Hi all! This story will mainly deal with coming to terms with sexuality and gender. Some mention of body and gender dysmorphia will be present. Tegan and Sara are both known for voicing their opinions of the fluidity of both topics at hand (sexuality and gender,) so using them as the basis for this fic only seems natural. I would love to hear some comments or reviews about this fic, or my other, constructive or not, so don't be shy. On here, on even DMing my tumblr will do- Sugarspellitout97. Hope you all enjoy!
She stared deftly at the reflection in the mirror. Her hair falling over her face, shaggy and greasy from lack of caring and basic hygiene. The urge to cut it shorter and shorter, or even shaving it all off growing as her thoughts unraveled about the dysmorphia she was feeling. Her strong dark brows shadow her hazel eyes, and her sharp jawline emphasize the masculinity that so prominently defined her.
For years, she has faced the securitization from her peers, questioning why makeup rarely graced her face, or why the femininity of her body was never shown in the public eye, always masked by excessive fabric of baggy shirts or long flannels. Nicknames like "Lady Boy," or "Mister Sara," have stuck with her, now giving her a sense of pleasure rather than causing her cheeks to flush red from embarrassment.
As she finished her morning routine of grabbing whatever clean clothes she still had on the floor and shrugging them on, she rushed to the bathroom to grab her toothbrush and hastily finished the process. For her, running on only a few hours of sleep was nothing new, and the feeling of grogginess was to be expected.
Sara's mother, Sonia, was quick to notice the change in routine her daughter developed as the school year slowly dwindled down. At first she just chalked it up to nerves as picking college's and future life plans creeped up on her daughter. But her suspicion started to rise when charges on her credit card started appearing. It was not the amount of money being spent that shocked her, rather the actual purchases. Binders, and a few buys from men's clothing sites were some of the memorable transactions, yet she never questioned her daughter about them, hoping eventually she would confide in her about the situation.
Sonia, being a counselor at school, and a certified therapist, has had much experience with individuals struggling with personal identity, especially when sexuality and gender come into play, but honestly never thought her own daughter would be going through such struggles and not voicing it to her.
As Sara smoothed out the dark grey flannel and jean jacket combo she had on, she saw that she was running short on time, so she hastened her process and quickly laced up her red chucks, grabbed her worn book bag, and headed out her front door. She sent her mother a text,
'Good morning Mum, have a chemistry exam today- went in early to get some extra help. Wish me luck. Love ya!'
She shoved her phone into her pocket, and made her way to her high school. Her first class of the day- and least favorite- was strength and conditioning. The irony of her being put in the class was apparent, with her being on the petite side of things and all. Luckily she had friends with her in that class, and used it more like a socialization hour more than an actual workout class. She did have an advantage to having such an early gym class though, as very few girls signed up for this specific class, and even less wanted to show up to school at 7:30 in the morning to work out, so the changing room was all but hers. This helped her immensely when she first started binding, knowing that at least in the locker room there wouldn't be anyone there to question her.
After her strength class, she had a good chunk of time to change back into her clothes and go to her chemistry teacher for help. Her professor, Dr. Reader, understood that Sara was taking this class to fulfil the graduation requirement, but the student still held a sense of passion for learning even despite the difficult course material. The student and professor were quick to form a bond, as Dr. Reader ironically was the President of the book club at their school, as well as one of the board members on the LGBTQ+ Panel the school had.
Throughout the course of Sara's high school years, she questioned her sexuality. Her physical attraction to men was there, but never seemed to peak her interest quite like how girls did. She officially came out to her close friends and family at 16; surprisingly her mother's response was the one she was the most shocked with, while it wasn't an entirely negative experience, her mother seemed to dismiss the admission, leaving the teen confused with if her mother cared or supported her personal development. This led the teen to depend on said chemistry professor, not only for academic help but for personal affirmation that her feelings were valid.
As the student walked into the chemistry lab, Dr. Reader exclaimed, "Oh Sara! Morning, hope you're ready for this exam, with all the prep we've been doing, I have faith you will do well on it."
"Morning, I hope I do well too! I had rough time sleeping last night though, there were some questions I had on the review that we did, and for the life of me I couldn't figure them out. I tried texting Emy and Jack, but they weren't much help either, sadly."
"Well, let's see what I can do about that, huh? Show me which problems you were struggling with, and I'll try and do a quick crash course on it. I'm sure if you struggled with it, others will have had the same issues."