This is supposed to be blind Sollux. So anything that seems to be "seen"...Well. He's not really seeing it.

...Okay, before adding in the author notes, this file was exactly 888 words. BOOYAH.

I don't own Homestuck. Duh.

But Sollux IS my patron troll.

Warning- Implied rape, character death, implied yaoi

You're sure you didn't mean to do it.
Then again, you don't even remember what you did.

You just remember waking up to discover brilliant red all over your hands. And shirt. And face. And the room.

There's also scratches on your arms, oozing mustard yellow blood. You don't know how they got there. Maybe that yellow-stained sickle, over in the corner there...?

That's Karkat's sickle. Is he somewhere near?

And where did all this blood come from? It's such a garishly bright red color. It can't belong to anyone you know. It'd have to be the blood of one of those humans. But how would a human get here?

You can't get out of the room. The transportilator isn't working. Is it blocked on the other end? Or maybe broken? You don't know.

Time blurs together for you. Your mind moves between your memories and the present, and you are now unable to tell either of them apart.

You see your hand reaching out with a knife, running it along Karkat's cheek, causing candy red blood to run down the other's face.

You find yourself in a pool of teal blood, dazed and confused, Karkat sobbing somewhere in the background.

Someone comes into the room. You don't know who. You beg them to tell you what's going on, to tell you why the room's covered in the red color you've come to think of as beautiful, but they leave as quickly as they came. They're afraid of you.

As your mind moves in and out of time you start seeing images where you do more than simply cut Karkat. You see yourself gouging out his eye. You see him cowering in a corner as you approach with the already bloodied knife and whisper reassuringly to him.

You know now why the red is all over the room. You know why everyone's afraid of you.

Now, even you are afraid of yourself.

You aren't sure when it is. You woke up to find yourself lying in a pool of your own yellow blood. The sickle is nearby. Did you try to kill yourself? If you did, it didn't work.

You're going crazy in this room. Maybe you're already crazy. You don't know.

There was more yellow blood on the floor this morning. You feel weaker. But you're still not dead.

No one comes in to give you food anymore. You keep praying you'll die but you don't. Maybe this is your punishment. To die a slow an painful death as payment for the lives you've taken.

Someone came in today. You don't remember who. You do remember begging them to kill you. Which they didn't.

In the end you took the sickle and forced it through your own chest. Not that it really mattered. You died but you were still there. All thanks to Feferi and her damn dream bubbles...
The worst part is, they're both there. And they waste no time in tormenting you.
Terezi screams at you. She yells. She lashes out. That you can handle.
It's Karkat that hurts you the most. He never directly does anything to you, but he moves away whenever you come near. He never talks to you. You sometimes see red-tinged tears running down his face.

You constantly pray to be free from this hell. You don't want to be tormented by the souls of the friends you killed. You wish you could die again. You're sure Karkat feels the same.

You spend most of your time trapped in your memories. Lately, it's been the same one over and over. You sit and weep as you watch yourself approach a cowering, fearful Karkat, over and over again.

One day you feel a hand on your shoulder. You look up to see who it is. It's Karkat. Red-tinged tears are leaking from his blank eyes, and he's looking down at you. He speaks to you quietly.

He says he knows why you did what you did, and that he forgives you. That's what forces you over the edge. You scream at him, demanding to know how he could forgive you after what you did. He backs away, dead eyes widening. You continue screaming at him. The memory images of the both of you vanish, but the blood-covered room stays. You're backing him into the same corner you killed him in. But this time you don't kill him- you can't, what with both of you already being dead.

Instead you forcefully grip his jaw and slam your lips together into a bruising kiss. You force him roughly against the wall. He fights against your tight hold. He pulls away, begs you to stop. You don't.

When it's over, he's crying again, slumped in the corner. He screams at you. He asks you just what the hell you were thinking. He tells you he wishes you could go die again. The room changes to something from Karkat's memories- from both your memories, actually- and that breaks him. He screams and runs off into the wide plain conjured by his traitorous mind and you're left staring after him, feeling nothing. Having him scream at you is better than the silent terror you've been dealing with.

This is your life now. Or rather, your death.

Sometimes, you aren't sure you'd have it any other way.

okay even I don't really know what I wrote. so. leave a comment. tell me what you think.