Naughty, Naughty Ho-mer!

Springfield. Here we see the humans in their natural habitat. Normal, peace loving, and uglier than sin. Living their normal

lives. But wait! What is this? Here we find the Simpson species! How rare! Let us see what the are up to...

Saturday 10:00 Am Bart's Perspective

I was walking home proud, finally getting Nelson to give me the time of day. We were having a calm conversation about our dear fathers.

" My dad rocks!"

" No, your dad SUCKS!! MY dad rocks!"

I stepped into the house to find my dad on the couch watching "Rank: Top 10 Celebrities Who Should Be Put Out Of Their Misery", a dull monotone voice saying, "Number 10... Michael Jackson... And his nose... But mostly his nose..."

Nelson yells, "No, my dads cooler!"

I reply," No my dad's cooler!!"

"Oh yeah, dickwad?!?! My dad can shoot any cute, helpless animal from 200 yards away and he's on probation for mooning the president!!

"Oh yeah?!?! Well, my dad...

I looked over the at Homer staring at the TV like a zombie with beer dripping from his mouth, and the boring TV voice saying, "Number 8... Cher. She's had so many facelifts it's bound to fall off in the middle of a Grammy acceptance speech... We mine as well save her the humiliation..." He noticed me and Nelson and said, "Nelson, Why don't you go hang out with someone who want an accident?" I was humiliated and I screamed "Dad!!!" so he would just shut up!! But it was too late. Nelson pointed and laughed "HAHA!" then walked out the door. I turned to Homer and said "Dad! Why can't you just be cool like Johnny Depp? Or Brad Pitt? Or Hitler?" He cleared his throat and said, "Well, you see son... When a mommy and a daddy love each other VERY, VERY MUCH, especially if the mommy has big hooters--" I interrupted him, "DAD!!! That's not what I said! Why can't you cure your boringness?!?! You cured your short attention span!"

".....What?"

Okay, I guess he didn't cure it... "I was SAYING--

"Oh yeah! So to make a long story short, some people just don't have what it takes to make a guacamole burger."

Guacamole burger?!?! Gross! Homer is such an ass. I guess I'll never change him. I gave him a disappointed look and then slumped away, "Oh, dad." I could tell it was effective by the look on his face. Muahahahaha.....

Saturday 6:00 PM Homer's perspective

I walked to the park after getting nice and drunk. I wanted to forget the look on Bart's face, but I couldn't. I sat on the swing to do some thinking. Maybe if I-- CRACK!!!!

"D'oh!" The swing broke under my weight. So I moved to the monkey bars. CRACK!!!

"D'oh!" I moved to a tree. CRASH!!!! The tree fell over, causing a fire. People screamed and ran away.

"D'oh! I guess anything I sit on will break."

Oh really, smartass?

"Yeah really"

It took you that long to figure it out?

"Yeah."

And how long will it take for you to figure out you're talking to yourself?

"Uhhh... D'oh!!!"

Before my conversation with myself could carry on any longer, I sank into the ground and fell through an endless pit of fire and doom!!! Mmmmmmm... Doom...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-- (takes a breath) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--"

A deep voice said, "Homer...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

"Homer!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

"HOMER!!!!!!!!!!"

"AAA-- (takes a breath) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--"

"Homer, shut the Hell UP!!!!!"

"Mmmm... Hell...."

"And you probably have no idea where the Hell you are, do you? Or who I am?"

"Well, you see... When a mommy and a daddy love each other VERY,VERY MUCH, especially if the mommy has nice hooters--"

"That's not what I said!!" A ring of fire rose around them. "You are in Hell... And I am SATAN!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!