Leon S. Kennedy knew he was fucked when zombies started showing up on his first day of work. "God damn, I should have been a porn actor," he said, before the first zombie addled forward with blood and brain matter dripping from its rancid jawas. He ran effeminately down the hallway for about ten minutes straight until realizing zombies are actually pretty slow, so he assumed a light but wary trot instead. "Where is everybody? Are they all dead?" he questioned loudly, in the hopes that someone would answer.
"Leon," said a voice. He looked over and saw a very beautiful girl who he immediately recognized as the other new recruit. "I'm so glad to see you're not dead!" She jumped into his arms and he was grateful for the feel of warmth flesh against his. It was so cold and lonely.
"You're Leslie, aren't you?" he asked.
"Yeah, I'm the other new recruit," she answered, clinging to his warm embrace without shame, tears in her azure eyes. "I'm so scared. All these dead people are walking around! It's not right!"
"I know," Leon said. "That kind of shit is more whack than crack."
They suddenly made out after getting lost in each other's eyes.
A zombie came around the corner, and thrust his person in their faces in a blatant disregard for personal consensual sexual activities.
"MY BONER HAS BEEN BETRAYED!" Leon threw Leslie out of the way of danger and pulled out his pistol, and began to firing at the loathsome walking undead.
"Leon, haaaaaaaalp!" Leslie was caught in the maddening embrace of a slimy zombie sexist who began to pull her into a dark corner.
"IT'S RAPING TIME," the fiendish figure exclaimed.
Leon wasn't having any of this. Not on his first day.
"IT'S MY FIRST DAAAAAAAAAAAAAY," he screamed, with manly tears dripping down his pale, hairless, bishonen affirmed cheeks. He unloaded his ammo clip into the monster's head until it was dead again, on a technical level. Panting, he lowered his gun for a dramatic beat.
"Leon," Leslie cried out, falling into his arms after he placed the gun back in its holster and stuck a pose of stoicism in the face of abject horror. She placed a hand to her forehead. "Oh, Leon." She whimpered, her lip quivering. "I-I-I," she stammered. "I require comfort in this time of agonizing emotional trauma that will inevitably in the form of sexual intercourse."
"Then we shall engage in the sexual intercourse," Leon affirmed, comfortingly, in his soothing, manly voice.
They got undressed quickly. Leon removed his aggressive trouser snake from its confines, and Leslie was already naked. She began to expertly fellate his gigantic member. He grabbed her hair and forced her tender throat to consume more and more of his meaty offering, in the way he knew women unquestioningly loved.
"Oh, baby, you're so hot like this, you dirty little slut I just met," he groaned.
Leslie went," Mmmmphfdfghfhgfft!" Then she rolled over and spread her legs wider than forty football fields for maximum penetration. "Jam it in my hole, you adorkable piece of dick!"
He did, and slid his thingy in her ooh-la-la, and they began to move like the waves lapping against the beaches in any Sandal's ad. Which was, to say, slow, and wet, and powerful, and white.
"Oh, God, yes, baby, yes," Leslie moaned, throwing her head back so far, it hit the ground and knocked her out.
Leon shrugged and kept going. After getting bored, he flipped her over and navigated his throbbing accumulation of rigid masculinity to her chocolate hotdog hallway. "I am going to anally penetrate you without your consent," he muttered.
Leslie awoke at just that right moment, and said, "Oh, that's okay. I like anal, actually."
"Cool beans," Leon responded, before plunging in mightily and thrusting like a rutting animal.
"Oooh, oooh, ooh, ooh," Leslie screamed in pleasure. She sniffed the air and noticed a particularly unappealing stench. "Oh, God, what is that smell?" She cringed, her little nose curling up like a dead pill bug.
"Don't look at me, I took a shower this morning." Leon narrowed his eyes with suspicion. "Hmm. Though I suppose I could have punctured something in your shit factory." He pulled to make sure.
"Rarw!" said the nearby zombie whom nobody had noticed due to hot impractically timed coitus. It bit Leslie on the asshecks. Both of them!
"Oh, noooooooooo!" she wailed. She threw the zombie off, but it was too late.
"Now I must kill you," Leon said. He glanced at his weapon, but it was too far out of reach when he had thrown his pants, so he just beat her to death with his DICK.
I forgot what this story was going to be able halfway through the sex scene. Um. The end?