A/N: Welcome to a new Star Wars story! This is a sort of fun indulgence fic for me after working too long in one AU. It shall be rife with drama and AU-funness, so I hope you'll check it out.

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me; I merely borrow the creations of GL, Lucasfilms, and assorted Star Wars EU authors for my own twisted amusements.

Setting: 9 ABY & beyond; AU from The Last Command onwards

Characters: Primarily Solos, Skywalkers, and Fels

Rating: K+ for drama and probably a bit of language here and there

Enjoy:

Sense of Self

Prologue

9 ABY

Wayland

As the dust settled in the partially demolished throne-room, Luke Skywalker found his attention torn between the unconscious woman who had just saved them all and his sister and brother-in-law, whose cold fear and devastation battled with their relief that C'baoth was dead. But as he saw Karrde pick Mara up, study her bruised and battered face, he knew she was in good hands for the moment, and turned his attention instead to Leia and Han, dread in his gut.

"He didn't know anything," the Jedi told them quietly.

Han looked like he was trying very hard to control his breathing, even as his fists clenched absently at his sides, as he staggered slightly under his own pain from C'baoth's assault. "You can't know that for sure, Luke."

"Thrawn played him; he was never going to hand them over right away, not when he still needed a means of ensuring C'baoth's cooperation."

Leia lifted her head and looked at her brother with such despair, her pain was palpable, even to any who did not feel the Force. "Luke," she whimpered, "they were supposed to be here."

"The ysalamiri are all dead," he murmured softly. "You know as well as I do that they aren't here. I'm sorry, Leia- I'm so sorry- but Thrawn's hidden them somewhere else, somewhere so secret even C'baoth didn't know. He was furious about it, his emotions were all over the place… he didn't know."

Han drew his wife into a tight embrace and tried his best not to glare at his brother-in-law, but Luke understood. This had been their one lead, and finding the place at all had been such a luck-filled quest, with Mara's unexpected knowledge of the storehouse. And upon arrival, the blanket of ysalamiri had only increased their hopes that the twins were, in fact, hidden in the mountain with the spaarti cylinders. But while Luke had no doubts that he was right- C'baoth's poorly-tempered anger with the Grand Admiral had revealed, to his great sadness and frustration, that the deranged clone truly knew nothing about the twins' location.

Karrde, sitting with Mara's head resting in his lap, cleared his throat awkwardly as he clipped his comlink to his belt. "Calrissian and Chewbacca have nearly completed rigging the place; the Wild Karrde will pick us up in about three minutes."

X-X-X-X

Coruscant

Upon their arrival at the Imperial Palace on Coruscant, it was Wedge and Mon Mothma who were waiting outside the hangar- and it was then that Luke realized that something else was very wrong, something besides the obvious. The solemnity on the Chief of State's face, the nervousness in the eyes of the Rogue who was intimidated by nothing…

He swallowed thickly. "What's happened?" Last they had heard before entering hyperspace was relatively good news- despite the failure to catch Thrawn by surprise, the Bilbringi operation had been a success.

Wedge cleared his throat, an uncharacteristic stalling mechanism. "We've ah… learned why the Imperial forces fell apart during the battle," he murmured quietly. "Han… Leia…"

Han read the truth before the rest of them. "Don't say it, Wedge."

"I'm sorry, Han. He's dead." A dark coldness assaulted Luke from his sister and brother-in-law and Chewie howled mournfully, even as the dread crept higher into his own chest. "Assassinated by his own bodyguard in the middle of the battle, according to early reports."

"I thought the Noghri were supposed to be on our side," Han snarled.

Mon Mothma spoke up softly, tone grave. "It is… likely that news of your infiltration reached Bilbringi. That news of the Noghri defection reached Thrawn. His guard may have seen it as his only chance to eliminate him."

Rightly so, but Luke could not bring himself to voice the thought. Yes, Thrawn's Noghri guard would have lost his only opportunity once the grand admiral realized that he could no longer trust his former servants. And yes, by killing him, countless New Republic lives were probably saved.

But their best hope for locating Jacen and Jaina was now dead.

"My babies are gone," Leia whispered, face deathly pale, clenching Han's arm so tightly that her knuckles were turning white. "We'll never find them now, will we? They're lost."

Lando touched her shoulder gently. "We don't know that, Leia. Karrde's got connections all over Imperial space, I've still got a fair few of my own. Even Thrawn can't have pulled this off in complete silence, someone must have helped hide them."

She nodded and then slowly, with measured movements, turned and began to walk unsteadily down the dimly lit corridor. "Leia?" Mon Mothma called after her. "Where are you going?"

There was no response though, as Han hurried to catch up to her. Luke watched them go, wishing he could say something, anything, but his own guilt over not being there for his sister, for his newborn niece and nephew in their moment of direst need… it made words impossible. Even after they disappeared around the next turn though, he continued staring at the place where they'd disappeared, and didn't notice for several seconds that Wedge was speaking to him.

"Hm?" he turned distractedly.

Wedge pulled anxiously at the collar of his flightsuit, and Luke wondered when his friend had even arrived before forced to share the worst news with his longtime friends. "I said that Iella Wessiri is heading up a special unit in Intelligence," he repeated in a murmur. "They're going through everything we have on Thrawn, the infiltration team, the failed prior attempts… they won't leave any rock unturned."

The Jedi nodded heavily. "If you'd be so kind as to tell Iella that I'll be down as soon as I freshen up…?"

Wedge clasped his arm and inclined his head once, eyes heavy with the thought that neither wanted to voice- the thought that Leia was right; that the twins were lost forever.

X-X-X-X

Nirauan

"'Tir?"

The silence was becoming oppressive. While it was not unusual for her husband to brood upon returning from work, Syal Antilles Fel had rarely seen him in this deeply contemplative a state. He had spoken few words over dinner, and only then to gently reprimand Davin and Chak for arguing at the table. Now, two hours later, two hours in which he had largely sat in his office with the door closed, Syal decided it was time to face whatever news had been delivered on the messenger shuttle.

"Has something happened, darling?"

His shoulder slumped slightly, even as he pulled off the jacket of his uniform, preparing slowly and methodically for bed. "No, sweetheart."

"Then the shuttle… was it not from… him?"

Turning to face her, she read confusion and consternation in his eyes. With a light sigh, he finished undressing before answering her question. "It was from the admiral," he acknowledged quietly. "But it bore no useful information. We are still in the dark, regarding the war, the New Republic…"

She held out her arms as he came into bed, and he fell easily into her embrace. "Then what bothers you, 'Tir? If the ship brought no news… what did it bring?"

"Children."

Fifteen seconds passed in utter silence. "Children, dear?"

"Children. Two. A boy and a girl. Twins, it seems."

"Chiss?"

He shook his head. "Human."

"Who are they?" Another shake of his head. "How old?"

"Young; very young. A matter of only a few months, if that."

Syal inhaled sharply. "And no explanation…?"

He shrugged wearily. "The nursery droid who accompanied them- and the ship was piloted by a droid as well- relayed only a message that they were in grave danger and were to be kept safe, secure, and secret; that Admiral Thrawn would further explain upon his next visit."

"Where are they now?"

"The infirmary."

Syal smiled sadly. "They can't grow up in the hospital, darling."

A wry glance was sent her way. "Perhaps their coming is a forewarning to expect the admiral soon."

"Maybe," she sniffed. "But they should receive proper attention and care, not be mere burdens on the medics."

"What do you propose?"

She considered a minute and then bit her lower lip and shrugged. "When they're deemed healthy, have them brought up here. We still have Jagged's crib, and Cherith has nearly outgrown hers. They can have Jagged's room, he's been spending most nights with Davin anyway."

"Has he?" Soontir scowled. "I told him to stay in his room."

"He's two years old, darling, and he adores his big brother; such as it is, his big brother would do anything for him."

"And you want to do everything for two mystery babies."

"Just because they aren't ours doesn't mean we can't treat them with the affection they deserve and, most likely, are sorely lacking." After a moment, he gave a reluctant nod. "Do they even have names, 'Tir?"

"Jacen and Jaina."

X-X-X-X