I'm Sorry, I Miss You
Krys723
SUMMARY: Clyde visits his mother's grave three years after her death.
A/N: Hey guys, I wanted to write this FanFic based off a lot of Clyde fan-art I found on Tumblr revolving around his Mom's death. At first this was going to be Stolovan based and I had a whole different idea, but I decided to save that particular idea for another FanFic I had in mind involving death. I hope you guys like it and since it's a one-shot, it won't be that long because I have two full-length FanFics that's currently happening and I don't need a third. Not right now anyways. See you at the end!
DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING SOUTH PARK-RELATED! ANYTHING I OWN IS MADE UP AND DOESN'T COST A THING!
Time: 4:36 P.M.
Clyde Donovan…
I'm Sorry, I Miss You
"Are you sure you don't want us to come with you?" I looked at Craig and nodded my head. I needed to do this on my own, I was probably the only one who could. My Dad and I used to go there together, but he's remarried now and though she's an amazing woman, I personally didn't feel right being around her in a loving way until I did this. I actually needed this. Yeah, Dad says he misses her and I'm glad that he's happy, but he wasn't the one who killed her. No matter how many times people say, "it wasn't your fault, get over it" this is something you can't get over. Cartman still laughs about it, insensitive bastard.
"We'll see you tomorrow, Clyde." I waved off Token and Craig, at least they still had their own mothers. I shouldn't have sad that, that was wrong of me. As soon as they were out of eyesight, I turned in the opposite direction and headed down to the graveyard. The actual walk might not have been that long, but when you're visiting somebody's grave, the walk seemed like it'll take forever. On the way, I passed by familiar faces, but I knew they were talking behind my back. Whether it was because I killed my Mom or because I was openly gay, people in this small mountain town talked about me a lot. I want to get away from this damn area. When I finally reached the graveyard, I looked around for her grave. Once I found it, I went inside the small gift shop and brought a small bouquet of roses, just like Dad used to do whenever we came here together.
I walked the short distance to her grave and once I found it, I sat down beside it and read the engraving that slightly faded over the years.
Here lies Betsey Donovan, Wonderful Wife and Mother.
I just sat there and stared at the lifeless grave in front of me, I couldn't think of anything to say. I had to say something though.
"Hey, Mom. I'm sorry I haven't been able to see you in a while. I'm sorry about that. Things have been lonely here without you. Well not really lonely, Dad got remarried. She's a nice woman, I bet you two would have been friends if things hadn't turned out the way they did."
Shit, I didn't want to say that…what was I thinking? I hate not being eloquent like Kevin or even Craig. Craig was more eloquent than me. Shit.
"I didn't mean to say that, Mom. Craig and Token are doing fine, they were really there for me when you died…especially Craig. You might think of him as a moody bastard, but he's always there for me when I need him to me. And it's always been Token and I, he always treats me like I'm a brother. Speaking of siblings, Dad's new wife has a daughter, she's around the same age as me. Her and Lisa seem to get along great.
"I'm sure you probably know, but I'm gay. I've been gay for about a year and a half now. Being gay is interesting, things don't work the same as they would if I was straight. People—especially people in this town—treat you different. It feels as though I'm getting extra though. I'm not longer just that kid who killed his Mom, but I'm also that kid who killed his Mom and who's now gay. I can't win for losing huh? The only good thing about me being gay is that I actually like somebody who doesn't talk shit about me behind my back.
"His name's Kevin and he's a dork. He doesn't mind it when I call him a dork, he knows I'm doing it for fun. We've been friends for a while now, I have a huge crush on him and either he knows or he doesn't because he's too busy being obsessed with Star Wars. The movies are awesome, though so I understand his obsession. He's really smart too, he tutors me from time to time so my grades are getting better. I'm not making A's but their good enough.
"I'm still on the football team, but don't worry, I'm careful. There isn't much I can say, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry but not listening to you and now you can't listen to me. I'm sorry for always arguing with you and not wanting to spend time with you. I'm sorry if you thought I didn't love you because I do. I love you so much and I miss you. I'm sorry for not pulling the toilet seat down I'm sorry for doing that to you, Mom, I really am. It's my fault your dead, it was my fault that Dad almost drove into depression, and it's my fault that you can no long give me the hugs I miss. Why did I do to you?"
I started crying into my chest, this was hard…really hard. When I stopped crying, I stood up, placing the small bouquet of roses down beside her grave. I wiped my jeans off and wiped my eyes off on my jacket.
"Mom, I'm sorry…and I miss you. I miss you so much."
A/N: Read and review!