The coolness of the blade as it traces the deep rich veins below,
It would be so easy,
Pressure, just a little, she knows all about pressure,
The silver blade leaves a red trail,
Drops fall to the floor as it by magic,
Pain is what she deserves,
For being such a bad person,
For failing so badly,
They died because of her,
She deserves the pain,
The pressure increases,
The blood begins to trickle,
Her arm is tingling now,
Fingers numb,
It's making a mess,
Another thing of her life someone else has to clean up,
She wonders how long it will take for anyone to notice,
Her head feels light,
Her arm is dead,
All sensations other than pain have deserted her,
She feels sleep coming closer,
She knows it will be her last,
There is irony knowing the last battle she lost was against herself,
The voices that tell her failure,
She can fix the galaxy but not herself,
Everyone has a breaking point,
Sam knows she just found hers.
He knocks at the door, hearing nothing he enters. He can feel his heart hammering his chest as he sees her body so pale, so much blood. He stands in shock letting the horror take him. Instinct takes over as he feels for a pulse, the coldness of the skin, he fees nothing, his hands are shaking so much, he can't be sure…wait…a flicker. He rings Janet, "I need you its Sam she broke" is all he says knowing that help is on its way. He looks round for anything to stop the bleeding, tissues, pillows, nothing, the kitchen has a towel. He grabs it, wrapping it around her fragile arm. He waits.
He clutches her wrist, she has lost weight, he should have known those smiles were fake, the I'm fines were lies. He thought she pull herself out of it, she always had before. He didn't know why this time was different, he thought they'd been friends, that she could come to him with anything.
Janet comes in with the medical team and he escorts her to the base sitting with Teal'c and Jack only slightly reassured both of them were asking themselves the same question, how did she get this bad and nobody noticed.
It was a day until she woke up. Janet had let her team in as soon as she could and they hadn't moved. They'd failed her once, they weren't going to fail again.
She woke thrown she hadn't expected to see daylight again. On seeing her family sitting there seeing the worry, and the stress she had caused them, she began to cry. Wordlessly Daniel hugged her, Jack putting a hand on her leg, Teal'c grasping her arm.
"Do not do that to us again" Teal'c warned, Sam nods, she understands now, she isn't alone.
It takes months of therapy, resigning from SG1, becoming a civilian. People still treat her differently but she understands, she has no friends because there her family. She makes mistakes, despite everything that has happened to her, Jolinar, the entity, she is still human, she has limits. Maybe this experience made her stronger, maybe not, but she survived it. And at the end of the day she thinks maybe that's what matters.