1. Motion –

Tying his hair back, he went through familiar motions to transform himself into a pathetic sliver of a mortal in order to play a twisted game alongside the woman he loved.

2. Cool –

Behind those plain glasses lay golden eyes forever cool, calm and collected; Grell loved William's eyes best of all.

3. Young –

They were young when they had met each other in the Academy and to this day Grell still believes William to be the most important man in his life.

4. Last –

His last memory of her is stained in red and this pleases him, for no other death befitted such a marvelous woman.

5. Wrong –

It never dawned on him until the day he saw his boss marry a pretty, proper little lady Reaper that perhaps he had pursued the wrong Romeo all these years.

6. Gentle –

Though he is furious beneath his clipped answers, Grell notices William is surprisingly gentle when dressing his wounds after his fight with Sebastian.

7. One –

He remembers only one instance where he saw William smile and this saddens him.

8. Thousand –

As he places the bouquet of red roses at her tombstone, he hides his tears in the thousands of raindrops that fall to dampen the earth.

9. King –

"I don't care much for having a King," Grell declared as William stamped 'Complete' on the Monarch's freshly reaped soul, "I much prefer good old Queen Vic."

10. Learn –

"If you think there lies no difference in being alive and truly living," Grell whispers just out of William's earshot, "you still have much to learn."

11. Blur –

All the years blurred together after a while, but he still recalled lazy afternoon study sessions under the grand oak tree with much fondness.

12. Want –

He always wanted what he could not have but to be honest it was the chase he so loved most.

13. Change –

When William returned from his decade-long absence at graduate school, Grell hated the change that saw the laughter stolen from his friend's life.

14. Command –

Deliberately disobeying nearly every command was perhaps Grell's only way of trying to make William see he hated what he had become.

15. Hold –

"Hold me for a second," Grell pleaded, "and for that second pretend I mean something to you."

16. Need –

On other nights they would give in to their lust; tonight they lay naked in each others arms, touching, kissing, exploring and remembering what it felt like to be needed by someone.

17. Vision –

He had horrid vision like all Reapers, but that did not mean he had to settle for ordinary glasses like the rest of them.

18. Attention –

"I wish you'd pay me as much attention as you do those blasted pieces of paper," Grell scoffed and slammed the door behind him.

19. Soul –

Reapers had meticulous skill in gardening and it made sense to Grell that they were harvesters of both the soil and the soul.

20. Picture –

The only picture on William's desk was of the both of them, and Grell found himself tickled pink every time he saw it.

21. Fool –

"You were a fool to chase after him," William chided as he mopped blood from Grell's wounds, and Grell found he couldn't bring himself to argue.

22. Mad –

She was broken and pathetic and half-mad but Grell found she was all the more beautiful for it.

23. Child –

Placing his hands over her own as she cradled her childless womb, he understood her agony completely.

24. Now –

"Sutcliff, in my office now," William orders and Grell bites his lip, knowing full well he was in a lot of trouble yet again.

25. Shadow –

The shadows did well to paint him unseen so he could observe the woman in red before deciding whether or not he would interfere.

26. Goodbye –

"Come back to me," William said sternly and Grell is relieved he did not say 'goodbye' as he left for the war because goodbyes were too final.

27. Hide –

When he's hiding in the trenches he writes pages and pages of letters he'll never send to him, just to keep himself from going mad.

28. Fortune –

If women could spend a fortune on shoes, why couldn't he?

29. Safe –

The only time William ever instigated an embrace was the moment Grell walked into his office, home safe from the war.

30. Ghost –

He keeps her favourite red dress, red lipstain, red perfume bottle, red shoes, red gloves, red furs; he keeps a room full of memories and the ghosts of things in the hopes of alleviating his grief.

31. Book –

His favourite book was a compilation of Shakespeare's works, well-worn by now and yet just as beloved as the day he had bought it with his first student allowance.

32. Eye –

Her eyes were an odd shade of brown that looked a magnificent red in just the right light.

33. Never –

He would never kiss a woman but for Angelina he would certainly make an exception over and over again.

34. Sing –

He loves to sing Wagner's operas but he wonders if anyone takes him seriously when he says he'd rather have the voice of a female soprano.

35. Sudden –

Her inability to kill the boy drives a blade deep into Grell's heart and the pain of her sudden betrayal both angers and saddens him.

36. Stop –

"I need to stop deluding myself," he wipes the lipstick from his mouth and prepares to resign from his feminine ways until his all-knowing Madam cheekily shows him a new pair of silk heels.

37. Time –

"This time I'll tell him," he promises himself but he knows it is beyond him to uphold it.

38. Wash –

The pair of them could always count on the rain to wash away the evidence of their intoxicating brand of justice upon the whores of Whitechapel.

39. Torn –

He wants her to live forever and for a split second he is torn about sparing her life, but in the end he takes it for he knows she's earned the right to a beautiful death.

40. History –

The day they read of Jack the Ripper in all the newspapers, Grell knew that through his help his beloved Madam Red had achieved immortality in History's pages.

41. Power –

Power corrupts, so the saying goes but Grell knew of power only to strip away the ability for William to enjoy life.

42. Bother –

"I'm sorry I'm such a bother," and he means it this time because William looks so tired of having to rectify his mistakes.

43. God –

He truly believed God had made a mistake by putting this obviously female soul into a male body.

44. Wall –

He hopes that one day he will have earned enough of William's trust to break through the many walls he had built around his heart.

45. Naked –

Staring at his naked body, Grell wished for the billionth time what he saw in the mirror was a lie and that she was really a she.

46. Drive –

The afternoon he had driven Madam's brand new car for the first time through the countryside was the evening they spent laughing for hours as they picked leaves from their hair.

47. Harm –

Grell was a firm believer all the days William spent doing overtime did the Division much good and did his soul much harm.

48. Precious –

The most precious thing she had given him was a bright red ribbon she had handsewn from her favourite childhood dress.

49. Hunger –

There was a maddening hunger he could never quite satisfy no matter how many times he carved open a body to release that glorious shade of red.

50. Believe –

Grell believed herself to be a woman and despite all hindrances she hoped to one day marry a man and live in a house with a red triangular roof and a fireplace and a little white dog.