A/N: if you've read any of my other stories then you've probably figured out by now that I'm never gonna finish them so yeah if you were waiting for them to be done then sorry, but I'm just gonna stick to drabbles and one-shots.
Lefty-loosey, Righty-tighty
"guurrr-eeeeiiioooo-arrrggghhhhhhhhhhh, god dammit frickin' thing, why pant won't pant you pant open!" Angel glared at the evil jar of salsa he was supposed to be opening with his vampire strength, but so far absolutely nothing was happening. "god, I'm so glad the only thing I have to eat is blood, if I was human and had to do this all the time, without vampire super strength, I'd starve to death." he muttered.
Angel was now fuming, he had tried everything he had heard of to get a stuck jar open, but so far none of them had worked at all, he wanted to just give up and proclaim that their Salsa Night just wouldn't have any of the red salsa that Cordelia liked so much, but he couldn't for two reasons. One, because he had boasted that so could get any jar open and laughed openly in Lindsey's face when even he with all his evil lawyer/cowboy strength could only get it to budge a little.
He couldn't bare the thought of going back in there and being taunted by that tiny Texan because he couldn't open that god damned frickin' jar either. This was thought as he valiantly tried once again to budge the jar. Two because he just couldn't bare to see the look on Cordy's face when he told her there wasn't gonna be any red salsa.
His hands were actually starting to hurt now and it didn't help any that the evil jar, he paused in his thinking to glare at it hoping that it would be so scared it would just open itself up, was octagonal in shape, he guessed it was so people could get a better grip on it. "pppssshhh! a lot of good that's doing for me" he muttered as he glared some more at it.
Just then he felt the little hairs on the back of his neck raise up telling him that someone was standing behind him. Or more accurately leaning casually up against the door frame. Lindsey McDonald former evil lawyer of Wolfram and Hart, part time singin' an guitar playing cowboy and full time pain in his (Angel's) ass.
He couldn't look any more smug right now if he tried, damn him! "whatdaya want lawyer boy" Angel drawled. "the only thing I want right now is to keep watching you turn that jar the WRONG way so it just keeps getting tighter and tighter and keep watching you get madder and madder cause ya can't figure out why it won't open" Lindsey's face was positively glowing with an evil smirk now. "th- the wr -wrong way" Angel sputtered.
Now Lindsey's face went from evil smirk to patronizing as he said "haven't you ever heard the rhyme Dead Boy?" Angel winced at the nickname. "what rhyme?" Angel ground out "you know the one 'lefty loosey, righty tighty." Angel's face stayed blank so obviously he hadn't. "come on it's just too funny, a centuries old vampire who can't open a salsa jar because he hasn't heard of the rhyme."
Lindsey was almost ready to do his little cowboy dance he was so ready to burst with evil laughter and apparently Angel noticed this too cause he looked about ready to kill something, that or either hide under a rock forever. "now, why don't you try using your incredible vampire super strength to get that jar open, though this time try turning it the OTHER way." Lindsey said. He just couldn't resist an opportunity to make the now sulking vampire even more embarrassed especially since he had laughed at him this evening when he couldn't open it either, but at least he was turning it the right way. He smirked at the thought.
God, the big lug could be so stupid sometimes, he was surprised he hadn't of just smashed the jar open and put the salsa in a bowl that way, but of course no, he couldn't do that cause then he couldn't prove to his precious "Cordy" that he was a big strong manly man. "I got the damn jar open, what's so funny now?" ooohhh, Angel was giving him the death glare, scary.
Lindsey laughed some more at his thoughts making Angel glare even harder at him before ramming his shoulder into his on his way back into the living room. Just as quickly Lindsey turned around and took the jar from Angel's hands and said "I think I should take it in there Angel, you don't know the rhyme so you might just go the wrong way." and that was how Lindsey ended up down on the rug with Angel on top of him and a broken jar of salsa near him.
That was how their friends found heard them when they heard the big crash in the other room. They definitely had some explaining to do to Cordelia whose salsa was now adorning the rug and to their friends who were wondering why they were laying on top of each other.