Failure. That word seemed to be used a lot these past few years. Not everything was too big of a let down, though. I met Skye, Rick, and Mikki. But not even they can take away this emptiness…This pain.
It felt like more than 4 years, 5 months, 2 weeks and 6 days. It felt like an eternity; an eternity we were suppose to have together. I should have known he wouldn't have stuck around. My head was too far up my ass, though. Too 'blinded by love'. Some love.
When I met Mikki, I was a wreck. Literally. No one could pick up the peaces he seemed to scatter everywhere and stuff in his pocket. He. Edward Cullen. I flinched right now. Pathetic, yeah? Well that's what you get when you date a vampire. A drop dead gorgeous, too good to be true God.
Mikki knew Rick, and Rick's sister was Skye. Skye was only 16, but she could play the drums like no body's business. They were different - the type of different I needed. Mikki had been learning to play guitar at the time, and Rick was part of a small time band that he dropped out of a few months later. The girl he dated, that was the lead singer, fucked some other guy in the band. I gave her a bloody nose.
We all could tell that Rick missed the band. He had worked with the bass, the sound effects and sung a little. Skye had begged and begged for us to start a band, so we did. They labeled me as the lead singer; something I was dead set against. But it made them happy, and I enjoyed it, too.
Appearances meant a lot to them all. We weren't emo, punk, goth or whatever the fuck everyone called people who dressed differently now a days. Skye spiked her hair and dyed it purple and black when she was 14. Her mom nearly had her throat, but who listens to their parents anyway? Not her. She was a short little thing, around 5 foot. Rick towered over all of us at 6'3; he had brown hair that never seemed to want to go his way. Mikki…Well, Mikki was gorgeous. That's about all that described her. She'd been thrown in jail three times - for what, I'm not gonna say. She was fucked up. I may be a great friend saying that, but her life was upside down. Her mom left her when she was 7, and her dad's life was based on alcohol, weed, and beating her up every time he saw her. That's why she came and lived with me; she needed an escape. We completed each other.
Mikki and Rick liked each other. It was obvious - way too obvious. They didn't say anything to each other. Just stuck with insults and punching each other in the arm every now and then. They were my family - as close to family as one can get. Charlie didn't seem to want anything to do with me anymore. I moved out as soon as I got enough money to buy and apartment in Seattle. It wasn't big. Mikki lived and paid rent. Skye and Rick's parents bought them a house in Seattle just to get rid of them; they were big time lawyers who had no time for children.
I don't know what'd I'd do with out them - maybe killed myself. I don't know. They hold me together, somewhat. Keep me from going crazy, in the literal sense.
~*~
"Bella? Sleeping Beauty…Time to wake up." I jumped a little, staring into Ricky's golden brown eyes. Those eyes reminded me a little of Edward's. But just a little.
"Sorry, Rick." That voice - the dead toned one, that held no emotion. That was 'cause of him.
"Skye says we should probably practice. We've got that gig at Contour tomorrow, and we've barely got any practice in this whole week." Contour was of one of the biggest night clubs in Seattle. Fucking this up, would cost us any chance at getting big. Not that making it big was really a high chance.
"Alright," came my lazy reply, forcing my form to get up off the couch. I dragged my fingers through my hair and pulled it up into a pony tail, wiping some sleep out of my eyes. I let out a big yawn and trudged into the over-sized garage where Skye and Mikki were chatting about who knows what.
"And she awakes!" Skye shouted sarcastically, making a bee line in my direction. She wrapped her tiny arms around my waist and stared up at me. "Pleasant dreams?"
"No." When was the last time I ever had a good dream? Before he left. Cue the mini flinch.
"Ah. Well, get your fine ass to the microphone. We've got to practice, practice, practice!" I nodded and made my way to the mic as Skye got herself situated at her drum set, Mikki tuned her guitar, and Rick plopped his head phones over his head.
"Alright; let's get this started. Let's start with Missing You, then we'll take it from there." I cleared my throat and waited for Mikki to start the guitar. I closed my eyes once she started and forgot everything; everything but Edward.
"I wish this could be a happy song
But my happiness disappeared
the moment you were gone
Don't think I ever believed that
this day would come
Now all I'm feeling is lost and numb
And ohhh I know I promised
Mmmm that I would try
But I, yes I, miss you
and it's killing inside
I'll always be thankful
for the time we had
We were blessed
I should celebrate
but I feel too sad
All the wonderful memories
just make me fall apart
And it feels like somebody's
stabbed me in my heart…"
I finished the rest of the song with my eyes still kept tightly closed, refusing to let any tears fall. Later - later, I would cry. When I sang, was when the only emotion I felt expressed itself. It was silent for a little while after the last note rang in the air. It wasn't an awkward silence - more of a sad silence.
"Why'd you write that Bella?" Skye's voice broke the quiet silence. She asked that every time. I gave her the same reply - a shake of my head and a shrug of my shoulders. Mikki knew. She was my best friend. She had to wake up every night to my screaming; of course she knew.
I sighed a little and we went through the rest of the play list we'd be playing for Contour. Tomorrow was the big day. I wasn't nervous. I'm never nervous, anymore. We'd had gigs before, but not as big as this one. Scouts would be there, and a lot of the pressure rested on my shoulders. But I wouldn't fuck it up - I'd give it all I could. For them.
~*~
Skye and Rick huddled around the curtain, peeking out at the large amount of people behind it. Mikki stayed glued at my side, like she did every concert. I'm not sure if it was for my benefit, or hers.
"Good luck." I smiled at her, no expression on my face. Her face, however, held nervousness and eagerness.
"We'll do fine. We always do." I reminded her, touching her shoulder for some sense of ease. She relaxed a little, but not much.
"Dickhead! Come on and get your dumb ass head from out of the curtains and go to your station!" Mikki barked to Rick and he jumped a little, glaring at her but obeying. Skye let out her tiny little laugh and moved to her drums. We waited for the stage manager to give us the cue, and for the curtains to move aside. It was an up town club; not a trashy one, and certainly not a cheap one.
When the curtains moved aside, I readied myself and stared into the eyes of all the expectant ones in the crowd. I spotted a few men in suits at a back table, but that's about all I spotted.
Rick counted us off and we went straight into the play list, hitting everything perfectly. Most of the music was dance material; some were slow dancing, and some were slightly up beat. I refused to do covers - only doing my own songs. I hated singing other people's songs. Simply because they just weren't mine. I felt nothing when I sang them.
"This last song will be preformed by Mikki and Rick. I hope you enjoy it." I spoke into the microphone and the crowd cheered - not loudly, but still cheered. I moved and took the guitar from Mikki. Rick stayed where he was for the sound effects in the beginning, but would move to the microphone next to Mikki after words.
After Rick did his thing, I started the cords to the song. I wasn't as good as Mikki, but I could play fairly well.
"Welcome back to
Where I'm gonna have you
Shell shock, fall back
Anyone I see through
Watch your head spin
Like a mesocyclone
Bouncing off the walls
Now there's nowhere to run
Like a bullet, meant to be shot
You're the target, dead on the spot
When I focus, I never miss
It starts with a kiss."
Rick screamed his 'La La La La's' into the microphone and the beat got a little heavier and the people got a little rowdier. We finished that song and said our goodbyes to the crowd who in return screamed their I love you's.
"Woot to the mother fucking woot!" Skye screamed, jumping into Rick's arms as he spun her around. They both laughed while me and Mikki chatted quietly.
"Good job. Everyone loved that song." I told her softly. I didn't like having the mic all to myself, so I usually let Mikki and Rick sing.
"Are you kidding? You were amazing. You just hold so much emotion…I think I saw a few people tear up during Missing You." I gave her a half smile, brushing some hair out of my face. We lounged about for a little more while until the two men in suits I had seen earlier appeared.
"Finally Woken?" The tall man with the dark hair spoke. We all nodded, eyes big with hope.
"We'd like to see you in a week or so, if that's fine with you. We have a recording contract set up and everything."
Everyone had to bite there tongues to keep the screams of excitement from bursting through. I cleared my throat, since I was probably the only one able to talk.
"That would be great." I was shocked at even my own voice - it was filled with shock and happiness. Something that sounded foreign to me. They wrote down the address of the building and handed us their cards. We told them our thanks, and Skye pretty much jumped them with hugs. That was all we talked about that night. It felt like a dream - something that was too good to be true. We had, of course, worked really hard for this. But it all seemed to happen like it was handed to us.
~*~
"Dude! Are you serious? Were going to be late! Hurry your prissy ass up!" Mikki banged on Rick's door, nearly busting it out of it's hinges. I set a hand on her shoulder, trying to calm her down.
"We still have 30 minutes, Mikki." I gave her a short smile and moved to Skye's room, seeing that she was rummaging through stuff in her closet. I entered cautiously, only to be flung in the head with a tutu.
"Dammit, Skye!" I groaned, pulling the hideous thing off of my face.
"Shh! You're killing my concentration. I don't know what to wear!" I rolled my eyes and strolled in, picking some black skinny jeans with chains and a lacy black corset from the hangers.
"Here. Wear those black stiletto boots with this." I told her, and she smiled brightly, kissing me on the cheek.
"Life saver!" I chuckled under my breath and left the contents of her room, looking down at my own outfit. My style hadn't that much improved - just became darker in a way. Light skinny jeans with my black converse, and an old band tee I found. My ratty old, black jacket hung loose on my shoulders. I moved my lazy form towards the kitchen and hopped up on the island, waiting for my beloved friends to enter the room.
"Fuck you!" I heard Mikki's voice shout from behind the wall, followed with a BOOM. I sighed, irritated. Rick and Mikki entered the kitchen, shoving each other and shooting dirty looks.
"You are such a damn bitch, Mikki. I swear to fucking-" I cut him off, not wanting this to turn any worst.
"Stop, Rick. Just let it go." (A/N: I'm going to either do a one-shot, or a chapter on just Mikki and Rick. I think it'll be fun to write.) I shook my head, and rounded them all into the cars. My old Chevy got put away a while go - reminded me too much of him. So I saved up, and me and Mikki bought a old Mercedes. It wasn't glamorous, but it was nice.
"I'm sorry, Bells." Mikki whispered to me out of no where, killing the silence of the drive.
"For?" I inquired, slightly confused.
"I know it gets you all stressed when me and Rick fight, but…He's just so irritating, you know? All he does is bitch and whine, and I just feel like sticking a dick up his ass so he'll be happy. But…I don't know." She sighed and shook her head, eyes filling up with tears. Oh no. Oh no. Tears - I can't deal with tears.
"Mikki, it's all right. Everything's alright." I told her, somewhat panicked. I reached a hand from the steering wheel to her back, patting it awkwardly. She sniffed, but didn't say anything more. Just stared out the window. I sighed, and we finally arrived at the large Seattle building. I could faintly hear the hoots and hollers from Rick and Skye as they pulled up, and I smiled slightly. I stepped out of my car, and we all entered the building. I walked up to the busy-looking secretary, clearing my throat.
She started, jumping a little, her glasses falling from the bridge of her nose. She quickly gathered it up and stared at me with an irritated and over-used smile.
"How may I help you?" I smiled apologetically and told her who we were hear to see. She nodded and sent us to a room. Inside that room was a large studio, instruments, and in a corner was a desk with a short man sitting behind it.
"Mr. Michaels?" I asked unsurely, and he looked up and smiled a yellow-tooth grin.
"Isabella Swan? Mikayla Schoz? Rick and Skye Winslet?" Why he said all of our names, I had no idea. We all just nodded politely, waiting for him to say something else. "It's a pleasure to have you in our studio today. From what I hear from the scouts, you are a very talented musical group, and they're very positive fame will come your way. I am Mr. Michaels, your new manager. But Mr. Michaels is so formal - call me Dave. Have a seat, have a seat. Would you like some coffee?" I declined, as did the others. He continued his little speech. "As you know, Zia Records has been with many famous singers and bands. Some in which you will be sure to meet in the future. What we have here," he pulled out a stack of papers, "is just a contract that needs to be signed - you know how it goes." He continued on from there reading the contract and the rules, and we signed where needed.
"Alright!" He finally exclaimed, jumping out of his seat and startling me in the process. "Let's get your demo recorded."
I was nervous. I will admit, I was really fucking scared. Singing in front of an audience was one thing - in front of the guy who can make your dreams come true in a blink of an eye is another.
"You have a list of songs you are ready to perform?" He asked, staring at me intently in the eye. I nodded, looking over at the others. They all nodded as well.
Skye went to a drum set in the middle of the room, and Mikki went to the wall that was filled with guitars. She stared at them incredulously, trying to figure out which one to pick. She chose the red and black one. Finally, Rick moved towards the electronic corner of the room, which held a keyboard, mixer, and all that other shit. I just simply went to the microphone.
"Ready?" I asked them and they nodded, waiting for me to give them the count. "1, 2, 3, 4." Mikki came in with the slow rhythm, and I soon let my voice flow, singing straight from my soul.
"There's spring in the air
They're sweeping the streets
Wind is a breeze
The sun becomes her he agrees
What's holding up her face?
Nothing but blue skies
Passage ways to windows
That don't close
Where do you live?
Love is a place
Where are you from?
She says, ask yourself, ask anyone
What's holding up her face
Nothing but blue skies
Passage ways the mind's eye
Contemplates."
We went through about 7 more songs before we finally finished. Dave just sat there with a blank look on his face, and as the time increased, so did my heart beat. No one moved. Hell, I don't think anyone breathed.
"What the scouts said doesn't give you guys justice," was his reply. I let out a huge whoosh of breath and a bright smile lit up my face. "Congratulations Finally Woken. Welcome to the world of success."
~*~
Screams flooded my ears - I would've thought they'd have been happy screams, but they weren't. Quite the opposite.
My throat hurt. I was the one screaming. I should have been used to it. After all, it's been 4 years. I let out a sob. Delusional. He was everywhere. My sight, smell, touch. He consumed all of it.
My arms wrapped around my chest, trying to keep myself together. I clawed at my back, probably leaving a trail of blood in its place. Anything to take away the pain in my chest. A huge whole that hurt every second of every day.
I breathed through my nose and finally opened my eyes. What I saw, shocked me a little. Rick and Skye were standing in my door way, worried looks on there face.
"Bella?" Rick's calm but urgent voice questioned. I gave him a hard stare.
"Just a bad dream," I blew it off. There eyes filled with hurt, but they nodded and left me alone. I sighed, pressing my forehead into my bare knees. After a few minutes to my thoughts, I got up and went into the living room, where everyone was chatting.
They stopped talking when I walked in. I sat down next to Mikki, and she gave me a reassuring smile.
"Who's Edward?" Skye asked unrepentantly, and Rick snapped his head in her direction, glaring.
"Edward?" I asked nonchalantly.
"You were screaming his name." I stared at her for a long time. Why would Mikki let them in the house when I was sleeping? She knew this would happen.
"Just an ex boyfriend," I painfully grounded out. I tried to stop the cringe that took over my face, but to no avail.
"Just an ex boyfriend?" She repeated, her voice an octave higher. "I don't wake up screaming and crying my ex boyfriend's name. What happened, Bella?" One simple question that was the hardest to answer.
"He left." Please let it go. Please let it go.
"How? When? Where? Why?" Damn.
"How?"
"You know what I mean."
"I'm afraid I don't." She glared at me, and she looked like an evil pixie in that moment - almost like Alice. But more different.
"You need to tell us, Bella. We deserve to know." It surprised me when Rick spoke up. He had been strangely quiet, just watching the exchange with weary eyes.
I sighed. "What do you want to know?"
"Why did he leave?" Skye asked, not as persistent as before.
"He…" I swallowed, the lump in my throat already forming, "didn't…I, uh. He didn't want me, I guess. That's what he said, anyway. That I wasn't good enough. That him and his family were leaving, and I couldn't go. Because he didn't want me. In the woods. He told me that in the fucking woods - the same exact woods he told me never to go into. Left me there like I was fucking nothing." I shook my head, more angry than sad. It was different. Normally I'd cry and blubber about how I wasn't good enough. But now all I felt was this sense of anger, of rage, towards them. Towards him.
"How long were you…Together?" Skye finally asked, a little shocked at my outburst.
"About a year." I didn't know. We never kept track of anything like that. "He left on my 18th birthday." I shook my head, breathing out through my nose.
"I'm sorry, Bella."
"It doesn't matter anymore." I muttered coldly. It did - I wasn't over it, and I probably would never be. But saying it made me feel better.
"His name was Edward?"
"Yeah. Edward Cullen." That name went straight to my heart - stabbing it, stretching the hole bigger. It was an uncomfortable, awkward silence after that. We just sat there, not sure what to say.
"I'm sorry." Skye finally said, and I gave her a forced smile.
"It's not your fault. You shouldn't be." It was no body's fault - none but my own.
"I love you, Bella. I hope you know that."
"I do. Love you too, Skye." We all gave a group hug kind-of-thing, then ate some pizza later. They all knew now - not everything, but they still knew. It somehow felt like a weight had been lifted, but some were still holding my shoulders down. I was tired of hurting - everything always hurt. And it was all because of him.
A/N: Well, here's this story. I'm not sure if it'll go far, but I've been stuck on it these past few days. It's getting in the way of my studying. :p
Please Read This. I want to share this story with someone. Like, have a writing partner. Maybe someone who's good at Edward POV's? I'm trying to do one in his perspective, but it's not coming out right. I just can't do Edward. So, PM me if you're interested & some ideas would be greatly appreciated.
The songs I used for this chapter are Missing You by Jem, Ricochet by Shiny Toy Guns, and Love is a Place by Metric.