Disclaimer: I don't own anything in ATLA franchise, nor do I intend to make a profit off this.
Warnings: in the later chapters this will be "Zucest", but before that there will be a whole lot of angst along the way. If you feel uncomfortable, don't read. Also english isn't my first language so beware of grammatical errors.
Tags for this chapter: angst, flowers, nightmares
My first fic, enjoy!
Edited March 10, 2017.
Chapter 1: Within Brackets
There is a strong stench in the air. It's an awful, acid odour; the scent is nauseating and sweet, putrid and sulphurous — along the lines of leather being tanned over a flame. He knows it well because he could never get the smell of burning flesh out of his nose entirely. No matter how long he lived, the charcoal-like stench of burnt skin is just as sickening, always as if he were experiencing it for the first time.
"My Lord?" the adviser on his right repeated. "The Fire Lady is safe, unfortunately we could not retrieve the prince in time…" the man's eyes were downcast as if conveying his condolences.
"However, when we gain the support of the Earth Kingdom, it's only a matter of time before you reclaim your throne — and your son." The advisor on his left proclaimed as if his son was just an accessory to his throne!
Flames whipped in his clenched fists before it faded into embers. "Where is she?" he demanded, instead of condemning the man.
"P-pardon?" Both advisors asked simultaneously.
Incompetent. The ruling class of his nation was incompetent at best.
For every second that Zuko was delayed his answer, storms of worry, frustration, and despair mixed into a mood that was foul. The dominant red of the royal airship made him see blood, it was nothing compared to the destruction below. Flames danced into the night with the burning breeze carrying the foul stench. It lingered like a cancer. His very nation has been infected. The corrosion won't stop until everything rots. The spread of the disease kills its host by slithering itself into the foundation — the heart of his nation — and soon his country will fall. Similar to the last stages of cancer, death is inevitable to prevent.
"My wife," Zuko snaps.
With understanding the left advisor instantly report, "In the Imperial Suite of the ship my Lord."
Zuko rubbed two fingers, hard, on his right temple. The throbbing has become more intense, making his frustration even more unbearable. "That's good…" he whispered more to himself before promptly dismissing all his guards and advisors.
"Sire…" His right advisor hesitate before announcing, "Fire Lady Mai requires your presence."
He inhaled sharply. "Did she request for it…?" he managed to choke out, his voice cracking at the end. Zuko suspected he is the last person she wished to see. After all, he was the reason they had lost their son. He was not physically, or mentally prepared to face her wrath. It was best for them both, if he waited and gave Mai one final night of peace.
Peace away from him…
"…No, but with her current sta—" The right advisor was silenced with a strident whip of flames. Then with a sharp flick of his hand, the two advisors (who hadn't betrayed him yet), left with the customary stance, palm slightly above the fist, while the four masked guards follow suit, demonstrating their understanding before bowing deeply to announce their leave.
Zuko didn't bother acknowledging it like he usually does. None can be trusted. Their motives for remaining with him were still unclear. Paranoia mixed with unquenchable despair made the feeling of overwhelming loss insufferable. His anger was passed the boiling point. Leniency. It became a crime when he allowed the parasites within his nation to spread due to his indecisiveness. All because of his failure to create countermeasures when the infestation not only targeted his life, but poisoned his courts worming their way into his very home to have kidnapped his son! Nevertheless, what he was most angry at was himself!
"You're naive," her vindictive snarl echo in his mind. Zuko could not help, but chuckle at the absolute truth in those words. She was right. Azula was always right. He just never wanted to admit it. It was easier to cope with his mistakes if he blamed her for everything that went wrong. She was his excuse and more than anything, he wished she was near to fix them…
Alone on the observatory deck, Zuko gazed up to see the crescent moon high in the night. He has always thought the moon seemed forlorn within an ocean of obsidian. Its existence was like his; as Fire Lord, he stands alone. It doesn't take long to figure out that every decision, no matter how insignificant, rested on his shoulders with his every words governing the state. The burden was oppressive and sometimes he wasn't confident enough to believe that his choices were correct. He was only one person making decisions for thousands!
It was suffocating.
Still, the position of Fire Lord comes with isolation and demands him to be almighty power — he must be better than he is… Sometimes, he feels like a monster trying to meet his nation's expectations. Zuko could never get used to such a position, he doesn't want to be like his father… But mostly, he doesn't trust himself (he had made detrimental choices before) to follow through! He can't be what they wanted! And so their dissatisfaction exploded into anarchy. He was only human. He could not help feeling vulnerable like everyone else — even rulers have moments when they believed in things that go bump in the night... Now, with civil upheavals amok and his government overthrown, it was his duty to fix this mess! Yet, he didn't know how!
He felt helpless. With his son's capture, Zuko realized he had not changed. He was a child who had thought he has matured into a man. That was not the case, he was still a boy inside a greenhouse constructed by his mother and uncle.
The mere thought about his one-year-old son in the hands of the enemy crushed him into unbelievable despair — he was a failure as a father… he could not protect his family because he was weak… powerless… Mai was right. His authority meant nothing, if he cannot protect the people he loved!
Yet no matter how hard, how desperate he tries… it always ends with chaos. Destruction. War. He just wanted to build a kind world where his son, his family, his friends can be at peace. But now, he has begun to think that this was impossible without getting his hands dirty…
Zuko clutched his hands together and brought them to touch his forehead. It was a prayer for the safety of his son, for Agni's protection of his family, for him to be brave and toss all his uncertainties aside. At this very moment, a desolation was veiling overhead as fire burned the night — smothering his capital in fire and smoke.
It was still fresh in his mind. The flashes of thundering explosions and the loud cries of rebel forces rampaging through his palace. Screams were abounding in the mist of fear and deaths. Rain of blood soaked in steel — painting the palace in a new coat of vivid red. The air was thick with smoke, blood and heavy corrosive metals — embers and ashes, smelling of burning flesh. The numerous lights from the Capital blazing with flames and pleads for help. In his escape, he could not identify friends from foes. In the end, he watched the flames fly high into the night. It made him nauseous; sick to his stomach with utter disgust at himself for having escaped to safety.
Like moths to a flame — his empire burned. His world in ruin, in ashes, in deaths. The palace he resides; the city he grew up in appeared different from his memories. Perhaps because now it was washed in blood? The peaceful streets in screams? The marketplace, once lively were replaced with muted cries? The contrast was glaringly dreadful. His mind prick in sharp, throbbing pain like a tumor. His heart bled as if he'd been pierced by a spear. Zuko reach for his pounding heart, right hand griping the royal crimson robe to the point of tearing it.
His mind echoes the word: failure. He is — lucky to be born.
It had taken a massacre in his own home, a civil war within his nation for him to notice the state of his empire. In his desire for a world filled with peace and kindness — he unknowingly brought destruction to his homeland…
He realize this now. His choices were never right. No matter how hard he tries to fix his mistakes... He was always wrong! Why couldn't he be like Azula? If it were his sister… she would never find herself in such a pitiful position!
For in a night, he has lost everything.
His vision blurred as tears recklessly flowed without his consent. Both hands covered his face as he tried to conceal his shame. His palms stifle his choking sobs. Fire consumes and he's afraid —
When Zuko glances up, the ruby hue of the sun has long set and the Fire Prince finds himself with hazy visions of the vast hallway. Red marble pillars lined the walls with large brazier lanterns towering above. Lights flickered while creating shadows to rich tapestries and elegant weaponry. In all its beauty and fine craftsmanship, there lied an unspoken dread that loomed over the silence.
During nightfall, Zuko never liked how eerie the scarlet palace seemed. As if monsters and secrets were lurking at every corner, under and behind every object with their lies and wide open fangs. He didn't want to admit how frightening and uncomfortable he was wandering alone in the grand halls. After all, it was a dramatic contrast from the safety of daylight where everything was familiar.
To say he is lost in the crimson labyrinth, was a huge understatement. Whichever way he turns, the imperial symbol of his nation was identical on every banner of the walls, similar shades of cerise and oppressive flames greeted him with hollow warmth. He has been wandering numerous corridors for nearly an hour and he still hadn't found his mother's chambers or even crossed paths with any servants!
His frustration increased to the extent that he wanted to scream. He needed to find his mother. His mother would surely know what to do about his frequent nightmares. His insomnia needed to be cured! Nowadays, they weren't just dreams of places he'd never seen, people he'd never met, knowledge he shouldn't know — they escalated to the point where reality blurred! He had occasions where time seemed to pass without his knowledge and often, he just didn't recall what he was doing, or why his emotions were out of control! Very often he find himself crying without comprehending why he felt such overwhelming grief and the pricking pain in his heart. It took him awhile, but Zuko finally got ahold of himself to notice he had torn yet another attire.
Fear was an understatement in his condition. If this goes on… he's afraid he'll hurt someone and eventually lose his mind! He doesn't know if he should laugh or cry at this point. Crazy might be putting it lightly…
As the young prince rounded a corner, he felt sudden relief when he saw a maid lingering in the darkness up ahead. Oddly, the path was pitch black without the usual illumination of flames. The only light source was from the glow of the full moon shining through the large windows as the girl concealed herself in its shadows. It was strange to see her by herself, when it was required for every servant to be in pairs at night.
But Zuko was more interested in escaping the lonely confines of the stone walls than to questioned the woman's motive. However, he froze in mid-step when he saw the dark double doors with carvings of majestic dragons on each side. He instinctively hid behind one of the marble pillar when the maid scanned her surroundings before opening the large mahogany doors of his father's chambers.
With wide eyes and slow retreating steps, Zuko ran. He justified that it was dark, that he didn't see anything. He ran until he bumped into something. The Fire Prince glanced up and was struck still with dread. His face pale considerably with every backward step.
In the moonlight, stood a person with a frightening scar over their left eye, yet the transparent spirit displays a rueful half smile on its lips that appears truly weary. The scar that pulled on its cheek when it smiled showed cracks of hidden regret. There was a deep rooted sorrow to the man that Zuko could not help, but dispel his caution to reach out to the spirit.
On closer inspection, Zuko realized the forlorn man had not only the large burn on his face but numerous scars on his arms — different shapes and proportions — which could not be seen with his faded, dirty rugs of clothing. The ugly blemishes and disfigurements was coiling themselves like tattoos throughout his pale skin. Even at Zuko's age, it was glaringly clear that the man had been tortured. And it wasn't hard to imagine that a person who died from torment would haunt the palace as a vengeful spirit.
The young prince crossed his arms, mustered up all his courage and announced, "Tell me who did this to you and I'll deal with them." Zuko had forgotten about his earlier fear as he ended his sentence with a bright smile. Not many children his age were able to help spirits. His actions would make his mother proud! She did say he should always extend a hand to the weak.
However, the being unexpectedly kneels to his level and embraces him. Zuko stood frozen, not because of its close proximity, but at the spirit's wretched tone and the cryptic words it left behind.
Why apologize?
"Dumdum, why are you crying?" Azula's voice cuts through the silence and Zuko jumped in frightened surprise.
He stared at his sister as moonlight cast shadows of windowpanes over them like bars of a cage. For a long moment he gauges if she was real. From the obvious smirk to the curious spark in her amber eyes — it seemed like she was. Of all the people who could have discovered him, she was the last person he wanted it to be. Yet, she always managed to find him in the most embarrassing of situations.
He frowns while he fiercely rubs the tears in his eyes away before stating, "Dirt got into my eyes."
Unlike her usual antics of teasing him when she finds him weak and vulnerable, Azula only stared with uncanny eyes that seemingly sees through everything before she mouthed, 'Liar'.
'Look who's talking' he wanted to say, but didn't.
She then turned, expecting him to follow her. To him, it was a display of superiority.
Zuko could only follow quietly from behind with eyes downcast. Even though he was the older brother, even though it was his duty to act as the older sibling… He hated it. Their relationship. He hated it!
And of course, Azula has a way of knowing without him uttering a single word. It was weird. She was weird.
Sometimes he wished she could be normal. But she wasn't, so he didn't even bother asking why she was wandering around so late at night.
One humid afternoon, Zuko accidentally witnessed his sister in the courtyard stomping, ripping and burning their mother's favorite crimson roses in the center of the miniature garden. The Prince knew he should have stopped her, but he didn't. No one, and he means no one could stop her when she's like this. It was one of her typical attention grabbing tantrums.
Always the spoiled princess. Azula knew she wouldn't get in trouble, no matter what she does. She could ask for anything — burn anyone. After all, she has father's love. Who would ever dare speak or even defy a person as cold-blooded and uncaring as his little sister?
Being father's favorite must be nice, it has probably gotten to her head for her to act so hateful. Her ego was so bloated that he wanted to pop her little bubble to fix that twisted personality of hers. She would only get worse if this continues.
"What are you looking at?" she spat out. Eyes fierce and glaring. For a second he thought he saw tears brimming in them. That was preposterous, Azula never cries.
But he didn't have time to ponder on the implausible, since he had a more immediate issue at hand, such as her ferocity directed at him. The intense rage and blinding anger in her amber eyes were exactly like a wildfire spreading heat and venom into the surrounding air. Red clothes were in disarray and her ebony hair was not in its typical bun. Her features were in a hardened scowl, lips dripping scarlet and hands bloody with rose thorns and crimson petals stained in dark vermillion. It was surreal how much Azula was dyed by the color — how perfectly it suited her.
With wide eyes and a near tremble in his voice he mumbles, "W-where's mother?"
That very question made the roses in her bloody palms burned to ashes. Flames ignited into threatening heat as her eyes screamed murder.
"Don't you even dare mention that woman in front of me!" Azula exclaimed as she rip another hand full of roses. "Why? Why? Why?! Why is it never enough?!" The flowers in her hand burned, hereyes tightly closed with her head downcast and body trembling as she screeched to the point where her voice practically cracked in its intensity.
Zuko stood, speechless. She was never this bad. Or had he never noticed?
He watched morbidly fascinated as Azula slowly gather herself together to the sister he envied and despised all in one.
"Leave!" Azula growled at the top of her lungs as she started throwing large and very accurate fireballs his way. It was obvious at this point that reason had left her and only anger fuelled her actions.
He had escaped before witnessing her thrashing through the dirt and amid the burning roses with tears flowing down her cheeks and the desperate cry that she disguises through her screams.
"Die!Die!Die!Die! Why won't they die?!"
She hid it so well through the mask she wore, the words she says, the ability she has over her emotions that he never once looked back.
Unsurprisingly, he found his mother by the turtle-duck pond. She sat there still like the surface of the water with distant eyes and an indecipherable expression on her features. His mother is always calm and gentle, never raised her voice unnecessarily, while always maintaining a quiet and dignified grace. She was royalty, a Fire Princess and bloodline to the Avatar Roku, yet her presence was more like a wallflower contrary to those lavish ladies at court who were too greedy for their own good. Sometimes, Zuko wished his mother would tell him why she makes such miserable expressions as if she was deeply troubled, instead of giving him a reassuring smile. Every time she does, he felt a little more worthless inside.
She is his pillar of support, yet she doesn't depend on him enough to entrust him with her worries. Whenever he is at his weakest, the darkness lurking in the deepest parts of his mind, the whisper that lies dormant — the thoughts he would never admit, was the fact that his mother can be cruel. The extent of her kindness — her love and how she portrays it… A bitter smile crosses his lips for a second before he abruptly shakes his head. It was strange. He never considered such thoughts before!
As always, she greets him with loving arms and a gentle smile. Her troubled expression had vanished as if it never existed.
With a hesitated breath, he wanted to ask what was wrong, but instead he said, "Azula is burning flowers in your garden." That… wasn't what he wanted to say. However, there was a voice whispering to him that his actual concern would fall on deaf ears and with it will come that reassuring smile. The smile that makes his worth crumble. The thing that kills him more than Azula's hurtful words, father's clear reproach and himself for knowing it to be true was that hatful smile on his mother's face!
Surprisingly his mother did not even respond and continues to feed the turtle-duck. It was as if she has completely given up on Azula's inextinguishable temper.
What she said instead was, "You seemed tired my Prince."
Zuko tensed as his lips tightened into a straight line, he brought his knees closer to himself as he wraps his arms around them. Both of his hands were clenched into trembling fists. His eyes were glossy and red around the rims with dark circles under them. He had to admit he looked worse than Azula's current state.
"Are you still having those dreams dear?"
He slowly nods in a weary manner.
"What did you see?" She asked reassuringly.
He was hesitant before hollowly asserting, "The siege at Ba Sing Se will crease due to Lu Ten's death." It was a statement. At this point, after four months of these bizarre dreams, it was certain that the things he sees will come true. He couldn't sleep—no, he doesn't want to sleep! But the nightmares haunts, clings and tears at him even when he's awake! Medication, sleeping pills, drugs to numb the senses were ineffective when the dreams became so realistic to the point that the servants even see his indiscriminate paranoia. He couldn't differentiate what was real, who was real! His thoughts were clashing against each other to see who would prevail. It was murky, undefined as if everything was being merge together. Changes he wasn't aware of, others notice. He was fading from reality. The voices… those whispers that only he could hear… it terrifies him… the fact that he might be insane.
"Perhaps… this time it was a dr—"
"No! The first time when I told you Instructor Kunyo will be sent to the colonies, you said it's only my imagination — but it happened! Or Azula burning her handmaid after she caught her stealing? That came true too! Or what about when I was almost abducted in my own bed!? Stop saying I'm dreaming! Your reassurance means nothing when the things I saw happened! Will Lu Ten have to die too before you believe me?!" He was breathing heavily and realized too late what he had said, before abashedly apologizing.
His mother calmly waited for him to finish before saying, "If this concerns you to such an extent, I will send your dear Uncle a letter to prioritize Lu Ten's safety."
"Will Uncle even believe it?" Zuko answered hollowly as he wraps himself further in despair before mumbling, "Everyone thinks I'm crazy." And maybe they're right. He could not help crying as he clings to his mother for comfort.
"My dear, surely this will pass…" then she adds as she tightens her embrace, "I don't think you're crazy." She then kisses both his cheeks.
"But if this reaches father…" he trails his sentence horrified at the mere possibilities. The outcomes would be horrendous. He just knows it will end in fire and pain… and eventually an asylum.
His mother made him look up into her eyes as she gently pinches his cheek to firmly proclaim, "I will protect you."
Usually that would assure him, instead Zuko frowned as he states, "No, you won't."
Ursa, momentarily shocked at her son's odd behavior inquired, "Why would you say that my son? I have never failed you before."
His golden eyes knowing as his lips trembled. "Because you will leave." It was a proclamation.
She was taken aback with how his tone sounded so absolute that Ursa had to search her son's golden eyes to find the answer and it suddenly clicked. Ursa lets a gentle smile naturally grace her lips as she declare, "I'll just have to prove those dreams wrong."
"Promise?" The prince still seemed skeptical, yet his large, pleading eyes spoke of hope.
"I promise," and she wraps her pinky with his.
Zuko rest his hand on the stone pillar as he smiles a little sadly at his mother's abandoned garden over the balcony. The small miniature garden has long been forgotten after his mother's disappearance. His first order as Fire Lord was to search for her. However, even with the vast network of his empire, it was a futile attempt seeing as the trail ended in the Forgotten Valley.
Eventually Zuko was convinced by his wife and friends that maybe his mother doesn't wish to be found. As Fire Lord and a husband, he now has to protect the things that he could reach. But what really had him abandon his search was his wife's pregnancy. He needed to protect his new family. And he figured his mother wouldn't want to be dragged back to the royal courts bundled in conspiracies and greed. In its pure form, it was a savage garden.
It was clear that life in the palace never suited her. His mother never seemed to truly smile or held any happiness in a life desired by many. Rather she disregarded luxuries for a much simpler life. She was a person who would tend her garden or feed the turtle-ducks than attend social gatherings, play the deception game among nobles or try to stop Ozai's affairs. In a sense, mother only survived the savage nature of nobility by escaping to her own world; a cage she built for herself and occasionally she would let him wander into that perfect space. If she hadn't left as she did, Ursa would surely die in these walls.
Unlike him, maybe Azula realized the extent of their mother's illness for her to try and help in the only way she knew how… burning that perfect illusion that Ursa puts herself in — the utter fact that their mother wasn't really living, but acting as the perfect wife, as a perfect mother, having perfect children — all of it hinted at her avoiding reality, for she did not acknowledge that she was living in an imperfect world...
Mother was always playing house and his sister was keen on noticing the little things.
Azula didn't tried to act like the daughter their mother wanted, rather she stubbornly rejected it. Like mother and daughter, both woman were stubborn. It was impossible for Azula to give in because everything their mother stood for was weakness in her eyes. For his sister who despised being weak, rebelled against Mother's world by throwing rocks at harmless turtle-ducks, burning her dolls, tormenting her brother and destroying flowers that grew in their mother's garden. His sister who grew up trusting no one and believing that fear was the only reliable way to gain… became unable to depend on others, unable to be honest with herself, unable to cope with imperfections… In a sense, Azula grew up to be just like Mother… Unlike Ursa who escaped, Azula truly did died in these walls with her perfect world shattered and her sanity with it.
Even now, the garden stood unattended since the day Azula burned everything down. A wasteland contrasting the rest of the lavish courtyard. In all its essence, it was an ugly, dark patch that lied forgotten in the past. He wondered why his father left such blemishes in his own home when the man sought perfection? Why no one brought it to his attention? Why until only recently does it lingers in his consciousness? It bothers him to the point that he took time out of his hectic schedule to summon the royal gardener to grow something in the blackened spot that was the heart of the garden. Maybe this time instead of red roses, white chrysanthemum would be better…
"Zuko!" A voice intruded his thoughts. He turns to look at the source and wondered when she had arrived.
"Do you even comprehend the state of our nation? Revolutionaries are rallying people to overthrow you as they march to your doorstep! Let's not forget your father's loyal followers are trying to assassinate you — but instead you're worry about Azula's escape!" That's right. Azula left a note saying she'll find Mother. Hopelessly and futilely — a wasted effort in all honesty when even he could not find her. His sister even when placed in an asylum for the criminally insane, still maintained her overbearing confidence. An attitude that knows what she wants and what she has to do to get it. The very opposite of him.
"What about your throne? Better yet, the safety of your son who is only 9-months-old?!" He looks at her in puzzlement before realizing that it was Mai, his usually apathetic wife. He pinches the bridge of his nose, hard, before releasing a long sigh. Right. They were arguing about the current state of affairs. However, what his wife missed was that he has been in such conferences with narrow-minded generals and admirals since morning till late afternoon. His mood wasn't equipped to handle another argument right now. Not when he has to prepare documents for the demilitarization zones in the colonies as well as the revision to the Harmony Restoration Movement. That campaign was one of the major factor that brought his reign to such a state in the first place. Who the hell thought it was a great idea again? Zuko would very much like to burn the people responsible.
But Zuko doesn't even have a second to entertain the notion, since his normally indifferent wife persisted the issue and before long had him pacing around the room, justifying his recent actions to her.
"Azula is my family too. If the revolutionaries capture her, she would be killed." He stopped to consider the possibilities and for a minute his mind imagines her head on a stake, parading in the streets. "Not to mention her unfavorable standings with the Earth Kingdom…" Images of her being incarcerated without a proper trial, or accidentally killed. "To the fact that it would be disastrous if the rebels from The New Ozai Society catches her." He didn't want to ponder on the idea before announcing, "she is only safe—"
"With you?" Mai spoke sarcastically before she planted both hands on her hip to bit out, "Look around you Zuko, can you not hear the discontentment of your people? The protests and rallying outside your walls? How could anyone believe there is safety in your company?"
"Then what do you suggest I do?" He was trying his best! Can't she see that?!
Her next statement was like a physical slap as if to demand him to do better, that his best wasn't good enough. "Tell your friends and your Uncle to stop searching for Azula." She continues, "If you know her as well as I do, she won't be caught easily. What's best is to use the Avatar to quell the Earth Kingdom's discontentment with the Fire Nation and to prevent an all out war." She releases a long sigh before adding, "We both know — the entire population comprehends that with the nation's current disorder, we will lose. The Earth Kingdom is only waiting for a justification to wage war on us! And our people are too proud to let that happen. This is why you must do what is necessary to protect what you hold dear." She pauses, stare at him and said, "Have your Uncle here to ease the state of the capital and use his network to gather trustworthy men for war."
He stares at his wife between mid-shock to mid-horror before whispering, "On who exactly…?"
With clear, determine eyes, a face that's as cold as stone, she crossed her arms. It was very obvious what she will declare next. "Everyone who questioned your reign."
Zuko swallow hard. It felt like something was stuck in his awfully dry throat. His body froze in unparalleled bewilderment. For a moment, he could not understand why he came to love Mai and question if he truly understand the woman he loved.
Everything was crumbling faster than he could hold. All his frustrations, anger and fear came out in a downward punched on the balcony. He knew she was right; he knows it, but there must be a more peaceful resolu—
Suddenly screams rang below.
He immediately looks down and Mai is right beside him when she lets out a horrifying gasp. Even from this height, Zuko recognizes the crescent flame head piece; the symbol of the nation's Fire Lady.
Perhaps this was why his father left it as it was. Why he couldn't find her anywhere and why Azula won't ever find her.
For she never left these walls.
On his third year as sovereign, Zuko found his mother buried six feet under.
He woke and found his sister staring intensely at him. Amber eyes concentrated on his every movement with his face expressing a clear discomfort. She looked younger than he remembered. Before he could utter anything, Azula spoke, "You didn't seem surprised when they announced Lu Ten's death. I figured a crybaby like you would be brawling their eyes out, instead I find you sleeping so well in the flower bed."
He blinks. "Why are you here?" I've been searching for you everywhere. I've found mother. You would never guess where she was.
He noticed how Azula's lips were slightly opened as if to say something before she tightly closed them, instead she reached out to pinch both of his cheeks. He immediately whack her hands away and demanded, "What the hell was that for?"
"Are you awake now?" She rolled her eyes and continue, "Let me be blunt, Zuzu. The servants say you've gone crazy. Is that true?" Her voice suddenly penetrated his thoughts like a thousand knives.
Anger flooded him as he jumped to his feet and yelled, "NO! Now go away!"
His sister blinked in momentary surprise before uttering, "Dumdum, wha—"
"I'm not crazy! You're the one that's crazy!" He furiously pointed at her, not comprehending what he had said.
"Zuzu, you must be quite delirious to declare that I'm crazy," she paused to intensify her next phrase, "When it's obvious that you're the one losing your mind." Her eyes had narrowed; she was on the offensive as cold anger washed over her.
"Stop saying that! I know it's you! I'm the one who—" he stopped himself as his thoughts caught up with him. There was no Sozin's Comet, he never fought Azula in an Agni Kai, she wasn't Fire Lord. As a matter of fact, she doesn't even look fifteen! Either he's losing his mind like she said or he could see into the future! That insane concept had him burst out laughing!
"What's so funny?" Azula asked cautiously while staring up at him in — no, it can't be. His sister is cold, uncaring, cruel. The look of worry from her shouldn't even exist.
"Nothing, just that I'm pretty sure you'll become crazy." He smirked.
She however, didn't find it amusing as her frown morphed into a grimace. Her small body was shaking, he assumed it must have been in rage. Zuko took a few steps back and readied his stance. One thing he learnt was that he should never turn his back on Azula, especially when she is specifically angry at him.
"You don't deserve any filberts from me." Her voice bit out harsh, yet somehow weak as if his words had actually hurt her.
Zuko blinked. He didn't expect her comeback to be so lacking.
"Zuzu you—" He hated that nickname! Why was she always calling him that and irritating him with it? Always considering herself above him and everyone else! He just wanted her to leave him alone! With his best glare, Zuko growled out, "Leave Azula! I don't want anything to do with you or your stupid filbert." It sounded harsher than he intended, but it had the desired affect as he saw her wide eyes and head now downcast.
Only a second later he felt something small and hard hit his forehead.
"Ouch! What did you do—" He quickly evaded being barbecued and saw her retreating back as she ran off. Zuko rubs the sore spot on his forehead and notices the object that she had thrown at him. It was a small hazelnut that was rolling on the ground near the purple hyacinths he had slept on. Zuko glare at it in distaste before crushing it beneath his feet.
Nothing good ever comes out of getting involved with Azula.
A/N: At this point, congratulations to readers who realized this to be some sort of time travel fic. Most time travel fics goes right into the character having gone to the past into their younger body or meeting their younger self. My approach differs, since I wanted to establish the transition with merging of the character's past and present. It helps shows the contrasts and similarities the character develops and maintain as they transition.
As you all must know by now, the garden symbolizes the Fire Nation.
Now for the symbolisms of the flowers:
Red Roses-the obvious meaning is love. They're Ursa's roses, signifying Azula's desperate attempts at crushing her love for her mother and her mother's love for Zuko. Also because she wants to gain her mother's attention since she can't receive her mother's love. In Ursa's case, planting deep red roses convey heartfelt regret and sorrow.
White Chrysanthemum-has many meanings in different cultures, such as respect and honour in America or life and rebirth in Asia. In this case, it is used as a device to foreshadow the discovery of the corpse, since most Asian cultures uses this flower to give to the dead. It's also shows Zuko's acceptance of his mother's choice for them to never meet since he could not find her. The darken spot bothers him because he saw it as the state of his family and his inability to govern his nation; a foreshadowing of a bleak future. This is why he wanted to cover the state of the garden with flowers that represents happiness, love, longevity, joy.
Filbert-symbolizes reconciliation.
Nuts-stupidity.
Purple Hyacinths-the Victorian interpreted it as change. In addition, it represents deep sorrow and grief as well as asking for forgiveness.
The placement of the filbert beside the purple hyacinths portrays how both Azula and Zuko wants to mend their relationship, but sadly they fought instead because they cannot communicate and express themselves leading to misunderstandings. In this sense, I tried to show how truly tragic their relationship is.
Look forward to the next chapter of Savage Garden! REVIEWS would be helpful for a faster update :) I look forward to your thoughts!