Faith
Summary: Dean. I still believe in us. Canon. Tag to Point of Know Return.
Note: This could be accompanied by a long rant about my eternal and undying love for all things 30 Seconds to Mars, but let me just leave it at that they're fucking inspiring and on an unrelated note for any haters…ahem, I like the Leto mohawk. I don't own 100 Suns, I'm nowhere near that good, and I don't own Supernatural, and since were throwing salt into the open wound that is my life (again, an unrelated note: missed out on an awesome three days grace concert because I'm too stupid to charge my phone…that's just salt in the wound)…
*sighs* I've entirely lost my point. Whatever. I own nothing. If you haven't heard this song-listen to it, and then buy the album. Right, I'm done hawking the CD.
--
I believe in nothing
But the beating of our hearts
I believe in nothing
Not in sin and not in god
I believe in nothing
Not in peace and not in war
I believe in nothing
But the truth and who we are
-100 Suns; 30 Seconds to Mars
So, maybe he lied. It wasn't a sin.
No. Wait. Scratch that. It was. But at this point, it didn't seem like anyone up there was taking count.
But it shouldn't count against him too much. As a matter of fact, it wasn't even a blip on the radar of sinful things he'd done. A person could only take so much-and Michael! No…letting the kid be Michael's bitch was his limit. That was supposed to be his bullet.
When Sam asked why? He knew why-christ, it had been running through his head on repeat since it happened.
Even before they went it, when he knew what was going to happen, that they were going into the hornet's nest…he knew.
"Because I don't have as much faith in you as your brother does."
If after everything that he'd did, after everything that he and Sam had done to one another, to themselves, if Sam could still look at him in the face of their impeding death…and still have faith in him, maybe he couldn't throw it away.
Even if he knew it would have saved Adam, saved the kid whose only bad luck was that his mom had been wooed to bed by their dad, he wouldn't have been able to do it.
He didn't know how to look his brother in the eye, not when Sam was looking at him like-like he'd still trust him to the end of the earth, and give up. There was no giving in like that.
So, why?
Because he still believed in them. He still wanted to believe. He wanted to believe that as long as they were still on earth fighting for every breath they took-they'd do it together. They'd do it their way.