're not dead." Ichigo repeated, his shaking becoming more violent. "You can't die! I won't forgive you if you do! You can't die! You can't, YOU CAN'T!" Ichigo shook Renji roughly, the shinigami's head rolling from side to side on the tile floor. Rukia gripped Ichigo's shoulder and tugged a little, trying to force him off.
"Ichigo, Renji is dead. He's gone. Now stop it!"
Ichigo turned to her, eyes wide, tears streaming down his face. "You're lying!" He shouted. "He's not dead! Renji's not dead!"
Ichigo shook Renji again and again, shrugging off Rukia's hand. "He can't be dead! He can't! He has to know! I have to tell him!" Ichigo shouted, more tears streaming down his face and slashing onto Renji's. "I... I have to...!"
"Ichigo, stop it!" Rukia shouted at him, trying again to pull him off.
"He can't be dead! He can't be dead, because...!" Ichigo stopped his shaking but his hands never left Renji's shoulders. He let a sob escape him before collapsing onto Renji's chest and sobbing. "You can't be gone, Renji! I love you! You can't! YOU CAN'T DIE BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, RENJI!"
Rukia removed her hands from Ichigo and buried her face in them as she listened to Ichigo's shouting. The boy shook and sobbed and screamed Renji's name until he couldn't anymore and then he fell silent and still against Renji's chest.
Rukia was the first to compose herself. She wiped away the tears and suffocated her sobs until there were no more. She picked up her Zampakuto from where she left it, a few yards away, and walked back to where Ichigo still clung to Renji's chest. She sighed and rest her sword by her side before gently touching Ichigo's shoulder.
"Ichigo." She called. "We have to go. Come on."
Ichigo said nothing and ignored her. He didn't want to move, didn't want to speak. His whole body ached with such an unbearable pain he wondered how he was still breathing. Ichigo opened his eyes but didn't lift his head to look at Rukia.
Rukia sighed again and this time tried to pull Ichigo up. "Come on, Ichigo. We have a job to do, or have you forgotten about Orihime?"
Ichigo cringed and tried to shrug off Rukia's hand to no avail. "Shut up." He muttered. "I don't want to leave him."
Anger began to best Rukia and she didn't fight it. She pulled the boy so hard this time that he was forced to look up at her and let go of Renji's body. Ichigo gasped when he felt his hands leave the rough material of the shihakushÅ. He grasped for it but Rukia held him out of reach.
"Damn it, Ichigo! Pull yourself together!" She shouted. "I know it hurts but you have to deal with it and finish what you came here for!" She glared down at Ichigo, her cold eyes meeting Ichigo's sad and pathetic look. "Renji told us to be strong for him so I'm telling you; be strong! Renji wouldn't want you to sit here and mourn his death! He would want you to carry on and finish the mission!"
Rukia saw a wave of fear and uncertainty flash across Ichigo's eyes and she understood why. Her eyes softened a bit and she tried her best to smile, despite the situation. "We'll come back for him later, okay?" Ichigo stared up at her a while longer.
"You promise?" He asked quietly like a poor frightened child.
"Yes." Rukia nodded. "I promise."
Ichigo looked down at Renji again and his eyes narrowed. He gave a nod which was intended for Rukia and muttered a small "okay". Ichigo reached out a hand and touched Renji's cheek lightly. Rukia released him so he could use his other hand to touch Renji's face as well. Ichigo carefully closed Renji's eyes and moved a strand of hair from the shinigami's eyes.
He knew it was wrong, and probably disgusting, but Ichigo couldn't help but lean forward and gently kiss Renji's cold lips for the first and last time. He pulled back after a few moments and looked down at Renji's still face. The smile from before was still there if only a little more faded. Ichigo sighed and touched Renji's cheek. "Goodbye." He whispered against Renji's pale skin.
Then he stood and gathered his Zampakuto before joining Rukia and dashing off to find and rescue his friend.
I'll be thinking of you forever.
-/-/-/-
A/N: This took longer than I thought but I was eager to write it. This is only the first chapter so stick around for more. So you know, Rukia knew that Ichigo loved Renji. She was the only who knew, who Ichigo ever told.
Well, this is the part where you review and tell me how much you cried or how bad I hurt Ichigo (again). So go on, review until your hearts content! I NEED REVIEWS! Their like shinigami souls to a hollow. Rawr!