I'm not even sure why I wrote this...I guess you can see it for yourself. I'm sure it'll become obvious as to what Chomper and Petrie are talking about as you read.
I will advise you that this short story may either make you laugh your guts out or make you lose your lunch; if that's you, grab a bucket. In any case, you may proceed to click the back button if you don't want to read any further.
...Just forewarning ya.
OBVIOUS DISCLAIMER: Isn't it already obvious I don't own Land Before Time?
Today seemed-
(You sure you don't wanna click the back button? I'm sure there's other LBT stories out there that'll make you happy! Ones with tickling? Ones with other cute-sy moments? Ones that kill off main characters? (wait...) No? ...Okay, hope you can stomach this...)
Today seemed like a perfect day for Littlefoot. Like it ever wasn't.
With the weather in the valley as beautiful as ever, and his usual group of friends all eager for another game of Kick the Seed, he had spent much of his morning playing just that. It was simply another day for him to live carefree and forget about all of the danger and peril they always had when going on adventures...which for most was their next favorite thing to do. Still, playing favorite games of theirs was a way to relieve themselves of the stress caused by otherwise everyday life put onto them by other friends and respective family.
Today was no different. But then, lunch was never too different on most days, either.
Since lunch was a time already passed by now, Littlefoot had started to walk back to the meeting place he and his friends agreed to meet on that day. As was customary to the valley rules, he simply passed by the several relief spots that greeted the land, making sure not to look in any of them, because...well, he never knew, and he didn't want to know what he could see in them. But a sudden sentence from a familiar voice made him stop in his tracks.
"So, um...I feel awkward asking you this..."
It didn't take him long to recognize the voice from the nearest relief spot to the left, but he was still surprised when he did. Chomper?
"...but how long is yours?"
Huh?
"Actually, it not really long. Me always have my tip exposed."
Petrie? What on earth are they talking about? Littlefoot thought. Normally, he wouldn't be rude and listen in on conversations that took place in certain areas, but considering these were his friends, he'd never thought they'd be discussing what they were currently discussing...assuming he actually knew what they were talking about. By instinct, he began to listen in on their unusual conversation.
"Now how long is yours?" Petrie asked.
"Pretty long, believe it or not," Chomper responded, "It covers everything up. Sometimes when I wake up, it gets all stiff when I have to go, and even then I don't see anything."
"Really? Mine get stiff too! But most of tip show when it does," Petrie replied.
"Oh, I see. But now I'm curious about something..."
"What that?"
"Um..."
No wonder he's so nervous! Littlefoot thought as Chomper was about to ask the question. I didn't think they'd be talking about this!
"Do you ever...pull it back when you have to wee-wee?"
"Um...sometimes me do," Petrie replied, "and sometimes me don't. Depend on how desperate Petrie is, 'cause if me reeeeallly have to go, well...me just don't. What about you?"
Why am I hearing this? Littlefoot wondered to himself as he facepalmed at the conversation.
"Once in a while I do. But I usually like to see all the skin on there when I wee-wee. I don't know why, though."
"Maybe you think that how it s'posed to look!" Petrie joked with a few giggles.
"Yeah," Chomper laughed mildly, "I guess so. Most of the time, I do pull back to give it a shake after I'm all done, but then also to clean it when I take baths."
"Me too! Petrie make sure it all clean and dry 'fore me come and play. But same thing for rest of my body."
Strangely enough, Littlefoot didn't feel sick from hearing this conversation. In fact, he was blushing in slight embarrassment that he even caught it in the first place, especially considering that he understood everything being said. The reddening on his cheeks increased as the curious flyer continued.
"Oh, and...you ever feel...strange when you clean there?"
"Um...yeah, I think so!" Chomper responded. "I only clean there for a few seconds, but it feels really good when I do. It's a really tingly feeling I don't understand. Still, I kinda like it..."
"Me like feeling too! Even when it not actually there, me can still feel it. Me remember rubbing there a few times; just a little; and that feel real good. But then Mama say me no should touch there..."
"Why?"
"She not say. But me know she always right."
At least he knows what's right and wrong, Littlefoot thought, just like all of us.
"What me no get is why it real important to clean there, yet me can't touch there for more than few seconds..."
"Hmm...maybe it's 'cause that will make you feel even sicker?" Chomper inquired.
"Uhhh, me no know about that. Petrie not really see how feeling good can make you feel sick at same time..." Petrie replied in a confused state.
"Me neither, Petrie. I just thought I'd ask."
Littlefoot couldn't help but chuckle to himself without anyone hearing. Considering this whole conversation was a subject he typically would refrain entirely from speaking about toward others, it had begun to take a humorous tone towards the initially-awkward two friends. He was just glad he wasn't actually seeing either of them from the clean relief spot, especially when Petrie asked Chomper the next unexpected question.
"Um...Petrie feel real stupid asking, but...could you show me yours? Me promise me no touch."
"Well...here's the deal: I can show you mine, that is...if you show me yours first."
Whew, Littlefoot thought to himself, now I'm real happy I was never a part of this. At this point, however, another though came to him. Chomper could sniff the air and spot me at any moment now! While he was in momentary panic, he allowed himself to relax; he could simply take off as soon as Chomper sniffed and called his name. With that in mind, he resumed listening in.
"Well...OK..." Petrie said with a degree of uncertainty before presumably proceeding to expose himself to Chomper.
"Not bad looking," Chomper confirmed. "In fact, it never really was, considering you've wet yourself in front of us a few times too many."
"Heh heh, you be right about that!"
He sure is, thought Littlefoot to himself upon quick reminiscing.
"Now for mine," Chomper said, supposedly now exposing his own part to Petrie, which was confirmed by the flyer.
"Oooooh! You right! Your skin is really long! ...Kinda gross-looking, too..." Littlefoot imagined Petrie cringing at that sentence, hence making him glad he wasn't in between the two...yet.
"Watch when I pull it all back," Chomper replied, and Littlefoot simply waited for the response, not knowing that at this moment, he was getting closer to the two. Any second now and he'll spot me, he thought.
"Hey! Your tip look different than mine!" Petrie responded in awe. "It look a bit paler. Maybe 'cause your skin cover it all up?"
"Not only that...mmm...it's really sensitive to touch."
"You mean the tip or your whole-"
"Both," Chomper answered, "I'm surprised at how tickly it feels! Hey...wait a second..."
Littlefoot was now close enough for Chomper to smell him, and sure enough, he began to hear a few sniffs.
"You smell something?"
"No...but I smell...someone..."
Oh no!
"Who is it...?"
"*gasp!* It's Littlefoot!"
That was his cue! He began to dash off, hoping not to get caught in the act of potentially stalking. His hopes were dashed, however, when he heard the sharptooth from behind.
"Littlefoot, wait up!"
Instantly, he stopped and turned around to face the two friends, both of whom were now out of the relief spot.
"What you doing out here?" Petrie asked. "You waiting for this spot?"
"Um...no, I was just, uh...passing through!" Littlefoot tried to lie, "Yeah, heh, that's it!" Unfortunately to him, the sharptooth and flyer saw through him.
"Um, Littlefoot? How long you were near the relief spot?" Chomper asked, being the first to figure out.
Littlefoot hung his neck down and blushed slightly. "Um...long enough," he admitted bluntly.
"It okay, Littlefoot," Petrie reassured, "We never really know you be listening anyway. But look on bright side: at least you not a girl!" He chuckled at that, and both Littlefoot and Chomper joined in.
"You...do promise to keep this a secret, right?" Chomper wanted to know.
"Don't worry, guys," Littlefoot replied, "it's all safe with me; I won't tell anyone. Besides, I somewhat understand why only boys should be talking about this...but we can talk about that another time."
"That's fine," replied Chomper, understanding of the situation.
"Me agree," Petrie added. "Besides, we be keeping our friends waiting for a while now."
Littlefoot gasped. "You're right! We should get going!"
"Mm-hmm!" the sharptooth and flyer agreed, but before they could begin wandering off...
"Before we do though, I would like to ask you one more thing."
"That be?" Petrie wondered.
"How did this whole conversation start anyways?"
"Oh...well, both of us kinda had to do a wee-wee at the same time," Chomper answered.
"And, uh, we...kinda get curious, and since there just be two of us, we sorta feel like talking about our pee-pees. Though me not sure why we bring it up..."
There's that slang again, Littlefoot thought (it was slang from the two of them he had grown accustomed to at this point) before he spoke again. "Heh, I'm not sure either. But I do know that you should try to keep those...discussions in a more reserved spot in the future."
"I agree. We should try to do that." Chomper replied.
"Yeah, me too," Petrie added. "Now come on, friends be waiting!"
The three dinosaurs then began to walk towards their meeting place, having learned some valuable lessons about when and when not to discuss questionable subjects.
THE END
Um...thoughts? Stomach or no stomach?
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