Pain

By: Sanura

Rating: PG-13 for language

Genre: Angst

Summary: Pain: 1. An unpleasant sensation occurring of injury, disease, or emotional disorder. 2. Suffering or distress.

Disclaimer: Don't own Digimon.

Pain is something everyone knows of and something everyone feels.

Happiness is a great feeling. It makes one feel alive.

Pain... so indescribable but yet we all seem to try to describe it's meaning to others.

Happiness doesn't exist.

Pain is life.

I will always know this.

Who am I? Motomiya Daisuke. Age? 18. Why am I here? Easy, to tell you something about myself, something I hide from the world. What do I mean? I mean I'm here to show you who I really am.

To many I'm a loud, obnoxious, hyperactive, energy ball. Forever smiling and telling jokes, not a care in the god damned world.

You can't believe how wrong you all are.

It's a façade.

You know what a façade is? Let me tell you then.

Façade: An artificial or deceptive appearance.

Not cut down enough for your simple mind to comprehend? It means I'm a fake. A big fucking fake.

Every day is the same for me.

Alarm goes off.

Get out of bed.

Get ready for school.

Put on a happy mask and live life as if it was the best fucking thing in the world.

Who am I fooling you ask? Why everyone you numbskull. It's really not that hard. No one cares how one feels inside. All they see is the outside; all they care about is what they see in the outside. You all are jackasses you know that? No? Well I thought I'd inform you.

Why am I like this you ask yourself? Well that's easy! I forced myself like this.

Abuse, hate, pain.

Not being cared for, love, or happiness.

Because if you actually think someone cares for you that way. You are seriously smoking something.

I mean, I used to be like you... Happy. I used to believe people loved me.

But when your own family turns their back on you, when people you called 'friends' were only dared to be your 'friends', and when the person you like crushes you like a bug because you aren't "cool enough" for them...

You realize something...

There is no such thing as happiness.

Just that one indescribable word that tears your body from its soul...

That's right... it's called pain.

I've always been so curious. What would the dictionary say pain was? Let's find out shall we?

Pain: 1. An unpleasant sensation occurring of injury, disease, or emotional disorder. 2. Suffering or distress.

What the hell?! Clearly our sources have been warped. Injury, disease, or emotional disorder? So if you feel pain... you have some disorder? What the fuck?

See! There is NO way to describe this feeling. Crazy ain't it?

But besides the obvious fact that I'm an emotional wreck, let's talk about some other oh-so-cheery things, hm?

Now, I come off as a strong person right? I mean come on… I play soccer. Pushing away the saying that soccer is for queers and all that good stuff, soccer is the only thing that makes me feel human.

Because when I play soccer I get fatigue, injuries, pain, and the effects of loss or winnings. But strangely, soccer isn't my life because it doesn't keep me strong. The words many speak in a harsh matter rip me apart. It hurts but they don't see that so they keep at it.

I thought that if one didn't show pain or irritation, the people causing it would stop. But no of course not! Honestly, what was I thinking? Stupid Daisuke... Stupid.

So how does it feel? Do you pity me? Don't. Do you care? Ok.

Do you finally understand how I feel? Don't even think you do because you don't. I may have told you a fraction of my emotional "disorder" but that doesn't mean you can easily read my soul.

I'm Motomiya Daisuke, age 18, praying for the pain to finally stop, and wishing the razor blade was a little sharper...

Author Note: Before I receive flames among the many "Daisuke isn't like this" and all that jazz, I want people to keep an open mind that this was an author choice. Yes, Daisuke is an animated character whose personality is cheerful and he always smiles and laughs. However, for the purpose of this fictional character, I decided to write a story that completely clashed with the appearance he gives; hence his severe teenage angst. So if you all you have to say is that "you got Daisuke wrong", please keep that commentary to yourself. You're just pointing out the obvious.