"Hi!" screeched Dora the Little Gay-Ass Explorer from God Knows Where a Nice Smell Like Anal Leakage Is. "I'm Dora!"

"And I'm Boots!" shouted Boots.

"Shut the fuck up, Boots!" Dora screamed, tackling Boots to the ground. "I am the star of the show here!" she whined angrily. "You're not!"

"But I'm the co-star - " Boots started to protest.

"QUIET!" barked Dora, grabbing onto Boots' neck with both hands as forcefully as possible.

Boots began to gag and choke as he struggled to take a breath. "Dora...!" he sputtered hoarsely, beginning to turn even bluer than he already was. He tried his best to breathe through his tightened airways, but Dora pinned Boots' chest down with her foot to prevent his lungs from being able to take in a fresh breath of air.

"Listen, Boots!" threatened Dora. "If you ever do this shit again, I will make you rue the day you were born." Dora laughed maniacally as the sky darkened and lightning flashed behind her. "Oh, yeah, and I'm also going to murder your baby brother who is still in fetal stages!" she finished in a speedy-casual way as the sky brightened. "Bye."

Dora let go of Boots' neck just as he began to go red in the face, allowing Boots to breathe normally again. As Dora turned to leave, Boots ran after her, asking, "Where are you going?" over and over.

Dora eventually exploded, shouting, "Okay, okay, I'll tell you! So will you please just SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY?!"

"All right, where are you going?" inquired the footwear-clad chimpanzee.

Steam blew out of Dora's ears. "Okay, I'm going to Jerusalem," she answered after cooling down.

"Who-Salem? Isn't that in Oregon? I'd better go get my coat, 'cause I don't want to catch cold." Boots began to run back to his house to get it.

"I'm going to Jerusalem, you idiot son of a dog's mom!" yelled Dora.

That seemed to stop Boots in his tracks. "Did you just call me a bitch, but break it down a little so I wouldn't notice!?"

"Nooo...?" Dora fibbed.

"Oh," said Boots, who was cool with Dora's explanation. He walked back to Dora. "Why are you going to Jerusalem?"

Dora got so angry she wanted to jump and dropkick Boots clear over the trees; instead she sucked it up and sat Boots down on a rock so they could talk about life. "See, Boots, Jerusalem is the capital of a country called Israel." Dora pulled out Map and began to unroll him.

"AHHH! AHHHHH! Stop it! STOP IIITTT!ยก!" shrieked Map in pure agony.

Dora slapped Map's face hard. "You want me to shove my handgun up your nonexistent left nostril and pull the trigger?" shouted Dora, putting her hand over Map's mouth to shut him up.

"Mmmmrrph!" said the Map.

When Map was completely unrolled, he displayed a map of the Middle East. "As I was saying, north of Israel is a country called Syria."

"Uuuhhhhhhhhh..,,..." mumbled Boots.

"And the Middle East is having a huge fight with each other!" Dora raised both her voice and her arms for emphasis. "If we don't do something, the people of Jerusalem will attack Syria and destroy it!"

"Well, can't they rebuild it?" Boots asked, cluelessly.

"You don't get it, you idiot! If Syria is destroyed, then the world blows up, and some dude jumps out of the sky and kidnaps us all to his home in outer space forever!" explained Dora.

But Boots just rolled his eyes. "Dora, you do know that's a made-up story from a book, right?"

"No, it's not!" whined Dora, pulling out a Bible and flipping to the section on end times. "The destroying of Syria has been prophecized for thousands of years! If that prophecy is fulfilled, it signifies the beginning of the end. At the end, an old man in a robe randomly comes when no one is expecting it and takes us away from our beautiful earth."

Boots facepalmed as Dora continued, "I can't let this happen! The new SpongeBob movie comes out in February 2015, and I want to see it!"

"Dora," sighed Boots, "if I come with you to Israel, will you please promise not to say spmething embarrassing to the Israelites and plunge the world into World War III?"

"Well...okay," Dora promised. She turned to the screen. "Do YOU want to help us prevent Syria from coming down?!"

As usual, no answer initially. Finally a young boy in the audience answered quietly, "No."

"Great! Let's go!" Dora squealed overzealously, throwing her hands up into the air with a huge grin on her face. "Come on, ape!" Boots stood as still as a statue, so Dora grabbed him by the ear and began to drag him. "Stupid monkey."