Hello there!
After some inspiration to write and a bit of self encouraging, I wanted to post this. I have mixed feelings about my ending, but it'll do for now.
My Saren is a little softer than what most people write him as. But hey. Everyone has a soft side.
Anyways, hope you enjoy. (:
Saren opened his eyes. Slowly. He had that same numbing pain that he always had resting on his subconscious mind. He rubbed his face with a taloned hand as he sat up. He gave an annoyed side glance over towards the clock.
0400; he'd only been out for thirty minutes.
There was definitely something weird going on. He scoffed. Weird was an understatement, but he was no stranger to weird. He put up with weird just fine. He sighed. It was normal that he couldn't handle so well. Like the silence of his ship. That was normal, the silence, but he hated it. It had been one year, but he still hadn't been able to go back to the lonely space life. He missed his companion, his friend, his...
He shook his head. He couldn't call him a lover. Sure they'd had ome heated moments, but... Never that far.
Saren heard his tool beep and he looked down at the i.d. of the caller. As if his thoughts had been read, he thought to himself. His mandibles flared into a grin at the name of the caller.
Nihlus Kryik.
Saren raised his tool to his ear and cleared his throat before he answered the call.
"Hello?"
"It's Nihlus."
"I'm aware. I saw your name before I answered."
"How do you know I wasn't kidnapped and someone was calling you from my tool?"
Saren shook his head.
"I guess I trusted that I had taught you better than to get caught." he said.
"You're not that good of a teacher." Nihlus snickered. Then he dropped the tease in his tone and took on a more serious one. "Open up your face chat."
"Why?"
Saren heard the other turian sigh.
"You know why."
The tone he used told Saren of the longing that he too felt. He shook his head. It shouldn't be this way. They shouldn't have this sort of relationship. But he was just as subject to Nihlus as Nihlus was to him. He couldn't tell him no any more than Nihlus could tell him no. Saren reluctantly keyed in a command on his tool to open up the face chat function. He couldn't help the smile that flared onto his face at the sight of the turian. His dark plates, the striking white colony markings, those green eyes. His holo image was a pale comparison to what he looked like in person, which was a hell of a thing, because he was still pleasing to see even then. Saren straightened himself up and shook off the thought, but not without first noticing the way Nihlus had smiled back at him.
"What do you need?" Saren asked, wishing to block out the feelings in his chest.
Nihlus gave a lazy laugh.
"I wanted to ask you about a mission."
"I haven't been assigned anything-"
"I know. I was told you've been out of reach." Nihlus said. He tilted his head at him. "You ok?"
"I'm fine, just... Needed some down time I suppose."
"Saren... You know that if you need anything, I'm-"
"I know." Saren said with a nod. "I know you are... Thanks Nihlus."
"What's going on Saren?"
"I'm just... Not feeling right lately."
"You sick?" he asked with a grin.
"I think. Maybe. I don't know, I haven't been sick in nearly a lifetime."
"Well, just take it easy then." Nihlus ordered. "Where are you?"
"Near Venus."
"Why?"
"Just where I ended up." Saren said with a shrug.
"You shouldn't be allowed in the human's solar system."
Saren flickered his mandibles outward in a humored expression that made Nihlus grin with pride. Saren cleared his throat.
"Why are you asking me about a mission? What's going on?"
"I just wanted some tips..." Saren had to smile at him. A full smile, one that was rarely on his face and one that only Nihlus has been able to cause ever since his brother's death. Nihlus smiled right back, but he seemed a bit curious as well. "What are you laughin at?"
"Nothing... It's just... Curious, that you would still come to me with questions, rather than putting your options through your ship's VI interface." Saren explained. "Use your tools Nihlus, I've always told you that, the VI-"
"I know how to use a VI, Saren."
He heard humor in the dark turian's voice. Saren narrowed his eyes at him.
"If you think I'm smarter than a VI-"
"It's more of a personal problem than it is a matter of calculus."
Saren gave him a nod and he shifted on the bed. Nihlus let out a sigh and Saren let out a trill of comforting subharmonics. He could tell that something was bothering him.
"Talk, Nihlus." he said, his voice gentle. "Usually you won't shut up."
Nihlus smiled and gave a shrug.
"I'm going to be mentoring someone." he stated.
Saren noticed the way Nihlus seemed to shy away from him. He avoided Saren's eyes and his holo image shifted uncomfortably. As if Saren would be upset that he was going to be taking on a mentee. In truth, Saren had already been informed of Nihlus' incoming missions. It was his remaining duties as his mentor to know where he was going and what he'd be doing, in case Nihlus had trouble and needed help. It was something all spectres had for the first year of their own missions. Saren had been alerted to the fact that Nihlus was going to teach someone else now, and that had been the last update Saren had gotten and would get from then on.
Saren idly wondered if Nihlus was telling him this because he needed advice on how to mentor someone else effectively, or if it was because he wanted to assure Saren that his own mentee would not be getting the same treatment that Saren had given to Nihlus. It was most likely a bit of both. Nihlus was usually a confident guy, but Saren wouldn't have know that by looking at him now. He was waiting for anger or rejection, Saren knew that. He shook his head.
"I'm aware." he managed.
Nihlus seemed surprised as he looked back to Saren's face.
"Oh." he said with a renewed tone; confident.
"I wasn't briefed on who or when it'd start, but I know that you'll be taking on a protege."
"Oh."
Again his tone had changed; confidence gone.
"I'm guessing you'd like to discuss it." Saren pressed.
"Yeah..."
"Nihlus, don't be coy." he said. "I can't stand it. How do you expect to mentor someone if you can't speak freely to them?"
"It's not them that I can't speak in front of." Nihlus muttered.
Saren sighed and pushed away his thoughts or feelings of jealousy for the unnamed person that would be spending months on end with Nihlus for training.
"Talk to me." he said, softly.
He heard Nihlus' subharmonics betray him briefly before he cleared his throat.
"I'm training a woman. Her name is Shepard."
Whatever feelings of jealousy that Saren had previously pushed away about Nihlus having a new friend to bond with came raging back tenfold at the mention of his mentee being a woman. He suppressed his growl and bit off any sounds his subharmonics could make. Nihlus was young, by turian standards; he was good looking and had a bad boy reputation with charisma to boot. He was a striking individual for someone who had been shunned and pushed away from normal turian society. Saren had been proud to bring him under his wing. Doing so and living with him for so long had shown Saren Nihlus' more wild side at times though. He was a ladies' man, there was no doubt about it. So the fact that Nihlus was going to be sharing a ship, alone, with a woman for a year, made Saren's mandibles click in agitation.
Nihlus cleared his throat again at Saren's silence.
"She's human." Nihlus added.
That struck a nerve so deep within Saren he had hadn't know it was possible to hit. He growled now, glaring at the holo image that searched his eyes in return.
"A human has no place among the spectres." Saren spat out.
"Will you listen? Please?"
Saren heard the need in Nihlus' voice, and that alone made him bite down his anger for a moment to hear what his companion had to say.
"Yes." he hissed.
"She's young," Saren scoffed, but Nihlus just spoke over him. "but her service record is amazing. She has achieved a lot."
"Oh I'm sure." he grumbled.
"There's one more thing..."
"What?"
"She's been trained by one, Captain Anderson."
Saren froze, his eyes locked on Nihlus. That put the icing on the cake. He shook his head.
"I will not help you train-"
"Saren, hang on-"
"-a human that-"
"-just let me talk."
"-was trained by that petulant-"
"Saren..."
"-thick-skulled, undeserving-"
"Saren."
"-waste of a life-"
"Saren."
"-for a human captain!"
"Saren!"
"I won't!"
"If I was there-"
"Don't ask me, because I won't-"
"-I would shove you down and silence you with my tongue."
"-be involved with- ..." Saren blinked and searched Nihlus' face. He had only been half-listening to the man. "Wait... What?"
Nihlus smiled at him.
"I said, if I was there, I would shove you down and silence you with my tongue."
Saren had to look away from him. The younger turian knew exactly what would get him to stop talking, that was for sure. He had been a victim to that skilled tongue once before. Nihlus had gotten angry with Saren's constant nitpicking about everything, and he had shoved his mentor into the wall nearest them just to kiss him. Saren had immediately forgotten the reason he had been doing the nitpicking, and to this day he still couldn't remember what it was. Nihlus had distracted him well enough, and that tongue had danced on his neck in a rhythm that had Saren's knees about to buckle. The thought of Nihlus shoving him down onto his bed sparked a bit of longing and even more lust within Saren. He shook his head before he looked back to the young spectre.
Against his better judgement, he spoke way before his brain could catch up.
"What would you do then?" he asked.
Nihlus smirked at him, and he shifted.
"Do you really want to know?"
Saren bit back the sound of desire that threatened his subharmonics. He shook his head.
"What do you want my help with?" he asked, defeated.
"I just wanted an opinion."
"On what?"
"I wanted to ask about seeing you."
Saren lowered his brow in thought.
"Seeing me?"
"Yeah... I'm being sent to this planet. A human planet. Eden Prime."
"I've heard of it."
"It had a prothean artifact on it. We're meant to retrieve it. It's... This mission is huge. Not just for Shepard's spectre training either. I... I'm not sure that even I know what to do."
Saren heard the doubt trilling in Nihlus' subharmonics. He shook his head.
"You are a good agent, Nihlus." he said sternly. "Don't second guess yourself. If you're doubtful of yourself your mentee will be doubtful of you, and therefore themselves. You carry the weight of both yourself and your to-be spectre."
"Of course." Nihlus agreed. "I just... I don't know. I'm used to walking into hell with you, not by myself. It gets... lonely."
Saren hated that he had said that because it was exactly how he had been feeling too. One of many mutual feelings he was sure he had with the young turian.
"Keep your head up, Ni." he said softly.
Nihlus immediately rumbled at the nickname. He had always loved it, but Saren was convinced that it was because he used it so rarely. It broke the formal conversations they had, whether through omni tool or in person in front of people. Their relationship was hardly defined, and Saren immediately thought that he had no reason to be jealous of this Shepard, or any other woman, or man, that Nihlus saw fit to bring into his bed. They were not exclusive, they were not together by any means, and they certainly had never been involved. They had merely had moments of weakness with each other, kissing here, a make out session there, but that was because they couldn't have that release with others while confined to a ship for months. At least, that was what Saren told himself. So why was it so concerning when Nihlus mentioned that he was moving forward with another partner? Saren didn't know. Well. He did. He just didn't want to admit it.
He saw the way Nihlus jumped in the holo image, then shift to look behind him. He shook his head after a quiet moment, then looked back to Saren.
"I should go..." he said.
His tone was again different; regretful.
"Nihlus?"
"Yeah?"
"Be careful out there."
"You sure you don't want to come with me? Maybe mentor me with my mentoring?"
"I have full faith in you to get the job done."
"That means a lot, coming from you."
The sound on Nihlus' voice told Saren that he was touched. Saren gave him a nod.
"Good luck Nihlus."
"I'll be in touch. Soon."
"I'll be waiting."
There was a sound of passion on Nihlus' subharmonics before his holo image fuzzed and faded away. Saren sighed and dropped his arm. He shook his head at himself. It was going to be difficult to sleep now, if it hadn't been before. He honestly worried about Nihlus sometimes. It wasn't because he thought him incapable or even that Nihlus was a poor spectre. On the contrary, Nihlus was a very good spectre, one of the best. Saren simply worried because they had spent a year covering each other's backs, and now Saren had to sit back and let Nihlus work alone. It was maddening, to let go of control. It wasn't something he ever did. But he had let himself get wrapped up in the turian and he had let himself grow to care, and that had cost him in the end when Nihlus was ready to seek out his own missions and close his own cases.
Still, the case that Nihlus had mentioned laid ahead was intriguing to Saren in a way that normally wouldn't be. He thought about the prothean artifact that Nihlus had mentioned. It was important, certainly. With the race wiped out and many of their ruins too dangerously covered underground to investigate, it was an opportunity for the council to jump at the find of an artifact. That's when Saren had an idea. He could use that artifact. He tilted his head. For what?
To help me.
Saren growled at the voice that rumbled throughout the ship. It was annoying, because the ship's AI had a mind of it's own and liked to talk regardless of Saren asking it a question. After a while, Saren had begun hearing the AI within his head, which he chalked up to his own insanity. Being alone with your own thoughts and not much else for company could get a bit... Unnerving. What aggravated him even more about it was the fact that it hadn't always been that way. He had preferred it this way, once. Before he took on mentoring for the spectres. He had never been in the habit of talking to himself or sitting deep in thought for so long that he heard himself talking in his head just because he was alone. Then Nihlus had come along, and then gone away again. Now, the silence was disturbing to him. It was strange.
Ever since his old ship had been grounded due to out-dated tech, he had been forced to reside on a new one. But he wouldn't accept just any ship from the council. He had found this one, dormant in space on one of his missions, and he had went back to it to salvage what tech it had. It was an odd ship, one that did not resemble any other he had seen before, nor knew of. But it was a ship that had such advanced tech that Saren hardly missed his old ship. Until the AI made itself know, anyways.
It called itself Sovereign.
It wasn't an unfriendly AI, in fact, it was very convincing when Saren was debating on whether or not to hand the ship over to the council. These things were illegal, and given the fact that it was an unchecked, unregistered model, it was extremely dangerous to trust. But Saren did, somehow, and he didn't say a word to the council about it. They simply accepted the fact that he had a ship to replace the old one, and he was still able to get his job done. That was that.
But the AI was getting a bit... Annoying, if that was the right term. He wasn't sure it was the exact description he was looking for. It was an odd thing. The AI talked to him and offered advice on his missions, when needed. It was something like a friend, or a team mate, but Saren would never admit that. Though, he didn't have to. The AI simply knew. And Saren was alright with that. It provided a break in the loneliness that had filled his days and months since Nihlus had left. He shook his head. Always back to him.
Go to Eden Prime.
Saren snarled.
"Why would I do that?"
The prothean device. We need it.
"The council is sending Nihlus, there's no need for me to go."
It will help me.
"With what?" Saren asked, feeling the familiar hold of the AI on his mind.
To open the way for more of my kind.
"What are you even talking about you pathetic AI?" Saren growled. "It is not my mission."
I am not an AI.
Saren blinked, looking around the quiet cabin of his ship. He frowned.
"What are you then?"
I have no name.
"I thought you said your name was Sovereign."
It is a title, given to me by my own kind. You may think of it as a rank, such as your own spectre status.
"Your own kind?"
I belong to an ancient race, one of machine, one without organics.
Saren lowered his brow.
"Do a virus check. I think you've got some faulty data."
My data is not faulty. I tell you of myself, because you are the first to listen.
"I'm listening, but I'm still believing you need a virus scan."
I can show you.
"Show me what?"
Everything.
"Everything meaning what?" Saren asked, his patience wearing thin with the voice in his mind.
Everything.
Saren got to his feet.
"Do a virus check." he ordered.
I need your assistance.
"No you don't. You can clean yourself out."
All I need is for you to take the upgrade I offer.
"Yes, this biotic upgrade, which I have never heard of in my life. My amp works just fine, Sovereign."
The name coming off of his tongue caused Saren to pause. It was strange, referring to the AI as if it was a living person. But it insisted, and he saw no problem with it. It wasn't alive, and that was all that mattered.
Trust me.
That was going a bit far, even for the AI. Saren didn't trust anything other than himself and a very select few others in the entire galaxy. He felt the AI shift, as if it could sense his thoughts as the image of the dark plated turian flashed through his mind.
He is a weakness.
"You think I don't know that?!" Saren snapped, looking up to the ceiling of his cabin, as if he would see someone up there.
Go to Eden Prime. Be rid of him.
"I am not going all the way to Eden Prime just to seek him out and to..."
Saren wasn't sure what he'd even call it if he were to tell Nihlus to stay away from him. It wasn't a break up, they weren't together to even merit that. He shook his head and opened his mouth to speak before he heard Sovereign speak, but this time, it wasn't just inside of his head.
Go to Eden Prime.
Saren growled.
"Why do you want to go so badly?! Why does that artifact peak such curiosity from you?!"
Take my offer, and I will show you.
Saren looked over to his desk. He had made it a point to keep that little chip safe on his desk, in a small case so that it wouldn't be lost, because as much as he denied wanting an upgrade from a ship, he did think it useful. He didn't trust it, and he didn't know what type of upgrade it even was, but it would certainly be useful to his biotics if anything Sovereign said was something to go by. Which meant that Saren had to trust an AI's word above his own thoughts in order to accept the upgrade.
Without him consenting his feet to do so, they moved, walked towards it. His hands caressed it, inspected it, admired it. He let out a sigh. There was no way he'd be able to implant it into himself. He needed a doctor. And the nearest one was on Earth. He shook his head. There was no way he was going to Earth. He would not be touched by their doctors. No, he'd go somewhere that he was familiar with.
So he looked back up to the ceiling, at the walls around him and grumbled.
"Plot a course to the Citadel."
There was something about the way Sovereign had agreed to do so that made Saren lower his brow. He had heard an emotion in the voice. Happiness, if anything. It was unusual. He then agreed to himself that if he were to get within range of the Citadel docks, he wouldn't be able to dock. His ship was much too large, and it was not registered. He hadn't bothered with that bit quite yet; he rarely ever went to the Citadel anymore, he merely sent in his mission reports via extranet. He decided he'd take a shuttle when he was close enough to the docks. That would have to suffice.
He sat the chip back down, ensuring it was in it's case before he returned to his bed. The clock next to him now read 04:34. He may as well try to sleep. He found it slightly difficult to sleep fully though, as he had been ever since he'd taken up living on this particular ship.