Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine, and no profit is made from these stories. (But I do have fun writing them! : )
The mirror does not lie.
It offers the reflection of my tear-stained face as proof that I am a complete and utter fool. Everything is falling apart. Again. And I have only myself to blame for it.
Despite swearing to myself that I would not become Number 4 on his list of conquests, I allowed myself to fall for Jack McCoy. And then I actually convinced myself that this would be different from my affair with Judge Thayer; this time I had someone who would not only love me, but respect me as an equal.
And that's how it was, in the beginning.
But now Jack hardly listens to me. I seem to have become a casualty in his never-ending and short-sided quest for victory; another trophy on his shelf. It seems that because he's much older and has been an attorney for much longer than I have, it's as though my opinions don't matter. Neither do my wants or feelings.
Nothing I do seems to matter anymore. My job is to put criminals in jail, but in the end there's always more of them to convict. I wanted to quit, but Jack convinced me to stay because he thinks he needs me. And that my desire to do something else is merely the product of a young and impulsive mind.
But that's the way it's always been. No one really takes me seriously. At first it was only because of my age and inexperience, but now it's much worse. I'm the one who got this job because I fucked a glowing recommendation out of Judge Joel Thayer. And I'm also Jack McCoy's latest bang.
Even if I wanted to stay with the DA's office, it's clear that I can't. Not only did I play Russian Roulette with my heart, but I trivialized my career.
I can't be with Jack anymore. I'm going to tell him tomorrow, after I submit my resignation to Adam.
But now I need to clear my head.
I think I'll go for a run. Perhaps I'll visit Mac later.
finis